The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) (10 page)

“I’m sorry,” I called.

I didn’t deserve either one of them.

14

“Layla, don’t go.”

I left Cyrus standing there calling after me as I chased after another man. I knew Orrin was gone, but I also knew he could hear me.

The look on Orrin’s face. How long had he been watching us? Was it just tonight or longer? Had he ever watched me before? And why didn’t I feel him near?

I looked at every man as they passed by, “Orrin, please. Listen to me,” I yelled hoping he would reappear. “You’ve got to hear me out.”

And just as suddenly as he jumped I felt that long-forgotten tug, like a hook pulling at my chest. The world spun and I felt strong arms wrapped around me tightly to an even stronger chest. I broke free from his grasp and turned to meet his gaze. It had been three years since I had seen Orrin and I was torn between killing him and kissing him.

The chain with my grandmother’s ring swung loosely from his neck. He wore a black t-shirt, black jeans. He had grown into some hybrid between Orrin, the hard daemon I loved, and Heath, the vulnerable young man I saved from the darkness.

We were in a white hotel room. A duffle bag, maybe his, was opened along with a computer and a weathered book bag. He hadn’t been here long, but why was he here now? I didn’t think my dad or Cyrus would have called him.

“Kevin told you?” I deduced.

“Yes,” he replied curtly, “I shouldn’t had to have heard it from him.”

I said nothing. I had so much to say- years’ worth of questions and crying and self-doubt. I had spent three years missing Orrin, wishing he were near, needing so badly to touch his face to feel him against me. Our time together had always been fleeting. As soon as we pledged our love and tied our souls together he was ripped from me by Lillith. I found him again only to have him choose another over me. And now, when I have a shot at happiness without him, I still couldn’t shake his presence, and I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to.

Orrin Darringer was an eternity of torture, and seeing him again made me think that fate sounded good after all.

My daemon growled from within me but we both smiled. He was too beautiful for words. The small ember of love that had been fighting for life roared to life within me.

“I’m not a mind-reader like that other angel bastard you were pressed against. If you have something to say to me, then you need to speak up.”

“I was just thinking how much I missed you.”

“Sure you were.” My lame words did nothing to cool his temper. He was furious and felt like fighting and I was more than willing to accommodate him.

Orrin walked to me, his purpose evident in his electric eyes. He moved to kiss me but I was quicker. My hand connected with the side of his face with a stinging
crack.

I didn’t hold back, but he barely flinched.

“Feel better?” He asked.

“Maybe.” I answered snidely.

“Sit,” he commanded reminding me of the man I remember from Providence.

I opted for the chair next to the small table. The large window looked out onto downtown San Antonio. We hadn’t jumped too far.

“Cyrus will be looking for me.”

“You think I care about that big, ugly…”

“My father is here too, I’m sure you know. He’ll worry,” I added.

“Fine, text him then. I’m not your warden, Layla.” He sat on the edge of the bed.

I stuck my hand out, “The give me your cell, because Samael fried mine the other day while I was at work, and with all the recent chaos I haven’t managed to replace it.”

He stood, and handed me an archaic flip phone. I scoffed, “Never thought a man who drove an Audi wouldn’t invest in the best technology.”

“You don’t know me as well as you once did. Neither do I apparently,” he remarked, his eyes like razors slicing though mine. “I do not put stock in the internet. If it isn’t something I can touch then it will not last. I will not put much credence into something so unstable and unsubstantial.”

I rolled my eyes, “Only you would believe something so archaic.”

“Your opinion might change after you have seen a few centuries roll by.”

I dialed my father’s number, sure he already knew what happened, so I wasn’t prepared for the panic, “Dad?”

“
Layla
.”

“Dad.”

“Where are you?” He was frantic.

“I’m okay. I’m with Orrin.”

He turned from the microphone, “Its Layla. She’s with Orrin. Cyrus was right.”

“Are we supposed to believe her?” I heard Ava ask in the background. “What if it’s a trick?”

“Well if Orrin invested in a smartphone we could video chat right now, but he doesn’t put much stock in technology. Anymore.”

“That sounds like him,” I heard Kevin add. “He’s gone pretty much off the grid these days.”

“Dad, do me a favor and call Cyrus again. I don’t have his number handy. I left pretty abruptly and I know he’s worried. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to leave him. I was so rude.”

“Yes, he called the same time you did. Ben’s on the phone with him now. You and Orrin scared the hell outta him, Layla. What were you thinking? Samael could be anywhere right now.”

Orrin grabbed the phone from me. His cocksure attitude returned fully and he wasn’t in the mood to share me with Cyrus or even my father. He had heard enough, “She’s with me and I know Samael better than any of you. You forget that I am not only his Porter but Layla’s soulmate as well. I got it from here. We will be in touch tomorrow.”

He slapped the phone shut.

“Tomorrow?”

“You’re staying with me until this is all over.” He sat back down our knees were almost touching. But proximity was no good, we were still miles apart.

“What exactly are you trying to do here, Orrin.”

“You need my help. Samael is coming after you. I don’t know how he’s going to do it, but he’s not stupid. I just don’t understand…why now? What is this sudden interest in you?”

“Cyrus heard he wants my power, but he wants to use me too. Wants me to take Lillith’s place in Hell.”

His face contorted, “He wants to replace Lillith? With
you
?”

“Is that so horrible that someone else could find me enticing?”

“You are misinterpreting…”

“Oh no, I get it. You don’t want me, but no one else can have me either.” I rolled my eyes.

“So Samael is another suitor you are entertaining? You like the notion of burning in Hell?”

I cringed, “Eww. No. But why would you say it like that? Like I’m utterly repulsing. Like it is ridiculous for anyone to be interested in me.”

“He wants you to be his queen. Lillith is bound in Hell and even he can’t free her. Samael wants to steal you away and take you to Hell where he can add you to his collection of other mortals and beings that he has kidnapped and
raped
.”

“You don’t think I can handle him? You and many other people have told me I’m the most powerful creation in all three realms. Now what, you think I can’t handle him?”

“He’s smarter than you, Layla. That’s what he’s banking on. He’s very tricky. Samael is good at promising things, creating a pretty package that you can’t refuse. I want to keep you close so no harm comes to you. You’re too important to all of humanity.”

“Shouldn’t we be protecting my family? Everyone back at my apartment? It seems more logical he would go after one of them.”

He rested his palm on my cheek and my eyes slid closed like a contented cat. It had been so long since he touched me at all. The night’s prior events melted away. Cyrus touch was all but forgotten, replaced by the strong secure hands of the man my soul craved. I wasn’t sure what was right anymore when it came to Orrin. But right then I would have done anything to be his again.

“Well, you are actually right. We should be over there. But I needed to see you. I needed to be with you like this. I’ve been too long without you.”

The daemon within me came alive. I couldn’t control the layers of voices that escaped my lips, I was too far gone. Love and anger warred and spilled from me, “And who made that choice?”

I didn’t even try to calm myself. So many emotion were boiling over. “I’ve missed you too much. It’s been impossible to bear. Life has been impossible to bear, Orrin.”

“You left me, remember? It wasn’t the other way around.”

“That’s what you have to say to me after three years?” I raged.

“I am not wrong. You knew what I had to do.”

“Duty over love? Is that how it will always be?”

“Layla, listen to what you are asking. I am Hell’s Porter. You are the Beacon. You don’t just belong to one realm you belong to all three. We will always have to choose duty over love- it’s who we are.”

“That’s not true. It can’t be true.” I sobbed. “I don’t want a life like this. I don’t want a fate like that.”

He stood and pulled me to him. My daemon instantly quieted, yielding to the power that raged within him. “What has change so much, Layla?”

“Everything’s changed.” I whispered. “It got harder.”

Orrin laughed in my face and cruel, a sharp sound that brought the heat to my eyes and fingertips.

“Is it that you don’t want this fate or you don’t want me anymore?”

Like ice water on a fire his word cooled my anger. It was a problem I had considered so many times. It was why I wanted Cyrus to kiss me so badly only minutes ago.

“I don’t know,” I admitted in a whisper.

“You know both are permanent. Neither your fate nor your soulmate are going anywhere for the duration of your future.”

His hand on my hip moved to the skin above my waist. My hands went to his hair with a will of their own. He touched me everywhere. I turned my face and kissed the thick black lines of his daemon mark, knowing it would drive him wild.

When clothes became too burdensome Orrin stopped and slowly pulled my shirt off above my head. My unruly long hair tumbled down teasing our naked skin.

His kisses scorched my soul, rebranding me as his own.

“Now that I have your attention, I think I need to remind you why you pledged your undying love to me in the first place.”

I moaned in agreement, giving in to the desires of my soul and the sins of my flesh.

15

When I woke up the next morning Orrin as gone. It was eight a.m. and I bolted upright at the memory that I had to work. The Coffee Shack was re-opening, and against the wishes of the group I was going in to work. My father and Cyrus planned on hanging out in the café until I got off. I hadn’t made plans to take off. The Coffee Shack was already down one barista and calling in would be putting them in a bind. They would only end up begging me to come in, and I would be bound to help them anyway. So I went.

I was still in last night’s clothes when I arrived with only minutes to spare. My father was first to arrive, “You should have called me, Layla. I would have come to pick you up.”

As if I would have left him. How had I lost all self-control?

I was surprised there was no judgement in his words or his eyes. I was his daughter and I had stayed out all night, I was waiting for it, but there was only concern for his daughter. I continued to wipe down the tables and clear the empties while he sat down and pretended to read the paper.

Cyrus was still missing in action after last night. I couldn’t imagine how he felt this morning. I felt like the biggest whore- throwing myself at Cyrus and then giving in to Orrin. Two guys, one night.

Who does that?

We do.
The evil voice within me whispered. Being with both of them felt right. I had emerged from my vodka-fueled haze only to be confronted with Samael, Orrin, and Cyrus. All three men wanted me, but which one would win in the end, and would it be my choice or would fate once again make that choice for me?

Another graduation loomed over me. I was using Trinity like I was using the alcohol. It had become a place to hide and avoid tough realities. I made a mental check list of the errands I needed to complete- cell phone, more groceries, re-do thesis paper, stay away from all men.

I think I can get all that done today.

“Excuse me,” I heard a voice from behind me say.

I turned and my dad was already up heading my way. He rushed toward the middle-aged women and I gave him my most scathing look. What was he going to do- keep every person from talking to me today?

I got this,
I silently told him. He didn’t come any closer, nor did he sit back down.

I turned my attention back to the woman, waiting a moment for the telltale signs of daemon possession. Sometimes they were extremely good at hiding inside human skin. But this time there were none.

“Yes ma’am. How can I help you?” The words were automatic and painful to say.

“I was wondering if I could borrow your phone.” She gestured to me with her own lifeless device, “Mine has already died this morning and I need to call for some help. I came out of the nail salon across the street and my car has a flat tire.”

I glanced at her shiny nails, hoping they were truly wet and the phone was truly dead. I couldn’t trust anyone with Samael on the prowl. He already touched this place once, he could do it again through any human being.

All of San Antonio had had been too quiet. He was waiting, gathering strength. I worried Samael’s next move would be bigger and bloodier. For two weeks, my stomach had been tied in knots, my decisions scrutinized and my every thought was on display for Cyrus to read.

Cyrus.
I winced at the thought of what I did last night- at what I missed out on as well. 

Two weeks of Cyrus.

Two weeks since I had been drunk.

Two weeks of Samael lurking around me.

I considered it to myself while I handed the woman our landline and a phone book, I hadn’t felt this good, this mellow or whole in a long time. I wasn’t sure who needed to get the credit for that. My own darkness had been smoldering for years and I didn’t think I would ever be free from that pain. I thought I was suppressing my daemon, but what I was really doing was trading one evil for another. I drowned my humanity with every acrid swallow.

“Could I possibly get a latte too, while I wait? I may be here a while,” The stranded woman smiled at me while covering the receiver of the phone.

“What kind?” I pointed the menu. The word latte was pretty vague in any coffee house.

“Just something plain. Something simple. You’re the expert.”

I smiled at this woman. She was middle-aged, somebody’s mom, somebody’s wife. She made two phone calls while I made her a latte- one to a tow service and the second to her husband at work. She assured him he did not need to come help her, and that she had it under control. I felt like I was intruding on their private conversation, especially when they traded their
I love yous
.

I looked over at my dad whose attention was now on scanning the sidewalk and street in front of the Coffee Shack. I brought the coffee and a magazine over to the woman who informed me it wouldn’t be long at all. I told her she was welcome to stay however long she needed.

“Some of our customers tend to live here for days at a time- especially during finals week. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, dear,” she said as she sipped from her mug.

The tables were mostly vacant. People were still staying away after the accident. I guess the Coffee Shack was giving off some bad vibes. The owner had put up the
We’re Open
banner on the front window, but it didn’t seem to help. It would take time until people forgot the accident the fried our patrons hardware and almost killed an employee. After all, coffee was not something most college students could live without. They would be back.

“Cyrus is here,” my dad said bluntly as I came to stand beside him.

My stomach flipped then flopped again. I was so nervous my hands shook. He will be furious with me for chasing after Orrin. Would he even speak to me? I wouldn’t want to speak to me if I were him. What if he knew? What if he could sense how I spent the evening with Orrin? He could see my every thought, he could even dig the truth out of my head. He would know every kiss, every shudder, every moment we shared together after my hasty escape from his embrace. I was ready to give myself to him and he knew it, and instead I gave myself to Orrin.

I’m in love with them both. What do I do?

I followed my dad’s line of sight to see Cyrus’s broad back bent over, crouched down on the sidewalk fiddling with something. He had a tire iron in one hand and was quickly loosening the bolts of a tire on a small white car.

I turned back to the stranded woman, “Ma’am is your car that small white one, with the back left tire flattened?”

“Yes,” she stood, concerned, and came stand by us and saw the large opposing man already changing her tire. “My, that was fast.”

It took him no time at all to finish changing the tire. The woman walked back to her car after leaving most of her drink unfinished. I laughed as she attempted to tip my dad thinking he was a busboy. The same occurred outside when Cyrus refused the woman’s money. Instead she just hugged him. I guess as an angel people were just naturally drawn to him. I couldn’t blame her- I wanted to hug him too.

He opened the door and immediately found my eyes. Sparks. Magic. Heat. Whatever you wanted to call it, we couldn’t help it. Thoughts of last night- our date, the walk, his hands on me, and Orrin’s hands on me all flew together from my mind in one jumbled mess.

He knew. I knew. At that point I was pretty sure even my dad knew, too.

“Remember when I told you I know more than you think, which is more than you want me to know. Good morning,” He whispered to me standing only inches away revealing the forgiveness in his smile.

“Hi.”

Hi? Are you kidding?

I was baffled by his smile. “How can you be here smiling at me like that after what I did last night?” I hung my head ashamed, not of being with Orrin, but of leaving him so quickly. I had been so close to kissing him, loving him. How could I leave him there? I didn’t fight Orrin, I didn’t tell him no. But I didn’t go back to Cyrus.

I was disgusted with myself for the millionth time.

Cyrus raised his eyebrows at my thoughts, “I’ve waited too long to give up so easily because of your…”

“Morning,” my dad hollered and slapped him on the back and stood right next to both of us. He was enjoying ruining our conversation, “am I interrupting?”

Cyrus gave him a look that my dad had probably seen before. Instead of being intimidated he just laughed and sat back down. It was the only privacy we were going to get so we proceeded with our awkward moment.

Holding his gaze was excruciating. I waited for his anger and scorn. I waited to breathe, waited to blink. But instead of a tirade or judgement he touched the tips of my fingers with his own. I could feel the waves of peace coming off him hitting me, wordlessly ensuring me of his forgiveness. But it wasn’t enough. I needed to hear the words. I needed him to yell at me. I deserved it.

“Layla,” he sighed, “You don’t have the first clue about what you really deserve.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just…confused, I guess. That sounds like such a line, but it’s true.”

“Shh,” he soothed. “I have waited eons for you. A lifetime of lifetimes.”

“That’s an understatement,” my dad muttered while pretending to read his paper.

“James, I swear to God…”

“Is that supposed to mean something more when an angel says it?”

Cyrus growled at his old friend and I giggled. The both looked at me then.

“You have no idea what you really deserve,” Cyrus continued, repeating his last words. “I have already helped you rid yourself of one daemon.”

The alcohol?
I silently questioned.

He nodded, “I can help you rid yourself from…other
daemons
as well.”

“That
daemon
holds a part of my soul.”

He took my hand in his and kissed it. “And the other part belongs to me?”

I finally smiled, “We’ll see. I don’t deserve you.” I whispered to him, finally at ease. I wanted him to kiss me so badly, but my father was still watching, and I was at work.

“
I
am exactly what you deserve.” His eyes clouded over as they had done the night before. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him, maybe more. “And it won’t be long now until I get just what I deserve as well.”