The Innocent (33 page)

“You best be silent, Sister Alice.” Sister Edna’s face was stiff and her eyes drawn as she stared around at the women watching her. “All of you. Go. Be about your duties if you want to be through in time for the morning meal.” When none of them moved, she motioned them toward the door. “Be gone with you. Now.”

The others scooted past Carlyn, but Sister Alice still hesitated. Carlyn spoke up before Sister Edna could lash out at her again. “I am all right, Sister Alice. Only weary.”

Sister Alice stepped near to put her cheek to Carlyn’s. “I am glad, Sister. I will do my chores as quickly as I can and come back to help you with the beds and sweeping here in our room.”

“That will not be necessary, Sister Alice. I will assist Sister Carlyn.” Sister Edna no longer sounded angry, but her voice was firm with the expectation of obedience.

“Yea,” Sister Alice murmured without looking at the older sister.

After she left, Carlyn braced for a return of Sister Edna’s anger, but instead her voice was almost too calm. “Make yourself presentable. I will begin on the beds.”

“I will hurry,” Carlyn said.

“Hurry does naught but cause more problems. Better to take your time and do things right.” She began straightening the covers on the bed closest to her. “And don’t neglect your prayers.”

Carlyn did as she said, sinking to her knees by her bed to silently thank the Lord that anger seemed to be gone from the room and that Brother Willis was caring for Asher.

And I
thank thee for Ida Mae. That she cared for Ambrose
and kept his letter until she had the opportunity to
send it to me. I asked thee for answers and
thou answered that prayer. Show me what thou would have
me do now and let Sister Berdine and Brother Payton
find happiness in abundance.

She didn’t ask for happiness for herself. But the Lord knew the desires of her heart even better than she did.

When she was in a clean dress with her hair combed and tucked under the cap, she turned to Sister Edna to confess her torn nightgown.

Sister Edna barely glanced at it. “Such is of no importance. It can be mended.” She took the broom down from the peg and began sweeping. “Would that all could be mended as easily.”

Carlyn stared at the sister carefully sweeping out the corner behind her bed. Could this be the same woman who only moments before had so fervently wished Carlyn had run away along with Sister Berdine?

“I am sorry to cause you distress and worry this morning.” It seemed a good time to make confession.

“I was not worried. Worry is a sin against the providence of the Eternal Father. I was merely concerned.” She didn’t look up at Carlyn. “Now make up our former sister’s bed. I do not want to touch the bedding of one so ready to sin and run down the path of destruction. It is a great sorrow that in her deviousness, she took one of our finest brothers with her.”

Tears pricked Carlyn’s eyes as she fluffed the pillows and pulled the covers straight. “I will miss her.”

“You have other sisters. Loving sisters like Sister Alice.” Sister Edna rolled one of the beds aside and swept under it and rolled it back.

They said no more then, with the only sounds the broom straws sweeping against the floor, the pillows being fluffed, and the beds shifting on their rollers as they chased down every last speck of dirt.

When the bell rang to signal the morning meal, Sister Edna hung up the broom.

Carlyn grabbed that opportunity to speak to her. “Thank you for helping me with my morning duties, Sister Edna.”

“That is what sisters do. Help one another. Surely you have been among us long enough to note that.” Sister Edna reached for the doorknob to go out in the hall, then hesitated. “I will expect to hear your confession tomorrow after you have had time to consider your wrongs.”

“Yea,” Carlyn murmured.

“And I will have need to confess my angry words earlier.” Sister Edna turned and looked directly at Carlyn. She reached to adjust Carlyn’s cap and straighten her neckerchief. She seemed to have to force out her next words. “Also, I would be remiss not to warn you, Sister. I fear there are forces of evil at work within our village.”

“You mean Brother Henry’s death?”

“Yea, that and other things. I would not want you wandering out in the night and being overtaken by that evil. So vow to me that you will wake me if you feel it necessary to leave the sleeping room prior to the rising bell.”

“I don’t think I will be slipping out in the night again. I only went last night at Sister Berdine’s insistence.”

Sister Edna winced at the sound of the Sister Berdine’s name. “Do not avoid making the vow of obedience I ask of you. It is my duty to see to your well-being.”

“Very well. I promise.” It was easy to say the words, for
if she decided to leave the village, she would not wait until night, but leave in the light of the day.

“I trust you will keep your word even though there have been times when you have not had a close relationship with the truth.” She didn’t wait for Carlyn to respond but turned back to the door. “Now let us line up for the eating room and give our bodies the necessary nourishment.”

Carlyn followed Sister Edna out into the hallway. The woman was a mystery. First angry and stern. Next weary and distraught. Then helpful and concerned. Odd as it was, Carlyn thought she preferred the stern Sister Edna. She knew her. She did not know this sister who warned her of evil in the night. Then again, should she remain in her kinder moments, she might allow Carlyn to slip away from her washroom duties to see how Asher was doing.

That didn’t happen. The stern Sister Edna was back in control and would consider no departure from the duties of the day. “You have caused enough upsets for one day because of that dog. Best you should dwell on ways to show kindness to your sisters rather than a dog.”

Carlyn didn’t argue with her, but she did consider coming out of the Gathering Family House after the midday meal and walking to the West Family barn instead of back to the washhouse. But she didn’t. Brother Willis had seemed kind. Asher would be all right in his care. Sister Edna was right. Carlyn had caused a great deal of consternation already. This day she could practice obedience to the Shaker way.

Even so, her feet wanted to escape the path of duty. She wouldn’t be able to slip away after night to check on Asher, for she had made a promise to Sister Edna. Whether she wanted to follow all the Shaker rules or not, she did want to keep her word.

The morning had passed at a snail’s pace with the drudgery of load after load of clothes to sort and wash and hang to dry. Inside the washhouse the noise of the machines and sloshing water closed out everything else as Carlyn pushed through the chores. Outside was better. The sun was shining and the gentle sounds of nature were like a salve on her weary soul. The cows out in the field. The cackle of the hens. The breeze in the trees and the music of the birds. Even the low murmur of the other sisters as they talked while they hung up the wet clothes and took down the dry ones was comforting though it made her miss Sister Berdine.

Why hadn’t she told Carlyn she was leaving? Perhaps she would have if Carlyn had not disappeared into the woods after reading Ambrose’s letter. She didn’t have the letter with her now. She’d stuffed it in her mother’s Bible for safekeeping. She didn’t need to read it again. Ambrose’s words of love were stored in her heart. Even before the letter came. Just as she had been grieving Ambrose long before she read the words of his death.

Was Sister Berdine right that Carlyn needed courage to reach for a new chance to love instead of burying herself here with the Shakers?

Out on the pathway, a group of children walked by. Several of the sisters around Carlyn stopped their labor to watch the children, perhaps with the same desire Carlyn was feeling to have one of those young hands clasped in her own. Or perhaps they were searching for sight of their own children they had given over to the Children’s House when they came into the Shakers.

Sister Alice had children. She had pointed them out to
Carlyn once in the schoolyard. Two boys, seven and eight, and a girl, twelve.

“Wasn’t it hard to give them up?” Carlyn had thought of how she had wept over Asher. She could not imagine the sorrow of turning a child over to someone else.

“Many things are hard.” Sister Alice had breathed out a long sigh. “My husband came home from the war a changed man. He could no longer work the farm. The injury to him did not show, but the war damaged him nonetheless. He needed the peace of Harmony Hill.”

“But your children,” Carlyn said.

Sister Alice pressed her lips together for a moment before she answered. “I no longer have to see them hungry. They have warm clothes and sturdy shoes. They go to school. By giving up tucking them into their beds each night, I have given them more. A mother has to do what is best for her children.” Sister Alice pulled her eyes away from the children. “As I am sure your mother did for you.”

“She never had to give us over to others.”

“Each person is faced with different challenges. Different hardships. Such is the way of the world. We must pray to have the courage to pick up whatever cross we are given and carry it with the help of our Lord.”

“Do you believe as the Shakers do? That marriage is wrong.” Carlyn looked around to be sure Sister Edna wasn’t near. “That we can shake free of sin and live a perfect life?”

“Nay. But I do believe in peace and love and that working with my hands is a good way to show my love for the Lord and for my sisters and brothers.” Sister Alice smiled at Carlyn then. “For me, that is enough. It is not enough for everyone. Do you think it will be enough for you?”

“I don’t know,” Carlyn answered honestly.

Sister Alice had touched her hand. “Then just consider this a good place to be while you decide what is enough.”

It hadn’t been enough for Sister Berdine. Carlyn was truly happy for her. Truly. But how she wished she’d waited a few more days. Or a few weeks. Carlyn needed someone she could talk to without worrying about every word. She needed someone to help her figure out what was enough.

Pray about it.

But Carlyn was too weary for prayer. She wanted to lean her arms over the clothesline and fall asleep standing up. The sun felt so good on her back. Maybe in time, the memory of the fire would fade. Maybe she would forget Curt Whitlow’s threats. Maybe she would know if the feelings tickling awake inside her when she saw the sheriff would lead to anything. In time. But was there time?

The fresh air scent wafted off the sheet Carlyn pulled from the line. She deftly folded it to place in the basket at her feet.

“Carlyn.” At first when she heard her name she thought it was just the memory of Sister Berdine waking her the night before. But this was a man’s voice. She looked across the clothesline toward the cistern that was mounded up in front of the washhouse. And there as if she had summoned him with her thoughts was the sheriff.

30

Mitchell watched her a few minutes before he spoke her name. He didn’t want to startle her. He thought she might notice him there the way some of the other women had. A few had frowned while others put their hands over their mouths to hide smiles.

He didn’t see the old sister. It didn’t matter if he did. He only wanted to talk to Carlyn. Surely that was allowed, and if the old sister claimed it was not, then he would pretend it had to do with his investigation.

It didn’t. At least not his investigation of the barn fire. What he wanted to investigate was the way just looking at Carlyn made his heart do a stutter step inside his chest. He kept telling himself he barely knew her, but his heart kept whispering back how much he wanted to change that. Sometimes the heart could be unruly.

Her eyes widened when she turned toward him. She stared at him a moment, then glanced around, perhaps bracing for Sister Edna to descend on her. The old sister was no more
than a clucky old hen trying to make sure her chicks stayed under her wings.

One must have gotten away already. The chatter among the women was about a couple running away in the night, but he hadn’t heard any names. While he didn’t think Carlyn would run away with one of the Shaker brothers, neither had he thought Hilda would run away with a Boston dandy while he was fighting the war. The very thought that he might lose any chance of winning Carlyn’s affections made his heart freeze in his chest.

Then she appeared from between the sheets billowing in the breeze, and his heart began beating again. Hope was yet alive.

When she stayed rooted by the clothesline, he went to her. He would always be ready to go to her. He just wished he could be surer of his welcome there. She was smiling a bit in spite of her obvious concern about the old sister catching her talking to him.

He peered at Carlyn over the pillowcases flapping on the line. “I need to talk to you.”

After he said it, he had no idea what to say next. He did need to talk to her, but not for any reason he could tell her. So many things clamored to fly out of his mouth.
You don’t have to stay here. Let me help you. Let me protect you. Let me
love you.