The Haunted Vagina (4 page)

She leans back on the bed and stretches out her vagina lips again. The hole is big enough to fit a football through. I bend down and look inside.

“See anything?” she asks.

“No,” I say. Just a fleshy cavity.

Stacy spreads her lips out farther. I help her, pushing the labia apart, peering in. The hole might be wide at the opening, but it shrinks to the size of a pea only inches within. I dig my hand inside, but my hands are dry and abrasive.

“Ow,” she says.

She builds spit in her mouth and then rubs it inside of her as a quick lubricant. I slide my hands in, both of them, and spread the flesh apart as wide as I can. It stretches to about basketball width. I look within. There’s a pin of light deep inside of her. Maybe a reflection of the lamp against a pool of moisture? No. It’s some kind of light.

“What do you think it is?” I ask.

“Maybe it’s the ghost,” she says.

“No, I don’t think so. It’s just some kind of light.”

Stacy lets go of her labia and retrieves the beer that I had hidden from her. She cracks it open against the edge of the table and takes a chug. I drink a pint from my pitcher. We sip our drinks in silence for a while. The more Stacy drinks, the more sober she seems to become. The more I drink, the more retarded I become.

“I want you to go in there,” Stacy tells me, calmer than she has been all night.

I don’t know what she means at first, my mind lost in a game of solitaire.

“I can’t just forget about this and get on with the rest of my life,” she says. “I’ve got to find out what’s going on in there.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“That skeleton thing was almost bigger than you,” she says. “If it could fit through then you can fit.”

“What!”

“I think my vagina is a gateway of some kind. That light you saw must be the light at the end of the tunnel. The entrance to another world.”

“I’m not going in there!”

I laugh at her.

“Steve,” she says, holding my knee. “You have to. I can’t possibly figure out what’s going on without your help.”

I chug the last of my beer, snickering. There’s no way I’m agreeing to that.

“If you love me,” she says. “You’ll do it.”

She’s completely serious.

She’s looking at me like this is the ultimate test of our love. If I don’t do it she will leave me for somebody who will.

My voice is shaky. “I can’t.”

“Please!” she says, angry-faced at me, gripping my knee as if to hurt me.

I stand up and go to the bathroom.

She follows.

“All you have to do is crawl to the end of the tunnel and look out,” she says to me while I’m urinating. “Then come right back and tell me what you see. Nothing will happen to you, I promise.”

“Just as far as the light?” I ask.

“Yes!” she nearly screams the reply at me.

I finish pissing and flush the toilet.

“I’ll give it a try,” I tell her. “For you.”

She closes her eyes and nods her head at me.

Stacy tries taking off my shirt.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“You’ll go in easier without your clothes on.”

I shake my head at her, but allow her to remove my clothes. For some reason, she takes off all of her clothes, too.

“This isn’t going to work,” I say. “That thing was supernatural. I’m not.”

“We’ll make it work,” she says.

“What if I suffocate? What if you stop being stretchy once I’m in there?”

“Shhhh!” she says, leading me to the bed. “It’s going to work. You’ll see.”

She climbs onto the bed and lies on her back. Staring at me with her cold dark eyes, she spreads her legs like she wants me to fuck her. Then she masturbates.

“Do you think this is hot or something?” I ask.

She bites her lip. “I need to moisten up.”

I laugh out loud. I’m so drunk that I actually believe this is going to happen.

Then she pulls her lips apart as wide as she can, about fourteen inches. Her hips pop out of joint like the jaws of a snake opening up for its prey.

“Come on,” she says.

She’s so wet that she can’t hold onto the sides very well. They keep slipping out of her fingers. I crawl onto the bed in front of her and kiss her, she tongues my cheek sloppily. I make a fin with my hand and slide that in first, then my other hand, and separate her opening as wide as I can.

I look up at her. She doesn’t say anything. Just licks her trembling lips. I notice that I’m also trembling. My hands shaking like the first time I ever had sex.

“If I get claustrophobic I’m coming back out,” I tell her.

She pushes my face down into her crotch, like she does when she wants oral sex. I push my arms through up to the elbows. I can see them moving inside of her belly. Then I put the top of my head into the opening and push.

Stacy cries out and begins masturbating again, I can feel her fingers against the back of my head. I don’t know if it turns her on or if my scratchy hair is hurting her and she needs more lubrication. I push again. She cries out again. It’s impossible. I’m stuck. I shove again, but don’t budge an inch.

I pull out.

“What!” Stacy says.

“It’s not working,” I say.

“Yes it will,” she says.

“There’s no way,” I tell her.

“It’s going to happen whether you like it or not.”

She’s not giving up for anything.

She takes scissors out of her purse, the ones she uses as a toenail clipper, and cuts off all my hair. The dull blades mixed with her furious movements make it a painful fucking experience even with all the alcohol in my system. Then she shaves it down smooth with a disposable pink razor. I think I’m beginning to feel hungover. She greases up my entire body with some girly skin stuff, lotion or oil or something. It mostly absorbs into my skin, but I do feel sufficiently lubed.

“This time it’s going to work,” she says to me, kissing my bald head.

She lubes up her vagina as well.

“Push as hard as you can this time,” she says. “Plunge into me. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.”

I don’t care about it hurting. I’m more worried about suffocating . . . or what is waiting for me within. At least there haven’t been any noises coming out of there.

She positions us on the bed, and shoves my head into her crotch again. This time she pushes into me as I push into her. Arms first, they slide in very easily. The top of my head also goes in with ease—it still makes her cry out, makes her masturbate—but I doubt I’ll get much farther than this.

I push a little, move an inch. Push again, move an inch. My nose is practically in her asshole now. I hesitate to go in any farther. There’s no way I can breathe in there. The corpse that came out of her was undead. It didn’t need to breathe.

Stacy can tell I’m not trying anymore. I can sense her anger building. She smacks at my arms in her belly in a
come on, come on
kind of way.

I try to pull out again, but Stacy lunges at me. She stands up and squats over me, dropping all of her weight down on top of me, and I find myself sliding up into her abysmal cavity until I’m up to my chest, her vaginal lips closing tight around my armpits. She squats down on me again, harder, until I’m in up to my belly.

Holy crap . . . This is really happening. I’m really going all the way inside of her . . .

My face pressed against wet flesh. My eyes closed. I can breathe, but just barely. My face is hot with my breath. Stacy screams out and plops onto her back again, masturbating furiously against my lower spine. I position my head face-forward and try to open my eyes but the vaginal juices burn them. I can hear Stacy’s muffled whines on the other side of the flesh. I can feel her grabbing her breasts against the back of my shoulders, I can feel her holding me inside of her belly as a way to comfort me one last time before my voyage.

I push off with my feet. It seems looser the farther in I get. After a few inches, I feel Stacy’s hands grab my ass and shove me from behind. I straighten out as my buttocks go through, now lying inside of her. She grabs my legs and jostles them in, using my ankles as handles. I squirm forward.

The next thing I know, her lips close up around my wriggling toes.

CHAPTER SIX

It dawns on me. I’m all the way inside of her. I’m like a human penis.

That thought actually gives me an erection. The fleshy walls around me begin rumbling. I can hear Stacy outside masturbating in a rage. Her flesh shivers, sweats, all around me.

I wriggle forward and the walls quake in reaction to my movement. After a couple feet of wriggling, the cave opens up a bit. It’s still tight around me, but I’m able to use my legs to kick off. The cave quakes harder. I open my eyes. The light is up ahead. I move toward it. Soon the vaginal tunnel loosens up enough for me to get on my hands and knees so I can crawl through, but I have to push the meat ceiling up with the back of my head as I go. This seems to drive Stacy crazy.

I crawl for maybe twenty feet. The tunnel has gotten so loose that I could probably stand up and walk in a hunched over kind of way, but I probably wouldn’t be able to keep my balance on the flabby ground. I’m so far away from the entrance that I shouldn’t possibly be able to feel Stacy’s masturbating anymore, but I still do, rumbling all around me. I still can hear her moaning through the skin. I can’t tell how far away I am from the light. Could be halfway there. Could be a mile away.

No, I see it. It’s right there. Not ten feet in front of me. A hole. A very small hole.

The cave gets smaller the closer I get to the opening. Maybe it leads to another vagina. Maybe this is a tunnel between dimensions, connected by two women’s vaginas. Perhaps I will arrive in this world as a skeleton and will scare the hell out of some poor woman as I crawl out of her. Maybe the skeleton that came out of Stacy was this girl’s boyfriend.

I shove myself toward the hole and stick a finger through the opening. The walls shudder all around me. I just need to peek through and then I can turn around and go back.

I get up to the opening and peer through with one eye. Nothing, just light. I put my hands through and pull back the sides.

A sky.

I stick my head out, and the sides slip out of my hands, wrap around my neck in a comforting choke . . .

I look down.

I’m sticking out on the edge of some kind of cliff. About fifteen or twenty feet off the ground. Stacy was right. Her vagina is some kind of gateway to another dimension. The sky is cloudy and purplish. No sun at all. Other than that, I see green grass, a forest, and an old rotten wooden fence. But that’s all I can see.

Time to turn back. The walls are trembling around me. The cliff is also trembling. The trees and grass begin shuffling like it’s an earthquake.

The walls squeeze tight around me. Stacy’s having an orgasm. I hear her voice in the wind, moaning, as the walls get tighter and tighter. Then fluids flow from the flesh around me and the cave squeezes me out, spitting me into the world below.

CHAPTER SEVEN

I wake up. Spit blood and soil out of my mouth. Thunder is in the clouds.