The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (19 page)

I know I’m reaching, but this can’t be true, it can’t. My heart beats a rapid staccato and I can feel it breaking right in my chest. Blood is rushing in my ears and my stomach starts to turn. My purse is still in my lap, so I push up out of my chair.

“I need some air.” My voice sounds hollow and flat in my ears. Everyone watches me as I race past them and toward the door.

“Jasmine, let me come with you. You shouldn’t be alone right now.” I shake my head, ignoring her words as my feet carry me outside as quickly as possible. I keep holding the tears back as I hop in my car and just drive.

I drive for a long time. My phone keeps ringing, but I ignore it. I’m tempted to throw it out of the window, but I know that’s probably not the smartest move.

After two hours of driving, I pull into the parking lot of a Hampton Inn and rent a room for the night. I find my room and enter. The stale, old stench of cigarette smoke fills the room. I open the window, hoping it airs out a little. I sit down on the end of the bed as the tears I’ve been holding back finally begin to fall.

Sobs wrack my body as I think about how excited Randi was about getting into school. She was trying to make a better life for herself and for Poppy. “Oh God, Poppy,” I cry out. The poor little girl had been through so much and finally had her mommy back. “It’s not fair,” I whisper over and over. I crawl up the bed until my head hits the pillow. I continue to cry and cry. I don’t know how long it takes me to finally pass out.

***

Gabe

Jill stares at me with bloodshot eyes. We’ve been up all night trying to find Jasmine. It’s like she dropped off of the face of the earth. My sister called me shortly after she had to give my girl some tragic news. I went straight to Jasmine’s apartment and waited for hours. She never showed up, so Jordan, Jill, and even Mike helped me look for her. Jordan gave us a list of places that Jasmine likes to go to when she wants to be alone.

It’s three in the morning and I try calling her credit card company and her cell phone provider, but without her account numbers, there isn’t shit I can do. I hate feeling this helpless. My girl is out there somewhere and she’s suffering. I’m okay with her needing some time away, but I just need her to say, “I’m okay.” Instead, there’s been radio silence.

I look at my sister. She looks dead on her feet. “Jill, go lay down. It’s not good for you and the baby. I’ll wake you up when I hear from her.”

I hug her and kiss the top of her head. She hugs Jordan next and then says goodnight to Mike.

I check my phone again and nothing. Since it hasn’t been forty-eight hours, we can’t even call the police. We used that Find My Phone app earlier, but her phone must be turned off because it didn’t pick it up.

We decide to call it a night and start early again tomorrow. Jordan and his dad sleep on the sectional. I make my way down the hall and look in on Jill, who is asleep in my spare bedroom. She’s passed out with her hand resting on her baby bump. I can’t help but smile at the sight.

I take a quick shower and then collapse into bed and hope, by morning, Jasmine will contact someone.

Chapter Nineteen

Jasmine

I peel my eyelids open. It feels like someone threw sand in them. My head is pounding, and as everything from last night comes back to me, my heart breaks all over again. I pull my knees up to my chest as tears leak from my eyes. I lay on the bed and think about everything and come to a decision that kills me, but it’s the way things need to be. I get up and forgo the shower. I don’t have anything with me, so there’s no point. I’ll just take one when I get home.

The whole drive home, I tell myself that I’m making the right decision, that it’s just the way things need to be. Before I know it, I’m back in town and pulling into the parking lot of my office. It’s only seven in the morning, so I know no one is here yet. I use my key to get inside and disarm the security system. I make my way to my desk. With a sigh, I grab a box and start packing up my stuff. Since I hadn’t brought a whole lot in, I am done quickly. I pull out my company laptop and cell phone and set them on my desk.

I make my way outside. I’ll call my boss and explain why I can’t do this job anymore. I make my way toward my apartment and let out a sigh of relief that no one is here. I’m not ready to face anyone yet. I let myself inside and take a quick shower before I throw some pajamas on and climb into my bed. It doesn’t take long before I fall back asleep.

I wake to the sound of voices coming from my living room. I freeze until I recognize Gabe’s deep voice. Then I sink back into my bed and pull the blankets over my head. I hear the unmistakable sound of my door opening and then closing. The bed compresses. I feel Gabe’s body press up against mine. He turns me and hugs me against his chest.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispers against my forehead. I take a shuddering breath and try to stop the tears that leak from my eyes, but it’s no use. They won’t quit coming. He doesn’t say anything else and just holds me until I again fall asleep.

I wake up slowly and hear a commotion in the other room. I can’t bring myself to care what it is. My mom comes barreling into my bedroom and immediately climbs in bed with me. Her back is against my headboard and I move so my head is in her lap. I close my eyes while she strokes her hand through my hair.

“It’s not fair,” I whisper.

“What, baby?” My mom says quietly.

“She was going back to school. She was trying to make a better life for her and her little girl. Now her little girl doesn’t have a mommy. All because of some asshole, she’s gone. It’s just not fair and I feel like I failed her somehow. I mean, I know I didn’t, but it just hurts. It hurts so fucking much.”

“Sometimes life just isn’t fair. Look at you and Jordy. You should’ve been raised by two normal parents, not by your grandparents because I’m a dummy who could never take care of you.”

I push up and look at my beautiful mom. “You’re not a dummy. You’re smart and beautiful. I loved my life. We didn’t have a normal family, but that didn’t matter to us.” I lay my head back down and she continues stroking my hair.

“Jordy told me he hit you. You know he’s sorry. He’s so worried about you. We all are. Jill says you cleared out your desk and left all of your stuff there. Is that really what you want?” For a brief moment, I forget there’s anything wrong with my mom. She’s talking to me like I’ve always envisioned a mom would talk to her child.

“I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel so lost. The past four years, I’ve worked so hard to finish school, to make everyone proud, and now…” I swallowed hard. “Now, I just don’t know.”

My mom’s hand stills on my head. “You know what you should do? You should take a shower and brush your teeth because you smell really bad.” Her giggles fill the room.

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips. It’s the first time I’ve laughed in days. It feels foreign but good. My mom gets up and grabs my robe for me and follows me in the bathroom. I can hear Jordan and Gabe talking in my kitchen. I know I’ll have to face them both as soon as I’m done.

She leaves me to shower. The hot water feels good on my aching skin. It feels good to scrub the grime off my body and the dried tears from my face. Once I’m done, I feel more human. I brush the tangles out of my hair and quickly braid it. I brush my teeth twice and then head back into my room to change my clothes.

A small smile graces my lips. My mom changed my sheets for me. I know it was her because the fitted sheet is on the wrong way and the top sheet is all askew, but damn if it doesn’t warm my heart that she tried to do something to help me. I throw on some cutoff sweats and a tank top. I fix my bed quickly and head out to face everyone. I find my mom, brother, and Gabe sitting at my kitchen table, eating.

Gabe is the one who notices me first. He gets up and comes to me. I let him wrap his arms around me. I slide my arms around his waist and tightly hold on to him.

“You doing okay, baby?” Gabe asks against the top of my head.

I shake my head.

“Come sit down. You need to eat something.” He tries to lead me to the table, but I shake my head.

“I’m not hungry. I will take some juice.” Gabe leads me to the table and pulls out a chair for me. I sit next to Jordan, but I don’t say anything. He kisses my temple. My mom, of course, is beaming at us. I force a smile and thank Gabe for the juice he sits in front of me.

We all sit in silence until Jill comes cruising in and smiles when she sees me sitting at the table. I can see that the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Let’s go talk for a minute,” she says. She grabs my hand and leads me back to my bedroom. We sit down on the end of the bed. She holds my hand between both of hers.

“I spoke to Taylor and she said that it was okay to take some time and come back when you’re ready. We’ve all had cases that have ended badly and it’s normal to need to take some time after something like this happens. We heard from the police department.” She wipes her eyes. “It was Randi’s old dealer that killed her. I guess she owed him some money from when she was using. She fought him. They said he had scratches all over his face and neck.”

I hold up my hand to stop her from continuing. “I-I don’t need to hear anymore. Where’s Poppy? What h-happened to her?” I need to know that she’s okay. I need to know she’s safe.

“They found an aunt of Randi’s. She’s a nurse and really sweet. She’s on her way here from Washington to pick her up. Honey, she didn’t hesitate to take her. The woman loved Randi and they were close when Randi was younger. She’s going to be in good hands, I promise.”

I nod my head as the tears start to silently fall again. I didn’t think it was possible for any more tears to fall, but sure enough they keep flowing.

She leaves me alone and I crawl back into bed and cry myself to sleep.

***

I sit in Gabe’s office with my laptop in my lap. The past week, I’ve been searching the Classifieds to find a new job. It wasn’t an easy decision to not return to my job, but there was just no way I could go back. I feel like a quitter and a failure.

I was lucky enough to see Poppy one more time before she left with her aunt. My heart broke when I realized she won’t remember a lot about her mom, but Randi’s aunt, Pat, promised me that she had lots of pictures of Randi when she was little. She’d make sure that Poppy never forgot her momma. It left me feeling a little better.

The picture that Poppy colored for me is hanging on Gabe’s refrigerator so I can see it every day. The past week, Gabe has kept me at his place. I think he’s afraid that I’ll fall apart or take off again. I know everyone is hoping that I’ll go back to work so they’ve humored me and my job search. Jordan’s been stopping by to see me, but things are still awkward. We just haven’t really talked about what happened.

Gabe pulls me out of my thoughts and asks me to come downstairs with him and help him cook dinner. We work side by side as we make grilled chicken, rice, and vegetables. I’m steaming the veggies when the doorbell rings. I kiss Gabe’s cheek before I make my way to the front door and pull it open.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

My dad stands on the other side. I haven’t seen him since that night. With everything that happened with Randi, I really haven’t had a chance to think about what I was going to do about him.

“I-I wanted to see how you were doing. I know you went through some stuff recently. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” I’m rendered speechless, which has never really happened before.

“Uh, I’m-I’m doing okay, I guess. Thanks. Do you want to come in?” I don’t know where that came from, but the hopeful look on his face keeps me from taking it back.

He follows me into the kitchen. Gabe turns when we enter and looks surprised to see who’s following me. He wipes his hands off and shakes my dad’s hand. He declines joining us for dinner, but he wants the chance to talk to me. Gabe tells him to come back in a half hour and we can talk. While I plate our food, Gabe walks him to the door. I’m sitting our plates on the table when he comes back in.

“I told him to come back in a half hour. Are you sure you want to do this? You seem so fragile right now. I don’t want this going bad for you.”

I don’t know why, but the fragile comment pisses me off. “I’m not fragile. What I am is sad. There’s a difference. I’m not going to break. Don’t make it sound like I’m weak. I’m not.” I sit down and dig into my food without speaking to or looking at him.

He grabs my arm. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re not fragile. You’ve just had some shitty stuff happen lately.”

“S’okay.”

We eat the rest of our meal in an awkward silence that I hate. We’ve always had an easy time talking, even if our conversations were about nothing. Now? Now I don’t know what to say to him and vice versa. I don’t know what my problem is except that I feel lost. I don’t have any idea anymore what I want to do with my life. Did I just waste the last four plus years studying for a career that ended before it really even began?

When they doorbell rings thirty minutes later, my heart starts hammering in my chest. Gabe says he’ll get the door, so I immediately start picking up the dishes and tidying up. Gabe wraps his arm around my waist.

“You can still back out, babe,” he whispers against my ear.

“No, it’s okay. I can do this.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, he seems scared to death. He brought you a strawberry shake from that place you love by the mall.” He kisses my neck. “Do you want me to be there with you?”

I don’t even hesitate when I whisper, “Yes.”

With a hand on the small of my back, Gabe leads me into the living room, where my dad is standing. He sees us enter and sticks his hand out with the shake in it. “Gabe said you might like this.”

I take it and thank him. I notice he’s got a box with him.

“I was fifteen when I met Marie. It was like one of those romance movies. She walked into my English class and time stopped. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. When she sat down next to me, I swear that was all she wrote. At first she wouldn’t even talk to me, but that didn’t stop me from trying every day.”

He hands me a couple of pictures. The first is a picture of my mom in her cheerleading uniform. She’s got a huge smile on her face. The second is a picture of my parents. He’s smiling down at my mom and she’s got her hand on his chest.

“She finally agreed to go out with me after two months of me asking her every day. After that, we were inseparable. I fell in love with her almost immediately. We were the ‘It’ couple at our school and everyone loved your mom. She was beautiful, so sweet to all, and so smart.” He hands me some more pictures. “Those are from all of the school dances we went to. I hated that shit, but I went for her.” I can tell, just by looking at the pictures, that they really loved each other. “It was right after homecoming our senior year when we found out we were having you and your brother. Well, at least one of you. It was when she was about four months pregnant when we found out you guys were twins. I was shocked, but excited. Everyone was waiting for us to fall apart because we were so young, but knowing you guys were coming made us stronger.

“Your grandparents were so mad at first, but when they saw that we were committed to each other, they gave us their blessing. We got married right after your mom turned eighteen.”

He hands me more pictures. My mom had the cutest belly and my dad is staring at her like she hung the moon.

“The day you were born was the best day of our lives. You were both so tiny, but so beautiful. Marie was amazing and I fell that much more in love with her. It was when you guys were about two weeks old that I knew something was wrong. It started out that we thought she just had a really bad cold, but then she was sleeping all of the time and your grandma had to come to help with you guys while I worked. I remember when I got the call that she was taken to the hospital. I prayed the whole way there that she was going to be okay. By the time I got there, she had slipped into a coma already. It was an infection in her brain that they think was caused by her epidural.

“For two weeks, I refused to leave her side. I didn’t want her waking up and me not being there, so I waited and waited. My parents didn’t speak to me after your mom got pregnant so your grandparents were the ones who took care of you babies. When we found out that if your mom did wake up that there might be brain damage, I was devastated. We were young, but she was my life.” He shows me a picture that breaks my heart. It’s of my brother and me lying next to my mom while she’s lying there, unconscious. “They said that having you two close might help her. It was a week later that she finally woke up and we knew, right away, she wasn’t the same. She had no clue who I was or you kids. I felt so lost and confused. After about two weeks and no real change in her memory and the fact that she was almost child-like, I realized that I needed to be around twenty-four, seven to oversee her care. I wasn’t going to leave her side because I still loved her and I wasn’t going to bail when she needed me most.