The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) (6 page)

“Thank God,” I sighed.

She looked back up, “Just a few more? Please? Just to the elevator shaft and that’s it.”

“Famous last words,” I mumbled. “Don’t go any further.”

“I won’t walk around up there. I just think the elevator shaft is like the heart of this building. I have it on every floor. It’s like looking at the heart of the building from various heights. I think it may be actually be the unique angle I was looking for.”

Her words stuck like a painful barb, reminding me of the danger we were currently ignoring. My daemons was clawing to free itself. There was something here watching us the whole time. Now standing on the threshold of the top floor, the thirteenth floor, no matter what you wanted to call it, there was no denying its true identity. The stale air began to hum like a great beast awakening from a slumber. I knew then Ben and I had overstayed our welcome. I had already watched Ben’s possession years ago, I had no desire for her to go through that again.

The hum turned into a hiss becoming louder than even my own heartbeat. My palms burned as I stood ready. “Ben, I have a really bad feeling. Step away from the elevator. Now!”

She turned to me after hearing the true terror within my voice. Her camera still clicking while she stared at me, her eyes round and full of their own terror.

“Ben come on,” I urged, but she was frozen. It was then I felt it- my wings broke free and my eyes lit up like laser pointers, my vision going red. I was waiting for another evil to attack and neglected to think about what I must look like. To her, I looked like the devil. I would die for my roommate, but right then her pounding heart said what her lips could not.

I watched in horror as she took two unsteady steps backward, away from me, away from the evil beckoning to her. That same strange breeze filtered up the stairs and gave her that last little shove. She vanished down the elevator shaft, the black heart of the building.

I tore off the ground, flying, hopefully faster than her freefall. I could hear her screaming and I knew I only had seconds to reach her before she hit the bottom, not to mention any cables or debris lodged within that shaft. I broke through all of it with ease, but Ben’s soft human body wouldn’t.

I reached out for her hand. She wasn’t watching me, she was falling face first, watching the top of the rusted broken elevator rush toward her, knowing she was about to die. Her scream was infinite, it would torment me whether she lived or died. I seized her hand only feet before her impact.

I didn’t wait to find out what was waiting for us. I busted through the same door we came in still carrying Ben. I wouldn’t feel safe until we were away from that building, until I washed its filth off my skin. I hadn’t felt this polluted since my journey through Hell.

We should never have gone in the
Montrose.
The city was right to tear it down. But that was just geography. The evil within it would take up residency in some other place, in some other person. You couldn’t kill evil, but you could hold it back, silence it, and lessen its reach.

At least you got your damned pictures.

I grabbed Ben’s camera strap from her vicelike grip. I still don’t remember how we made it home.

8

She didn’t talk to me for two days. Neither did Cyrus. But to be fair, Ben didn’t actually get out of bed for two days and Cyrus did call a good twenty times on the landline. I guess he got my number from the school directory.

I was more worried about Ben. She thought she had some kind of hallucination. The way she had been staring at me the past two days- she didn’t trust me. I told her when she reached the top floor to take photos of the elevator shaft she fainted due to the lack of air. I came up with some nonsense about condemned buildings and high levels of carbon monoxide. I lied and said after she collapsed I was barely able to drag her out of there myself. I’m not sure she believed me.

Ben had sustained minor injuries during her fall. She bumped her head against the elevator shaft and she had three scary looking slashes down the center of her back. Slashes like I had seen on Jaime and Cyrus.

Samael.

He was responsible. Trying to heal Ben, I could feel his poison coursing through her even though he had never actually touched her. He was more dangerous than I even knew if he could leave that mark or cause her death without even being present. Bennet hadn’t seen the mark, but she could feel it. I told her I must have done it when I dragged her down the stairs. I assured her it didn’t need stitches or medical attention, but still it wasn’t healing and she wouldn’t let me touch her again. I knew I could help if only she would let me.

She was getting paler and weaker. I wasn’t about to leave her side. If Samael was near I couldn’t leave her alone.

There was a banging on the door and I spilled my coffee from the sudden and loud intrusion. Cyrus didn’t even wait until I reached the door, he just waltzed right in. Barged was more like it, but I wasn’t about to comment. I knew when not to poke a bear.

“I have called you too many times. Why have you not answered the phone?”

I guarded my thoughts, “I’ve been busy.”

He stared at me trying to rifle through my defenses and peer into my mind, “Now you’re just being rude.” I pushed away from his intrusive presence.

“Why have you not been attending your other classes?” he snapped.

“Keep your voice down,” I motioned towards Ben’s door, “I can’t leave her alone right now.”

I opened up my thoughts up to him and let him see everything. I replayed yesterday’s scenes within my mind from the time we arrived at the
Montrose
, the arrival of the sudden and strange breeze, the sensations, the smells, and finally Ben’s accident, which was no accident at all. Cyrus stood, watching my eyes like he was watching a movie screen, his own face revealing a myriad of emotions that ended in only what I could describe as controlled rage.

In the short time I had known him, I understood Cyrus was always in control.

“I need you to leave,” I whispered. “I need to figure out how I am going to deal with Bennet.”

“You tried healing the wound? How well did it work?”

“Not very. The wounds are still open and I think she’s getting sick.”

“You’re right. She will if she isn’t already. It’s been two days since this incident?”

“Yes.”

“Are you really that stupid as to let a human go into a building like that? To ignore your instincts? You felt it. You felt
him
and still you stayed.” He shook his head, when really he looked like he wanted to shake me, “You may be the Beacon, but you lack basic understanding of the worlds we traverse. You are undisciplined and sloppy. You have let your emotions and own selfishness cloud your judgment.”

“You know, I think it’s time you left.”

“Not likely,” He dropped his keys and phone on the kitchen bar and began to roll up his sleeves. When he noticed me looking at his scar he stopped.

“I need to see your roommate right now.” He walked down the short hallway to her door. Without knocking, again, he walked through.

Thank God she has clothes on!
I tried my best to propel my thoughts as loud as I could.

“Ben,” I whispered. She barely had the energy to sit up. I was surprised how weak she had become. I brought her coffee only a few hours before, and she could barely hold the cup. Now she couldn’t hold even her head up

“Sorry to just…” I tried to continue.

“Bennet, I’m Dr. Williams. Your roommate told me that you’ve fallen ill after being exposed to some possible hazardous materials.”

“Maybe. I haven’t been able to think very clearly lately. I fainted the other day while I was taking some pictures.” She glanced at me and left out the part about being at the
Montrose
. “Why are you here again?”

“He’s a doctor,” I said. I wasn’t lying, too much anyway, “I called him to come make a house call since you haven’t been feeling well.”

“Do doctors still do that?” Ben slurred.

“This one does.” I answered her.

“It’s actually my back that hurts the most. Layla said I scratched it when I passed out, but I don’t remember.”

“Do you mind rolling over for me so I can take a look?” Cyrus asked.

Ben said nothing just attempted to roll over so the doctor could examine her injury. Cyrus visibly drew back and then raked me with a scornful look.

“How could you let this go on so long?” he asked aloud, but the question was directed at me.

“Am I okay?” Ben asked sleepily.

Cyrus laid both hands on her shoulders and in his soothing baritone voice said, “I need you to try and sleep right now.”

He was doing it- his angelic power of suggestion- whatever angels can do to get humans to do their bidding. Most angels were empaths. As a Vulgar, Cyrus’ angelic blood allowed that power to pass to him.

I wasn’t an empath even though I had angel blood. I’m sure it had something to do with my daemon.

Ben smiled serenely. Cyrus was almost purring, emitting a low soothing frequency that made me even want to curl up in his lap like a kitten and let him stroke me all over.

Not the time!

“I am not gifted with the powers of healing. That is reserved for only the Virtuous- and apparently the Beacon.”

Sobering quickly, I admitted, “I already tried once.”

“Try again. I had to be healed twice before it would work and we were both angels. She is human, so it will be more difficult. If you don’t she will die for sure.”

I quickly put my hands on her back and closed my eyes. I was sitting on the bed beside Ben and Cyrus made no move to leave. I felt awkward as if we were having some bizarre threesome. Cyrus began to use his power, that low soothing hum. Ben relaxed even more so, and I fell into an altered state.

I was hyper focused. I could almost see the dark black venom charting its way through Bennet’s body. But there was no air anywhere. My lungs were fighting for freedom while my mind was finding and trapping the black poison, wherever I could reach, Samael’s lingering toxin disappeared.

But there was so much.

And I had to breathe.

I gasped lungfuls of air over and over again. I returned to my body, Cyrus’ hand on my shoulders anchoring me to him. I collapsed back against his chest. He wrapped one arm around me lightly.

“Breathe, Layla. You’re fine. Ben’s fine.”

“She’s fine?” I asked.

“She’s better.”

I looked down at Ben’s sleeping figure. Her back had healed a little and some color had returned to her skin.

“I felt like I was swimming inside of her. I could see the poison in her. I could feel it, I grabbed it, but it was like I was drowning. This wasn’t like other healings.”

“Well, Samael isn’t like other daemons.” He touched my clammy face, “You alright?”

I nodded, “But what about the Coffee Shack? I healed a woman. Jamie. Ben’s injury was so much harder to heal and it wasn’t severe as Jamie’s. I mean, she had shrapnel lodged into her chest.”

“Many of the beings you healed were either mortals or had mortal wounds. Samael is the farthest thing from mortal. And in Ben’s case, unlike the attack on the Coffee Shack, it seems Samael did the damage himself.”

“You mean…” but I couldn’t say it out loud.

He was here?

Samael?

Cyrus’ expression was confirmation enough. I looked at the long jagged scabs on Bennet’s back. They were a larger version of the scar on Cyrus’ arm- the arm that was now wrapped around my middle.

I turned and he made no move to back away. He only said, “We should go and let her rest.”

9

Cyrus stayed with Bennet and me for another two days. His faith in my judgement had been diminished, so he said many times.

“You are going to have to tell her, you know,” he spoke up one afternoon. He brought his laptop and confiscated the end table. He had set up makeshift office where he could conduct his online course at Trinity. This way he could do his job all the while never leaving me alone with Bennet. He said he was protecting me and protecting Ben from me, but there were other reasons.

He took every opportunity to touch me. He brought me a glass of tea and lingered over my hand. He reached over my shoulder for the remote control and breathed into my ear. He held my face as he slowly pulled a small piece of fuzz out of my hair. We stood side by side washing dishes, his arm reaching over me trapping me with his body up against the counter.

He washed, I dried. I had never wanted a dishwasher more.

“I know what you’re doing,” I said petulantly.

“And yet you haven’t uttered a word in protestation.” He reached behind me, turned off the water and poured all his angelic good looks and power onto me.

He was unbelievably tall, his shoulders so wide. I wondered what he looked like with his wings outspread. That chain I had glanced the first time we met was peeking from behind his collar. I wanted to know what it was he wore around his neck every day. I wanted to see what was so special that he kept hidden from the world, but couldn’t bear to be without every day. His long blonde hair had fallen down around his chin. I reached up and pushed the blonde strands behind his ear. He closed his eyes reveling in my touch.

He moved in to kiss me and I turned my head, “Wait.”

He sighed, “Why? You feel what I feel. I know you do. I can hear your thoughts. You all but scream them whenever I’m near. And then there’s your body. It screams for me too.”

“But, I just…”

“You’re fighting a war within yourself that will have no victor. Give in to me. Give in to us.”

I can’t. Orrin.

I couldn’t think of a good enough reason besides that one. I still loved Orrin. Isn’t that a good enough reason? But he had Daisy now. I could have someone else too. Couldn’t I?

“I just…I don’t know,” I answered.

“You know I want you, Layla. And right now I’d like nothing more than to kiss you. I want to know you more.” He touched his thumb to my bottom lip running it from corner to corner.

I shivered with anticipation. If his thumb could do that, I wondered if his lips could do so much more.

“I know you want this. I felt it the first time we met, the first time you looked into my eyes. I wanted you. I want to know that hunger you keep hidden. I want to free you from this darkness that has overtaken your world. I want so much from you and for you, but right now at this moment I just want to know the taste of your mouth.”

He descended again, so sure in my capitulation.

“Wait,” I said again.

He sighed, “I ask again, why?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know if I can. I don’t know what I want.”

“Layla, I can read your mind. Believe me when I say I already know what you want.”

“That may be true. I just don’t know if it’s the best idea. I barely know you, Cyrus.”

He took a step back.

“But you know him?” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Him? Who?” I asked, but deep down I knew of whom he asked.

“Darringer.”

I crossed my arms, “Why do guys use each other’s last names like that? His name is Orrin, but like you know said a few times you know more than you’re saying. You want to know how well I know him. I’d say pretty well. He’s a little sidetracked these days but we keep in touch. Why do you ask? How well do
you
know him?”

“Well enough,” he sneered. “You so readily gave yourself to him? A
daemon
? Why not give me a chance.”

“What kind of chance are you talking about?” My guard went up, “I’m a daemon too, don’t forget that. You don’t get to talk about him like that. You don’t know anything about us. And I don’t need your approval to sleep with someone. ”

“And you still consider him to be your soulmate?”

“How do you know any of this? Why do you know any of this?” I said through clenched teeth. My control was slipping. If he kept picking at my relationship I didn’t know if I could keep my daemon from emerging. It was extremely fond of Orrin no matter what his faults.

I was bleeding all over the kitchen floor. My old wound ripped open, gaping. My life-force flowing from me like it often did when life became too difficult and I would try to drink away the pain. My biggest fear, my deepest ache came spewing forth into a red puddle before us.

Then the tears followed.

“Orrin is my soulmate. We are bound together by a soul-tie. That means everything to me. I gave up my world and he gave up his- to be with me. I left my home, my family, moved across the country to find him, and try to undo a judgment that was given to him because he was defending me. He was there for me when I needed him, and I was there for him. That’s what love is. Please don’t talk to me like I’m a child. I know that love is more than just hearts and flowers and romance. It’s about making tough decisions and putting someone else’s needs above your own. That’s what I’ve been doing all this time. I can’t turn off my feelings like a light switch and I wouldn’t want to. Loving Orrin has been the best part about this entire daemonic life- a life, that you well know, was not my choice. But he is. Loving him has always been my choice.”

I paused for another large gulp of air, “I don’t know how to love any differently. For me love and loss go hand-in-hand. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not ready to jump into another relationship. I don’t have a great track record with keeping my heart and soul intact.”

Cyrus waited for a minute, allowing me to regain my composure. I wiped at my tears and backed away from him. He was uncomfortable with my outburst, not that I cared too much. I watched the myriad of emotions cross his face. He looked wounded, like a child who had just been scolded. But there was also anger, lust and disgust.

“Now it’s my turn,” He breathed deeply composing himself. “I’m sorry, Layla, I did not know how you felt. I knew he tied his soul to yours but I thought you may have not understood the seriousness of it. I have never been in love before you. No, that’s not right. I have always been in love with you.”

My eyes few to his and then quickly away.

Did he really just say what I think he said?

My face reddened but not from anger. He continued, knowing he had my full attention even though I could not hold his gaze. He had been waiting for this moment it seems and who was I to rob him of it.

“I worry that you acted rashly, that you tied your soul to someone unworthy. I know you can protect yourself, but I want that job. I want to stand beside you. Be your partner. I want to be your soulmate.” His bluster was gone like the air from a balloon. He handed me the dish towel and I angrily mopped the tears from my face. He backed away to the other side of the narrow kitchen.

He may have been done, but I was not, “What does it matter to you?” I snarled. “You just show up here, point out all my flaws, and tell me how to take care of myself. You think you’re my keeper? That’s not exactly the way to a woman’s heart. You may have lived a long time but you obviously need some schooling when it comes to females. You say you love me, but I don’t see how that’s possible.”

Now it was Cyrus who wouldn’t meet my eyes. His probing had hurt. His condemning questions and proclamation made the past three years of avoidance melt away. My heartbreak over Orrin Darringer was real, raw, and unrelenting. I had run from it, spent three years hiding from it, fueled my darkness, and molded my feelings into an angry ball of fire. But all of the years of fortifying my defenses were wasted. He had knocked them all down that day and shown me that my walls were never very strong to begin with. I was fooling myself, but I hadn’t fooled him at all. Cyrus had broken me and the deep cavern where I once housed my love for Orrin had been laid bare.

I love you? Are you kidding me? I’m a mess!

“Does he really mean that much to you? Is he really the only man you could love? Have you closed yourself off for the rest of your days and beyond?”

I sniffed, not knowing what to say, too afraid I would start crying again. “I feel the need to be honest with you. I don’t know why. The truth is, I just don’t know anymore. I’ve been consoling myself with the idea that if we can’t have today, at least we have forever. But I worry that my devotion might be one-sided. He said he loved me, I know he feels me like I feel him- we’re a part of one another. But being apart from him- I just don’t understand how he can say one thing and do another.”

He cocked his head and made a face, “Listen to yourself for once, not your daemon. Do you really think so little of yourself? Do you really think it is okay for your
soulmate
to put you on a shelf and just walk away?”

“Actually, I walked away.” I pulled a glass out of the cupboard and a glass bottle perched on top of the fridge. It was time to numb the pain.

“That makes it worse!” he yelled, his eyes darting to the hallway when he remembered Ben was sleeping down the hall. “You had the presence of mind to leave him, yet you’ve never really left.”

I poured the clear liquid into the tall glass, “I’ve moved on. Sort of. I’ve done a lot with my time apart from him. I’m a college graduate…”

“You’re a drunk! If you’re so unhappy then why don’t you do something about it?”

“I am doing something. I’m drinking,” I replied snidely. “I can stop whenever I want. In fact I haven’t had a drink since…”

“You haven’t had a drink since I smashed your bottle against the classroom wall.” He finished the sentence for me.

I thought back through the events of the past week. Cyrus was right. I had quit drinking with his arrival at Trinity. That had to mean something, I admitted.

“I’m just not ready,” I mumbled. “I don’t know if I ever will be. I walked through Hell for Orrin. Literally. And I would do it again a hundred times over.”

“Of course you would,” he moved to stand in front of me. “But know I would do it for you.”

I had trouble thinking when he was near and he knew it. I leaned back against the kitchen counter and he braced his legs on either side of mine. He moved in closer leaning over me securing any retreat with his hands on either side of me. “I know you love him. You will always love him, but I ask you again- have you closed your heart to the possibility of ever finding love again? Don’t you think Darringer would want you to have a second chance at love? Do you think he would want you to sit here and pine over him miserably?”

“And
again
I say,
I don’t know
. To be honest with you, I haven’t spoken to him in almost three years.”

“I know,” he whispered hesitantly.

“I figured,” I admitted readily.

“What do you think he is doing right now? You have been so close for so long. No man should let his love exist in such misery. He is living while you are still in limbo. Do you think he has this much anger pent up and directed at you? It’s clouding your judgment. It’s repressing the better part of you. Do you think he is wallowing in his lost love like you have been doing for three years?”

“No, he’s probably not,” my face burned thinking of him and Daisy together, the heat running down my neck igniting the skin under my tattoo. I felt the familiar burn begin under my skin. “He’s. With. Her.”

“That’s right. He made his choice but you still haven’t made yours.” He took my hand and I instantly pulled the fire back within my core. Burned bits of dishtowel floated to the floor- I didn’t even realize it was in my hand. Even though Cyrus was a constant irritation, I didn’t want to burn him again. He placed my hand over his heart.

“I know you’re not going to understand this, but I love you, Layla. I’ve loved you much longer than
he
has, and I’ve waited twice as long. His eternity could only equal half of my lifetime. I have walked this Earth waiting for Lillith’s prophecy, waiting for you. When I learned you had tied your soul so hastily to that Daemon spawn, Darringer, I was lost. I lost you before you were ever mine. I could not breathe one more breath without speaking this truth.”

Holy crap. What?

I shook my head, “I don’t understand why you’re saying this.”

Cyrus just professed his love for me after only a week in my presence. I didn’t understand the why or how of it all- I didn’t understand him. I didn’t know him.

“How can you possibly love me? You barely know me.” I asked incredulously.

“You know,” he began, how he could smile at a serious time like that? “I didn’t expect your feelings to match my own, but I did expect something besides
that
.”

“Cyrus…” I began.

“Layla, no. You don’t get to speak right now. I’m not going anywhere. I would never leave you, unless that was your wish. You have my heart, my loyalty, my protection, my life. You have everything I could ever be, and you are everything I could ever want. I just want you to weigh your options carefully and include me in them.”