The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom (19 page)

That was when Liam sprang into action. He dove to save his falling companion and managed to grab hold of his ankles. But Duncan kept falling, taking Liam with him. Gustav and Frederic, still chained to Liam, yelped as they were whipped off their feet and went sailing over the castle wall with the others.

The bandits’ laughter came to an abrupt stop.

“My princes!” the Bandit King screamed. He turned on Horace and Neville. “You imbeciles cost me my royal ransoms! Forget your rewards—you’re about to be punished worse than I’ve ever punished anyone before!”

“But I didn’t do anything!” protested Neville. Horace unsuccessfully tried to hide his massive frame behind his skinny partner.

Meanwhile, many yards below, the four princes thrashed wildly as they dangled in the air. The pointed tip of Horace’s sword had gotten stuck—wedged between two stones in the castle wall—and Duncan was clinging ferociously to its handle. Below him hung Liam (still gripping Duncan’s ankles), Gustav, and Frederic—all connected at the waist by their prison chains.

“I can’t hold on,” Duncan said through gritted teeth. “I wasn’t exaggerating about my lack of exercise.”

“Just let go,” Liam said.

“What?” Frederic yelled up to him. “Let go? Are you mad?”

“Frederic, look down,” Liam said.

Frederic glanced down. His toes were a mere six inches from the ground. “Oh.”

So Duncan released his grip, and the four men fell to the swampy, rain-soaked lawn below. They landed in a heap on top of one another. Duncan, aside from sore fingers, was completely unharmed. He climbed off the pile of princes, feeling pretty good about himself, and said, “Well, that was lucky.”

“I don’t want to hear the
L
word, Dr. Delusional,” Gustav warned. He then pulled Frederic out of the thick, gooey mud. “You okay?” he asked.

“I’ll survive,” Frederic replied. “Thanks for asking.”

“Hey, I just want to make sure you’re not going to slow me down,” Gustav said.

“Quick, let’s get out of here before one of them is smart enough to look over the edge and see that we’re not dead,” said Liam.

“Where did those fiends put our horses?” Gustav grumbled, looking around.

“There’s no time. We’ve got to make a run for it,” said Liam. “It’s not like we could ride in these chains, anyway.” The four men started off down the hill, away from the Bandit King’s castle, as fast as their feet would carry them.

“So … where are we … heading next?” Duncan panted.

Gustav, who was chained between Liam and Frederic, caused the others to stumble as he sprinted forward to the head of the pack. “Follow me,” he yelled.

“No offense, Gustav,” Frederic said, “but you’ve gotten us lost before. Do you know where you’re going?”

Gustav smirked. “Yes, Captain Tassels, I know where we’re going. Mount Batwing.”

“Might we ask why?” Liam queried.

“I spotted our friend, the giant, there.”

12

P
RINCE
C
HARMING
H
UGS
T
REES

W
huddawedonow?”

“Huh?” Gustav grunted, as he and Liam clipped along through the woods, all but dragging Frederic behind them. Duncan, free of the chains, was plodding by himself several yards back.

“Whawadoo, whuwedow?” the out-of-breath Frederic tried again. He sounded like an asthmatic cat trapped inside an accordion.

“Gustav, hold up for a minute,” Liam said as the trio lurched to a stop. “We’re far enough from Rauber’s castle. And I think our companions could use a break.”

“I’m good,” Duncan said cheerily as he jogged to catch up to the others. “The mud is a little hard on my felt boots, but it makes a pleasant squishy noise when I step. It reminds me of the bog walks that Snow and I take sometimes. A bog might not sound like the kind of place you want to spend a lot of time in—and the smell would back up that assumption—but when it comes to examining mosses—”

“Pipe down, Nature Boy,” Gustav interrupted. “The Wheezing Wonder here is trying to say something.”

Frederic had collapsed facedown in a pile of fallen leaves. He lifted his head and spit out a pinecone. “What do we do now?” he sighed.

“First order of business, we get rid of these chains,” Liam said.

“What are we waiting for?” asked Gustav. He picked up a large stone and smashed it against the chain that hung between himself and Liam. But the big rock didn’t break the metal links; it pulled the chain to the ground, yanking Gustav and Liam into each other violently.

Frederic shook his head. “Oh, come now. Even
I
know that’s not how you do it,” he said. “You’ve got to rest the chain on one rock while you hit it with another. It’s just like what Sir Bertram did with the fob of a pocket watch in
The Secret of the Sinister Snuff Box
. Duncan, help me look for more rocks.”

On his hands and knees, Frederic turned and pushed aside the branches of a nearby shrub. He didn’t see any stones, but he did see six eyes staring at him from behind the bush.

“Monster!” Frederic shrieked, and then—with more speed than he thought he possessed—he jumped to his feet and started running. Liam and Gustav were jerked into action alongside him. The three princes had no choice but to splash as one through the muddy forest.

“Why are we running?” Gustav shouted, leaping over a fallen tree limb in his path. “Let me go back and fight it!”

“Where is Duncan?” Liam yelled as he ducked one branch after another. “He’s not with us!”

But fear is a powerful fuel, and Frederic’s tank was fully loaded. He didn’t even hear the others.

As the trio ran between a pair of thin pines, Gustav and Liam each grabbed hold of a tree trunk and pulled themselves to a halt. The sudden stop whipped Frederic off his feet, landing him on his back with a splat.

“Is the monster gone? Where’s Duncan?” he cried. He saw the others glaring at him and realized for the first time that he’d ditched one of his friends. “Oh, I am so ashamed.”

He scrambled to his feet, and they all rushed back to look for Duncan. But when they reached the site of Frederic’s freak-out, there was no sign of the Sylvarian prince.

“The monster got him,” Gustav said.

“What kind of creature was it?” Liam asked.

“I don’t know,” Frederic said. “I just saw eyes. Six of them.”

Liam turned angrily on Frederic. “How could you leave Duncan behind? I realize you’re new to this, but you never turn your back on an ally in danger.”

“I know that,” Frederic moaned. “Do you understand how terrible I feel about this?”

“Yeah, back off, hero,” Gustav cautioned Liam. “It’s obvious the guy feels awful about it.”

“Yes, please don’t be so hard on Frederic,” Duncan said as he popped out from behind some trees, followed by a trio of grimacing dwarfs. “These fellows can be pretty scary sometimes.”

Frederic collapsed into the mud again.

“Duncan, you’re all right!” Liam shouted.

“Sorry if I gave you all a fright,” Duncan said. “When you guys ran off, I started to follow you, but then I glanced back and saw
these guys
coming out from behind the bushes, so I had to go say hello. Fellow princes, please allow me to introduce you to some friends of mine: Flik, Frak, and Frank.”

“We’ve met,” said Frank, the largest of the three dwarfs. Of course, “large” is a relative term when you’re talking about dwarfs. He still only came up to Duncan’s waist. “And we’re not exactly
friends
of Prince Charming here. We’re friends of his wife.”

Liam looked curiously at the three bearded dwarfs, each sporting a hefty backpack and jaunty ear-flapped cap. “You’re the dwarfs who were so rude to me back in Sylvaria,” he said.

“Dwarves,” Frank corrected.

“That’s right,” added Gustav. “Crumpet Boy and I met you three grumps there, too.”

“I am so embarrassed,” Frederic mumbled to no one in particular, as he realized there had never been any monster in the bushes. “Six eyes; three dwarfs.”

“Dwarves,” Frank corrected.

“How did you come to be here in Sturmhagen?” Liam asked.

“You three sounded like a bunch of weirdos with all your strange Prince Charming questions,” Frank said, glaring at the men. “We were suspicious, so we followed you. And then we saw Duncan the Daring get involved with you guys.”

“Duncan the
Daring
?” Gustav laughed. “You’re being sarcastic, right?”

“Yes,” Frank said humorlessly. “Anyway, we’re not particularly fond of Duncan, but we care a lot about Snow White, and she seems to like him for some reason. So when we saw you guys get carted away by those bandits, we decided to stay on your trail to make sure Prince Pipsqueak didn’t get himself killed or anything.”

“You were watching when the bandits caught us?” Duncan asked, incredulous. “Why didn’t you help us?”

“What do I look like? Your mother?” Frank snapped.

“Let’s not worry about what anybody did or didn’t do back then,” Liam said. “Can you three help us
now
? We need to remove these chains.”

“Dwarves are
expert
metalsmiths,” Frank said, showing his first hint of a smile. “Chains are not a problem for us.”

Flik, Frak, and Frank formed a little circle, and each of them dug into the backpack of the dwarf in front of him. They plucked out mallets and chisels, darted over to the princes, and whacked away at the chains with jackhammer speed. In a matter of seconds, the heavy metal links fell into the mud with a wet thunk.

“I’ve seen faster,” Gustav mumbled.

“Show me how, Frank! Show me how!” Duncan tittered excitedly.

“How many times do I have to tell you no, Duncan?” Frank said sternly.

“Just because I’m not a dwarf?”

“That’s exactly why.”

Frederic, newly freed, threw his arms around Flik and Frak in an appreciative embrace. The two shocked dwarfs quickly pushed him off. “You’re filthy, man,” said Flik. “Show a little respect.”

“So, have you overheard enough of our conversations to understand what we plan to do?” Liam asked Frank. “Are you aware that we’re on a quest to rescue Cinderella?”

“Yeah, we get the gist of it.”

“Will you join us?” Liam asked. He then leaned over and added in a whisper, “You’ve seen what I’m dealing with here. I need all the help I can get.”

“No kidding. The boys and I have already talked about it,” Frank said. “And we’ve decided you guys are far too pitiful for us to just stand back and watch anymore. So, yeah, we’ll tag along. We’ve got to keep an eye on the Death-Defying Duncan, anyway.”

Duncan rushed over. “No, no, no,” he protested. “I forbid it. You fellows are not coming with us.”

“You can’t be serious,” Frederic blurted. “They’re willing to help us and you’re telling them not to? Are you completely out of your—”

Liam held up a hand to hush Frederic. “What I think Frederic is trying to ask,” he said, “is: Why would you send the dwarfs away?”

“I have a more important mission for this brave and worthy trio,” Duncan said. He squatted down by the dwarfs and spoke to them directly. “There is something I need you to do, my friends.”

Fig. 27 DUNCAN and FRANK

“Stand up, Duncan,” Frank scolded. “You know we hate it when you squat to talk to us. It’s insulting.”

Duncan stood up. “Sorry, sorry. Anyway, you three are the only ones who know how to get back to my estate in Sylvaria.”

“Yeah,” said Frank. “Dwarves are
expert
navigators.”

“Yes, and perhaps if you’d been willing to teach me any of those skills, I wouldn’t have gotten lost,” Duncan said.

“You’re not a dwarf.”

“Well, anyway, use your navigating talents to guide you back home,” Duncan said. “And make sure Snow knows that I’m okay. She’s probably been worried sick about me.”