The Importance of Being Earnest (7 page)

(Exit.)

L
ADY
W
INDERMERE
. How alone I am in life! How terribly alone!
(The music stops. Enter the Duchess of Berwick and Lord Paisley laughing and talking. Other guests come on from ball-room.)

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
. Dear Margaret, I’ve just been having such a delightful chat with Mrs. Erlynne. I am so sorry for what I said to you this afternoon about her. Of course, she must be all right if
you
invite her. A most attractive woman, and has such sensible views on life. Told me she entirely disapproved of people marrying more than once, so I feel quite safe about poor Augustus. Can’t imagine why people speak against her. It’s those horrid nieces of mine—the Saville girls—they’re always talking scandal. Still, I should go to Homburg, dear, I really should. She is just a little too attractive. But where is Agatha? Oh, there she is!
(Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper enter from terrace L.U.E.)
Mr. Hopper, I am very, very angry with you. You have taken Agatha out on the terrace, and she is so delicate.

H
OPPER
.
(L.C.)
Awfully sorry, Duchess. We went out for a moment and then got chatting together.

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
.
(C.)
Ah, about dear Australia, I suppose?

H
OPPER
. Yes!

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
. Agatha, darling!
(Beckons her over.)

L
ADY
A
GATHA
. Yes, mamma!

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
.
(Aside.)
Did Mr. Hopper definitely——

L
ADY
A
GATHA
. Yes, mamma.

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
. And what answer did you give him, dear child?

L
ADY
A
GATHA
. Yes, mamma.

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
.
(Affectionately.)
My dear one! You always say the right thing. Mr. Hopper! James! Agatha has told me everything. How cleverly you have both kept your secret.

H
OPPER
. You don’t mind my taking Agatha off to Australia, then, Duchess?

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
.
(Indignantly.)
To Australia? Oh, don’t mention that dreadful vulgar place.

H
OPPER
. But she said she’d like to come with me.

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
.
(Severely.)
Did you say that, Agatha?

L
ADY
A
GATHA
. Yes, mamma.

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
. Agatha, you say the most silly things possible. I think on the whole that Grosvenor Square would be a more healthy place to reside in. There are lots of vulgar people live in Grosvenor Square, but at any rate there are no horrid kangaroos crawling about. But we’ll talk about that to-morrow. James, you can take Agatha down. You’ll come to lunch, of course, James. At half-past one, instead of two. The Duke will wish to say a few words to you, I am sure.

H
OPPER
. I should like to have a chat with the Duke, Duchess. He has not said a single word to me yet.

D
UCHESS OF
B
ERWICK
. I think you’ll find he will have a great deal to say to you to-morrow.
(Exit Lady Agatha with Mr. Hopper.)
And now good-night, Margaret. I’m afraid it’s the old, old story, dear. Love—well, not love at first sight, but love at the end of the season, which is so much more satisfactory.

L
ADY
W
INDERMERE
. Good-night, Duchess.

(Exit the Duchess of Berwick on Lord Paisley’s arm.)

L
ADY
P
LYMDALE
. My dear Margaret, what a handsome woman your husband has been dancing with! I should be quite jealous if I were you! Is she a great friend of yours?

L
ADY
W
INDERMERE
. No!

L
ADY
P
LYMDALE
. Really? Good-night, dear.
(Looks at Mr. Dumby and exits.)

D
UMBY
. Awful manners young Hopper has!

C
ECIL
G
RAHAM
. Ah! Hopper is one of Nature’s gentlemen, the worst type of gentleman I know.

D
UMBY
. Sensible woman, Lady Windermere. Lots of wives would have objected to Mrs. Erlynne coming. But Lady Windermere has that uncommon thing called common sense.

C
ECIL
G
RAHAM
. And Windermere knows that nothing looks so like innocence as an indiscretion.

D
UMBY
. Yes; dear Windermere is becoming almost modern. Never thought he would.    
(Bows to Lady Windermere and exit.)

L
ADY
J
EDBURGH
. Good-night, Lady Windermere. What a fascinating woman Mrs. Erlynne is! She is coming to lunch on Thursday, won’t you come too? I expect the Bishop and dear Lady Merton.

L
ADY
W
INDERMERE
. I am afraid I am engaged, Lady Jedburgh.

L
ADY
J
EDBURGH
. So sorry. Come, dear.

(Exeunt Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham.) (Enter Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere.)

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Charming ball it has been! Quite reminds me of old days.
(Sits on sofa.)
And I see that there are just as many fools in society as there used to be. So pleased to find that nothing has altered! Except Margaret. She’s grown quite pretty. The last time I saw her—twenty years ago, she was a fright in flannel. Positive fright, I assure you. The dear Duchess! and that sweet Lady Agatha! Just the type of girl I like! Well, really, Windermere, if I am to be the Duchess’s sister-in-law—–

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
.
(Sitting L. of her)
But are you____?

(Exit Mr. Cecil Graham with rest of guests. Lady Windermere watches, with a look of scorn and pain, Mrs. Erlynne and her husband. They are unconscious of her presence.)

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Oh, yes! He’s to call to-morrow at twelve o’clock! He wanted to propose to-night. In fact he did. He kept on proposing. Poor Augustus, you know how he repeats himself. Such a bad habit! But I told him I wouldn’t give him an answer
till to-morrow. Of course I am going to take him. And I daresay I’ll make him an admirable wife, as wives go. And there is a great deal of good in Lord Augustus. Fortunately it is all on the surface. Just where good qualities should be. of course you must help me in this matter.

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
. I am not called on to encourage Lord Augustus, I suppose?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Oh, no! I do the encouraging. But you will make me a handsome settlement, Windermere, won’t you?

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
.
(Frowning.)
Is that what you want to talk to me about to-night?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Yes.

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
.
(With a gesture of impatience.)
I will not talk of it here.

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
.
(Laughing.)
Then we will talk of it on the terrace. Even business should have a picturesque background. Should it not, Windermere? With a proper background women can do anything.

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
. Won’t to-morrow do as well?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. No; you see, to-morrow I am going to accept him. And I think it would be a good thing if I was able to tell him that I had—well, what shall I say?—£2000 a year left to me by a third cousin—or a second husband—or some distant relative of that kind. It would be an additional attraction, wouldn’t it? You have a delightful opportunity now of paying me a compliment, W
INDERMERE
. But you are not very clever at paying compliments. I am afraid Margaret doesn’t encourage you in that excellent habit. It’s a great mistake on her part. When men give up saying what is charming, they give up thinking what is charming. But seriously, what do you say to £2000? £2500, I think. In modern life margin is everything. Windermere, don’t you think the world an intensely amusing place? I do!

(Exit on terrace with Lord Windermere. Music strikes up in ball-room.)

L
ADY
W
INDERMERE
. To stay in this house any longer is impossible. To-night a man who loves me offered me his whole life. I refused it. It was foolish of me. I will offer him mine now. I will give
him mine. I will go to him!
(Puts on cloak and goes to the door, then turns back. Sits down at table and writes a letter, puts it into an envelope, and leaves it on table.)
Arthur has never understood me. When he reads this, he will. He may do as he chooses now with his life. I have done with mine as I think best, as I think right. It is he who has broken the bond of marriage—not I. I only break its bondage.

(Exit.)

(Parker enters L. and crosses towards the ball-room R. Enter Mrs. Erlynne.)

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Is Lady Windermere in the ball-room?

P
ARKER
. Her ladyship has just gone out.

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Gone out? She’s not on the terrace?

P
ARKER
. No, madam. Her ladyship has just gone out of the house.

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
.
(Starts, and looks at the servant with a puzzled expression in her face.)
Out of the house?

P
ARKER
. Yes, madam—her ladyship told me she had left a letter for his lordship on the table.

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. A letter for Lord Windermere?

P
ARKER
. Yes, madam.

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Thank you.

(Exit Parker. The music in the ball-room stops.)
Gone out of her house! A letter addressed to her husband!
(Goes over to bureau and looks at letter. Takes it up and lays it down again with a shudder of fear.)
No, no! It would be impossible! Life doesn’t repeat its tragedies like that! oh, why does this horrible fancy come across me? Why do I remember now the one moment of my life I most wish to forget? Does life repeat its tragedies?
(Tears letter open and reads it, then sinks down into a chair with a gesture of anguish.)
Oh, how terrible! The same words that twenty years ago I wrote to her father! and how bitterly I have been punished for it! No; my punishment, my real punishment is to-night, is now!
(Still seated R.)

(Enter Lord Windermere L.U.E.)

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
. Have you said good-night to my wife?
(Comes C.)

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
.
(Crushing letter in her hand.)
Yes.

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
. Where is she?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. She is very tired. She has gone to bed. She said she had a headache.

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
. I must go to her. You’ll excuse me?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
.
(Rising hurriedly.)
Oh, no! It’s nothing serious. She’s only very tired, that is all. Besides, there are people still in the supper room. She wants you to make her apologies to them.

She said she didn’t wish to be disturbed.
(Drops letter.)
She asked me to tell you!

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
.
(Picks up letter.)
You have dropped something.

MRS ERLYNNE
. Oh yes, thank you, that is mine.
(Puts out her hand to take it.)

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
.
(Still looking at letter.)
But it’s my wife’s handwriting, isn’t it?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
.
(Takes the letter quickly.)
Yes, it’s—an address. Will you ask them to call my carriage, please?

L
ORD
W
INDERMERE
. Certainly.
(Goes L. and exit.)

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Thanks? What can I do? What can I do? I feel a passion awakening within me that I never felt before. What can it mean? The daughter must not be like the mother—that would be terrible. How can I save her? How can I save my child? A moment may ruin a life. Who knows that better than I? Windermere must be got out of the house; that is absolutely necessary.
(Goes L.)
But how shall I do it? It must be done somehow. Ah!
(Enter Lord Augustus R.U.E. carrying bouquet.)

L
ORD
A
UGUSTUS
. Dear lady, I am in such suspense! May I not have an answer to my request?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Lord Augustus, listen to me. You are to take Lord Windermere down to your club at once, and keep him there as long as possible. You understand?

L
ORD
A
UGUSTUS
. But you said you wished me to keep early hours!

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
.
(Nervously.)
Do what I tell you. Do what I tell you.

L
ORD
A
UGUSTUS
. And my reward?

M
RS
. E
RLYNNE
. Your reward? Your reward? Oh! ask me that tomorrow. But don’t let Windermere out of your sight to-night. If
you do I will never forgive you. I will never speak to you again. I’ll have nothing to do with you. Remember you are to keep Windermere at your club, and don’t let him come back to-night.