The House (49 page)

I choked back
a sob as I sat down with my plate. The food smelled, as always,
amazing. I had always looked forwards to the days that Hercules
cooked, even if it did mean I was on washing-up duty. Eddie looked
up at me and smiled.

“You look
better,” he said lightly.

“I guess I am
better than I was last night,” I replied. I didn’t feel much
better. Then again, I hated to think what I had looked like the
previous night. Covered in blood and mostly in shock. I hadn’t
really felt anything then, the new day had brought its own growing
grief. I tried to smile at him and I sort of managed it. “Thank
you.”

“No problem,”
Eddie said, his voice low. It was a very private conversation to be
having at the kitchen table. Then I realised that maybe there was
more than one reason Hercules had decided to retire to the TV room
to eat.

“How are
you
doing?” I asked him. It was a serious question and I felt he
knew that. Not a casual everyday thing, where you expected them to
be great. I was expecting Eddie to be half fallen apart like I
was.

“I’ll be
alright. It’s not easy is it?”

“No. Were you
close to Talon?” I hadn’t really known much about their
relationship before. Eddie was so new but he had integrated himself
with us very quickly once we got past the first few days. It was
something to say for shared horrors. Not to mention shared
battles.

“In the
beginning I think I was. I guess I was a bit like Hannah, I saw him
as a saviour. He always spoke about the change like it was a great
gift. I had moved on before I learnt different.” He looked wistful.
I wondered momentarily if he missed the feeling of before, when
everything was perfect and he had been given a gift. I just nodded
to tell him to continue.

“There was so
much I never realised. I would have never thought he would be
behind this. Please believe me when I say that I would have told
you.” He looked at me pleadingly. I nodded and smiled, a real smile
this time. I believed him. It helped that I could feel the buzz
over the top of his thoughts. He practically reeked of truth. I
didn’t seem able to fully distance myself from him anymore.

“I know.” To
be honest, I’d known from the moment I heard his mental
conversation with Talon. He had been so shocked and you can’t fake
emotion when someone is inside your head. “But then, he was still
the man who changed you.” I couldn’t bring myself to say parent, as
far as I was concerned you had to earn that right as a shifter.

In fact, I
believed you had to earn that right even if you pushed a child from
your own body. Biology wasn’t enough; parents raised you and cared
for you. They loved you. A parent’s love is a special thing – the
need to do anything, anything at all to protect your child and to
keep them safe. Talon had failed in that. He had changed Eddie and
he had changed those runaways but he’d never loved them, never
cared for them.

“He was, but I
think I’m secretly glad that he’s dead.” He looked like he was
about to pull away at that. I took his hand in mine and held on,
holding him there. “How messed up is that?” he asked me.

I didn’t have
an answer to give him. I had never been in such a situation. I was
glad Talon was dead. I felt he had deserved that and more for what
he had done. We weren’t a people to cringe at the thought of
capital punishment. I stroked his hand with my fingers, partly to
comfort him and partly to give myself time to think. I had to be
sensitive and understanding without rationalising Talon’s
behaviour.

“I don’t think
it’s messed up,” I replied gently. “I think you might feel a little
bit conflicted but I don’t think it’s messed up.” He nodded and sat
there, just letting me stroke his hand. I couldn’t figure out if it
would be more awkward to stop and let go or to keep going. Eddie
decided for me by taking my hand more firmly in his so that I
couldn’t drop it. He looked so stricken I felt my heart tighten in
my chest. I’m a sucker for puppy-dog eyes and Eddie had some of the
best I’d ever seen.

“It’ll be
alright,” I told him. Lies told for the best of reasons are alright
as far as I’m concerned. With Stripes I could cry and scream and
worry, but I was responsible for helping Eddie. He needed the lie
more than I needed to scream that it wasn’t fair. I stood up from
my chair and moved so that his head was cradled against my
body.

I felt tears
spill unchecked onto my arms but I didn’t move away. Eventually,
Eddie pulled me down so that I was sitting on his lap. It wasn’t
the most comfortable of positions and I had to wiggle around a bit
so that I could face him, but I didn’t mind. He was entitled to the
hug. Maybe we could get some big group hugs going to get our need
for comfort met all together.

I stroked his
hair absently, making soft repetitions of my statement that it
would be alright. He could hear me even though I spoke under my
breath. I knew he wasn’t really listening but I didn’t mind. Maybe
if I repeated it often enough I would start to believe it. He
seemed to find the soft hum of my voice comforting in and of
itself. I remembered that feeling from sitting in Marie’s arms as a
child.

“I’m sorry
about last night,” Eddie said to my neck. He hadn’t moved his head
away and didn’t seem likely to let go. Luckily he was being gentle
with me. I wondered if he remembered the pain of my tight hold the
previous night.

“You have
nothing to be sorry about,” I replied. “It wasn’t your fault. Talon
was not your responsibility, and we will be eternally grateful that
you came with us.”

“I didn’t mean
about that, but I’m sorry for that as well. I meant about after,
when we got home. I’m sorry.” He seemed to be saying sorry a lot.
It made a change from the arrogant arse I’d started to believe him
to be before. I didn’t know what to do with the information
though.

“Now,
that
is most definitely not your fault.” I pulled his head away so
that I could look him in the eye and he could see that I was
truthful. “I’m the one that should be apologising.” And to a
certain extent I had considered it. I glared at him a moment and he
smiled. It made me smile back.

“I thought I
had taken advantage of you. You just seemed so...” He paused as if
looking for the right word, or maybe a word that wouldn’t offend
me. I gave him the moment in peace. I didn’t stray into his mind
for which I was proud of myself. “...fragile,” he said.

I nodded. I
didn’t like to think of myself that way but it had probably been
true. I hugged him again for my own benefit. It was nice to be able
to hug someone. Normally I would go to Stripes but she was in worse
shape than I was, even if she’d never admit it. I could have gone
to Hercules. He would have slept in my bed as my friend and given
me comfort. But I just couldn’t have gone to him and not ended up
crying my eyes out. I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to be
strong.

“We really are
quite a pair, aren’t we?” Eddie laughed. It was a strained laugh,
like he wasn’t sure of it. I just smiled along. Any kind of laugh
was beyond me at that point.

“I think we’re
all a bit crazy at the moment,” I said. “It’s going to take a long
time to get back to normal.” He nodded.

“We should
finish dinner.”

“Yes, food
sounds good.” I slipped back into my own chair. I’d been afraid of
talking things through with Eddie, worried that he would be
resolute and angry. I was surprised to find that it had actually
helped me.

I spooned
mashed potato generously onto my plate and poured casserole over
it. There were so many different things in the casserole it seemed
like it shouldn’t work, but it was amazing, as always. I was glad
that at least one thing hadn’t changed. It felt like my life was
upside down. A few constants would hopefully help to steady me.

Before we were
finished, the sun started to come up. It was a bright dawn with no
clouds and it lifted my heart a little. It felt like more than a
day had passed since we had gone off into the night on our stupid
mission. My heart still hurt terribly and I still couldn’t see any
way that things would ever get better, but I had more to do.

Hannah came
down for breakfast shortly after sunrise. It felt surprisingly
normal. She didn’t even bat an eyelid at the fact that the food was
clearly dinner. Nor did she pick up the tension that stretched ever
so slightly between Eddie and myself. It was so slight that it was
almost non-existent, but I could feel it like a taut string between
us, my tedious connection to his mind keeping us from truly
separating.

“How is your
room?” I asked Hannah. I wasn’t up to giving her any more life
changing information. I just needed to keep up the small talk;
hopefully it would help to make her more a part of our
dysfunctional family. She seemed like she could use some family
love.

“It’s ok,”
Hannah replied. Before I could stop myself I found myself slipping
into her mind. What I saw, for once, was actually quite nice. There
were fleeting thoughts of her other rooms – from her parent’s house
to sleeping rough – followed by a stream of plans for her room now.
I pulled away as soon as I realised what I had done.

It unnerved me
that I could accidentally fall into someone’s mind. I put a half
smile on my face to hide the indiscretion. If any of the others had
been in the room they would have seen through me in a second. It
was kind of nice to be around people who didn’t know me quite so
well. Although, hopefully that would change with time as Hannah
integrated more with us.

“We can go up
to the loft and see if the colour you want is up there?” I
suggested. I saw that for a moment Hannah’s face lit up before she
controlled herself again. She nodded briefly before concentrating
back on her food.

“Eddie, do you
fancy helping me get the boxes down?” I asked. He smiled and took
his plate to the dishwasher to follow me, clearly glad to have
something to do other than think. Painting was always therapeutic
work.

To my
surprise, Hannah burst out of her room as soon as we were down to
inspect our finds. She gave me such a shock I actually jumped a
little. I saw Eddie smile slyly out of the corner of my eye. I got
the feeling he was trying not to laugh.

The change in
Hannah was obvious. She was animated and energetic, seeming to have
forgotten her earlier mistrust. I vaguely remembered that time in
my early teenage years when it was perfectly normal to swing from
morose to manic in no time at all. I was glad those times were
over; I didn’t think I could handle that kind of change in myself
anymore. I had a feeling I was going to struggle enough dealing
with it in Hannah.

“Are these the
only colours?” she asked me, in that fast-paced voice teenagers
have where all the words run into each other. She didn’t wait for
me to answer but delved into the box of goodies at our feet. She
pulled things out as she identified them and started to make little
piles, the order of which escaped me.

“Do you think
this would be alright?” I asked, pointing to the burgundy colour we
had found. I saw her eyes flick once towards it then after a moment
it captured her full attention.

“It’s
perfect!” she squeaked and promptly grabbed it and rushed off to
her room with a small paint brush. I walked after her at a slightly
more sedate pace. I was guessing that she didn’t have any concept
of protecting the furniture during decorating and I didn’t want to
have to fix the carpet if she managed to cover it in paint.

“Hannah,
wait,” I said firmly, but not too sternly I hoped. “We need to
cover everything before…” I stopped as I entered her room and saw
that everything was already covered.

“Hercules got
the old sheets out of the cupboard. He said we could start as soon
as you found the paint.” Hannah beamed at me. Her smile made my
head hurt; I could feel the edge of hysteria to it. If I didn’t
control myself better Hannah was going to drive me crazy. I had to
get a hold of my telepathy before I did something drastic or
stupid. I shook my head and glanced to Hercules in the corner. He
looked suitably contrite but also very lost.

He wasn’t
someone I would have pegged as being good with kids. He was,
however, good with women and Hannah was old enough for his charm to
entrance her. He did have a tendency to give women whatever they
wanted though. I was just thinking that the habit was going to get
us into trouble with Hannah when I felt him whisper through my
mind.

“I didn’t know
what else to do...” I got a vague impression of Hannah looking
miserable and then I shut down the connection. It was starting to
get creepy that everyone was using my telepathy to send secret
messages. It was like they had just accepted it as normal. It
wasn’t normal. It scared the bejesus out of me.

“Ok,” I agreed
finally. “But you guys will have to do it yourself. I have other
things I need to be doing.” And I hate painting, I added in my
head. Hannah didn’t seem to have heard anything past my ok. I left
Hercules to deal with the fallout of his promise. For once, it was
not my problem. The painting wasn’t going to take my mind off
anything and I couldn’t deal with perky teenagers right then.

It was the
night before the full moon when the police finally came to our
door. It was Hannah who answered it and I was amazed at the
progress she had made in just a week. I was even starting to talk
to her about changing. Hercules did more of the absolute logistics
of the first change though, because I couldn’t even remember mine.
It may have even been before I was born.

I heard them
ask her if her mother was home and I heard her telling her that her
mother didn’t live here. I only just managed to slow myself in time
to stop the police from seeing me as a blur. I didn’t want to have
to explain Hannah to them on top of everything else. I was fairly
sure that it wasn’t precisely legal to have her stay with us. And
we couldn’t afford to have the authorities take her into care.