The Housemaid's Scandalous Secret (22 page)

Ross eyed her warily, unable to understand what had got into
her, so sure had he been in his belief that her need must be as great as his and
she would soon respond to his warm, moist mouth and searching hands.

‘Please don’t do this,’ she said, her voice trembling with
fury. ‘How dare you think you can drag me down whenever the fancy takes you. I’m
not some—some loose woman who’ll lie down for you as you seem to think.’

Her words pulled Ross up sharp and he just stared at her.
‘Well. Well,’ he said at length, unable to believe all his romantic plans were
being demolished. ‘It seems I’ve found myself a little spitfire. The perfect
servant, eh? I knew there was more to you than meets the eye.’ His brows
creased. ‘My desire for you is hard driven, Lisette. Do not push me away. What
is this about, and why have you been avoiding me?’

It was his voice that made her want to lay her head against his
chest and weep, that beautiful deep voice, and his face—that harsh, handsome
face she adored. It was as though she had been living all these weeks in a
fantasy world, a world where dreams would come to fruition if she was only
patient, a world where his loving had lulled her into a false belief. How could
she have been such a credulous fool? To give in to him now would be to sacrifice
her independence, which, she realised now, she had fought for and won, even if
it was only as a servant, and little by little would be completely possessed by
him, completely absorbed, and it terrified her,

‘Please don’t ask me—don’t question me. Let it be enough when I
tell you it is over.’ Lisette meant it. She couldn’t let him see how desperately
she was in love with him, how her heart yearned for a reciprocated love, not
this one-sided affair where all the emotion seemed to be on her side, and where
all his tenderness was simply borne out of a man’s natural lust for a woman.
‘What we did should never have happened.’

His brows snapped together in an ominous frown. ‘Are you saying
you regret what we did?’

Lisette swallowed painfully and nodded, averting her eyes.
‘Yes,’ she lied. ‘Yes, I do. Now let go of me.’

‘Did I displease you? Is that what all this is about?’

In a voice fraught with emotion, she said, ‘How can any woman
be displeased with you? Looking as you do and with such impeccable credentials,
I have no doubt you are the dream of every woman living in Derbyshire.’

‘Is that the way you feel about me?’

Lisette groaned within herself. If only he knew how her heart
ached for him, he wouldn’t even consider asking that question.

‘Let me look at you, Lisette,’ he cajoled gently, but when she
complied by lifting her head, his brows gathered in perplexity. The tears
glistening in the long silken lashes were difficult to ignore. Laying a lean
hand alongside her cheek, he gently wiped away a droplet with his thumb. ‘What
is troubling you so much you feel the need to cry?’

Embarrassed because she couldn’t contain her emotions, she
responded with a frantic shake of her head. ‘I’m not.’

His hand moved to the tender column of her throat, and he came
to marvel at the rapid pulse he felt beneath his palm. She was far more upset
than she wanted to admit. ‘Then why are your lashes wet? If they aren’t tears,
then what would you have me believe they are?’

Lisette recognised the threat of her emotions welling forth in
greater volume and tried to turn her head aside, but his hand, gentle yet
unyielding, remained on her throat, refusing to allow her to escape his close
inspection. She could do nothing but submit to his probing gaze.

‘Please, Ross, let me go.’

‘I will when you tell me the cause for your dejection,’ he
bargained gently.

Forcing his hand away she walked to the centre of the room and
whirled on him, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. ‘Why can’t you let
it be? Why do you have to keep chipping away at me? I’ve said all I want to say
on the subject. I really don’t want to talk about this now. My tears have
nothing to do with what happened between us.’

‘On the contrary, Lisette. I think what we did is at the very
heart of your despondency, and if you’d care to enlighten me, I’d be most
grateful.’

‘No,’ she uttered sharply. ‘The fact is that I have changed
since...’ She cast her gaze downward to avoid his eyes. ‘I dislike the situation
and I have decided that it would be for the best if we put it behind us.
Henceforth you may go your way without giving me a thought. I want no more of
it.
Indeed
, I can bear no more of it.’

‘You’re not being rational,’ Ross argued striding towards her.
Reaching out a hand, he rested it gently upon her forearm as he sought to calm
her. ‘I must get to the bottom of this. I have no intention of ending our
relationship unless I have reason to believe that your contempt for me—if that
is indeed what it is—is beyond the measure I can bear. Come, my love. You’ll
feel different if you just let me hold you.’

‘No, I won’t! I’ll feel exactly the way I do now!’ she cried,
throwing off his hand. ‘Except that I will hate myself a little bit more.’ Her
voice broke with emotion as she demanded, ‘Please! And don’t call me your love.
I’m not your love—nor have I ever been.’

‘Lisette, for pity’s sake—be reasonable,’ Ross pleaded, and
tried to draw her towards him.

‘I’m freeing you from any commitment you may feel towards me,’
she declared resolutely, shrugging free. ‘As far as I am concerned there is no
more to be said. You have to understand that it is finished between us!’

Elevating a dark brow and folding his arms to restrain his
hands from touching her, he continued to gaze down at her. His eyes narrowed,
because he could not link the figure standing before him with the lovely young
woman who had loved him with such passion—a transition had taken place.

‘Do you think that making love to you meant nothing to me, you
foolish girl?’ he said abruptly, his lips curling in slight mockery. ‘Do I look
like a man who is playing games? The hell I am! How dare you dismiss me without
any sort of explanation? Exactly whom, Miss Lisette Napier, do you think you’re
dealing with?’

Lisette fought the urge to shrink from his show of bluster and
forced herself to sound as calm as possible. ‘I know precisely who I’m dealing
with. That’s the trouble. We do not suit, Ross. We have been fooling
ourselves.’

‘Why?’ he demanded.

‘Because we are too different. We have been through this
before. I don’t want to have to go through it again.’

‘And neither do I.’

‘Why do you want me?’ she cried. ‘There are plenty of women
prettier than me in your world.’

‘I don’t care about them any more than you care for my status.
I want
you
,’ he added, even more decisively as he
began prowling towards her.

‘For what purpose?’ she exclaimed. ‘Wouldn’t it be best to find
a woman who doesn’t work in your household?’

He shrugged, dismissing her question. ‘I don’t care about any
of that. It is you I want. You are the most delightful lover any man could be
fortunate enough to take to his bed.’

Lisette clamped her jaw and glared at him, his casual remark
raising her ire to the fore. ‘And that is precisely what I am—your lover, Ross,
and I will be your lover no longer.’

‘Lover? Good God, woman! You make it sound as though I chose
you as I would a decent hunter—because you had a beautiful face and figure and
the kind of nature that would suit my purposes admirably. I didn’t
choose
you, Lisette. What man in his right mind would
choose a woman whose acquisition creates nothing but problems? The truth of it
is that I was attracted to you from the first. I couldn’t help myself.’

‘So you admit that by association I will bring you nothing but
grief, which is what I have been saying. This is why it cannot go on. I cannot
believe I let you do what you did to me, but all I can do is pray for
forgiveness for my lapse from grace. Now will you allow me to take my leave or
do I have to shout for help?’

She threw back her head and Ross was alarmed to see not only
rage but what looked like a mixture of contempt and...was it anguish? His jaw
hardened. He unfolded his arms and his long, lean, handsome body rose to its
full height.

‘Very well, but may I ask what has brought about this temper
you are in?’

‘
Temper
? I wasn’t in a temper until
you dragged me into your bedroom.’

‘How else was I to speak to you?’ They wanted each other, they
both admitted that with brutal honesty, so why the hell were they glaring at
each other with what seemed to be hatred? They were both free and could do as
they pleased so why was she making it so complicated?

‘Why are you going over this again?’ he asked, and even as he
spoke his mind his senses were bemused by the way the light from the window
shone in the blackness of her hair neatly coiled into a chignon in her nape. The
heat of her anger had also put a flush beneath the creamy smoothness of her skin
and her amber eyes blazed at him from beneath the fine arch of her brows. ‘I
thought we’d had all this out. I have told you it is not important.’

‘It is to me.’ Lisette felt her heart contract with pain, and
tremors seemed to flow into every part of her body. She loved him so, she knew
that now, more than her own life, and yet it would soon be over and she would
never see him again.

‘Don’t struggle like this, Lisette. Don’t fight me. I am not
your enemy. I want nothing more than to help you—to love you.’

‘That’s the trouble, Ross. That’s how I got into this—this
dilemma.’

He looked at her sharply as a thought struck him. ‘Are you with
child? Is that what this is all about?’

She almost laughed as she stared at him. After the talking to
Mrs Stratton had given her, she was amazed at having escaped the consequences of
her transgression. ‘There will be no child, Ross.’ What she would have done
faced with such a predicament she had no idea. At least now she could move on.
‘I can’t afford you! Your
help
, as you like to call
it, has cost me my reputation and my good name.’

‘And for that you blame me?’ His eyes were colder than an icy
winter sky and there was a thin, white line about his mouth. He watched her, his
anger fierce and knife-edged, hating her, loving her, wanting her. His voice
softened for a moment, since he adored the very ground she walked on, but when
he put out a hand to restrain her she shook him off and backed away.

‘I am not blaming you. All I am saying is that it should not
have happened—
I
should not have let it happen.
Whatever you have to say to me I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want you to come
near me again. Ever. Get on with your life and I will get on with mine.’

His nostrils flared, and he responded with a violence to match
her own. ‘You dare to speak to me like that! You forget, Lisette—’

‘Forget! Can I ever forget that this is pretence? Can I ever
forget your noble birth or your military rank? Yet I do dare to say that what we
had is over. I am no lady, but I have been your equal in love, and for this I
dare to tell you how I feel.’

He stalked towards her, tall, formidably muscular. He stared at
her, intensely, the hard lines of his jaw and cheekbones starkly etched. ‘Don’t
do this, Lisette. A word of warning. If you send me away I won’t come back. I’m
not a man to beg.’

‘Don’t threaten me. I will not be threatened. There is a
saying, Ross—we live and learn—and I have been very slow to learn, lacking in
experience you understand. But if I have learned anything at all, it is never to
make the same mistake twice.’

‘Damn you, Lisette.’ He thrust his face, which had become hard
and uncompromising, into hers, his rage growing, his frustration at her
unwillingness to listen boiling inside him. ‘Since you are clearly not as
enamoured of me as I so foolishly thought, I trust you will not object if I find
someone more amenable.’

‘Do that, and I wish you joy in her.’

‘Oh, I assure you I shall.’ His voice was mocking and his eyes
gleamed sardonically, though he was still white-lipped with anger. ‘And you can
go about your business carrying that pride and bloody determination on your
shoulders for all I care.’

‘Leave me alone,’ she said, turning away. She did not want to
hear any more for she could feel her weak woman’s body straining towards him,
yearning to give in, to lean against his strong male body, to have him enfold
her in his strong arms. ‘I have nothing more to say to you.’ Picking up the
linen she strode out of the room.

To Ross she looked like a young queen, with her head held high
and proud, her body moving with unconscious grace. He watched her in silence,
feeling the familiar, hot need for her rising in his loins, the longing he’d
felt for days to seek her out and gather her into his arms and lose himself in
her. He went back into his room, but he was unable to shake off the image of a
tempestuous beauty with blazing amber eyes and a face alive with fury and
disdain. The picture became etched on his mind along with a voice that trembled
with emotion. She’d actually looked and sounded as if she meant everything she’d
said to him, and he was still puzzled as to the reason why.

As Lisette walked away from him, it was strange, but all the
anger had gone from her. There was a coldness in her, an empty coldness. All the
strength seemed to be draining out of her. She did not feel the need to cry, but
a great need to sleep, to shun this life and dream that she was back in India
with her parents, with her days filled with simple happiness and
pleasures—before she had ever come across the man called Ross Montague.

* * *

There was great excitement and rushing about as more guests
began to arrive. The housemaids were given the lowly task of ensuring the fires
in the guest bedrooms were kept alight, coal scuttles replenished and hearths
kept clean. They were also to ensure that washbasins were emptied and cleaned,
water jugs kept filled and hot water carried upstairs for baths. The footmen who
weren’t employed doing other duties did the heavy carrying.