The Hinky Velvet Chair (30 page)

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Authors: Jennifer Stevenson

Tags: #humor, #hinky, #Jennifer Stevenson, #romance

BOOK: The Hinky Velvet Chair
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“What’s her problem?” Jewel wondered. “She can’t even speak
to me without vomiting. I don’t think she’s faking it.”

“I know she’s had two goes on that Venus Machine already.”
Griffy blotted her lipstick.

“Yikes.” Jewel swiped at her hair with a comb. “What does
that thing do to people? Power of suggestion, my ass.” She checked the stall to
see if Sovay had left a mess. On the floor, something green wiggled. “You
should keep your back door shut, Griffy.” She picked it up and showed her a
tiny baby snake.

“Eeek!” Griffy drew back.

“It’s just a baby,” Jewel said.

“Talk about your custom-made magic!” Griffy sucked in a
horrified breath. “Lord Darner must have done something to her when he told her
that story about the three girls at the well.”

“Miss? Miss Griffin?” A caterer came to the door of the
lavatory. “Miss, there’s a food fight in the back yard. I thought I should tell
you, they’re throwing cake.”

Griffy sighed. “What next?” She went out, masking herself
again, and leaving Jewel with her prize.

Jewel stared down at the tiny, bright-green, wriggling
snakeling. “Power of suggestion. Huh.” She went out.

It was just like high school. The mean girls went around
picking on people, and Jewel, the farm girl, went to parties with a snake in
her pocket.

Chapter Thirty

Griffy arrived in the garden to find the food fight was now
an orgy. The cake was gone. The combatants wrestled in twos and threes, having
a good time — on the patio, up against the wall, under the messed-up cake
table. People moaned. Lingerie flew.

While she stood there, feeling left out, Dr. Kauz came up to
her. He hugged her tightly, crushing her feathers.

“My fire goddess! Ach, you are more radiant now than before
you drank my potion!” he cried.

She drew back. “I think you mistake—” He kissed her hand
and the words died on her lips. She remembered the potion he’d poured into
Julia’s punch cup.

He pulled his face back. “But I must not presume. Soon
enough you will embrace me. Now that you have taken the potion,” he said,
holding her hand and stroking it, “you are addicted to its power. And only I
can give you more!”

She blinked. “But I didn’t—”

“Stumm,
hush,
hush.” He set his finger on her lips.

Griffy was getting annoyed. What did men think? She would
always zip it for them?

“You are my crowning achievement. After one taste, you crave
my potion. Only my potion can make you feel desirable!”

She drew back, creeped out by his bad Peter Lorre imitation,
but he pulled her closer.

He hissed in her ear, “Now you will always be beside me. Now
I tell you my great plan, for you have a part in it, oh yes! With your green
tones, you can have any man alive, and I, Kauz, will be the greatest politician
of the age! We will be Borgias, ruling the city
mit
magic,
mit
zex,
mit
raw power!” He cackled.

Griffy began to piece it together.
He thinks I’m Julia. He did dope her punch! I’m so glad she didn’t
taste it.

“Conceive my delight when our hostess invites me here on the
eve of this party. So exclusive, such excellent media coverage!”

She gasped. “You
knew
about the block party?”

“I am a guest of the richest man at the party! It was
opportunity I could not pass up.” He leaned closer. “Tonight I will take such a
tiny drop of your blood, and I will run it through the psychespectrometer and
also a few instruments I have back at my laboratory. If I can isolate the Venus
Machine factor and synthesize it! It is my dream!” He clutched her arm.

She pulled. “Let go of me!”

His tone turned sinister. “Perhaps another visit to the
Venus Machine will remind my green goddess of how pleasurable you find the
admiration of the masses.” His grip tightened.

With a squeak of irritation, she brought her heel down on
his instep. He yelped and let go of her, and she fled.

At that moment someone turned out the lights in the garden.
She couldn’t see a thing. She ran straight into a tall person wearing a
feathered mask. “Ouch!”

“Oof! Griffy?” Julia said. “Is that you?”

“Julia! I came to warn you. That horrible Dr. Kauz did put
some kind of addictive drug in that cup he gave you!”

“Yeah, hey, no big, I didn’t drink any, remember?”

“Well, he thinks you’re addicted to it now. He wants to take
over the city and make you his fire queen sex magic power goddess. He was
totally
icky.”
Griffy shuddered.

“He told you all this?”

“He thought I was you.”

Julia said, “Duh, you’re wearing my mask. See the stripes?”

Griffy looked down. “Of course! It’s so dark outside that
cloakroom.” They swapped masks. “They must have got mixed up.”

“Look,” Julia said, holding her mask in her hand, sounding
embarrassed. “I’m sorry Virgil was so mean about the locks. What I wanted to
remind you was, if he doesn’t want you sleeping on that bed, it’s because he’s
jealous of Randy. So you have a chance. I advised you wrong about how to use it—

“No, you’ve been great. If something awful has happened to
Sovay, like if that Venus Machine is making her say stupid things and throw up
snakes, maybe do I have a chance.”

“I totally think you have a chance. I wish I knew how to
make it work. I feel like I’d better not give you any more advice.”

Griffy felt strong again. “Never mind. He’s with Sovay now.
Here’s my key to the bedroom. You can go upstairs and save your friend.” She
smiled tremulously. “It would never do to leave him in that bed if — in case I
get lucky.”

“Is that what you want me to do?” Julia said.

“Yes. It is.”

Julia kissed her cheek. “I should have known. You’re always
straight, Griffy. I think that’s why Clay loves you.” Griffy sniffled, and
Julia gave her a hug around the shoulders. “If you see Virgil aiming for the
house, try and head him off.”

“I’ll try.”

Griffy watched Julia march to the back door, ignoring the
orgy going on around her. She pulled her mask on with determination like
Julia’s.

Somewhere at this party, there was a mean old buzzard who
needed her.

o0o

Under cover of darkness, Jewel sneaked into the house and
upstairs to Virgil’s bedroom. Peering over her shoulder, she took her penknife
out of her pocket and eased the penny out of the crack in the door.

It looked a little creased. Huh. Virgil must have tested
Griffy’s claim to have changed the locks.

She whisked into the bedroom and locked the door. For good
measure, she stuck the penny back in the door crack, hoping it would work from
the inside.

She left the room lights out. Faint streetlight from Marine
Drive and Lake Shore Drive came through the windows over the top of the
curtains. She took off her mask, her dress, her shoes, her underwear and bra,
and laid them all on a chair. Trying not to squick at the thought that Virgil
and Griffy had had sex here, she slid onto the quilt. Somewhere in the bowels
of the house, a tinny alarm trilled.

She said aloud, “Randy?” She got a tingle. “Oh, thank God.”
They didn’t have a minute to lose. Virgil could decide to skunk the party at
any moment.

Shutting her eyes, she tried to relax, joint by joint, toes,
ankles, knees, hips, shoulders, elbows, fingers. She tensed her neck and
released it.
I am so not sleepy.
But
as she thought this she felt her edges fuzzing out, felt the slide of arms
around her bare waist.
There you are,
buddy.

He grabbed her, turning her to face him. He looked anxious
and angry.
I feared that Sovay had
poisoned you.

What? What happened to
‘Let’s fuck and get out of here’?
She already felt her kookamunga swelling
up and getting slippery.

She marries men and
then kills them for their money. She hates you. I discovered this as I seduced
her.
He scowled, his face scary in demonspace.
You should have come for me sooner.

Jewel pulled out of his arms.
We have ten minutes before Virgil walks in here. Do you want to spend
them pissing me off?

He assumed what she thought of as his diplomacy face — stiff,
bland, and guarded.
An excellent point.

Doesn’t he believe I’ll
always come back?
she thought, and, when the words came out aloud in
demonspace, his face relaxed.

She reached for him, and her hand went all the way into his
chest, where she felt a hot coal. Heat ran up her arm into her own chest. She
smiled.

Fuck now, argue later.
C’mon, I have something to show you.
The bed fell away beneath them.

They were falling endlessly through a brilliant blue sky.

Are you afraid because
you’re aroused, or aroused because you’re afraid?
he murmured in her ear.
This time Jewel laughed.

Slipping out of his arms, she fell a hundred feet, then
opened her arms like a high-diver, turning over and over, exulting. She swooped
around him, wingless, fearless.
Look at
me! I’m not scared to fly anymore!

When did that happen?

She laughed gaily.
I
flew on a parasail yesterday. It was fabulous and scary and fun.
She
swooped back up to him, laughing, then circled him in a spiral.

Parasail? Show me.

She created a parasail out of thin air and let wind fill the
sail.
Plus there was water.
She gestured.
Lake Michigan or something like it appeared below them, impossibly blue, cold,
bright, powerful. She swooped closer to him, looped her arm through his, and
carried him out over the lake, towed behind nothing, swinging wildly, dipping,
whirling, swaying left and right under the parasail as the cold lake spray
speckled the soles of her feet and made her shriek.

At some point he disappeared. She looked down. He was on the
sand below, smiling up at her, watching.

She descended until she could drop on all fours beside him.
With a wave of her hand she banished the parasail.
Thanks to you,
she said, standing. She put both hands on his bare
chest.
I wouldn’t have dared try it, I
mean the real thing, if we hadn’t been flying every night.

They lay on the sand, which, being demonspace sand, did not
get into her butt crack or carry fleas, and he rolled with her until they lay
half-in, half-out of the surf. She burned all over with hunger, hunger for his
hard, heavy body, hunger for a quick explosion, and she felt so hot that every
wave hissed and sizzled over her skin. He kept them rolling on the fringe of
the waves so that the sand and sky and water revolved along with a kaleidoscope
of sensation.

Hurry up! We have to
get out of here!

You wouldn’t hurry
with me, would you?
he said, and she jerked her head back at the sound of
his voice, the wrong voice.

He was Clay. Clay down to the shaggy blond bangs and crinkly
blue eyes, his long body slimmer and lighter, Clay’s voice, Clay’s —
Randy! You don’t have to do this.

The smile was Clay’s pouty-lipped smile, but the anxious
look came from somewhere else.
I thought
you might like it.

She pulled a hand free and wiped wet hair out of his eyes.
Randy, you are you, and you are good enough.
Be yourself.

He smiled an un-Clay-like smile and passed his hand over her
eyes.
No woman has ever said that to me.

When she opened her eyes, he was Randy again, Randy with the
big, hard body, black-eyed Randy lifting her hips with one hot hand, sliding
inside her with that amazing instrument. She squeezed tight around it. A cry
broke from his lips.

He rolled her under him one more time.

Quick, now! Make it
fast —
she began. But he was already driving into her with a thump and a
grind that made her judder.
Thump,
the world heated until she thought she would go up in flames,
grind,
and she cried out, and then a
wave washed over her, sizzling, turning to steam when it hit her skin.
Just do me, just do me,
she thought,
feeling sizzling heat and the splash of cold water and his cock like a freight
train running through her body, just
do
it just
do
it just
do
it just
do
it and then the whistle blew in her ear and she came apart with
a
boom.

Twenty seconds later they were spooned together, her belly
to his back, sweating on the coverlet.

Jewel listened to her heartbeat slow. “Why’d you take that
bitch to bed?” It might ruin the mood, but she had to know.

He sat up, rubbing his face and scalp with his hands as if
he was thrilled to have his body back. “Because you annoyed me.”

“Hey, I’m sorry about the tracer anklet. Buzz made me
understand how humiliating it is. It doesn’t work well in a building anyway.”

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