The Journey to the End of the World (Joel Gustafson Stories) (14 page)

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Authors: Henning Mankell

BOOK: The Journey to the End of the World (Joel Gustafson Stories)
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‘All these things you are recounting are making me tired. I think I’d better lie down.’
Samuel lay on his bed. Joel sat down beside him.
It used to be the other way round, he thought. Samuel used to sit on the edge of my bed: now it’s me sitting on his.
‘What did she think of
Celestine
?’ Samuel asked after awhile.
‘She remembered it. From the kitchen.’
Samuel frowned.
‘Could she really remember that? It’s not just something you’re making up?’
‘No, it’s really true. She remembered it.’
‘And she wanted us to ring?’
‘Yes.’
Samuel shook his head.
‘Funny, how things turn out,’ he said. ‘We were going to track her down together, and knock on her door. But nothing happens the way you’d expected. Never ever.’
‘I have two sisters,’ said Joel. ‘Maria and Eva.’
‘Two half-sisters,’ said Samuel.
Joel said nothing. But he didn’t like the idea of having half-people as sisters.
‘Their father’s called Rydén. But he’s not there.’
Samuel pricked his ears up.
‘Where is he, then?’
‘He’s gone. I don’t know where.’
Samuel sat up.
‘Tell me what she looked like.’
Joel did his best, but he didn’t think he was very successful.
‘How was she?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Was she cheerful? Or nervous? Or what?’
‘She was nervous.’
Samuel pulled a face.
‘I should think so, too.’
There was a hard edge to his voice now. Something that surprised Joel. Something hard and firm.
‘The bottom line is that she abandoned you and me.’
Joel felt the need to defend her.
‘She said she left because it was too cold.’
‘Eh? She left because it was too cold?’
‘And too much forest. And too few people.’
‘That’s rubbish,’ said Samuel. ‘Nobody abandons their child because it’s cold.’
‘I’m only telling you what she said. Ask her yourself.’
‘I shall do, don’t worry.’
Joel thought Samuel was whingeing. Why couldn’t he just be pleased that Joel had found her?
‘There’s a lot I ought to talk to her about,’ said Samuel. ‘Lots and lots of things.’
‘If you’re going to start causing trouble, I’m not going with you.’
‘I shan’t cause trouble. But there are some things that need saying.’
‘Such as?’
‘You simply don’t do what she did. And then, afterwards, not even get in touch. All those years.’
‘She didn’t dare.’
Samuel looked angry.
‘How do you know that?’
Joel was trying to defend Jenny Rydén.
‘She said so.’
‘That she didn’t dare to get in touch?’
‘Yes.’
Samuel muttered something that Joel didn’t catch.
Then there was silence.
He can’t be all that ill, Joel thought. If he was, he wouldn’t have the strength to get so upset.
Samuel poured out some water from a carafe and took a pill.
‘How can we go and visit her tomorrow if you have to go back to the hospital?’
‘That’s exactly what I was thinking,’ said Samuel. ‘I suppose it’ll be best if you phone her and have a chat.’
‘You mean you want me to ring her?’
‘I have no desire to talk to her on the phone.’
‘Why not?’
‘The way she behaved.’
‘But that was over ten years ago.’
Samuel had stood up and walked over to the window. There was a pause before he answered.
‘I’ve never liked a woman as much as I did her,’ he said, with his back turned towards Joel. ‘Not Sara, not anybody. And she just ran off. When we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. One day she simply vanished. And left me to look after you on my own.’
Samuel turned round. His eyes looked moist.
‘I think it’s best if you phone her,’ he said. ‘Meanwhile, I’ll think about whether I really do want to meet her again.’
Joel stood up to leave for reception.
‘Didn’t she ask anything about me?’ Samuel asked.
‘Not much.’
Samuel nodded.
‘Off you go,’ he said.
Joel stood in the telephone booth and dialled the number. As he listened to it ringing at the other end, he noticed that he was sweating. It was due not only to the heat inside the cramped booth, but at least as much to his nervousness.
What should he say to Jenny Rydén? And what should he call her?
But she wasn’t the one who answered.
Joel had forgotten that he’d acquired two sisters.
‘Maria,’ he heard a girl’s voice say.
Joel slammed down the receiver. It was as if he’d been bitten. If he didn’t even know what to call Jenny Rydén, what on earth should he call his sisters? He’d only discovered their existence a few hours ago.
Then there was another question that had flashed in horror through his mind.
Did they know that he existed? That they had acquired a brother? Perhaps Jenny Rydén had never told them that there was a boy miles away in the far north of the country called Joel Gustafson?
What was it the man in the changing room had said? That Jenny Rydén had two daughters, but he’d never heard any mention of a son.
Joel left the telephone booth.
He suddenly felt devastated.
So she had never even mentioned that he existed.
Not only had she run away and abandoned them, and never bothered to get in touch.
She hadn’t even mentioned that he existed.
Joel Gustafson was a secret. He was hidden away right at the back of a wardrobe.
His devastation turned into anger.
I’ve got by without Jenny Rydén for many years, he thought. I’ll continue to get by in the future as well.
When I’ve become a sailor I shall send her a banana spider. A big, hairy spider.
With greetings. From the boy at the back of the wardrobe.
Joel sat down on a sofa in the lobby. What should he do? Perhaps it would be as well if he and Samuel forgot all about that letter from Elinor in Gothenburg?
But that wasn’t a good idea either.
Joel got up wearily from the sofa and went back to the telephone booth. He counted up to ten, gave the receiver a good shaking, as if it had been an enemy of his, and dialled the number once more.
The same girl’s voice answered.
‘I’d like to speak to Jenny Rydén.’
‘Are you Joel?’
Joel gave a start. So she did know that he existed. But how long had she known? He realised also that it was his northern accent that had given the game away.
‘I’m your sister,’ said Maria. ‘When are we going to meet?’
‘That’s what I want to talk to Jenny about.’
‘You do talk funny!’
You stupid little brat, Joel thought.
‘Can I speak to Jenny?’
‘I’ll go and get her.’
Joel forced himself not to slam down the receiver again. Jenny answered. Joel explained the situation. How Samuel had to go back to the hospital the next day.
‘Is it serious?’
‘No. He’s just going to have some blood tests. But he wonders if we can meet this evening instead.’
She thought for a moment before answering. Joel could hear Maria saying something in the background. And there was another voice as well: that must be Eva.
Good Lord, what a row they’re making! Joel thought. I want peace and quiet when I’m there. I’ll teach them how to behave.
‘Yes,’ said Jenny. ‘That’ll be all right. But I’d like to meet Samuel on his own first. It was such a long time ago. And I’m so nervous.’
‘Where do you want to meet?’ Joel asked.
‘In the square,’ she said. ‘Where you thought the grocer’s shop was. At quarter past six.’
When Joel left the telephone booth he saw that it was five o’clock already. It took at least half an hour to walk to the square. He ran up the stairs.
Samuel didn’t want to go. He complained that there wasn’t enough time. He needed to get ready.
‘All you need to do is have a shave and change your shirt,’ said Joel.
But Samuel carried on protesting. He didn’t want to.
In the end he didn’t have time to get shaved, only to change his shirt. Then Joel almost frogmarched him out of the room.
‘I don’t want to go,’ said Samuel.
‘Too bad. It’s decided now,’ said Joel.
They arrived at the square at dead on a quarter past six. There were a lot of people milling around, but Joel spotted her immediately. She was standing beside a shop window on the other side of the square. He pointed her out.
‘There,’ he said.
Samuel couldn’t see her.
‘She’s wearing a blue jacket.’
Then Samuel spotted her as well.
‘I’m not going over there,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘She’s the one who wanted to see you,’ said Joel. ‘You don’t need to say anything at all. All you need do is listen.’
‘I don’t want to anyway.’
Joel thought Samuel was acting like a little kid.
‘Get going,’ he said. ‘But don’t start causing trouble. I’ll wait here.’
Samuel reluctantly shuffled off. Joel ran after him.
‘Put your shoulders back,’ he said.
Samuel tried to straighten up.
Joel stood and watched him go. It struck him that everything had been so different once upon a time. Then Jenny and Samuel would no doubt have run towards each other.
If they hadn’t done that, Joel wouldn’t be standing where he was now.
Samuel was almost there. Jenny had seen him. But she didn’t go to meet him, she stayed by the shop window.
Then he saw them shaking hands. He wished he’d been much closer to them. So that he could hear what they said.
He saw they were standing about a metre apart. But what were they saying? He tried to imagine, but his mind was a complete blank.
But then something happened. Samuel took a step towards her. He raised an arm. Joel’s heart missed a beat. Was Samuel going to hit her?
Then he lowered his arm again. Jenny Rydén walked past him. She was walking fast. Samuel followed her. He was waving his arms about. Joel still couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Then Samuel stopped. Jenny continued walking. She was almost running. Joel was bewildered. What had happened?
That stupid idiot Samuel, he thought. He started arguing. And now she’s going away again.
He didn’t know who to run after. In the end, it was Samuel despite everything.
‘What did you do?’ Joel shouted. ‘What did you say? Why did she leave? Were you going to hit her?’
‘I just told her a few home truths,’ said Samuel. ‘I said what I’ve been wanting to say to her every day since she left us.’
‘What?’
‘It doesn’t matter. Let’s go back to the hotel.’
‘You can go yourself.’
Samuel stopped dead.
‘What did you say?’
‘I said you can go back to the hotel on your own. I want to know what you said.’
‘I told her I thought she was a bloody shit heap.’
Joel gaped at him.
‘Why did you say that?’
‘Because that’s what I think. You don’t abandon your son like that. You don’t run away simply because you think the winters are too long. That’s what I told her. But she didn’t like it.’
Samuel was so upset that he was shaking.
‘I said what I’d made up my mind I was going to say. Now I’ve finished with her. I’m not going to give her another thought. Not a single one for the rest of my life.’
‘But what about me?’
Joel thought his voice had turned into a squeak.
‘But what about me?’ he said again. His voice was back to normal now.
‘That’s up to you,’ said Samuel. ‘She’s your mother. If you want to meet her, do.’
Samuel set off walking. Joel ran after him and raised an arm. Just like Samuel had done to Jenny. Samuel noticed and ducked away. Then they stood facing each other in the middle of the square, staring.

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