The Light and Fallen (13 page)

Samara closed her eyes. She could hear
thousands of leaves rustling above them and crickets chirping from
their hiding places. She shifted her weight as Lucian rocked her
gently in his arms, and they moved in a slow circle, taking small
steps that were matched by the rhythm of his breath.

She leaned her head against his chest, and he
began humming quietly in her ear. The melody was one she had never
heard before. It was beautiful and haunting, and made her feel like
laughing and crying at the same time. She shivered, and Lucian
shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"Are you cold?" he asked.

"No." She snuggled against him as they danced
slowly, their bodies moving together. She slid her hand from his
shoulder and rested it on his chest. "I hear your heartbeat."

Lucian froze. He covered her hand with his
and pressed it hard against him. She felt his breathing quicken,
his chest rising beneath her hand, and then he took two measured
steps away. His eyes were squeezed closed, and his face was a mask
of pain.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Lucian shook his head, and when he spoke his
voice was rough with longing. "Have you ever had to do something
that seemed impossible?"

He opened his eyes, and even in the darkness
they looked wild and stormy. Even in the darkness she could see he
was struggling, could feel his heart racing beneath her hand.
"Things are possible if you have a little faith," she said. "Isn't
that what you told me?"

She felt his muscles tense and harden and he
looked away, over her head. "I don't know what to do," he
whispered.

She took a step in his direction, closing the
space between them. "I believe in you," she said. "I believe you
can do whatever you have to do."

Lucian looked at her in anguish and
disbelief. "You don't even know me!" He ripped himself out of her
arms and turned his back to her. He walked to the edge of the bluff
and stared down at the twinkling lights of the valley. "You've said
it yourself. You hardly know anything about me."

"You're right," she said. "I don't know the
details. Everything about your past, and your family, and why you
came to Wimberley." She stepped closer, and when he didn't pull
away she pressed against his back and slid her arms around his
waist. "But I still know you.

"I know you," she repeated as she ran her
hands up his chest, "because I see your heart." She leaned against
him and his body stiffened in resistance. "Please," she whispered.
She heard the undercurrent of a plea in her voice, and she didn't
even care. "Don't push me away."

She felt the tension melt beneath her hands,
and Lucian turned to face her. He was so close, his lips only a
whisper away from hers. "I don't know what to do with you," he
said. His eyes burned into hers, and his voice caught in the back
of his throat.

Samara struggled to find the necessary
oxygen, and her hands grasped at his shirt as her knees wobbled and
threatened to let her fall to the ground. "You could kiss me."

She saw her own longing mirrored in his eyes.
He raised his hands to cradle her face, and she wondered dimly if
he could feel her trembling. His fingers wound back into her hair,
and then he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. He
was kissing her like she had never been kissed before, hard and
needing and full of abandon. His lips burned like fire, and for a
moment she wondered why, but then she rose up on her tiptoes to
meet him and all her thoughts were swept away.

Samara stretched underneath her covers,
unwilling to open her eyes. Her cheeks hurt, but she couldn't wipe
away the smile that stretched across her face. Instead she flopped
over and squealed into her pillow. When she sat up, she looked
around her room. It was the same one she had slept in for the past
thirteen years. She could hear Dina in the kitchen stirring sugar
into a cup of coffee and the sound of a lawnmower outside her
window. It all seemed the same, but she knew it wasn't. Everything
had changed.

She pressed one hand gingerly to her lips.
They felt swollen, almost bruised. Her heart constricted as their
tenderness confirmed that last night was more than just a dream.
She missed Lucian already, though only a few hours had passed since
they were together. She couldn't see him today; he'd said he was
going out of town when he dropped her off. She'd be forced to
satisfy herself with the thought that she would see him at school
in less than twenty four hours.

She lay back against her pillows and closed
her eyes, remembering the touch of his hands on her skin and his
lips on hers, until her reverie was interrupted by the jangling of
the telephone.

She stretched across her bed and scooped the
receiver up with the tips of her fingers. "Hello?"

"Samara, is that you?!"

A piercing voice blasted out of the phone,
forcing her to pull it several inches away from her ear. "Good
morning Carin," she said. She looked over at the clock and saw that
it was only 7:27. "How are you so lively so early in the morning?
Please don't say energy drinks."

"No…," Carin chirped. "Energy drinks are for
the afternoon. It's coffee!"

Samara groaned and rolled onto her side. "You
should never drink anything with caffeine in it. Ever."

"How was your date?" Carin bulldozed on. "We
saw you leave super early. Was everything okay?"

"It was fine," Samara said. "Just loud and
crowded. You know that's not really my thing."

"So where did you go?" Samara could almost
hear Carin holding her breath and knew that she was bursting with
anticipation.

"Home," she said. She crossed her fingers. It
wasn't really a lie, she thought to herself. She did come home,
eventually.

"Oh." Carin sighed, and Samara couldn't help
but laugh at how deflated she sounded.

"Look, I just woke up," she said. "I really
want to hear about how things went with Ronnie, but
I
haven't had any coffee yet, so my whole brain isn't awake. Can we
talk at school tomorrow?"

"Okay," Carin said reluctantly.

"I promise I want to hear all about it, I
just want to wake up first. I'll see you in the morning." Samara
clicked the phone off and dropped it onto the bed. After a few
seconds she decided she might as well get up. She knew she wasn't
going to able to go back to sleep; her heart was fluttering too
wildly inside her chest. She felt so full of happiness that she
wondered whether her body could contain it.

She decided to take a shower before going
into the kitchen. Her mom had fallen asleep on the couch waiting
for her to return from the dance, and Samara had tiptoed past her
and gone to bed without waking her up. She hadn't answered any
questions about the evening yet, but she knew she couldn't escape
for much longer. She stood under the water until it started to run
cold, then brushed her teeth and pulled on jeans and a sweater.

When she slipped into the kitchen Dina smiled
at her. "Just in time," she said. She opened the oven door and
pulled out a sweet smelling casserole. "I made baked French toast."
She set the baking dish on the stove and slid two slices of the
casserole onto saucers. She set one plate in front of Samara before
she tugged off her apron and sat down in the chair beside her.

"You've been baking already this morning?"
Samara asked. She eyed the splotches of flour that covered her
mother's jeans.

"I made this." Dina pointed to the casserole.
"And some cupcakes. I've been thinking about selling them at the
coffee shop." She glanced around the room at the bags of nuts and
flour that were strewn around the kitchen. "At least enough to
cover the cost of ingredients.

"Anyway," she said patting Samara's arm, "I
want to hear all about your date. What time did you come in last
night?"

"It wasn't too late," Samara said. "I wasn't
trying to sneak past you, I was just too tired to talk." She
glanced away and speared a large bite of casserole. "So what's in
this?"

Dina narrowed her eyes at Samara. "Do you
really want to know? Or are you trying to avoid talking about your
date?"

Samara nibbled the edge of her bite. "I might
be avoiding," she admitted.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't
want to," Dina said. "Just tell me if it was good or bad."

Samara twirled her spoon in her fingers. "It
was good," she said finally. She could feel the ridiculous grin
creeping back across her face and shoved a big bite of toast in her
mouth to hide it.

Dina nodded. "It looks like it was good. You
look happy."

Samara set her fork down. "Can you be too
happy?" she asked. "It seems unnatural."

"No!" Dina reached over and rubbed Samara's
shoulders. "There's too much pain and uncertainty in the world. You
should seize happiness whenever it comes, and hold onto it, for as
long as you can."

"What about dad?" Dina's hand stilled and
Samara's throat tightened involuntarily.

"What about him?"

"It feels wrong somehow," Samara said. "That
he's not here."

"He would want you to be happy," Dina said.
"He loved you more than anything in the world. Wherever he is, your
happiness would bring him joy."

Samara finished the last few bites of her
casserole and took her plate over to the sink. She felt slightly
more subdued, but butterflies still churned in her stomach every
time a moment from the night before popped into her thoughts. She
shook her head, continually amazed at the effect Lucian had on
her.

"Do you want to go out today?" Dina asked.
"We could go see a movie or something."

"No thanks." Samara shook her head. She
wasn't ready to step outside her bubble and face the real world
just yet. "I think I'm going to stay in and study."

She grabbed a muffin off the kitchen counter
and headed back to her room. She picked up her dress from the floor
beside her bed and hung it on a hanger, then took her pajamas into
the hallway and dropped them into the hamper before she sat
cross-legged on the bed. She pulled her physics notes out of her
backpack and flipped through them idly. She skimmed over a
description of wave equations and the theory of spin before she
gave up and tossed her notes onto the floor.

She spent the rest of the day puttering
around the house. She alternated between daydreaming about Lucian
and trying to distract herself so she would stop thinking about
him. The hours passed slowly, and when she finally went to bed her
sleep was fitful. The anticipation of seeing Lucian again filled
her with nervous energy, and whenever she managed to drift off to
sleep his face was the first thing that appeared in her dreams.

She woke up before her alarm clock went off
and forced herself to get dressed slowly and have breakfast before
leaving for school. She was still one of the first people to arrive
on campus; the parking lot was deserted.

She wandered across the green lawn, settled
onto a bench, and pulled a book out of her backpack. She read each
paragraph twice, trying to force herself to focus on the words as
cars trickled into the parking lot and students began making their
way into the building. She nonchalantly scanned each vehicle that
passed, waiting for Lucian's truck to turn the corner into the
parking lot, but after forty minutes she had to head inside or risk
being late for first hour.

She pushed open the door to the office and
braced herself for her daily dose of Carin. She was there, as
exuberant as ever, but they didn't have much time to talk because
Mrs. Ferrison kept them busy sorting out grade reports and
delivering them to classrooms. Samara was thankful for the
reprieve. She knew Carin would pick up on her distraction instantly
and start asking questions.

She looked for Lucian all morning, but he was
nowhere to be seen.
Where could he be
? she wondered. The
hours dragged by until the lunch bell rang, and she raced to their
table in the library. She clasped her hands together and tried to
control her excitement, but she couldn't wipe the smile off her
face. Instead she stared hungrily at the spot where she knew he
would come into view, her longing to see him growing into a
physical ache.

She kept waiting long after the tardy bell
rang. She heard voices in the library and the sounds of pages
flapping and chairs thumping across the floor, but no one came to
the local history section. A weight of disappointment crushed down
on her with each minute that ticked past. Finally she had to accept
that he either wasn't coming or wasn't at school.

She walked alone into the gym and looked
bleakly across to the boys' bleachers. Jack was staring at her, but
she ignored him. She didn't even have to scan the rest of the
class. One look made it heartbreakingly clear that Lucian was
absent.

Coach Cottlebum's voice drilled into her
head. "Get dressed," she screamed, "and get ready to run!" Samara
groaned as she dragged herself into the locker room and pulled on
her gym uniform. The day was getting worse and worse.

"So where's Lucian?" Carin asked. She panted
heavily as they jogged around the track, but she still managed to
force out a steady stream of conversation. Samara ignored her and
concentrated on a point in the distance as she put one foot in
front of the other.

"Do we have to run?" Bethanny whined. Her
voice grated on Samara's nerves and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Yes," Carin said. "We can't make Cottlebum
mad, or she'll switch us to suicide drills." She glanced over at
Samara and repeated, "Where's Lucian?"

"I don't know," Samara snapped. Her chest
felt tight, and she could feel her eyes watering as she sucked in
cold breaths of wind.