The Lesson (32 page)

“So he does kiss good! I knew it!”

Gina could barely keep back a smile. “I don’t kiss and tell," she said. "Let’s just say that Michael was plain vanilla. Kevin’s a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream.”

Bonnie’s eyebrows shot up.

“And nuts and a cherry,” said Gina.

Bonnie continued to stare, a wicked grin beginning to spread across her face.

“Extra nuts.” Gina’s smile got really big now.

“Hmmm,” said Bonnie. “That can be good or bad.” But the mischievous look in her eye and her playful tone said she thought it was good.

“Meaning?”

“A good kiss is good, unequivocally good. But a good kisser may be benefitting from loads of experience.”

“Oh no, it’s not like that with Kevin. He’s never had a girlfriend. He told me I’m only the second girl he’s ever dated.”

“And you believe that?”

“I’ve seen how he dresses for dates.”

“Well then, aren’t you being kind of harsh?” said Bonnie.

“Yes, I am, but that’s the whole point. I want him to get a truer opinion of me so he’ll decide on
his own that I’m not the one for him. He needs to come to that conclusion for himself or this insane relationship is just going to go on and on. He’s in love with the person he thinks I am, and I’m just lonely and weak. This is sick.”

“I don’t know. This doesn’t sound like the best way of handling things to me,” said Bonnie, shaking her head. “And this isn’t like you.”

“See? I told you!” Gina said, taking her eyes completely off the road. “Kevin makes me crazy! Obviously this is not the best way to end things. But I can’t think of anything else. And it’s not like I planned it. It just came to mind. You’re not worried about Benjamin and Sarah, are you?”

“No, not at all. Kevin’s great with kids. But I don’t think we should stay out too late.”

“We won’t. There’s enough peanut butter and jelly to keep the kids happy, milk too. But Kevin has to get back to the ship tonight, and it’s seventy-five miles. We’ll stay out just late enough to get him disgusted and worn out. Angry too.”

Gina turned left on Stevens Creek Boulevard. “Here we are,” she said as she turned her little Austin into the Valley Fair parking lot. “Look out Macy’s, here we come.”

Vicariously spending three hundred dollars on fine clothing and shoes should have thrilled Gina, but she was too horrified by what she’d done to Kevin and too distracted about the inevitable confrontation with him to enjoy herself. While her clothes horse friend tried on one pretty outfit after another, each more stylish than the last, Gina couldn’t enjoy the fashion show because she was becoming increasingly sick with dread. Her stomach ached from the stress. She had been brought up to be endlessly polite; it was entirely against her nature to take advantage of someone the way she had. The whole scenario felt terrible. It
was
terrible, and she was terrible for instigating it. They should have thrown a sleeping bag into her confessional box at St. Justin’s.
She didn’t like ending her relationship with Kevin like this. But, as Heaven knew, she had tried everything else.

Bonnie had spent only half of her gift certificate, but by
four o’clock she was growing worried about leaving her kids any longer. Gina also felt uncomfortable. She looked at her watch. They’d been out two and one-half hours. That was enough time with an active preschooler and a fussy baby to make Kevin good and mad, especially because they’d never gotten around to finding a pay phone to check in with him as they had planned. Not that Gina hadn’t thought of it. She had, several times. But if Bonnie wasn’t worried about her kids, Gina could put off talking to Kevin a little longer, so she didn’t bring it up. A good tongue-lashing was in store for her when she returned to her apartment, she was certain of it.

Four-thirty came. Reluctantly, Gina agreed it was time to get back so that Bonnie could pick up Benjamin and Sarah and go home. The mood in Gina’s car was quiet as they drove down Winchester Boulevard.

“Are you going to be okay?” asked Bonnie.

“I’ll be fine,” said Gina, trying to convince herself as much as Bonnie. “You’ll pick up your kids, Kevin will be ticked off and say so, and he’ll march out the front door with a slam. I’ll never see him again. It’s best this way.”

In her heart she did not believe that abusing Kevin was the right way to end their relationship, but she’d dug an awfully deep hole and could see no way to climb out. Best to do this quickly and get it over with, even if it was abrupt for him and wrenching for her. It grieved her to think that she wouldn’t sit across a restaurant table anymore and listen to Kevin’s corny jokes or hear his colorful stories about the Navy or his family and his travels. No more long, interesting drives on Sunday afternoons. No more calls from the ship late at night when she was bored with homework and lonely for conversation. She wondered, deep down, if she would miss his company … or was it the entertainment he provided?

Or was
he
the entertainment? Why was it so hard to sort these things out? It was especially sad to think their relationship was ending before she’d had the chance to see the Flint, including the shop where he worked that he talked about all the time. But with his thrilling kiss their relationship had turned a corner. He was her best friend, but she was not in love with him, and she’d let the relationship take a path she couldn’t follow. She had to end it.

Gina pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment and braced herself as the girls walked to the stoop. As they reached the door they heard
shrieks and laughter on the other side. They exchanged a questioning look, and then Gina put her key in the lock and they stepped inside. Kevin was on his back on the living room floor with Benjamin sitting astride his stomach, grabbing madly for a balloon that Kevin kept batting just high enough so Benjamin couldn’t reach it. Sarah was standing at the coffee table, gripping the edge with one hand to steady herself and sucking on her bottle with the other. Broken balloons, mashed peanut butter and jelly sandwich, squished grapes, and food crumbs of unknown origin littered the kitchen and living room floors, the table, and the couch. A small pool of something wet and sticky-looking had formed on the coffee table. The TV was on but no one seemed to be watching.

The light from the open door got Kevin’s attention. “Hello,” he said, as he lifted Benjamin off his stomach and sat up on the floor. Benjamin immediately tried to crawl into his lap. Kevin let him. “I didn’t hear you come in. How’s your shopping trip?”

He flashed a big smile at Gina. His tie was missing, his shirt was untucked, and his jacket lay helter-skelter across the couch.
He is so beautiful.
Without the awful suit coat and cheese-y tie he looked no different than other guys, thought Gina.

“I got a lipstick at Woolworth’s,” she said, stunned to see him smiling at her.

“Nearly three hours and all you came back with is a lipstick? Must be some lipstick.”

“It is,” was the all the brilliant response Gina could muster
. She couldn’t believe he wasn’t lashing out at her, furious and blistering like she would have been if the tables were turned. She felt like she was waiting to breathe. And she couldn’t stop thinking about how nice he looked without the tie and coat. It bothered her that her mind worked in so many directions at once, like wild horses running madly out an open barn door.

“I could have bought an entire wardrobe in half that time,” said Kevin.

She didn’t doubt it for a minute.

“I did all the clothes shopping. I had a gift certificate for Macy’s. How were the kids?” said Bonnie as she picked up Sarah.

“They were great. We played submarine, horsey, hide-and-seek. We hid balloons too. Sarah pretty much occupied herself, watching us and sucking on her bottle. Then while Benjamin napped on the couch I cleaned up the place.”

Both girls glanced about, taking in the mess on every surface.

“It looks better than it did,” said Kevin, sheepishly.

Gina was horrified that her sanctuary had been so violated, but she kept that thought quiet. She was still trying to absorb the fact that Kevin was not angry, which presented a new problem for her. She’d worry about cleaning up her apartment later. She was tired from the stress of the afternoon and needed to think. She wished they’d all leave so she could put herself and her apartment back together.

“Thank you for watching Benjamin and Sarah,” said Bonnie. “I’m sure they had a good time. And obviously you took good care of them.”

“Anytime,” said Kevin.

“Gina, let me help you clean up before we go,” said Bonnie.

“No, no. That’s okay. I’ll get it.” Gina just wanted to be alone.

“I’ll help you get the kids out to your car, Bonnie,” said Kevin, as he started gathering toys and diaper bag items.

Kevin carried Benjamin and Sarah to the car while Bonnie transferred her purchases from Gina’s car to her own. Gina watched them from the door. She was certain Kevin was helping Bonnie out the door so eagerly because he wanted to be alone with her so he could tell her off. What would she say when he came back in? Worse, what would he say to her?
She was picking up trash in the living room when Kevin came through the door. He shut it behind him. Gina’s chest squeezed hard. She almost didn’t breathe.

“This is my fault. I’ll help,” he said, as he leaned down to pick smooshed bread crumbs from the carpet.

“No, actually, it’s my fault.”

She hadn’t meant to take the conversation in this direction. It would have been easier to cover everything with their customarily friendly chat. But without warning something had stopped in her heart. She didn’t want to do that with Kevin anymore. The honest way seemed the best way,
though it would be difficult, the path fraught with hurt feelings. Her heart beat hard as she tried to frame her words in an honest manner while doing as little damage as possible to his ego.

“Your fault? What are you talking about?” Kevin stopped picking up trash and looked at her across the tiny living room.

“I think I kind of hornswoggled you into watching Bonnie’s kids.” She choked out the words. Her sense of embarrassment and shame was so overwhelming that she couldn’t make eye contact with him. She fixed her eyes on the bit of trash in her hands. She hoped she wasn’t blushing. And she hoped equally much that she wouldn’t start crying. What had she been thinking, pulling a stunt like this?

“You didn’t hornswoggle me. I could have said no.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Finally she looked up at him. She was truly puzzled.

“I told you I like helping you. And Bonnie needs a break now and then. Though I have to admit, I was a little surprised at first at what you did. But after you left, I thought about it for a while, and I figured if you were so desperate to get out of the apartment for the afternoon that you’d dump two little kids on me, you must have good reason. You wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t based on kindness.”

“No.” She smiled weakly, partially out of gratitude and partially out of shock. As she looked into his eyes she saw nothing but gentleness and affection. How could he interpret her selfish actions as kindness? Briefly she thought of fessing up in detail. But if he knew her true motivation he would be terribly hurt. She didn’t want to hurt Kevin. Did he really believe she had acted out of any motivation linked with kindness? What a compliment. No one had ever said such a nice thing about her before, even if it wasn’t true. She vowed to herself that she would try harder to live up to such an ideal.

They chatted while they cleaned up. Kevin seemed to be his usual upbeat self. Obviously the afternoon’s events had left him no worse for the wear. Gina was grateful that he seemed to quickly put it behind. In about fifteen minutes her apartment began to look like normal.

“I wouldn’t turn down a cold drink if it were offered,” said Kevin.

“I have ice water.”

“Fine with me.”

He sat down on the couch, and he look so relaxed that it appeared to Gina that he meant to stay a while. She fixed him some ice water, brought it to the living room, and gave it to him. He thanked her while she sat down on the couch beside him, being careful to put a little bit of distance between them. They were alone again. She had told herself she wouldn’t let that happen.

“Fleet Week is almost here,” he said, taking a sip of water. “I told you about it before. I’d love to show you around the ship. Where I work, eat, sleep. You’d find it very interesting. I want you to meet some of my shipmates, too. Friends of mine.”

“I’m sure your family would love a private tour of the ship. Your sister lives right there in San Francisco.”

“Gina,” he said, and as he did, he reached for her hand and took it in his. “Three hundred guys live aboard the Flint. Surely you won’t force me to be the only loser who’s escorting his sister
around during Fleet Week. That’s
not
why the Navy gave me my Good Conduct medal.”

Gina laughed. She didn’t draw back her hand from his. The innocent touch of his hand. It was warm and firm and comforting, a symbol of their new sense of connection. His kiss, she mused, was like a pounding August thunderstorm, but his hand around hers was like gentle April rain. She liked it more than she thought she would.