“Of course not! I fell asleep backstage.”
“Ma Harris say a jumbee had talk to you.”
“It’s all pretty dumb.” She plucked at a long strand of hair draped across her arm, twisting it into a knot around her finger. “I’m embarrassed by how much trouble I caused. Ma Harris kind of saw me talking to myself backstage like a crazy person.
She
thinks it was a jumbee.”
The room pulsed back into another surreal fracture in time, all faces contorted into expectant, wide-eyed expressions.
With a deep breath, she forged ahead. “I might have had a couple of hallucinations, because I kept thinking Romeo was talking to Juliet. I was exhausted and then I decided maybe the jumbee really was talking to me. I mean, especially after these rumors, and all my defenses are shot . . .”
The faces remained frozen, no one moving except her mom.
“Esti,” Aurora said in concern, “why didn’t you tell me?”
“It seemed pointless to talk about some weird Shakespeare voice in my head.” Esti gave her mom the most sincere look she could manage. “Do you think Dad would have understood about losing himself in a character?”
As her mom’s face grew thoughtful, Esti’s stomach gave a sickening guilty twist. Her dad had been in complete control. He never would have understood her growing mountain of lies.
After the officers left, she and Rafe walked down to Manchicay Beach in silence. When she finally opened her mouth to explain, he put his finger on her lips.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I walked in there expecting to be lynched, and you gave me a kiss instead. You want to apologize for it?”
She blushed and shook her head.
“Look,” he added, “I got this habit of getting myself in bad situations, so I understand more than you might think. There’s some things I won’t tell anybody, and you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I just need three answers. First, are you in danger?”
He watched her, his eyes locked on hers as she shook her head again.
“I’ll buy it,” he said, “because I have to. The most important thing is that you’re safe. Gotta keep up my reputation as the safest guy on Cariba for a girl to be around.” He grinned, then immediately grew serious again.
“Second, you’re a lousy liar, and I don’t believe in jumbees. So my question is, are you done with that maybe-jumbee Shakespeare guy who isn’t your boyfriend?”
Esti cringed, staring blindly out at the calm water. Was she finished with all the secrets seething beneath the surface? Alan had made his exit quite clear.
Let Rafe Solomon give you what you need.
“I think I am,” she finally said. “I’m confused.”
“He broke up with you yesterday, didn’t he?” Rafe’s eyes narrowed. “It knocked you on your ass, and you’re still hung up on him.”
She turned to Rafe in astonishment.
“Been there, done that,” Rafe explained. “Pining after someone you can’t have and don’t want anyone to know about. It’s no fun, but . . .” He shrugged. “The third answer I need from you is, do you want me to go away?”
“No.” She immediately shook her head.
“Woo-hoo!” He did a sudden victorious dance in the sand, pumping his fists into the air. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”
“Don’t get too excited,” Esti said quickly, although she couldn’t help smiling. “I’m not promising anything.”
“Swimming lessons resume tomorrow,” Rafe crowed, then abruptly settled down, his eyes sparkling behind a serious expression. “Completely professional, of course. Hey mon, what pencil have Hamlet use?”
To her amazement, Esti burst into laughter. How could Rafe always make her laugh? “2B or not 2B.”
With an answering grin, Rafe began dancing again. Not surprisingly, Esti thought, he was quite good.
Act Two. Scene Five.
“Thanks for inviting me over,” Carmen said through a mouthful of coconut and pistachios. “I’ve missed making cookies with you.”
“Me too.” Esti smiled. “I’ve missed you a lot.”
“I’ve been worried. At least now I can tell everyone that Jane Doe is still alive and normal, with crumbs all over her chin.”
“Normal? I’d be right at home in a psych ward.”
Carmen laughed. “You
are
coming to school for finals, aren’t you?”
“I’ll be there. I just couldn’t handle the gossip this week while I tried to study. Aurora convinced Headmaster Fleming that I should stay home for a few days.”
“What really happened to you?” Carmen stared at her with wide eyes. “You won’t believe what people are saying at school.”
“You tell me what people are saying,” Esti said, “then I’ll tell you the truth.”
At least I’ll tell you what I’m trying to believe.
She studied her friend in guilty resignation, wondering if Carmen might also be hiding a seething separate life beneath her happy, wide-eyed exterior. Not possible, she decided. Carmen was too eager and open, telling all the details of everything she knew to anyone who would listen.
“First”—Carmen took another bite—“the theater is haunted by Elon Somand. His jumbee has been trying to possess you ever since you got to Cariba. After holding him off all semester, you finally snapped last weekend. That’s the one I keep hearing from the locals.”
“Oh, I get it.” Esti kept her face neutral. Despite Alan’s final words to her, she knew he hadn’t massacred hundreds of slaves in a past life. “To pay for his sins, Somand is trapped in an eternity of watching high school dramas.”
Carmen almost choked on her cookie. “Hee hee, that’s good. Okay, here’s the next one. A jumbee attacked you after our second performance and did something unspeakable that should have killed you, or at least put you in the hospital.”
He said he loved me.
Esti forced a smile. “Try again.”
“This next one is mostly from Greg. There isn’t any jumbee, and Rafe was the one who did something unspeakable to you.”
“Rafe is great.”
“Fine, fine.” Carmen waved her hand in the air. “I still can’t imagine you with Rafe Solomon. Anyway, here’s Danielle’s version of what Greg says. You’re trying so hard to butter up Rodney that you slept with Rafe, then it tore you apart because you’d really rather steal Greg away from her.”
Esti snorted. “That sounds
very
Danielle. Any more?”
“Those are the main ones.” Carmen’s eyebrows drew together. “But I want to hear more about Rafe. You
didn’t
sleep with him, did you?”
“Of course not.”
“Not that I’m barging into your private life, even though I am. Are you dating him?”
“Not really.” Esti broke a cookie in half, watching the crumbs scatter across the glass-topped table. She swept them back into a neat pile, wishing she could clean up the mess of her own life so easily. “We’ve gone swimming a few times. Honestly, Carmen, I’ve known him for years. He’s my friend.”
“Okay, I’ll lay off.” Carmen slowly shook her head. “But you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Besides gossip, what else has been going on at school?” Esti changed the subject. “Tell me you’re going to pass your math final.”
“If only I can convince them that two plus two really equals five.”
Esti laughed. “Do you know how Lucia’s doing? Her Lady Capulet was so good.”
“Oh!” Carmen almost leaped out of her chair. “I almost forgot to tell you. A modeling agent wants her photos! I’ve been
telling
her she’s tall and skinny in that cool ethnic way all the magazines love.”
“Awesome.” Esti grinned. “And what about Carmen’s perfect Nurse? Gorgeous Puerto Rican
chicas
are totally in fashion these days too.”
“Keep it coming.” Carmen snorted. “I’m working on it, Jane Doe. A couple of agents are hanging around until the big Solomon Christmas party, and you can bet I’ll be networking right alongside Danielle and Greg. That is,”—she smiled wryly—“if we can pry them away from you.”
“Aurora?” Esti dug her toes into the warm sand.
“Yeah?” Although her mom’s answering drawl sounded unconcerned, Esti saw Aurora’s fingers twitch restlessly beside her. Aurora lay on a big beach towel, soaking up the sun. She acted like she had no worries, yet she studied Esti constantly when she thought Esti wasn’t looking.
“I’ve been missing Dad a lot,” she said cautiously, her eyes following the distant movement of Rafe swimming across the bay. In the past, Aurora had always changed the subject, and Esti wasn’t sure what her mom would say. “You know how I stopped going to his events the last couple of years before he died. I pulled away from him.”
“Oh, sweetie. Do you still worry about that?” The sadness in Aurora’s voice masked something else. Surprise, maybe, that Esti would be talking about this now. Perhaps, Esti thought, the fear that they were both losing their minds. Every night after Aurora thought she was asleep, Esti knew her mom’s little laptop was methodically tracking down any website that mentioned jumbees.
And every night, after her mom finally collapsed in exhaustion, Esti had crept back down to the theater for a couple of hours, overcome with guilt. And loneliness. And fear, and anger and grief, and a million other tangled emotions she couldn’t figure out. She missed her dad so much, but insanely, the loss of Alan felt even more devastating right now. She often felt almost frantic with the need for Alan’s voice.
“It made your father sad, of course,” Aurora continued quietly, “but he always understood you better than I did.”
Esti nodded, not too surprised by her mom’s response.
“He told me it was something you would eventually get through,” Aurora said, “so it’s just too bad that . . .”
It’s just too bad that he died before you got over yourself, Esti.
Esti picked up a handful of sand, watching it trickle out through her fingers. She couldn’t hold on to anything, not even sand. She would never forgive herself for screwing up her two most sacred friendships. Her dad had been her best friend until she pushed him away. And Alan . . .
If only she had known more about him. She had thought they were kindred spirits, sharing a lot more than passion for Shakespeare. He seemed to understand her complicated grief. He said he
loved
her!
Get it together, she thought. At least act like you have some control.
“Hey Rafe,” Aurora said, relief evident in her voice as he splashed towards them. “Some big waves out there.”
“Got a good swell going on. My favorite kind of sea.”
Esti struggled up, brushing sand from her arms. Despite all her efforts to keep things cool, a traitorous rush of happiness swept through her body as Rafe sat down beside her and smiled. He took her breath away, muscular and glowing from his swim. As he began explaining to Aurora how distant storms could cause an impressive swell from hundreds of miles away, Esti clenched her fists until her palms stung.
She probably had it all wrong, and Ma Harris was right. Alan was a jumbee, running away with Esti’s soul as soon as she let her defenses down. Her feelings for him were no more real than the voice she’d imagined all semester.
On the other hand, Rafe would probably turn out to be as fleeting as the other males in her life. According to Carmen, it was about time for him take advantage of her, or make out with another girl, or attack a cop. Or something. They’d been together—dating? swimming lessons? old friends hanging out?—for less than a week, and Esti already felt much too comfortable around him. Every night she drifted to sleep with his seashell on the nightstand beside her pillow, her anticipation growing with each passing day.
He hadn’t tried to kiss her, although she knew by the look in his eyes that he wanted to. It was driving her crazy, and she was certain he knew that. In between swimming lessons, he endured hours of her silence, seeming to enjoy the quiet company as they sat together and watched graceful pelicans or shiny rich tourists. He didn’t talk much about his past or his reputation on Cariba, but Esti didn’t really mind. Maybe it was because Alan had told her so little about himself, but Rafe seemed amazingly transparent. She knew who he was, who his parents were, where he lived. Once upon a time, she had gone to school with him. So he had some problems; big deal. Who didn’t?