The Librarian Principle (16 page)

Liese put her hand on his chest, shoving him back. She tried not to think about how solid he felt. “You can’t be serious. You haven’t spoken to me in four days. You didn’t email, you didn’t text, and you certainly didn’t call to see how I was dealing with this situation. Do you know how that feels after all the—”

She stopped, not wanting him to know how emotionally attached she’d become. As if he needed more leverage. “The last time we talked, you graciously told me to keep my mouth shut for the good of both our careers. Now you’re trying to tell me you not only want to fuck me again, but you want to what? Date me? Is that it? Don’t you think this conversation would have been more appropriate, oh, say, before you left me lying in your bed so you could ignore me for the rest of the week?” Liese whispered furiously. “I’m not some slut you can fuck when you feel like it.”

Ryder bowed his head. “I know that. That’s not—I never intended for any of this to happen,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it to. I know I was inexcusably rude when I left you at my house. I wasn’t a gentleman, and I didn’t handle things well. I didn’t expect to feel—” He sighed and met her gaze. “Please believe me when I tell you I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed with you all day, and not just because of the sex. I did a horrific job of conveying that effectively. I’d like to make it up to you if you’d let me.”

For a fleeting moment, he seemed sweet and awkward in his fumbling. Liese knew too well that was hardly the case.

“
I’m busy tonight,” she retorted, determined not to crack. Although the way he looked at her made it a challenge.

“
Doing what?” he asked, his tone just as sharp. The wounded look on his face made her want to cancel her plans, which frustrated her to no end.

“
Going out for drinks with some friends—not that it’s any of your business. Are we done here?” Liese put her hand on the doorknob behind her.

After a few long seconds, he sighed heavily. “You’re free to leave.”

Liese turned, her hands shaking as she struggled with the lock. She burst out of the room and hightailed it to the parking lot, leaving as quickly as her car would allow. When she arrived at the bar, she had to give herself a few minutes to regain her composure before she went inside.

Half of her still wanted to drive over to Ryder’s house and offer to be dessert again. The other half wanted to kick him in the taint for being a gigantic asshole up until this afternoon. He’d seemed so contrite and apologetic. Regardless, she would defer to Marissa. Only when she had an impartial opinion could she make a rational decision. If she acted on her initial impulse to go to him, she was likely to do something regrettable. Again.

Resolved, Liese went inside to find her friends. Emily and Janet, the classics teacher, sat on one side of a tall table, Blake on the other. They were her Fullerton crew. None of them knew her like Marissa did, and she definitely couldn’t tell them about her situation with Ryder, but at least she didn’t have to be alone with her thoughts.

“
Meeting with Whitehall go okay?” Blake asked as she hoisted herself into the chair next to him. He slid a fresh martini her way and clinked her glass. “I ordered it when I saw your car pull in. Cheers.”

“
Thanks.” Liese took a hefty gulp before answering, enjoying the burn as it traveled down her throat. “He was fine. It was just about resources for the library.”

“
Yeah, right. That’s why you’re gulping down that martini. Word has it Whitehall’s been in a bad mood all week,” Janet said.

“
We’ve witnessed it firsthand more than once.” Blake put his arm around Liese in a show of solidarity.

“
Remember when he made you cry?” Emily asked Janet and took a delicate sip of her Cosmo.

“
Em!” Janet slapped her arm.

“
What?” Emily asked. “Who
hasn’t
he made cry? That guy is the biggest jerk in the world.”

Liese ducked her head, immersing herself in the menu. She didn’t want confirmation that other people saw Ryder that way. It created more questions about him than it answered.

“
He hasn’t made me cry,” Blake interjected.

“
That’s probably because you beat him up when we were in high school,” Janet shot back.

Liese looked up to find Blake staring intently at his beer. “You went to high school together?” she asked. Liese tried to imagine a teenage version of Blake.

“
Yeah, he was a couple of years ahead of me.”

“
And you beat him up? Why would you do that?”

“
That’s a good question. Why did you beat him up?” Emily asked.

Blake sighed, his discomfort obvious. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

At the simultaneous
yes
, he chugged the rest of his beer and poured a new one from the pitcher, launching into his story. “So I was a sophomore, and he was a senior. I was all geared up to try out for this role in the school play because this super-hot girl was trying out for the female lead, and there was this kissing scene—” Blake paused to survey his enraptured audience. “Anyway, I got the role, which was really cool because I was just a sophomore, and usually the lead roles went to juniors and seniors.”

“
Stop stalling and get to the good part,” Janet ordered.

“
Do you already know this story?” Liese looked from Janet to Blake.

“
Uh-huh. Blake and I were in a lot of the same classes in high school. Okay, continue,” Janet motioned to Blake.

“
I’m sure you can see where this is going.”

Liese couldn’t see where it was going at all. The idea of Ryder taking part in a school production seemed preposterous, but she kept her mouth shut and waited.

“
Whitehall had a crush on the female lead, and I had no idea. Like I said, he was a senior. I didn’t really know him. He was into track, and I did drama. We didn’t run in the same circles,” Blake blathered on, looking more and more uncomfortable as he continued to justify the inevitable end to his story.

“
Yeah, yeah, we get it. You didn’t know him, so it was totally okay for you to steal his girl,” Janet cut in again.

“
Will you shut up and let him tell the damn story?” Emily perched her chin on her folded hands and smiled. “Go on.”

“
I guess they’d been dating, but keeping it low key? Cassandra, Cassie, Carrie—”

“
Caroline!” Janet interjected.

“
Thanks. God, she was pretty. Not a very good actress, but she had these full, pouty lips.”

“
Finish the story, Blake,” Emily said.

“
Well, let’s just say Caroline wasn’t above practicing that scene pretty much any opportunity she got. And I wasn’t complaining. I was sixteen, for Christ’s sake. I was a walking, talking hormone, and she was all over me.”

“
So what happened?” Now Liese could imagine the ending, and her heart broke for Ryder. No wonder he hated Blake.

“
So we were rehearsing the kissing scene after hours. No one else was in the auditorium, and one thing led to another. I guess Whitehall decided to stop by after track practice to see her. He was still wearing those God-awful running shorts, and he had such skinny legs . . .”

“
Oh, my God! He caught you guys having sex?” Emily asked.

“
No, we were just making out, but there was some under-the-clothes hand action going on.”

“
Oh.” Emily looked strangely disappointed, as if catching your significant other kissing someone else in high school wasn’t enough of a punch to the heart. “Above or below?”

“
What?” Blake asked.

“
The under-clothes hand action, was it above or below the belt?”

“
Um . . .” Blake hesitated. “My hands were above, hers were below.”

“
Wow. It must have sucked for Ryder to walk in on that.” Emily and Janet nodded to each other.

“
Yeah, well, he flipped out and punched me in the face.”

“
Ryder hit you?” Liese couldn’t picture Ryder lashing out at anyone. He was always so controlled, even when angry.

“
He sure did. He broke my nose. So I started wailing on him, because I had no idea why he was hitting me in the first place. Most of what he said to Caroline didn’t make much sense at the time. It did afterward, but not in the moment. Anyway, he ended up with some stitches in his lip and bruised ribs, and I had a broken nose. Neither one of us got the girl. Which is kind of a good thing; last I heard she was working on her third marriage.”

“
That’s quite a story.” Emily swirled her drink in her glass. “I guess it must have been a tough pill for him to swallow when he came to FAHL a couple of years ago and found you on the staff. He has to relive that awful moment every time he sees you.”

“
So awful,” Janet said. “Poor Ryder.”

“
All this time I thought he was just an asshole, but this explains so much.” Emily sighed, her eyes watery. “Think about how terrible that would be—walking in on your girlfriend with her hands down another guys pants, and you end up being his boss later in life.” Emily turned to Blake. “It’s a wonder he hasn’t given you a classroom in the basement.”

“
Seriously? Are you guys for real?
He
came at
me
. It wasn’t like I hijacked his girl on purpose. I had no idea they were together.”

“
Does he know that?” Liese asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“
Who knows?” Blake replied. “It wasn’t like he let it go afterward, or tried to find out the real story. All his buddies gave me a hard time for the rest of the year. They started spreading rumors about me, and it sucked. I couldn’t get a date again until senior year.”

“
I don’t think Ryder had anything to do with that, though,” Janet said. “From what I remember, he was pretty broken up about it. I think his friends retaliated on his behalf. And I’m pretty sure Caroline wasn’t too kind in her references to your . . .” She pointed to her lap.

“
What? There’s nothing wrong with my—” Blake gestured below the table. “I would have apologized back then, but he didn’t give me much motivation, and with the way he’s always breathing down my neck now, I’m not very inclined to try to set things straight. It was almost twenty years ago,” he added. “He should probably just get over it.”

“
He’s been quite civil with you, really, all things considered,” Emily said.

“
Change of topic, please. This one’s getting old,” Blake grumbled.

The conversation moved to other non-work-related topics, but Liese only half-listened. Blake’s story revealed so much about Ryder. She could now understand his disdain for Blake, and see why he’d been so volatile in his office this afternoon. Liese finished her martini and ordered another, making it a double. Now that the appetizers had arrived, she could afford to cut loose a bit.

The room slanted a little while later when she slid off her seat, excusing herself to the bathroom. It took her a moment to feel steady. Liquor always hit her hard, and harder still when she hadn’t eaten properly, which was the case today. When she came out of the stall, she gave her reflection the once-over. Her eyes were bright, and her cheeks flushed, but at least she wasn’t on the verge of tears anymore.

Liese returned to the table and took her seat, coming back to a conversation she couldn’t quite follow at first.

“
. . . so I guess she finally managed to get substitute work, but not in Pennsylvania. I was told by one of her former colleagues, who dates my cousin’s friend, that she had to go to inner city New York to get a job, and at a public high school, of all places. They have metal detectors at the doors,” Emily said, making a face.

“
They’re talking about the teacher-principal thing from the beginning of the year,” Blake explained when she threw him a questioning look.

“
Oh.” Liese shifted uncomfortably in her seat, taking great interest in the fresh martini as the waitress placed it before her.

“
Ah, shit,” Blake muttered as Janet and Emily continued to prattle on about the alleged outcome of the affair.