The Libby Garrett Intervention (Science Squad #2) (34 page)

“No,” I whispered. Disappointment engulfed me, as if I’d just fallen into the Mariana Trench. It crushed me with the weight of the entire ocean. “Take me home, Owen.”

“What the hell, Libby? Will you just talk to me?”

“What’s there to talk about? All you care about is getting me in bed. I had a chance at something real, and I blew it, thinking that maybe you really cared about me. But you don’t. It’s the same old thing with you. You’re just in this for the sex. You’ve told me that a hundred times. I don’t want the sex anymore. I want a
boyfriend
. I want a relationship. I want something deeper. I want love. Not lust. I’m sorry, Owen. I’m really done with this. Please, take me home.”

. . . . .

My parents were curled up on the couch together, watching a movie in the living room when I got home. They were having the night I should have had, if I’d only been a little less stupid and self-centered. They jumped to their feet when I came through the door and slammed it behind me. My dad glanced out the front window while my mom headed for me. “What happened?”

I rushed past them both, afraid I’d start crying if they asked me questions. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

As I climbed the stairs, I heard Mom say, “Was that a limo? I thought she was going to Adam’s tonight.”

After that, I slammed my bedroom door and turned up my radio obnoxiously loud. I made it through half my
woman power
playlist before they knocked on my door. I wasn’t surprised. They didn’t usually pry much, but I’d looked pretty bad tonight.

I turned down the music and gave them permission to enter. The soft
hey
that responded after the door opened was definitely not from one of my parents. Adam let himself into my room and came to sit beside me where I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was more than shocked to see him. “Your parents called me,” he said, as if reading my mind.

Guilt hit me hard and my face heated with shame. “I’m surprised you came.”

“I’m your sponsor, Libby. It’s my job. Pick you up when you fall, remember?”

I rubbed my temples as if my head were starting to ache, but it might have just been my heart that hurt. “That only makes me feel worse.”

I closed my eyes against a sudden sting. I hate feeling stupid almost as much as I hate being wrong. Tonight I was both of those things. But neither stupid nor wrong were anywhere near as bad as feeling unworthy, and I was that more than anything. Adam was here to be nice and supportive when I didn’t deserve it. I was sure he had a heartfelt tough-love sermon all prepared, but I couldn’t handle one of those right now.

“Libby—”

“Please don’t say anything.”

“Okay.”

The bed shifted as he sat down next to me. He kept quiet, as promised. I couldn’t follow my own rule. “He didn’t want to take me to the dance. Not really. He wouldn’t join our friends for dinner, and then he took me to a restaurant so far away that we missed most of the dance anyway. He didn’t care about taking me to the prom. He didn’t care that it meant a lot to me. He only wanted one thing. He’s only ever wanted one thing from me.” I shook my head, willing the tears that wanted to fall to stay put behind my eyes. “We didn’t even make it to the dance. I made him take me home before we got there.”

Adam took a big breath and quietly said, “I’m sorry.”

I believed him. He was truly sorry that things hadn’t worked out for me. He was sorry that I’d been hurt. Even after I’d bailed on him in the worst way, he was genuinely sympathetic. It was salt in the wound. I couldn’t stand that he was being nice. “No, I’m sorry. You were right, and I didn’t want to hear it. I was a total ignoramus. And a cold, self-centered female dog on top of it. You didn’t deserve it. And now you’re here being nice and supportive…just…lecture me or something. Please. I deserve it.”

Adam chuckled. “You jut asked me
not
to lecture you.”

I cracked a smile and glanced at him with the intent of explaining how much I deserved one of his self-righteous sermons, but lost my train of thought when I noticed what he was wearing. I sat up to get a better look at him. “Wow, Coffee Man. You look good. What’s with the suit?” It was a little big on him, but he still rocked it.

Startled, he cringed down at his outfit and his cheeks turned pink. “It was my sister.” He smiled at a memory as he loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button on his dress shirt. The effect only made him look better. “Kate planned this big surprise. She borrowed the suit, decorated the whole apartment, and put together this fancy dinner, complete with candles and everything.”

“She really did all that for us?” Okay, I was truly going to be sick.

Adam’s eyes drifted to my bookshelf and his voice got quieter. “She was excited because I never got a prom and I hardly ever date anymore.”

“Oh, my heck. Can a person die from guilt?” I buried my face in my hands, praying the expensive dinner I’d eaten earlier would stay in my stomach. “Adam, I am so sorry. I was such an idiot.”

Adam pulled my hands off my face and gave me a soft smile. “Hey, you’re not the only one. I was a jerk.” He dropped my hands to drag his fingers through his hair. “I said some really stupid things earlier. I didn’t mean any of it, Libby. You were right about me. I have a million insecurities. I lashed out at you because of them, and I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “You lashed out at me because I hurt you. I deserved it.”

Adam sighed and lay back on my bed, commandeering my pillow. His eyes fluttered across the ceiling as if he were counting the glow in the dark stars stuck up there. “I
am
a little hurt,” he said. “I won’t lie. You stomped me pretty hard tonight. But that didn’t make it okay for me to hurt you back.”

Bile crept up my throat. Honest Adam was never one to pull his punches. I could barely choke out another apology. Hearing the emotion in my voice, Adam stopped counting stars and pulled me down next to him, putting his arm beneath my head and tucking me snuggly against his side. “It sounds like we’re both sorry. I’ll forgive you, if you forgive me.”

I shook my head, feeling bewildered. “How can you not be mad?”

Adam shrugged. “I’ve had time to settle down. Earlier, I was so mad I couldn’t think straight. And I was frustrated.” He chuckled. “Honestly, sometimes trying to talk to you is like talking to a brick wall. You’re so stubborn.”

I snorted. “Yeah, and there’s no obstinate streak in you.”

We laughed softly, and when it died out Adam sighed. “I was pissed. But after I calmed down, I realized I’d been unfair to you because I was jealous and hurt.”

I flinched again, and he squeezed me tightly, as if to let me know it was okay. “You have a big heart, Libby. You ignore people’s faults and always see the best in them. You overlook
my
faults so well that I almost feel like I don’t have any when I’m around you, which is one of the things I like the most about you. I shouldn’t get angry when you do the same for Owen.”

There was a long pause and then he turned his head toward me, pressing his cheek against the top of my head. The way he held me to him felt so good my eyes fluttered shut.

“Maybe you were right that he deserved a chance to prove himself,” Adam said. “I wish I were as kind and optimistic as you. It would be nice to believe that people can really change, but that hasn’t exactly been the story of my life so far.”

I thought back on the night, and my good mood deflated a little. “I guess it’s not my story, either. Owen tried tonight, but he still completely missed the point. He just didn’t get it.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Adam quietly said, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to.”

Suddenly, in the midst of my depression and guilt, I smiled. I rolled onto my side and snuggled closer to Adam, enjoying the peace and comfort his warm, solid body brought me. When he glanced down at me, I grinned up at him. “It may not have worked out the way I’d wanted it to, but it definitely worked out for the best.”

His face stayed wary, but his eyes were sharp, alive with his usual intensity as he waited for me to explain. “How so?”

“You’ve been trying to tell me all along, but I was like Owen—I just didn’t get it. I had to learn that lesson for myself, and if I hadn’t given Owen another chance, I might not have ever learned it. I might not have ever truly understood.”

Adam’s eyes narrowed. His lips pursed as he became lost in contemplation. “Understood what?” he finally asked.

The truth was simple. I sat up again, wanting a better view of his face. He stayed where he was and tucked an arm up under his head. His eyes never left mine. Their deep, dark depths made me shiver. “That Owen is wrong for me. That even if he cares about me, he’s not want I want. That I’m better off without him. I want more than he could give me. I deserve more.”

I picked up his hand and held it in mine. He watched as I played with his hand, drawing on his palm with my finger and then tracing the lines of his tattoos. A shiver rocked him, and he swallowed hard. My eyes flashed to his. They were trained on me, filled with heat.

My pulse skyrocketed. That my touch could affect him so strongly was maddening. “It’s not too late,” he whispered. His voice was breathy, almost a gasp. “We could still have our prom. I brought your movies back. We could watch them here. I’ll even dance with you, if you really want me to.”

As I stared into Adam’s hopeful eyes, my heart seemed to take a breath with me. Adam was everything I’d wished Owen would be. When I’d told Owen the things I was looking for, what I wanted from a relationship, I’d described everything Adam wanted to offer me. And now I understood that I didn’t just want love and respect, and a relationship. I wanted those things with a guy who wanted them, too. Not just any guy: I wanted Adam. Specifically. But I didn’t understand how he could still want those things from me when I’d hurt him so badly. My train of thought effectively broke the spell I was under, and I pulled my hands back to my own lap. “Why would you give me another chance?”

He sighed. “People screw up, Libby. Addicts relapse. It’s part of the process. No one’s going to be perfect. The important thing is that you recognized it. You didn’t put up with his bullshit this time, or you’d still be at the dance. Or worse: in his hotel room right now. You didn’t give in to the addiction and let it rule you. You recognized your mistake and fixed it on your own. That’s progress.
Huge
progress.”

He was right. That was better than nothing. I didn’t have to look him in the face tonight and tell him that I’d slept with Owen and had only come crawling back after he disappeared and hurt me again. I was grateful for that, but it didn’t make me feel too much better. I’d still screwed up. Supersize.

“Plus, the fact that you dumped the guy and admitted you don’t want him anymore makes it really hard to stay mad at you. Especially when you weren’t the only one who messed up tonight.”

Well, when he put it like that…
Man, he sure had a way with words.

Giving my hand a squeeze, he lifted a DVD case off the nightstand next to my bed and gave me that nuclear smile of his that he saves for rare moments when he’s feeling especially good. “So, how about it, Libby Garrett? Will you go to the prom with me?”

My heart did a somersault, but my eyes threatened to well up with tears at the same time, because I knew I couldn’t say yes. “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

I hated myself for saying it, because in all honesty it sounded like the greatest idea ever. I prayed I wasn’t making the biggest mistake of my life.

Adam’s face smoothed out. It was an excellent poker face, but the fact that he was working so hard to keep his emotions hidden was proof of his disappointment.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I promised. “Trust me, Coffee Man; I really, really want to. But clearly I’m not ready to handle anything real yet. What you said when we kissed—I understand now, and you were right. We shouldn’t rush this thing between us—electric, magnetic, amazing, and special as it is. If we only get once chance, then I don’t want to screw it up, either. You aren’t the kind of guy that should be wasted on a rebound.”

Surprise broke through his careful expression. I took a breath and forced myself to say the exact opposite of what I was feeling at the moment. “I think we should wait until we’re sure I’m through with Owen Anonymous. Give me some time to get my head on a little straighter so that we know I’m not going to make another mistake and hurt you again. Or myself.”

After suffering a healthy dose of shock, Adam stared at me with something that could only be described as pride and respect. “You’re the strongest girl I know, Libby.”

Grinning that smile that had disarmed me the first time I saw it, he sat up and lifted my hand to his chest, covering his heart. “I’ll give you all the time you need.” He leaned closer, his smile turning mischievous. “But I think I need a kiss to tide me over until you’re ready.”

He didn’t wait for an answer before brushing his lips across mine. I shivered and his free hand came to my face, cupping my cheek as he pulled me slightly closer, pressing us more firmly together. His lips eagerly captured mine, but he didn’t push for anything more. There was no tongue, no gasping for breath, no laying me back on the bed we were seated on. He even kept our hands captured against his heart.