The Homework Machine (11 page)

Thinking it over, I decided somebody else was really to blame.
Me
. I should have known what was going on months earlier. I was naive. I should have been more on top of things. They did it right under my nose. I so wanted my students to be
successful, and I wanted to think they were successful because of my teaching. I guess the sad truth is that I still have a lot to learn about teaching, and I can't be so trusting with students in the future. I'll be more careful next year.

I told the kids that they didn't have to go off and invent a homework machine, because a homework machine already exists. It's called your brain.

POLICE CHIEF REBECCA FISH

When the kids were called into my office, that threw a scare into them. They confessed to everything. They seemed genuinely sorry for what they did, so I went easy on them. Made 'em hike down to the bottom of the canyon on a hot day and clean up the mess. Took 'em all day. Then I made 'em come in to the office over the summer and say what happened so we got it on record. Far as I'm concerned, this case is closed.

KELSEY DONNELLY, GRADE 5

I figured that was the end of it. School was over. Summer was here. I wouldn't be seeing Snik or Judy or Brenton again until September.

I don't know why, but I dyed my hair brown again and took out the belly button ring. I guess I just thought it was stupid.

JUDY DOUGLAS, GRADE 5

We were leaving the sheriff's office, and I knew that if I didn't say anything, I wouldn't see any of them for three months. So I worked up the courage and walked up to Brenton and asked him if he wanted to go out with me.

“What would that entail?” That's the way he put it. What would that entail? He cracks me up. So I told him it meant we might get together over the summer, you know, get some ice cream or pizza or hang out and talk and stuff. He said that sounded good to him. So I guess we're going out. I think so, anyway.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHI, GRADE 5

In honor of the beginning of summer, I decided to part my hair on the opposite side of my head. I really don't care about the way I look, but I read on some Web site that when you flush a toilet in the Southern Hemisphere, the water swirls clockwise, and when you flush a toilet in the Northern Hemisphere, the water swirls
counterclockwise. So I thought it would be interesting to part my hair in opposite directions during summer and winter months. And Judy likes it better this way, too.

SAM DAWKINS, GRADE 5

I was thinking it over. In the beginning of the year, we all thought Brenton was a dork of the highest order. But I decided that Brenton was probably the coolest kid I ever met. And that includes me. Coolness doesn't come from having cool stuff or hanging with cool people. It's not cool to
try
to be cool. It's cool to
not
try to be cool. Brenton just does his own thing. He's one of these guys who is so uncool that he's cool. You know what I mean? You reach a point where you cross the line into coolness.

Anyway, after school ended I decided to call him up. He said, “To do what? We don't have any homework,” and I said, “I don't know, you wanna play a game of chess?” and he said okay.

KELSEY DONNELLY, GRADE 5

I never thought I'd hear from Judy, but she called me up right after school ended. She said that Brenton and Snik were going to play chess
over at Brenton's house and she was going too and did I want to come? Brenton's parents weren't home, but my mom said it was okay so I said sure.

By the time I got there, Snik and Brenton were already going at it hot and heavy. All year long, Snik refused to play Brenton and now they were finally playing each other. I mean, it was intense in there. It was like the Super Bowl of chess. The two of them were staring at the board so hard, I thought it was going to burst into flames. I didn't say a word.

All I knew about chess was what Miss Rasmussen told us. I counted up the pieces on both sides and Brenton had one more pawn than Snik. That was the only difference. So I knew it was a close game.

Every so often, Brenton would mutter something mysterious like, “classic Sicilian defense” or “Hmm, the old Benko Gambit.” I had no idea what he was talking about. I'm not sure if Snik did, either.

JUDY DOUGLAS, GRADE 5

Brenton was sweating and fidgeting and talking to himself. I couldn't believe Snik was giving him a good game. I remember thinking back in
September how Snik was so dumb. And now he was holding his own at chess with the smartest guy in maybe the whole world. I was rooting for Brenton, of course, because he was my boyfriend.

KELSEY POHHELLY GRADE 5

We took a break to eat some cookies Mrs. Damagatchi had left and I noticed that Brenton and Judy were holding hands. Holding hands! So I say are you two going out or what? Brenton just looked all embarrassed, but Judy said yeah we're going out. I knew it!

So while they were off being all lovey-dovey with each other, Snik came over to me and asks me if I want to go get ice cream or something after the game. Can you believe that? Sam Dawkins actually asked me out!

I tried to be cool about it. I said, “Are you just asking me out because Brenton and Judy are going out, or do you really want to go out with me?” And he says, “I really want to go out with you. I wanted to ask you out ever since school started, but I was too shy.”

Him, shy? Unbelievable! I couldn't resist giving Snik a hard time. I said, “You need Brenton Damagatchi to give you the courage to ask a girl
out? How pathetic!” Then I said sure I'd go out with him.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHI GRADE 5

It reminded me of the classic Karpov-Korchnoi game in 1978. I tried a queenside advance, but Snik had two aligned bishops clogging up the middle of the board. I offered him a poisoned pawn, but he was too smart to fall into that trap. Snik doesn't make dumb mistakes the way he used to.

He was a much stronger player than he had been a few months earlier. I was up one piece, but he had the stronger position. I kept looking at the board, trying to come up with something that would trip him up.

It was hopeless. Finally I tipped my king over and we shook hands. He had beaten me.

SAM DAWKINS GRADE 5

I tried to be cool about it, but it was impossible. My heart was jumping out of my chest. I had just beaten Brenton Damagatchi, the kid who was so smart that he got every kid in America to wear red socks to school! If I can beat him, that must mean I'm pretty smart, too.

JUDY DOUGLAS, GRADE 5

So Snik beat Brenton and I thought nothing could beat that. But suddenly the doorbell rang. Brenton asked me to see who it was. I opened the door and there was a guy in a suit standing there. He looked familiar to me, but I couldn't place the face. Then he sticks out his hand and says his name is Richard Milner.

KELSEY DONNELLY GRADE 5

Judy let out this scream from the front hall-way. We heard the door slam and we all came running over. She was hysterical. She said it was the guy she saw on the street. I asked her what his name was and she said it was Milner. Milner! That was the guy who was stalking me online! He was right outside the door! I freaked out.

SAM DAWKINS GRADE 5

Kelsey starts in screaming, “Gall the police! Call 911!” I didn't know what to do. Judy and Kelsey were screaming and crying and running around like an asteroid was about to hit the house. They said the guy was with the FBI or the CIA and we would all be going to jail. I looked around
for a baseball bat or something I could hit the guy with if he tried to break down the door.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHI GRADE 5

I opened the door. What else could I do? The man was just standing there.

SAM DAWKINS GRADE 5

So Brenton opens the door and asks the guy if he's with the FBI. He says no. Brenton asks him if he's with the CIA. He says no. I can't take it anymore so I ask the guy who he is and what he wants from us. He says nobody's in trouble and we didn't do anything wrong. That calmed the girls down a little.

JUDY DOUGLAS GRAPE 5

The guy showed us his business card. He says he's in the marketing business and he works for a company that sells stuff to kids. I asked him why he was stalking us and he said he wasn't stalking us. He simply wanted to talk to us.

SAM DAWKINS GRADE 5

I asked the guy what kind of stuff he sells to kids. He says everything. Breakfast cereal. Toys.
Toothpaste. Clothes. Video games. Music. So I ask what does that have to do with us?

KELSEY DONNELLY GRAPE 5

The guy says he's been looking for kids who influence other kids. You know, like, kids who are the first to do stuff and then everybody else starts doing the same stuff Kids who start trends. He's been trying to talk to us for a long time, he said, because he thought red socks day and inside-out day were brilliant and effective marketing plans. If Brenton could get every kid in America to wear red socks to school, he said, imagine how much breakfast cereal his clients could sell. Imagine how many toys, clothes, tubes of toothpaste, video games, and CDs his clients could sell. He said he would pay Brenton if he would help him.

SAM DAWKINS GRADE 5

I'm thinking, how much? I mean, this could be bigger than McHomework!

JUDY DOUGLAS, GRADE 5

Basically, the guy wanted Brenton to help him trick kids. He wanted Brenton to spread the word that certain products were cool, so his clients
could make more money. I didn't think it was very nice and I told him so. I told him that kids don't need anyone to tell them what to buy. Most toys are junk anyway. We can make up our own minds about which video games to play and CDs we should listen to. We can make up our own minds about what's cool.

But of course, it was Brenton's call. He invented the machine. He was the computer genius.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHI GRADE 5

I thought it over. I told the guy I'd like to go into business with him. Judy was really mad. Then I told the guy I didn't want to sell toothpaste and I didn't want to sell clothes or CDs or video games. He says, “Well, what do you want to sell?” I told him I don't want to sell some product to the kids of the world. I want to sell an
idea
. A really good idea that I'd been working on in my head. The guy was all excited. He asks, “What's the idea? What's the idea?” I looked around like it was a big secret that I didn't want anyone else to hear. Then I whispered it in his ear: “Do your homework.”

The guy left. I don't think he'll be bothering us anymore.

When he was a kid, DAN GUTMAN always did his homework. That's how he grew up to write cool books such as
The Kid Who Ran for President, Honus & Me, The Million Dollar Shot, Race for the Sky,
and
The Edison Mystery: Qwerty Stevens, Back in Time
. If you want to learn more about Dan or his books, stop by his Web site:
www.dangutman.com
.

But first do your homework.