The Lies We Tell (19 page)

Dammit — he’d just managed to melt away most of the mad. “That’s wonderful. You’ll be very good at it.”

“Not so good, it seems.” Todd looked over her head at Bubba. “I thought we’d agreed it would be best to ask a woman who’s already borne children.”

“We did, but then when I thought of Sia, I couldn’t think of anything more perfect.”

Todd looked back at her. “Have you thought this through?”

“Of course.”

“Your first child should really be your own.”

Sia’s eyes widened. “You’re telling me what to do with my body?”

“What? No. I — shit.” Todd actually ran his hand through his hair. “I just meant that —“

“If I were you, I’d stop talking,” Sia said. “You keep digging holes for yourself.” She turned back to Bubba and Michael. “Ready for coffee and a chat?”

“Sure,” Michael said.

She linked arms with the two of them and led them away, refusing to look back at Todd.

At the café, coffee and cakes were ordered.

“How are things with your Dad?” Bubba said.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Sia said. “You really talked to Todd Lansing about this?”

“He’s been very supportive and full of good ideas,” Michael said.

“I bet he has.”

“Are you two fighting? I’d got the impression when I met Todd that you and he were an item.”

“Old news,” Sia said. “As you can see, he can’t stop from interfering in my life.”

“It’s just caring, Sia.”

“I don’t care what it is, I don’t have to put up with it. Now, let’s forget about Todd Lansing and talk about your beautiful dream.”

Bubba and Michael grabbed each other’s hands. “Have you decided?” Bubba said.

For a moment, she considered changing her mind to spite Todd but she knew what she was doing was right.

“I have,” she said. She reached out and put her hand on theirs. “I can’t. I’m sorry. If I were staying in Oberon I would, but I’m moving. You said yourself that you wanted a surrogate in the area, so you can be part of the process.”

“Damn.” Tears welled in Michael’s eyes. “I’d so hoped for a different answer.”

“We’ll be happy to miss out,” Bubba said.

“I don’t think you should be. I think you should be part of everything.”

“If we can’t find someone here, will you reconsider?”

Sia smiled. “Of course. But I hope you will find someone close by.”

Her phone rang. Sienna. Sia answered it.

“He’s been found guilty. Sentenced to seven years.”

“I’m on my way.” She disconnected and relayed the news to Bubba.

“I’m sorry it ended up this way,” Bubba said.

“You do the crime, you do the time.” Sia stood and gave them each a kiss. “Take care, and best of luck.”

Then she met her friends and they headed home to start a new life without Frank Collins in it.

The kids were in bed, Sienna was in the bedroom studying and Sia was lazing in front of the television with a glass of wine when there was a knock at the door.

She wasn’t all that surprised when she opened it to find Todd standing there but his opening words floored her.

“What is it about you? With every other person on the face of the planet I’m calm, understanding, patient even. With you, it’s like an explosion of emotion that I can’t control.”

“I’m not sure what to say to that.”

“Neither am I. Right, let’s see what apology I can stuff up this time. I’m sorry that I tried to tell you what to do with your life. I’m sorry that I tried to tell you how to handle your father. I’m sorry that I got so fucking emotional that I ran away rather than talk to you about my concerns. Have a million bloody gay men’s babies — I’ll support you.”

The apology was sincere but delivered with a side order of frustration. It seemed clear that for all his calm this morning, Todd was being driven as mad by their separation as she was.

“Not a million. Not even one. I turned Bubba and Michael down, but not because of you. If I decide that my first pregnancy will be for someone else, then that’s my decision.”

“Right. Right. Good. Um, why did you say no?”

Sia stepped back and waved toward the lounge. “Want a drink?”

“Yes please.”

They sat side by side on the couch.

“I decided not to have their baby because I think they should be involved in the pregnancy and they can’t be when I’m in Wollongong. But if they can’t find a suitable candidate here, I will do it for them. Bubba and Michael will make wonderful fathers and I figure at least one kid in this area should have a great dad.”

“What happened with your father? The Sia I saw up on the stand today isn’t the Sia I left behind.”

Sia decided to answer the intent of his question rather than pick on the wording. “He hit me. When sober. Once he connected, the second time Bubba stopped him. Bubba made me leave the house, and then I went to your mum’s and heard your message and then I got the call to say Dad had broken bail and was being arrested again and it all coalesced into a sudden understanding that I was banging my head against a wall. I couldn’t do anything to change Dad’s opinion of me. Either he’ll come to his senses or he won’t, but I can’t keep living my life to satisfy him. No more excuses for his behaviour. He’s had ten years to get over his guilt at letting me take the rap for him. That’s long enough.”

As she spoke, Todd’s fists clenched in his lap and his eyes narrowed until he looked at ready to hit someone as she’d seen any man. “He’s lucky he’s in jail.”

“Down, Alpha.” Sia patted Todd’s hand. It was meant to be patronising, reassuring maybe, but that didn’t stop her fingers tingling from the sensation of his skin against hers.

“You’re never going to stop me from wanting to protect you, you know. I want you to be happy. I’d give anything for that.”

Sia was struggling to hold onto the mad again. “You’re right. I should have been more understanding of your feelings. I’m sorry.”

Todd smiled and it was hard to stay on her side of the lounge. “Apology accepted.” He bowed his head. “And that’s how you’re supposed to do it, by the way.”

“When you’ve got little things to apologise for, that is how I do it. When you’ve been a complete and utter idiot and almost broke my heart, then you’re going to have to crawl back.”

“Almost broke your heart?” Todd’s voice was soft, his gaze suddenly warm and certain areas of her body got to tingling.

“Luckily I hadn’t fully committed it to you. And I had the situation with Dad and the kids to keep me going.”

“But you’d committed a bit of it to me.”

“A little bit.”

He put the wine down and moved closer to her. She could feel his heat against her thigh, her arm, her side and suddenly wanted to feel it everywhere. “What can I do to convince you to trust me with all of it?”

“It has to be a mutual exchange.”

“Ah, Sia.” He lightly stroked her arm. “You’ve had my heart since we were teenagers.”

The mad was gone, replaced by soaring tenderness and raging lust. “Maybe that’s why you do such stupid things around me.”

“Not everything I do around you is stupid.” Todd picked up her hand and traced his fingertips around her fingers and palm, tickling and enticing her. “I can think of plenty of things I’ve done that are smart. They all seem to involve us being at least partially naked.”

The temptation to leap onto his lap and demand he take her, here and now, was strong. But she wanted — needed — more than sex from him. “I’d like us to be smart at other times too.”

Todd’s mouth creased into a wistful smile. “That would be good.” He lifted her hand, placed a soft kiss on her knuckles then put it back on her lap.

Then he moved away and picked up his wine. She noted his hand shook as he took a drink.

That he was going to make the sacrifice was very sweet, although she was also disappointed. “You know, with Sienna just in the other room, this could be a good time to act out my fantasy.”

Todd closed his eyes with a groan. “What are you doing to me?”

“Being mean. Sorry.”

He shook his head and when he looked at her, the desire in his gaze was banked. “We’ve never had a proper date.”

“No.”

“It sounds like a smart thing to do.”

“Very smart.”

Todd drained his wine and stood. Sia rose, and they stared at each other for a moment.

“You’ll never have reason to doubt me again,” he said softly. “I promise.”

“I hope so.”

He kissed her lightly on her forehead and Sia watched him walk out of the house. She fell back onto the lounge, sighed, then laughed.

“You know, if a guy looked at me like that, no way would I let him walk away.”

Sia lifted her head. Sienna stood in the hallway.

“So.” Sienna walked forward, picked up the wine bottle and sniffed it before putting it down with a wrinkled nose. “Can I assume the move to Wollongong is off?”

“Let’s say it’s optional.”

“Don’t make him suffer for too long, Si. I know he deserves it, but you deserve to be happy and you can’t risk him walking for good.”

“He won’t.” As she said the words, Sia knew deep in her heart they were completely, absolutely true.

Saturday morning Sienna took the kids into Bathurst to see a movie, giving Sia the morning to tidy the house and have some time to herself.

She was trying to relax but it was hard. That night Todd was taking her on a real date. Dinner, dancing, a romantic walk in the moonlight — the whole box and dice.

Assuming they weren’t overcome by lust at some point in the evening and parked somewhere to have a quick screw.

Sia sat at the kitchen table, sipping on a coffee and started to flick through the morning paper. The real estate section caught her eye and she started to peruse homes for sale in the area.

Maybe rather than move to Wollongong, they could stay here. Todd would keep working on his new business, she’d spread her time between work and her painting and at night, they could make sweet, glorious love.

No way would Frank come near them — not hating Lansings as he did.

It would have to be a house big enough for Sienna and the kids, Sia thought, dreamily looking over the pictures. Well, maybe not Sienna — her sister would probably decide this was the moment to fly the coop, but definitely Brock and Ebonny and any other little babies that might come along.

Sia pressed a hand to her stomach. Her, pregnant? She’d never considered it before but now she loved the idea.

She hoped Todd wanted a family — they’d have to discuss that on the date.

Smiling, she turned the page and then the smile ran from her face. Her finger pressed hard into the paper, right next to the photo. She lifted her hand slowly, blinked a couple of times and focussed again.

Yes. She really was seeing an advertisement for her old family home.

She hadn’t been there for several years. Hadn’t wanted to as it held too many bad memories for her.

With a flash, she knew what she needed to do. She rushed over to the phone.

“Come pick me up,” she said as soon as it was answered.

“Is something wrong?” The concern in Todd’s voice warmed her.

“No, but it is something important. We need to take a drive.”

“I’m on my way.”

He was there in five minutes and five after that they were leaving the outskirts of Oberon, headed to Black Springs.

“Can I ask where we’re going?” Todd said.

“No,” Sia said. Not because she didn’t want him to know but now they were on the way, she had a strong suspicion that if she started talking, she’d start crying.

She directed him to their destination and they pulled up outside the fibro cottage. Sia got out of the car and stared at it. The garden had been cleaned up and the house given a coat of paint, but the roof was still patterned with white blobs from the waterproofing patches and the eaves and windowsills were cracked and peeling.

They’d tried to make it more appealing but there was no denying what it was — a poor house in the midst of many poor houses.

Todd came and stood beside her. “Since we’re in Black Springs, I’m hazarding a guess this is your old home.”

Sia reached out and took his hand. His solid strength was so reassuring that she wanted to bury her face in his chest. But she needed to do this. Now she’d accepted the truth of her relationship with her father, she needed to say a proper goodbye to the place she was brought up.

“A bit different to Lansing Manor, right?” She gave his home the town’s teasing title.

She looked at him and noted him taking everything in. That observant cop’s mind probably wasn’t missing a single detail.

Like the overgrown garden on the house to one side, covering the peeling fibro to window height. Unfortunately it wasn’t high enough to shield the dirty windows, broken screen door or rusting car in the driveway.

On the other side was Joyce and Henry Faulkner’s place — the garden as always neat and she knew that inside the house would be pristine but from here, the chipped paint, crooked guttering and skewiff roof tiles screamed poverty.

Just looking wouldn’t tell how that rusted car had been a favourite plaything and how many happy hours were spent playing games there. Pretending it was an island or a castle to be defended. Or that it was a submarine and they were searching for wrecks to find treasure.

The Faulkner’s house didn’t show how they were the ones to first give her some paints, and thus really save her life.

“I knew Black Springs wasn’t a big place, and I guessed that you probably didn’t have a well-off family but I had no idea that you were this poor.”

Sia bristled at the pity she heard in Todd’s voice. “I’m willing to bet that we were generally happier than you were on the hill.”

“That’s true,” Todd whispered and Sia softened again. “Seeing this makes it clearer to me why you stood up for your Dad back then, and why you’ve fought to reconnect with him all these years. When you’ve got so little, you realise sooner the truth that family is everything.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand. I would have handled things better.”

If she hadn’t loved him before, she would now. “Come,” she said, pulling him toward the gate. “Let me show you.”