The Heart Remembers (32 page)

Dr. Dane shook his head. “No, she’s still asleep. Had a bad night.”

“Oh. You don’t suppose she’s beginning labor, do you?”

“Hard to tell. If so, she can alert the neighbors, as planned, and have one of them come get me.”

Doctor and nurse ate breakfast together, then as Susan was cleaning up the kitchen and washing the few dishes, he went upstairs to look in on the expectant mother. She was still sleeping.

Moments later, Dr. Dane and Susan drove away in his buggy.

When Dr. Dane came home for lunch, he found Tharyn in the kitchen making beef sandwiches. She left the cupboard, opened her arms, and they enjoyed a sweet kiss.

Dane lightly patted her swollen belly. “How’s it going, sweetheart? I thought after the restless night you had, maybe the baby was coming. Even though it is a bit early yet.”

“Wel-l-l-l, it could be. I’m not sure. I’ve been rather uncomfortable ever since I got up this morning. No definite pain or contractions. Just an uneasy feeling.”

“You sure could be in the very early stages of labor. Especially with your first child.”

She smiled. “Well, I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

That afternoon, Tharyn lay down on the bed and soon fell into a fitful sleep. When she awoke, she felt a bit better, and went down to the kitchen to prepare supper.

After supper that evening, the Logans and Susan spent some time in the parlor together. By bedtime, Tharyn was feeling queasy.

Dane and Tharyn prayed together, and after Dane had doused the lantern, they talked about the baby coming. Soon Dane was asleep, tired after a busy day at the office.

Tharyn lay wide awake beside him, her mind on the baby who would soon be born and once again feeling quite uncomfortable and a bit nauseated.

The hours seemed to drag by as she heard the grandfather clock downstairs chime on the hour. She had just counted three chimes when a sharp stab hit her lower back and clawed its way around to her belly. She put the knuckles of a clenched fist into her mouth and waited for the pain to pass.

It began to ease some. She took a deep breath, then relaxed and waited to see what would happen next. A few minutes had
passed since the pain had hit her, and she began to slip off to sleep.

Suddenly another pain, every bit as severe as the first one, knifed its way through her body.

This time, she moaned softly. Dane rolled over and laid a hand on her in the darkness. “What is it, love?” Without waiting for a reply, he placed both hands on her stomach, noting its rigidity. “You’re having pains.”

“Yes.”

“How many so far?”

“Two.”

“How far apart?”

“A few minutes. Four or five, I think.”

Just then, another contraction jolted her.

When she finally relaxed from that one, Dane said, “Well, sweetie, I believe this is the real thing. I’m going to awaken Susan. We’d better get ready. Soon we’re going to see our first child face-to-face.”

He kissed her cheek and got out of bed.

Dr. Dane and Susan hovered over Tharyn as the hours passed, and her contractions came closer and closer together.

Dawn came, and by that time, the contractions were coming one on top of another. It was almost an hour after sunrise when the baby was about to be born. Susan was holding Tharyn’s hand as the pain grew worse, and from his position, Dane said with excitement in his voice, “Keep taking those short breaths, honey, and keep pushing. You’re doing great!”

Tharyn closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. Gripping Susan’s hand, she gave one long final push. There was sudden relief, and as she tried to take a deep breath, she heard a slap and the shrill cry of the newborn baby.

Gasping for breath, Tharyn opened her eyes and looked at
Dane, who had the wailing infant cradled in one arm while picking up a towel. Weakly, she said, “What do we have, honey?”

Wiping mucus and blood from the baby’s face and body, Dane looked at his weary wife and smiled. “We have a handsome baby boy! Just a few minutes, and you can hold him.”

Dane finished with the towel and handed the wailing little boy to Susan so she could take him to the washroom next to the bedroom.

Dane leaned over Tharyn, hugged her, and together they rejoiced and praised God for His goodness.

Dane did some clean-up work, then took a stethoscope from his medical bag on the dresser and hung it on his neck. He helped Tharyn into a sitting position with pillows at her back, and a few minutes later, Susan entered the room with the baby wrapped in a small blue blanket. He had stopped crying. She smiled as she placed him into his mother’s waiting arms.

Tharyn looked at him with adoring eyes and felt her heart enlarge to encompass her new son. She gently gathered him close and felt a warmth run through her at the sight of God’s precious little gift. She ran her gaze to Dane as she stroked the baby’s soft cheeks. “Oh, darling, little Dane Jr. is absolutely beautiful. What a marvelous miracle he is!”

Dane smiled from ear to ear. “That he is, sweetheart. Well, now that you know he has two eyes, one nose, one mouth, ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes, do you mind if I check him over?”

Tharyn’s smile matched her husband’s. “If you insist.”

Dane took the little guy into his arms and gazed at him with adoration, then laid him down at the foot of the bed to examine him more closely. He glanced at Susan. “Would you help Tharyn freshen up? I’m sure she would feel better.”

While Susan was assisting Tharyn with a washcloth and a pan of water, Dane opened the blue blanket and gently ran his fingers
over his son’s tiny body, stopping to probe here and there. He warmed the microphone on the stethoscope with his hand, then placed it on the baby’s chest. After listening for a half-minute or so, he turned the baby over and placed the instrument on his back.

Holding it there, a frown formed on his brow.

Tharyn had her eyes on him, and she was quick to pick up on her husband’s troubled look. “What is it, Dane? What’s wrong?” There was a quiver in her voice.

Looking from his son to his wife, he put on a smile. “Just a little irregular heartbeat. Nothing for you to concern yourself about, sweetheart. He’s a couple of weeks or so early, you know. I’m sure it’ll clear up in a day or two, and he’ll be fine.”

Dane Jr. puckered up and a demanding cry erupted. Dane forced a smile. “He wants his mommy.”

He wrapped the baby back in the blanket and placed him in his mother’s arms. Tharyn looked into the tiny face and cooed and talked to him.

Dane told Tharyn and Susan that he wanted to stay with mother and baby for the day, and he would go ask Dr. Fraser if he would fill in for him. He told Tharyn he would stop by the Western Union office and send telegrams to her parents and his, advising them that they had a little grandson. He would also stop by the parsonage and let the Shanes know that little Dane Jr. had been born.

Susan went to the kitchen and cooked breakfast while Dr. Dane walked to Dr. Fraser’s house and told him and Esther of little Dane Jr. being born. He explained to Dr. Fraser that the baby’s heart was not sounding quite right, and asked if he would fill in for him so he could stay home for the day. He wanted to keep a check on the heart. Dr. Fraser told him he would.

When Dane returned home, Susan had fed Tharyn and was eating her own breakfast. He told her that Dr. Fraser would be at
the office by the time she got there. He ate a quick breakfast and went upstairs.

When Dane entered the bedroom, he noted that his son was asleep in the cradle they had bought a few weeks earlier. Tharyn was sitting up on the bed with her back against the pillows. She managed a smile.

“So he’s napping already, eh?” Dane said.

“Mm-hmm. I fed him his breakfast, so he’s sleeping with a full tummy.”

“Good. I’ll check him over when he wakes up. The telegrams are on their way, and Dr. Fraser is filling in for me all day. Pastor and Jenny will be by later. I told them about the irregular heartbeat.”

As the day wore on, Dane checked the baby’s heartbeat and became increasingly concerned that all was not well. He noticed that little Dane was very lethargic at times, and unusually fretful at other times.

The Shanes came by a little before noon and prayed with Dane and Tharyn for the baby. Both the pastor and Jenny tried to encourage the Logans.

In early afternoon, Tharyn looked on with concern as her husband once again laid the infant beside her on the bed and listened to his heart.

The growing sounds of irregularity were mixed with a sound that Dane could not identify. He had delivered many a baby during his internship at the hospital in Cheyenne, during the time he worked in his father’s practice, and since he had come to Central City. He had not encountered a sound like this.

Lord
, he said in his heart,
I feel so helpless. There’s so much in the medical profession that we don’t know yet. Help me to do all I should for my little son
.

Trying to mask from Tharyn his concern for the baby, he listened
again to the rapidly beating heart. A wave of fear welled up within him. He placed the baby in Tharyn’s arms, doing his best not to show the fear he felt, and said, “Maybe he’ll sleep some more now.”

Dane sat down on a chair beside the bed.

Tharyn held the baby close, looking lovingly into his eyes, and cooed to him some more, doing her best not to reveal her own fear. As young as baby Dane was, he found his thumb, popped it into his mouth, and fell asleep.

Dane leaned close, setting his gaze on the baby’s face. “That’s a good boy, son. You get some sleep. Maybe it will help heal you.”

Tharyn frowned. “Do you really think it will?”

“It might. The Lord did give us sleep to help strengthen our bodies.”

Some twenty minutes had passed when the baby awakened and started fussing. Dane was alarmed at his ashen appearance, and though his little son opened his mouth to cry, only a small, mewling sound came out. He jerked, coughed twice, whimpered, and went limp.

Tharyn’s eyes widened and her breathing became tense as Dane massaged their son’s little chest, and even pressed his lips to the baby’s mouth and blew.

But little Dane Logan Jr. did not move and did not breathe.

His face ashen as he held the little body, Dane looked at Tharyn through his tears and drew a short, shuddering breath. “He’s dead, honey.”

Tharyn’s whole body stiffened and her throat went tight. She became aware of the weight of her heart, like a stone in her chest.

Dane cradled the lifeless little form in one arm and wrapped the other one around her neck, pulling her close. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I couldn’t save him. There was something wrong with his little heart. It just wasn’t strong enough to keep beating.”

Great wet sobs shook Tharyn so hard that her chest felt as if it had been pierced with a sharp blade. Her throat felt hot and raw. She sagged against Dane, her face twisted in a grimace, and cried between sobs, “No! No! Not my baby! No-o-o!”

Her body was shaking all over. As she continued to sob, Dane held her close, their tears mingling. His voice cracked as he said, “Sweetheart, the Lord had a reason for little Dane to be born with a faulty heart. We may not understand what that reason was till we get to heaven, but we must trust Him in this. Our God doesn’t make mistakes.”

Tharyn was trying to stop shaking and sobbing.

Dane squeezed her tight with the arm that held her. “Honey, our little boy is in heaven with Jesus now.”

Tharyn sniffled and reached for the lifeless little body. Dane relinquished it into her arms. She gathered the body to her breast as tears ran down her cheeks, dripping off her chin. She cooed to him like she had before, kissed both cheeks, and gazed longingly at his tiny face, trying to commit everything about him to memory.

The funeral was held the following Tuesday in order to allow both sets of grandparents to make the trip to Central City. Melinda Kenyon had come with the Tabors and stayed close to Tharyn during the service.

Most of the town had gathered at the cemetery. While Pastor Mark Shane delivered the brief message at the grave site, his wife was also as close to Tharyn as she could get.

The tiny white coffin looked so forlorn as it sat on a cart next to the yawning grave.

The pastor’s words of comfort found deep root in the grieving parents’ hearts as they stood, flanked by their own parents and friends, holding hands.