The Librarian Principle (13 page)

“
Open,” he whispered.

Liese shook her head.

He shifted, his knee coming between her own. As he pressed his hips into hers she felt what seemed to be an erection but clearly couldn’t be since they’d finished having sex just minutes ago. As she began to state that fact, Ryder took the advantage and kissed her fiercely. Her hesitation dissipated as desperation took over. When he finally broke the kiss, she was breathless and hot all over again.

“
I really don’t want to leave this bed.” He released her hands and buried his face in the pillow beside her, his cheek pressed against hers.

In a consoling gesture, she ran her hand down his back, feeling the flex of muscles. “We could call in sick.” Liese hated the hopefulness in her voice.

He shook his head, and although she knew playing hooky wouldn’t be an option, she felt a pang of hurt.

He rolled off of her, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed, facing away. “I took the liberty of enrolling you in a professional development session that runs until noon today. Of course, you’re not expected to attend, but you’ll need to be at FAHL by twelve-thirty.” He scrubbed his face with his palm. “You can go back to sleep for a while, if you’d like. I’ll be in the shower.”

He pushed off the mattress, head dropping as he paused, then spun to face her with an expression that bordered on terror, his hand covering his semi-erect cock. “Fuck. What the hell was I thinking?”

“
Pardon?”

At her confusion he continued, “No condom.”

“
Oh. I get the shot.”

His shoulders relaxed a little. “Regardless, that was incredibly irresponsible of me.”

“
I trust you. I would have stopped you if I was concerned,” she said, fingering the edge of the sheets. She’d been so preoccupied with how good it felt, she hadn’t clued in to the why of it.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. “Still, I apologize. I’m not so sure your trust was well earned, considering my lack of judgment.”

He withdrew without deepening the kiss and turned away.

Liese took in the sinewy expanse of his back, which led to his perfect ass, as Ryder moved across the room. The bathroom door closed behind him, cutting off her spectacular view, and the patter of water from the shower filtered through the wall.

A sick feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. The doubts she’d pushed down resurfaced, gnawing at her conscience. She fought the compulsion to get dressed and leave before he returned from his shower. She didn’t want to think about what would happen next. She realized again how complicated things could get from here. She should seek a different advisor. She couldn’t continue to have him in that role when she wanted to be sprawled out on his desk—being spanked, no less. Now that they’d acted on the impulse, it would be impossible not to go there again given the opportunity, at least for her.

Liese stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out what the hell to do. There would be no time to talk it out this morning. Even if he hurried, Ryder would still be late. The water turned off, and she listened for sounds of movement but could only hear the fan. Several minutes later, Ryder emerged from the bathroom fully dressed, fastening the last of the buttons on his dress shirt.

The tension in the room felt suffocating. “I should go home.” She sat up, clutching the sheets to her chest, and peered over the edge of the bed, looking for her clothes. Aside from her panties and bra, they were nowhere to be found. They’d been removed in Ryder’s office.

“
No.” He headed for his dresser where he opened a small box and picked out a clip, fastening his tie to his shirt. “Stay as long as you like. Just be at work by twelve-thirty.” When he lifted his eyes, he didn’t look at her, but past her, above her head. “I’m sure you’re aware this is a highly sensitive situation, and I expect you’ll be discreet about what’s happened.”

Her unease transformed into humiliated despair. Ryder had shut down on her. His professional, cold demeanor—the one saved primarily for those who’d done something to displease him—loomed large. This was a look he’d never directed at her, and the sight of it now made her feel used and pathetic.

“
I won’t say anything to anyone,” she said, willing him to meet her gaze. He didn’t.

“
Of course you won’t. But in all seriousness, I suggest you leave your laptop at home from now on. Such a transgression would be detrimental to both of our careers.” He scanned her body, his eyes never reaching hers. An emotion flickered across his face—sadness, regret maybe, but he buried it quickly. “I appreciate your discretion. There’s a package on the table in the foyer with all the materials you would’ve received had you made it to the session.” He turned toward the door.

“
Ryder.” Her voice cracked, betraying her emotions. This wasn’t how she wanted to leave things.

He paused at the threshold, gripping the doorjamb. For a fraction of a second, Liese thought he would turn around. Instead he straightened. “I’ll see you this afternoon.”

And then he was gone.

She sat in stunned silence, listening as he descended the stairs. It seemed to take forever for him to leave. When the front door closed, she dropped the hand pressed against her mouth, embarrassed that she had expected anything different from this experience.

Of course it would be a one-night stand; his references to subsequent punishments last night had been founded on primal need, nothing else. A relationship with Ryder would be too complicated. She knew it, but it still hurt to have it thrown in her face. No kiss goodbye, no reassurance they would talk later or work something out. Despite herself, she wanted more. She wanted secret dates and deep conversation, passionate sex and more spankings.

She dropped back against the pillows, sinking into them as she replayed last night and this morning in her head. It dawned on her with aching clarity that both times they’d had sex it had been from behind. Not once had he looked her in the eyes or kissed her during the act.

Mortified and angry, Liese wished she could take it back. She pulled in an uneven breath. She could practically taste Ryder’s aftershave and smell his skin as she huddled in his sheets. Disgusted with herself for being such an idiot, she untangled the covers and left his bed.

Striding down the hallway in her bra and panties, she retrieved her clothes from his office. It was impossible not to look at his desk as she dressed, and a fresh wave of misery washed over her when she thought about how exposed she’d allowed herself to be with him. Anger sparked, and she swiped at her tears, willing herself to hold it together. Liese yanked on her skirt and fastened the buttons of her blouse with shaking hands.

In a hurry to leave, she padded quickly down the stairs and passed his living room, a space she’d been too preoccupied to notice last night. She paused. There were no family pictures on the walls or the mantle of the fireplace. But a painting hung in isolation above a solitary wingback chair. The figure was curled in on himself, dark hair hanging over his cheek, shoulders hunched. Lean, wiry arms wrapped around his shins, and his forehead rested on his knees. The straight line of his nose reminded her of a much younger Ryder, but this version looked as helpless as she felt in this moment.

Turning away, she glanced at the kitchen. The dishes from the previous night were still on the counter, leftover food dried on the plates. Liese sighed. She needed to get out of his house. She vacillated between wanting to break his dishes or put them in the dishwasher.

Liese slipped into her shoes and pulled on her coat. She looked around for her purse, irrationally afraid Ryder would return. If that happened, she ran the risk of punching him in his gorgeous face for being such a colossal dick and making her feel stupid for having had sex with him in the first place. Her vision blurred as tears threatened to fall. A few, deep calming breaths later, she could see again.

Her purse sat on the side table, a white envelope perched beside it. Inside she found the documents Ryder had left to ensure her absence appeared legitimate this morning. Also tucked inside the large envelope was a smaller one containing a note and a key.

As she unfolded the paper, Liese wondered if she might have misread his behavior. Ryder’s neat cursive had filled the small page, but not with the reassuring message she’d hoped for.

Please lock the door on your way out. You can leave the key in my mailbox by sealing it in this envelope.

The note wasn’t addressed to her, and he hadn’t bothered to sign it. She shoved it into her purse along with the documents from the professional development session. If she’d had the balls, she would have left the door unlocked and taped the key to it. Instead, she slammed it harder than necessary and locked it before she stomped to her car. But she didn’t leave the key in the mailbox. If he wanted it back, he’d have to ask her for it.

The second she sat in the driver’s seat, her phone beeped. She glared at the device lying in the center console. She hated how much she hoped Ryder had left a message. Punching in her code, she found she had new voicemails and another text from Marissa. The request incited her to text or call within the next twenty-four hours or her friend would file a missing persons report.

Liese hastily replied to let Marissa know she hadn’t ended up face down in a ditch somewhere. She desperately wanted to talk to her, but multitasking while upset seemed like a bad idea. The other new voicemail was from a number she didn’t recognize with a New York area code. She left that one for later, when she wasn’t in a rush to escape the scene of her poor decision making.

The shower became her primary target upon arrival at home, with her goal to remove all traces of Ryder. Now that she had some perspective, she realized she should have left the key in his mailbox. Keeping it would force a confrontation she wasn’t quite ready for. Until she had her emotions under control, she would have to avoid him.

By 10:30 she was dressed and ready for work. She called Marissa’s cell, but it flipped to voicemail on the third ring. Liese broke down over Marissa’s recorded message telling her to “leave your deets at the tone.” She spluttered out a barely coherent message, which included a request for immediate contact.

With time to spare, Liese checked her voicemail and found the two calls from the previous night to be hang-ups. She deleted them and listened to the ones from the same number that were time-stamped at four in the morning and again at five. The first was another hang-up; the next, however, was not.

“
Uh—hey. Hi. It’s Sean. I got a new cell, which is probably why you’re not answering. I . . . uh—I was thinking about how much I missed you. I wondered if you’d gotten my texts or not. I’ve sent you a few. I just want to talk. I know you think we can’t be together with you living in Pennsylvania and me living in New York, but I just . . . I love you and I miss you. Call me. Okay, babydoll? I really want to talk. Maybe I could come see you. Okay. I hope you call back. You can’t ignore me forever.” The message cut off abruptly, having run out of time to record what probably would have gone on for eons.

“
Son of a bitch.” Liese exhaled unsteadily. She saved the message and pressed the end button, tossing the phone down as if it might bite her. She looked out the window, half expecting to see her ex-boyfriend on her front porch. It wouldn’t have been the first time she found him camped out there. Sean had slept in the hallway of her apartment the night she broke it off with him. She’d called the superintendent, and it was only when the building threatened to call the police that he finally gave up. He’d been persistent though; returning the following night, and the one after that until they did call the police.

Shaken and distraught, she left her house earlier than necessary, too strung out to stay home any longer. The local coffee shop seemed a safe bet before she headed to FAHL for her 12:30 arrival. The latte she ordered warmed her hands but little else as she sat in the parking lot, waiting until it was time to face her fate. She had to buck up. She’d made her bed and now she had to lie in it. How ironic that she’d left Ryder’s a mess.

Reluctantly, she got out of the car. If all went well, she could sign in without running into anyone and hide out in the library for the afternoon. Composing herself, she headed directly to the main office. She found Blake there, chatting with Betty.

“
Hey, you.” He flashed her a smile. “I wondered if you were still feeling crappy since you weren’t here this morning. I was worried about you last night.”

“
I’m okay, just a little worn out.” It wasn’t a total lie; she was tired, all right. “I had a PD session this morning I forgot I’d signed up for.” She returned his smile and prayed it didn’t look fake as she held up the package.

She could tell he didn’t believe her about being okay, but he didn’t press the issue. “Was it interesting at least?”

Liese shrugged noncommittally at the same time Ryder came out of his office to speak to Betty.

“
That good, huh?” Blake asked. “What was it about?”

Unprepared to see Ryder, Liese blurted, “Oh, it was just some workplace harassment training session.” Her vindictive side reigned as she followed with, “It was relatively unsatisfying.” She tried to suppress a smile as Ryder’s eyes bore a hole into the side of her face.