The Heart's Ashes (33 page)

My heart felt
starved for oxygen, watching Mike fall apart over Emily. This
shouldn’t have happened to him. He got caught up in my world, and
now, it’s hurt him like it has everyone else. “I’m sorry, Mike.” I
stood and backed away, one slow, breathless step at a time.

Mike didn’t
even look up.

David’s round
eyes searched mine, his hand reaching to me.

No
. I pressed both hands behind my
back.
I have to go. I can’t watch. I don’t
need to see her wither away and die.

David nodded.
“Wait for me in the music room,” he said softly, his voice smooth,
unwavering.

My feet
carried me, though I couldn’t remember the journey. I flopped on
the couch by the piano and stared at a square of sunlight on the
carpet.

Poor Emily.
Jason bit her. Jason hurt her. Her last vision was of the boy she
once loved, who talked with her about marriage and children and old
age, grabbing her, and with dark eyes and a wild, hate-filled
smile, hurting her.

“
Oh, Em.” My head fell into my hands.

“
Ara?” David slowly pulled me into his cold embrace. “I’m
sorry.”

“
How could he, David? How could Jason do this to
her?”

“
I can’t even begin to understand the method in his madness,
my love. But, right now, we can’t think about that. There are more
pressing matters.”

“
How long?” I looked up, wiping my watery eyes. “When will we
know if she’ll change?”

“
Shortly.” He nodded. “Her heart’s giving out, but she’s too
weak, Ara.” He squeezed me tight. “I need you to know that there’s
little hope she’ll—”

“
No.” I covered my ears. “Please don’t say it. Just
don’t.”

“
Okay.” He kissed the top of my head.

“
I don’t want this, David. Any of this.”

We sat back
against the couch with the orange and red autumn sun setting the
room on fire around us, and a fierce, stormy wind battering the
windowpane. It came on so fast—the storm, Emily, Mike’s love for
her. Everything just happened so fast. I felt weightless, out of
control, like sitting in a dinghy in the middle of a wild
ocean.

The world is
so unjust. I’m here, safe in the arms of the only thing in this
world that really matters, while Mike is alone, crying for the
first girl who ever loved him the way he deserved. He’ll never find
that again. Like the way I feel for David, if he loses Em, he loses
everything. He’ll die inside, and it’s my fault.

David’s grip
tightened around me. “Ara. Stop thinking, my love. You need stop
thinking.”

“
Why?”

“
Because, I don’t like where your thoughts are
going.”

“
Then don’t listen.”

“
Fine—have it your way.” He stroked his fingertips over my
hairline, so gently that a tingle of numbness blanketed me with a
deep calm.

“
I’m tired, David.”

“
I know.” He rested his palm over my forehead, forcing my face
against his silent heart. “Just sleep, my love.”

“
You’re doing that to me, aren’t you—you’re making me
sleepy?”

“
Yes.”

“
But I don’t…want…to…sle—”

It wasn’t the
dark that woke me, but the sudden stillness, the taught limbs of my
vampire; his back straight, his ears pricked, obviously listening.
I felt groggy, overslept. I wiped my eyes, swallowing night breath
with saliva. “David, what is it?”

“
Shh,” he said in short.

I shushed,
trying to hear what had him so captivated.

His shoulders
sunk, his body becoming loose again. “Stay here.”

“
Wh—” I started, but fell into empty space where David
evaporated again. Although I had no intention of staying put, for
some reason, I couldn’t move either. I knew there could be only one
of two things he’d be running to, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to
know which one had come to pass. Either way, I’d lose a friend
today, but right now, while I had no verdict, I could imagine
everything would be okay—that Em would recover like I did, and we
could all get on with our lives—normal lives.

But nothing
stays the same, and a soft, shadowy cloud settled cold around my
shoulders when I heard the tight sobs of the man I was once going
to marry. I stood so slowly, my limbs almost empty, no weight to
hold me down, and practically floated to Emily’s room, crying
already for what I knew I’d find there.

“
Mike.” David touched his shoulder, standing in the way enough
that I couldn’t see. “Let her go—she’s gone.”

“
No!” I gasped; David spun around to look at me, his body
clearing the path for me to see. He tried to stop me, but I darted
past him, falling to my knees in front of Mike, who had Emily
wrapped so tightly in his arms I couldn’t tell where she ended and
he began. “She’s not gone. Tell me she’s not gone.”

“
I’m sorry, my love.”

“
No. Em, oh, Em, I’m so sorry.” I touched my lips, my cheeks,
my lips again, unsure what to do, what to say, think, touch. I
wanted to touch her, bring her back, make it better, but Mike, the
way he held her, the way he guarded her, imprisoned her, told me I
had no right. Her best friend, and I had no right to touch
her.

Mike took a
raspy breath and rolled Emily out from his body, tracing her eyes
with his own, as if she might open them, as if she might come back
to him. “I can’t lose her. I just can’t go through this again.”

David edged
closer. “She’s already gone, brother. You need to let me take
her.”

“
Emily, please,” Mike whispered into her hair. “Please don’t
be gone. Please, my beautiful girl, you know how much I need
you—”

My tears
stung, frozen behind my lashes as I watched on, helpless, an
outsider. Heartache, in the form of loss and jealously, spread like
cement through my bones, making me heavy and stiff all over.

She’s
his
girl?

He adopted her
love more than he ever did mine, and in the moment of her death, I
felt only jealousy for that. But she was my friend too, I loved
her, and now I’d lost her, like I’d lose everyone else. David had a
week left, Mike would never speak to me again, and Emily—I reached
for her, my fingertips floating slowly through the space between
her and I—she would be buried vertically under a tree, where no one
would ever find her; another missing persons’ case, and I would be
alone.

I drew my hand
back, not wanting to feel the bitter cold of death, real death, and
sunk back on my shins. The morning lit the room pale blue, the
light dancing under her floral print curtains, reflecting off the
photo frame, the one that held the only photo we displayed of the
masquerade—one without me in it. Her room felt alive with her
spirit, so full of everything Emily that it was hard to believe she
was a corpse in Mike’s arms.

I wondered how
long he’d held her, how long she’d been gone. My heart fought to
survive the pain of a tortured conscience, knowing I did this to
her, knowing that because of me and my meddling with vampires, she
lost the only thing she could never get back.

“
What do we...what do we do with her now?” Mike asked, looking
to David for help.

“
We bury her.” The Council member, the vampire, the ruthless
man who gets things done emerged, leaving all traces of emotion out
of that sentence. I cringed, imagining that would be me one
day—handed over to the undertaker who is all business, no
emotion.

Mike’s eyes
flooded with confusion, then realisation. He looked back at Emily.
“Oh, God. No. Oh, Em. Wake up, please don’t let his be real.”

“
Mike—she’s gone.” I held my fingertips just above her skin,
feeling the cool rise off her like energy. “She’s so cold—you need
to let us take her.”

“
You get away from her!” he barked, practically spitting in my
face; “You did this. You did this...” his voice broke
away.

“
Mike?” I held the tears back. “Mike, please, I—”

“
I said leave us!”

David took a
quick step in and had me across the room before I realised I’d been
lifted; he stood between Mike’s gaze and me; his body, his stance
defensive. “Mike, don’t take this out on Ara.”

“
She
did this.” He released a hand
from Emily only to thrust a finger of blame at me; I leaned around
and when I met with the murderous hatred in his eyes, drew a
breath, covering my mouth.

David pushed
me back a little more, glaring down at Mike. “What was that?” he
growled. “You’re gonna hurt Ara because of this?”

“
Just get her out of here,” Mike sobbed, hiding his face in
Emily’s neck. “I don’t wanna hurt her, you know I don’t, but I—” He
looked at me again, and the truth was there, in his eyes. “I don’t
wanna look at her!”

“
Mike?” My voice quivered; I reached for him.

“
I said go, Ara!” Mike snarled like a rabid dog.

“
Right, that’s it.” David shoved me softly against the wall,
shielding me completely. “One more thought like that and I’ll put
you down, brother. That’s
my
girl you’re thinking of there.”

Mike looked
up, and with loathing in his eyes, shook his head at me. “Just get
her out of here.”

All breath
stopped short of my lips, leaving me dizzy, light-headed, like my
body was flooding with poison. My face crumpled tightly; “I really
am sorry, Mike.”

“
Ara.” David reached for me as I pushed past him. “Don’t run,”
he called. “Ara?”

I have to run. I have to go. My best friend is dead, my other
best friend, the very friend who loved me, now wants to kill me
over the death of a girl he
just
fell for.

It made no
sense, made our entire past, everything we suffered, everything we
experienced, feel like nothing.

How could he
be so cold?

“
Ara!” David, still in Emily’s room, called again as I tugged
the front door open and grabbed my car keys. “Ara, please. I can’t
chase you—I need to…” A loud, grumbling sigh ended his
sentence.

As the engine
started, so too did the pouring rain. David appeared from nowhere
and grabbed the front fender, lifting it slightly as I tried to
reverse down the drive. The tyres squealed over the wet ground, but
David held tight, staring me down, rain saturating his dark
hair.

“
Get off, David. I have to go. I can’t be here.”

“
Ara, just wait. For two seconds.”

I looked into
his caring eyes, then shoved the car into neutral, folding my
arms.

“
Thank you.” He rested the front wheels back on the ground
again, appearing by my door with a curled finger tapping the
window. “Unlock the door.”

I sat,
sniffling. I didn’t want to open it, but knew he’d just break it
and I’d have to get it fixed if I didn’t. Begrudgingly, I lifted
the lock and David yanked the door open, falling to his knees
beside the car. “Don’t leave, okay. Please, I need you here.”

The rain soaked the side of my leg and turned David into a
dripping artwork. “Why do you need
me
?”

“
Because I love you. You can’t drive like this—you’ll have an
accident.”

“
He hates me, David. It hurts. I can’t be here.”

“
He’s in pain, Ara. He doesn’t mean it. I know he doesn’t.
You—” he grabbed my hand, “you know he doesn’t.”

“
No, David.” I wiped my nose. “That’s the problem—he did mean
it.”

“
Ara?” His hands shook so much I placed mine over his. “Please
don’t run. Please? I need your help. I can’t bury her alone. She
was my friend, too.”

My heart
melted; I touched his face, wiping away the pain. He was always so
calm. I didn’t think he cared about Emily like we did, but I’d
never seen him shake before, never seen him let tears fall so
easily. “I’m sorry, David.”

“
No.” He pulled me from the car and hugged me right there, on
the driveway, in the pouring rain. “You don’t need to be sorry—for
anything—at all. This is all just a horrible, horrible
mistake.”

“
But I told her about Jas—”

“
Yes, but you never meant any of this to happen.” He wrapped
both hands along my cheeks, pressing his brow to mine. “She needed
the truth. So did Mike.”

I nodded. “I
know. But, I just...I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never had to
bury a—what do we—?”

“
Don’t worry about that part, sweetheart.” He brushed my hair
from my face. “I’ll take care of that. I just need you to be there
with me.”

“
I can do that.” I sniffed, wiping my face with the backs of
my hands.

“
It’s going to be okay. Mike will—” David looked up then,
toward the front door.

“
What?” I looked, too.

“
Stay here.” He turned away slowly.

“
What is it?” I reached in and turned off the car, pulling the
keys from the ignition. Then, I heard it, too—screaming.
Mike!

David bolted
ahead, leaving the front door open, but by the time I made it to
the hall, he’d slammed Emily’s door shut—locking me out. “Let me
in,” I yelled, slapping the wood. “David! Let me in!”

“
Let me see,” I heard David say. “Shit. Just move.
Move!”