The Lady's Choice (16 page)

A chill crept through his chest. He withdrew from her and stood, looking down upon her. ‘I cannot be with you, Benae. You are betrothed. We must take our pleasure this night and never again. If you thought taking my virginity would bind me to you, you were mistaken.'

Benae leapt up to confront him. ‘I did not set out to trap you, Ramón. Yes, it was selfish of me to seduce you but I was desperate to be one with you. I told myself all along that what I felt for you was desire only, that when I was married to Jiseve he would sate me, but I reached the point where I could no longer lie to myself. I love you, Ramón! I think you love me, too.'

Ramón's chest constricted, panic closing his throat. She loved him! He shook his head. She couldn't love him, must not. He fell to his knees, imagining the scene should the prince discover their adultery. Already he felt the heavy weight of guilt deep in his gut, knew he must hide another indiscretion. He had promised himself never again to act on impulse; never again to let passion dictate his actions. And here he was: Benae's lover. How had it come to this? How had he tossed his principles aside, nay his convictions, so quickly?

‘It is love, dearest,' Benae said, seeming to read his thoughts. ‘You and I; it is love. You torture yourself because you could not deny me.' Love shone in her eyes. Love for him. He realised in that moment he would do anything for her. He would risk his life, he would stand by and protect her as she married the prince. He would kill for her.

She sat in front of him, naked, and a hot blast of desire tore through him. He pushed her back against the clothes and kissed her until they were both breathless and her nails dug into his shoulders. If they could not be together forever he would at least have her one last time. He parted her legs and this time his rod found its home without help, thrusting into her slick, hot centre. Benae cried his name and it sent him over the edge. He plunged into her again and again, no thought but pure, sweet pleasure on his mind.

Benae retrieved her pantaloons and chemise from where she had flung them last night. She hummed as she dressed, reliving the moment when she had awoken, Ramón's hands on her body, doing things she could never have imagined he would know of. The firelight had danced along the muscular planes of his shoulders and legs as he moved over her, kissing and fondling her breasts, licking her navel and then proceeding to lick and kiss her all the way to her most intimate place, giving her a climax she would long remember. He was an instinctive lover and she could only imagine how wonderful he would grow to be with experience. The night, and morning, love had been as much a revelation for her as it had been for him – her first sexual experience with a man she loved. She had never expected to feel so connected, so completed by a simple coupling.

The thought of their love-making brought a fresh surge of heat to her loins and she paused in her dressing, hoping to repeat the performance. Benae stalked across the room to him, clad only in her pantaloons and Ramón drew her into his arms.

‘I long to be one with you again, beloved,' she purred, nipping the sensitive skin below his ear. ‘Can we not stay here this day?'

His body shivered under her ministrations. She kissed the broad muscles across his chest, slowly working her way lower until she grazed her lips across his nipples. He grew hard against her. She could never have enough of this glorious, sensual man. Somehow, all the sorrow she had endured was worth it to end up loved by Ramón.

‘Search parties will be abroad,' he said, his voice husky, his eyes dark with desire. ‘We cannot risk being discovered here, like this.' His hand stroked the side of her breast. ‘Already we have lingered too long.'

‘Let them find us,' Benae said. ‘I cannot be sorry for last night.'

‘We must continue the charade, love. You are a betrothed woman.'

‘I will no longer lie about my feelings for you.' She pulled his head to hers and kissed those sensual lips.
His best feature. I could kiss him all day and never tire.
Her desire mounted.

Ramón placed her at arm's length. ‘We must talk.'

‘Talk?'

He frowned. ‘When we leave this place, we resume our previous lives. You are to become a princess and I shall resume my life as a squire, servant to Prince Zialni. As such, you will be my mistress—'

‘Oh yes, I will indeed.' She blessed him with a look designed to boil his blood but he merely looked annoyed.

‘You deliberately misunderstand my words, Benae,' he said.

She tried to push past his arms, to ensnare his waist, but he resisted.

‘We both know there can be no more of this.' His arm swept the hut and icy fingers clutched her heart.

‘I love you,' she said. ‘I cannot stop loving you just because I am betrothed to another. Do not expect me to walk away from this because I cannot. I do not think you can walk away either.'

‘I can do anything I am required to. We have had our moment and to entertain “us” as a possibility . . . well, it just cannot be.'

‘I love you,' she repeated. ‘I am going to marry you and we will be gloriously happy.' Benae could almost see their children, girls on horseback galloping through her estate and the boys learning weapons from Ramón. ‘You are betrothed to the prince. He will never give you up. He would see you and me killed first.'

A shiver sliced up her spine but she ignored it. Ramón did not appreciate Jiseve as she did. Even after such a short relationship as she had had with her fiancé, she was sure he would accede to her will. He would not want her if she could not give him all of herself. Jiseve was too proud for that. Ramon was wrong. Her betrothed was a good man.

‘I will tell him we have coupled and he will sever our agreement,' Benae said. ‘Yes, he will be hurt, but he will not want a wife who is in love with another man. He will send word to one of the other ladies and they will be only too happy to marry him, to bear his children, to provide the heir he needs. No one will be hurt.'

‘How can you be sure?' Ramón said, his eyes troubled. ‘Had you considered that the prince might be in love with you?' She did so adore him when he looked serious. He would make a fine partner, and father.

‘I know men, Ramón. The prince is not so attached to me that he will refuse to let me go. If he were, he would have consummated our relationship before I left Brightcastle. He brought me to the peak of longing many a time and left me there, unfulfilled. It drove me wild. That is one of the reasons I was so indiscreet with you the night before we left;
one
of the reasons.' Ramón coloured, a slow blush rising from his throat to cover his face. That was another thing she loved about her squire: his boyish blushes. She had never seen a man blush so delightfully. Joy sang in her heart. She would have the remainder of her life to take pleasure in his company, to feel his eyes upon her, his hands working their magic.

‘Are you sure we cannot stay longer?' she said.

Ramón pulled her into his arms and kissed her, one arm around her waist, the other hand at the nape of her neck, his tongue entangled with hers. All rational thought fled as Benae responded to his touch, strained against his hard length, wove her fingers through his hair.

‘We must go, beloved, but be sure we will discuss this further. For now, let us tell the people of Wildecoast of our extraordinary escape from death, taking refuge in the hut, and of our need to return to Brightcastle to prepare for your wedding.'

Benae studied his face, uncertain how he felt about her. He had not admitted his love for her. Would he deny it still? Ramón had embedded himself in her heart and she believed she was as deeply set in his. Jiseve would understand. Jiseve would release her from her promise and she and Ramón would find a way to save her estates that didn't involve sacrificing her happiness. It was possible; it had to be.

As Benae had lost her cloak and dress in the ocean, they shared Ramón's clothes. Benae wore his shirt and cloak over her pantaloons and chemise; the squire dressed in his breeches and tunic. As Ramón saddled Flaire and his own mount, he mulled over the revelations of the night. He might be inexperienced, but he understood enough to know that his feelings for Benae were dangerous – for himself and for her. He could still feel her skin against his; he imagined he always would. No matter how far he travelled, it would not be far enough to escape these feelings. A lump formed in his throat. No matter what Benae imagined, their relationship could never be. Somehow he must persuade her not to reveal their betrayal to the prince and then she might be safe. He would leave Brightcastle and find Alecia and that would be the end to it all. He swallowed again at the thought of turning his back on Benae, but he must and could do whatever he had to, including denying her.

Benae couldn't help but notice Ramón's reticence on their trip up the beach. Had she done the right thing seducing him last eve? Had it made her forthcoming marriage to Jiseve easier to bear? How could it when every fibre of her being now hummed when Ramón was near? She wanted to speak to him of what was in her heart but where could she start? If Ramón did not love her then she must accept that.
No!
The emotions inside her were too powerful to deny. She had never envisaged feeling this way about another human being. Last night had forged a connection between them that would endure. An unfamiliar tension began to build within her as she rode up the beach towards the trail that led to the top of the cliffs. Eventually, Benae was able to name the emotion. Fear.

It was so new, this love she felt for Ramón. Its intensity scared her. The thought that he might not love her back scared her. The niggling suspicion that Jiseve would not release her terrified her. She could not be trapped in a loveless marriage. Once upon a time Benae had reconciled herself to that fate but now, since Ramón, it was not possible. As she turned to speak to the squire, a shout sounded from ahead and men and horses spilt from the cliff trail onto the beach. They trotted towards the lovers. Ramón's cousin Josef led the party.

Benae moved forward but Ramón grabbed Flaire's reins. ‘Wait for them. Keep the story simple. The truth. I came looking for you and you ended up dragging me from the ocean. We sought shelter in the hut. They have no proof that anything else happened.'

Lieutenant Formosa pulled up in front of them, sand flicking from his horse's hooves. ‘I am glad to see you, lady, cousin. I was beginning to believe we would find only bodies.' His eyes flicked from one to the other and Benae suspected he had not missed a detail. She pulled the cloak to cover her bare legs but it was no use. At least Ramón's shirt was long enough to cover her thighs.

Ramón spoke up before she could explain. ‘I found the lady in difficulties and then needed rescuing myself. We were both nearly drowned and had to take refuge in the fishing hut overnight.'

‘That explains the state of your clothes.' He examined Ramón's face. ‘You are bruised there.' He pointed to the side of Ramón's head where Benae had set the bones.

‘I told you I nearly drowned. I fell off the causeway and hit my head on rocks. After Lady Branasar dragged me from the water, I was in no fit state to travel back to Wildecoast. We took shelter from the storm.'

Formosa's eyebrows rose, his expression speaking louder than words. ‘We will escort you back to the castle where you can have your wounds tended.' He turned and trotted back to his men. Four horses peeled off to the side to form a rearguard as Benae and Ramón fell in behind Josef and three of his men.

There was no talk on the return trip. The squeak of leather and the jingle of spurs wore at Benae's nerves, when those sounds were usually music to her ears. All she wished was to be back in familiar surrounds with Ramón. She could not wait to leave Wildecoast and resolve her future, or lack of it, with Jiseve.

The king and queen awaited them in the castle forecourt along with Captain Jazara. He looked tired, his brow drawn in a deep scowl, his manner stiff and unfriendly. The queen stepped forward as Benae dismounted and embraced her, kissing both cheeks.

‘I see you took my advice, Benae,' Adriana said, a cheeky smile lighting her eyes. ‘I trust you are well?'

A spike of alarm shot through Benae at her words. No, she could not know, could she? ‘I am well, Your Majesty. Ramón saved me from drowning last eve. It was rather foolish setting out on my own. I was washed from the causeway.'

‘And you, squire?' King Beniel said. ‘That is a nasty bruise on the side of your head. What befell you?'

‘He hurt himself in rescuing me, sire,' Benae said. Under the scrutiny of the monarchs, she was suddenly very conscious that she wore only Ramón's shirt over her underclothes.

‘Let us not stand here talking,' the queen said. ‘You must both go to your chambers and bathe and then we will talk of yesterday's events. Lady Benae, the body of your maid has been recovered and we must hasten to lay her to rest. This afternoon, if you please.'

Benae curtseyed. The sooner Merel was laid to rest, the sooner they could depart this cold, dreary castle and the scrutiny of its inhabitants.

They were well into their first day on the road back to Brightcastle. Ramón scanned the forest as they passed, his wary eyes detecting movement where there was none. The one hundred soldiers with him did not set his mind at rest. Who knew how many of the dark elves had amassed in the forests of the kingdom?

Merel had been buried with full honours yesterday afternoon and Queen Adriana had sent the maid Joletta to accompany Benae on the trip west. The funeral had brought back all the grief pushed aside by more recent events and Benae had collapsed on Alique's shoulder and been led away by the ladies. Ramón ached to console her and keeping his distance had cost him, made him feel more powerless than ever before. Benae had recovered somewhat since the funeral but Ramón believed her composure was fragile. He feared she might break under the strain.

And now they must confront the prince, or not. He still had not discussed the matter with Benae and as far as Ramón knew, she still intended to reveal their relationship. It would be disastrous. He stretched his neck, the bones clicking back into place. The king and queen had questioned them closely after their return. Beniel was satisfied with their story but Adriana anything but. She seemed convinced they had coupled, if her sly glances were anything to go by. Ramon did not know what, if anything, the queen would do about her suspicion. Perhaps it did not matter; almost certainly not, if Benae ended up revealing their affair to Prince Zialni. He shook his head. What a mess. And how did he feel about Benae?
That
he did not care to explore. He had never imagined the act of joining could be so wonderful but did that mean he loved her? She seemed convinced of her love for him. A pang of guilt cut through him. His act, nay acts, of the night before last had been brutally disloyal to the prince, Benae's betrothed, and no matter the outcome, that could not be erased.

Benae's wedding gown was safely stowed in a large trunk but would it ever see the light of day? A cord of jealousy curled around his heart at the thought of her walking down the aisle towards the prince. If it came to that he would not stand by and watch his lover marry. He would be long gone, on the road to finding Alecia, and after that, somewhere far from Brightcastle. But did all that mean he loved her, that they could form a life together if a miracle happened?
Too many questions!

Ramón knew he had to tackle his problems one step at a time. First get Benae back to Brightcastle safely, then decide what to do about the prince.

Benae sighed and laid her head back against the stuffed headrest of the carriage. They would reach Brightcastle later that day. She wished, just for a short time, that she could rid her mind of the swirling thoughts that possessed it. Sleep was the only respite she enjoyed from the crippling anxiety and guilt. She closed her eyes and used the relaxation exercises her father had taught her. Dear Papa had known her better than she knew herself. He knew she would suffer when he passed and had made her practise relaxation even when she thought she didn't need it. Oh, how she wished he were still here. She would not be in this position now, but more than that, she missed his sure presence at her side, his calm advice, his patient explanations, his love.

Tears threatened to spill and Benae pushed the thoughts from her mind. Slowly, she contracted and relaxed her muscles, one area at a time. It did help; the tight bands that ran up the back of her neck and down into her shoulders softened a little. Joletta was hardly helping but she was a necessity. Benae could not travel back to Brightcastle with Ramón and one hundred soldiers without a chaperone. At the start of the trip, the maid had nattered away, hardly needing any response from Benae to keep up the chatter. Benae had politely asked that she only speak when spoken to or if the matter was urgent. Now the woman sat, lips pursed, working at her embroidery loop. She was never rude but it was clear that Benae had deeply offended her. The way Benae felt at the moment, she could not deal with Joletta's hurt feelings. They would have to be repaired later.

Ramón had been stiff and aloof in her presence. She did not know how to read that. Was he trying to avoid suspicion or did he truly want to distance himself from her? She loved him! She knew he had feelings for her but were they strong enough for him to take a risk? Their night together had been magical and she yearned to wrap herself around his body again. Adriana was wrong in one thing: coupling with Ramón had not quenched her desire, it had only fired it, confirmed her deep feelings for him. They had connected on a spiritual level and he was an ass if he did not realise it.
Damn relaxation exercises!
Days of sitting in the carriage, worrying over the future had her stomach churning, made her unfit for company. Flaire felt the same, probably because of her agitation. More than one soldier had commented on his prancing and snorting. Several had advised her not to ride such a flighty beast.
Oh, the arrogance of men!

A wave of love passed through her as she thought of her stallion. His leg had healed brilliantly so far and by the time they reached Brightcastle it would be close to full strength. That was good, for the first thing she intended to do was to take him for a gallop in the meadow. She sent him a mind message of them galloping through long grass and received happy horse sense back. Benae smiled. It was a treasure beyond worth to have this connection with the horse and it had saved Ramón's life.
Ramón! Back to him again
. She sighed. Somehow she would make their relationship work.

The carriage rolled to a halt in the castle forecourt but Benae did not move. She could not bring herself to rise from her seat and descend the stairs, although Joletta stood waiting.

‘You may leave the carriage, Joletta.'

The woman gave a low snort and descended from the conveyance. Ramón appeared in the doorway.

‘Come, my lady, let me help you down.'

His smile was so formal that Benae had to stifle a cry of frustration. ‘My lady, indeed!' she hissed, turning to face him. ‘I will not allow you to do this, Ramón.'

‘Do what? Assist you from this carriage? Surely you have spent enough time in it of late to welcome the journey's end?' His big blue eyes were the epitome of innocence. He did not fool her for one second. She knew what he was trying to do and it would not work.

‘We cannot turn back the clock, Ramón,' she said, leaning towards him so her low words would carry. ‘What we did that night cannot be forgotten, by me or you. I will not marry the prince knowing I love you. I think you feel the same.'

His gaze fell from hers. ‘My feelings are immaterial. If I even understood them, still they would be unimportant.' His troubled eyes made her queasy. Perhaps she could not be so certain of his love. ‘The prince has first claim upon you and he will not step aside.'

‘How little you understand. Jiseve will not want me. I know he will not. And I have some time to devise the exact means to tell him the truth. He will not return for days yet. I will ensure we get what we want.'

He reached for her hand. ‘Please, Benae, do not do this. Do not tell him. You risk everything if you do. I cannot tell you what you want to hear. You have made a commitment; now you must honour it.'

‘You and your honour,' she said, frustration and fear sharpening her tone. She had been so sure of Ramón's feelings. Would he have cast away his virginity if he did not feel deeply for her? Perhaps. She had given her maidenhood up for a quick roll in the hayshed with a visiting lord's son.
What had his name
been?
No matter.
At least Ramón had not given his away lightly. He would not soon forget the night they had spent together.

‘Please step down, Benae. The servants will gossip.' Ramón tugged on her hand.

‘Is that all you care about? Appearances—' She froze as a familiar voice sounded outside the carriage.

‘Where is she? The pigeons brought news of an attack—'

Ramón was shoved to the side and the bright light of two flaming torches held by soldiers fell upon her. Benae shielded her eyes but could not miss the sight of her betrothed, face set and sharp gaze analysing her. He drew her from the carriage and pulled her to his chest, clutching her so tightly she could barely breathe. She accepted his embrace but could not bring herself to return it. He let her go and she dropped into a curtsey.

‘Your Highness,' she said.

The prince drew her to her feet. ‘So formal, Benae. There can be no ceremony between us this night. You are returned to me when I feared all was lost. Word came to me in the north and I cast aside my plans and returned home by the most direct path. I was preparing to ride east to find you.' His eyes flicked to a point over her shoulder.

‘Thank you for returning my lady to me, Squire Ramón,' Prince Zialni said, his eyes burning. ‘I am in your debt.'

Benae shivered. Jiseve's voice was cold. Had he heard the rumours? Perhaps distraction was best.

‘I lost Merel,' Benae said, grief hitting her anew at the mention of her maid. ‘She died defending me against the dark elves. King Beniel granted her a heroine's funeral.' Benae closed her eyes, her hands gripped tight before her and took a deep breath. ‘The queen gave me Joletta.' She pointed to the maid, who curtseyed.

Prince Zialni's eyes softened a touch. ‘You have endured much, my love. Come inside and you can tell me what you will.' Benae again curtseyed to the prince and turned to Ramón. ‘Thank you, squire, for bearing me safely home and for saving my life.' She could not miss the concern in his eyes.

‘Perhaps we will talk of it later, my lady.' Ramón cast her a look that spoke volumes, then bowed and turned away, leading Flaire to the stables.

He did not wish for her to reveal their love affair, if love it was for him. He thought to resume his life as squire, find the princess and earn the prince's undying gratitude. Benae was not part of his plan at all. Yes, they must talk and she must discover if there was hope for their relationship or if it was all one-sided. He would tell her once and for all. If the answer was no, she would marry Jiseve and make the best of it. A bleak shadow engulfed her heart.

Benae stood in front of the roaring fire, fingers against her lips, her mind on the kiss she had just shared with Jiseve. So much had changed in the short time she had been away. She had been irrevocably altered by Ramón but Benae was certain that Jiseve had expressed more passion, more love in the early days of their relationship than he had just now. It could not just be her perception, could it? How could he have discovered her infidelity or even suspect it? The answer was he could not, because only she and Ramón knew the truth. The change she felt must be all on her side and due to her altered feelings. Could Jiseve sense her withdrawal? Perhaps that was it.

She had not seen Ramón since their arrival three hours ago and already she missed his steady presence. She must speak with him; must know if they had a chance. Her decision had appeared so certain on the trip home, but now she doubted her squire; doubted he really wanted her and her alone. There was a sound behind her and she spun to find the tapestry, of a beautiful, golden-haired queen at her coronation, bulging inwards. Before she could move, Ramón stepped into her chambers.

‘Oh, my love,' she said, and flung herself into his arms. He gathered her close; she could feel his longing for her, sense his confusion. He lowered his head and his mouth captured hers, days of holding in their emotions exploding in one heated, passionate kiss. Ramón pulled away, his breath ragged. Benae clung to his arm. She did not care if she seemed desperate, eager; she was all those things.

‘Stay with me. Love me,' she said.

‘We cannot risk it, lady.'

The distance in his voice belied the agitation that was plain to see. ‘How can you be so controlled? I
love
you. I cannot stand to be parted from you. I want to know that you feel the same!' Benae stared at him but as the seconds ticked by and he made no response, fear replaced desire. ‘Ramón?'

‘I desire you, but is that love? What I feel for you does not feel pure and innocent; it is a raging fire and I dare not let myself succumb for if I did, I do not think I could walk away. I am holding myself by the barest thread. These days on the road have been agony. I could not keep my eyes from you and yet I knew that if I gazed as I wished to, it would only bring disaster.'

Benae drank in every word he said, like a thirsty woman in the desert. He did love her. The blazing fire of her love matched his. All would be well. ‘Lie with me. I need your body against mine, within mine.' She watched the battle inside him and held her breath.

‘I cannot,' he whispered, clutching her upper arms. He pulled her close and kissed her. Benae's knees went weak and she would have fallen if he had not held her. The kiss deepened, stirring her innermost needs, driving her mad with desire. ‘I will not lie with you again until we are free to love; however that happens. We must do this the correct way now. No more sneaking around.'

‘Then let us tell him this night and be done with it. Once my engagement is cancelled, we can be wed in all haste. Jiseve will step aside, I know he will.'

Ramón frowned. ‘I hope that is the case.'

Benae could see he did not share her optimism but no matter. If Jiseve did not give his blessing, they would find some other way to be together. She would never give up on her squire. ‘Let us wake him and tell him now.'

Ramón shook his head. ‘We are both tired. Let us sleep on the decision and act in the morn. Meet me in the breakfast room an hour before the meal and we will talk. We can tell the prince then if we so decide.'

Benae nodded. ‘It shall be as you say.'

Ramón walked back to the tapestry and pulled it aside. He turned back to her and she pressed a kiss to his mouth. She longed to make him stay but she did not know if she could. He was a stubborn man. Best to follow his wishes and he had said he wished to wait. She stepped back and he disappeared into the passage, the stone wall closing with a low grinding.
A secret passage!
Her mind buzzed with the possibilities, but she would not need to sneak around to see Ramón after tomorrow. Somehow, they would be together. Somehow, she would have him
and
save her people.