The Kill (38 page)

“I promised Amy I wouldn’t.”

“And she ended up dead.”

“You don’t have to remind me of that, Travis. I’ve thought about it every day of the last six years. I loved Amy and I miss her terribly. But there’s something you need to understand.”

Zack looked at Kirby. Saw the anger and sadness in his eyes, emotions that mirrored his own feelings whenever he thought about Amy.

“What do I need to understand?”

“Amy believed in what she was doing. She didn’t want you to know. She pleaded with me to keep her secret. She thought you wouldn’t let her see it through.

“When her best friend died of a drug overdose, it changed Amy in ways I don’t think you ever fully understood. Maybe because you were her big brother, the cop who always saw the world in black and white, maybe because you tried to protect her from not only others but herself, I don’t know. But Amy made it her mission to get kids off drugs. She worked as a drug counselor for years.”

“She had to for her probation after being arrested for dealing.”

“That sentence was five hundred hours’ community service. She became a certified counselor and put in thousands of free hours helping kids get off and stay off drugs.” Kirby paused, ran a hand over her name. “Amy learned that one of her mentors, a woman she trusted implicitly, was dealing at the same time she was counseling. She went to the local DEA office. I went with her. After several months of investigation, they couldn’t get anywhere, so they agreed with Amy’s plan that she would infiltrate the organization and see what she could learn. Amy and I staged a public breakup and she went to this woman in tears, threatening suicide, a bunch of stuff. This woman offered her some heroin to ‘take the edge off.’ Knowing full well that if Amy started up again, it would be twice as hard—maybe impossible—to quit.

“I didn’t like everything Amy was doing, but I stood by her because stopping this drug pusher was important to her. And the more she learned about the Seattle drug trade, the more she wanted to put a big hole in it.”

“She never told me,” Zack said. And it hurt. “She didn’t trust me.” And that hurt even more.

“I don’t think it was a matter of trust.”

“What else could it be? I was a cop, dammit! I could have protected her!”

“Protected her, perhaps. But they would have smelled something rotten if you started hanging around.”

“I’m better than that.”

“You’re not discreet, Travis.”

“Dammit, this was my sister’s life you were playing with!”

“It was
her
choice. Her decision. She knew the risks, but she was willing to take them on herself.” Kirby paused, looked Zack in the eye. “Maybe it was a matter of trust. Not that she didn’t trust you, but she knew you didn’t trust her.”

“That’s not true.”

“You didn’t give her many chances. One screwup and she was walking on hot coals around you.”

“She was arrested for dealing drugs, Kirby. It wasn’t a little screwup.”

“Before that. When you first found out she was on drugs, you laid down the law. Because Zack Travis makes no mistakes.”

“Dammit, that’s not true. I made a hell of a lot of mistakes when I was a teenager. I didn’t want Amy to fall into the same traps. I got out, but other people don’t.”

“And she was weaker than you.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No? You could ‘get out’ of the gutter, but Amy couldn’t? Not without the big macho cop throwing his weight around?”

Kirby stood and packed up what had obviously been a picnic.

“Travis, I promised Amy that I would help get you to understand. She died before she had a chance to explain herself. To convince you she was worthy of your love and respect.”

“I always loved her.” Zack pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes hot with unshed tears.

“Yeah,” Kirby said softly. “I know you did. Deep down so did Amy.”

“God, I hope so.” He swallowed the hot sting of tears. What if Amy didn’t know how much he loved her? He’d just wanted to protect her.

“I tried to talk to you after Amy died, but you never wanted to listen.”

“I blamed you for what happened.” Zack paused. “And myself. I was more to blame than anyone.”

“The
killer
was the one to blame. The drug dealers were to blame. Not me, and certainly not you, Travis.” Kirby slung his backpack over his shoulder and stared at Zack. “Amy credited you with her life turnaround. Yeah, she gave you a rough time, but she loved you. If it weren’t for you, she would never have had the courage to get off drugs. You were there when she really needed you.”

As Kirby walked away, he said, “By the way, I gave my notice to the
Times
. I hate my editor. Everything you think I wrote about you, I didn’t. I just wanted you to know that before I left Seattle.”

Zack turned to Amy’s grave. He sat in the spot Kirby had vacated and stared. He ran his hand over the engraved name.

Amy Elizabeth Forster.

Amy had their mother’s maiden name. She never knew her mother, or her father. Zack was all she had, and he’d failed her in so many ways. But maybe not in the ways he’d always thought.

Now alone, he let the tears fall.

“Amy, I’m sorry we never talked. Really talked. I’m sorry I was such a domineering jackass that you thought I didn’t trust you. Maybe—maybe I didn’t. But I was wrong. I’m proud of you, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”

He pictured Olivia falling down the crevice, jumping from a moving vehicle. The cut on her neck; the wound over her heart.

If something happened to Olivia, he would feel just as lost and alone as he did now. With her, he’d felt complete. She was smart and sexy and wise.

And he loved her.

Was he a fool to hold her deception against her? To use her lie as an excuse to force her from his life?

Could he forgive her?

He envisioned Olivia as she was on Friday, looking at the house she’d grown up in, a house full of grief.

I’m glad the house finally found a real family.

He wanted a real family. He wanted the life he’d been denied by a selfish mother.

He wanted his family to start with Olivia.

Miranda and Olivia were glued to the news while Quinn was on the phone with his boss getting the details.

Jennifer Benedict’s father had shot and killed Chris Driscoll as he was being transported from the sheriff’s substation to the county jail. The Slayer was dead.

Olivia certainly didn’t feel sorry for Driscoll, but she ached for the man who’d lost his daughter, and now his freedom.

But perhaps his freedom meant nothing with his only child dead.

The doorbell rang, and Olivia jumped. After learning about Hall last night, she was on edge. The late-night phone call with Zack hadn’t calmed her nerves. She kept replaying the conversation in her mind, wondering what she should have said. What she
could have
said to make Zack understand.

Maybe he never would. And she would have to live with that.

Quinn was well aware of the Hall threat, and he hung up the phone, looking through the peephole, gun in hand, before opening the door.

“Travis,” Quinn said.

Olivia whipped her head around.
Zack
!

He looked tired, like he’d slept about as much as she had the night before. He hadn’t shaved, and he wore jeans and his leather bomber jacket.

But when he caught her eye, she saw hope.

“Liv, we need to talk.”

She nodded. “Excuse me,” she mumbled to Miranda. For privacy, she took Zack upstairs to the guest room.

He stared at her bed. She followed his gaze to the open suitcase. She’d been packing when Miranda had called her downstairs to watch the news.

“You heard about Driscoll,” Zack said.

She nodded. “We were watching the news.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know.”

“I’m glad.”

She paused. “So am I.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

He didn’t say anything. Olivia couldn’t stand the silence.

“I meant what I said last night.”

“I know.”

Tears welled in her eyes. Why was he here if he wasn’t going to say anything?

“What more can I say, Zack?” Her voice cracked and she wished she were stronger. “Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness?”

Olivia ran her hands through her hair and paced. “I was eaten up with guilt. I felt responsible for every one of those girls who died. If I hadn’t been so positive Hall was guilty, maybe the police would have looked harder.”

Zack was about to interrupt, but Olivia held up her hand to silence him. “I know now it wasn’t just me. It was all the evidence together that strongly suggested Hall was guilty. But when he was first released, all I could think about was my own culpability.

“So I came out here to help. All I wanted to do was give you the information I had and see the face of the man who murdered my sister. I got so wrapped up in the case, I probably did things that would have gotten both of us in trouble, or killed. And for that I’m sorry, too.

“But mostly, I’m sorry I betrayed your trust. I never wanted to do that, Zack. Especially now. Especially now that I realize that I love you.”

“You love me, so it’s okay you lied.”

She spun around, glared at him. “Are you here to torture me? To show me what I can’t have? That’s cruel, Zack. I made a mistake, but not the one you’re blaming me for. If I had to do it over again, I would still have found a way to be here.”

“I know.” He looked pained, like he didn’t know what he wanted to say. “Liv, I’m trying. That’s why I’m here. I’m trying to understand.”

“Are you?”

He crossed to the window. It was late Sunday afternoon. Zack wondered why he had come.

“I don’t want to lose you, Olivia.”

“Zack.” She was behind him. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around his waist. Her face pressed against his back. “I don’t want to lose you, either.” Her voice was soft, sweet.

They stood like that for several moments.

Zack spoke first. “I was so angry when you told me the truth. It hurt. You didn’t trust me, just like my sister hadn’t trusted me. You expected the worst—that I would somehow stop you from avenging your sister’s murder. Amy also thought I would stop her from doing what she thought was right.

“Were you right? Hell, I don’t know. I’ve made decisions every day of my life, and I wonder whether some of them were right. I might not agree with your reasoning, but I understand why you got involved. And if it weren’t for you breaking the rules, Nina Markow could be dead right now.”

He turned around to face her. Tears shone in her eyes. He didn’t want to make her cry. The thought of Olivia sad made him ache. “We would never have learned Driscoll’s identity without your information on Brian Hall. You were a vital part of this investigation, and whether you have a gold shield or not, you’ve earned one as far as I’m concerned.”

Olivia closed her eyes, a tight smile on her face. “Thank you for that.”

“Open your eyes, sweetheart.” He pushed up her chin so she had to look at him. “I love you, Liv. I’m not going to let you walk away because of your misplaced guilt, or my misplaced anger. There’s something incredible between us, and I want to explore it. Fully. Intimately. Starting now.”

He kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on, and he ravished her lips, her neck, her ear. He’d missed Olivia last night, missed her and needed her. All his pent-up frustrations, his love, his desire, poured from him into her. He couldn’t get close enough, he wanted to touch her all at once.

She entwined his hair in her hands, holding on tight.

“Make love to me, Zack,” she whispered in his ear.

He pushed the suitcase to the floor and they fell on the bed, urgent. His lips clasped onto hers while his fingers fumbled with the buttons on her blouse. One popped off, but he didn’t care. He needed to touch all of her, see all of her.

The sight of her injuries gave him pause.

“Zack?” she asked, frowning.

He lightly kissed her neck, the bandage on her chest. “I almost lost you forever. The thought of his hands on you, the knife cutting your delicate skin.” He cleared his throat. “Liv, I—”

“Shh,” she said, and kissed him.

“Are you okay?” he murmured into her lips. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

She shook her head. “I’m really fine, Zack. I promise. Don’t hold back. Make love to me.
Now
.”

She kissed him long and hard, her passion edging him further down the dark spiral. The hope he’d thought was gone came back in a rush. The trust he thought he’d lost flooded him. This woman was his life. Olivia gave him everything he’d thought he lost when his mother abandoned him and when his sister died.

Olivia wanted Zack, needed to reconnect with what they’d had two nights ago. And it was there, everything she’d thought they had was still there, and stronger.

Their tongues battled and she moaned as his hands reached under her bra and gently massaged her breasts as he kissed her, his knee spreading her legs. He was cautious, avoiding her wounds.

Zack unclasped her bra and put his mouth to her breasts, his rough cheeks and hot mouth creating a wondrous sensation she savored. She held his head to her, urging him to continue. Urging him to move farther down to where she was already hot between her legs.

Zack’s forgiveness, his love, his need, spurred Olivia on. She pulled off her blouse and bra, reached for Zack’s shirt and pulled it over his head. His hard, sizzling chest pressed against her breasts. She reveled in her newfound sexuality, a side of her brought out only by this man.

In this highly-charged moment neither wanted slow and sweet. Zack stripped off her pants and kissed her between the legs. She gasped.

“Your skin is so soft,” he murmured against her thigh.

As he spoke, his coarse stubble rubbed against her clit and she moaned.

“Zack,” she gasped, her mouth dry.

His breath and his tongue teased and tantalized her. The kisses were warm and wet as his tongue ran along the sides of her labia, around and around, lapping her everywhere except that one spot that craved attention.