The Lost Girls (49 page)

One evening, after we'd finished a tour of the Sydney Opera House and passed row after row of souvenir shops selling Aboriginal art watches, boomerang key chains, stuffed koalas, and Crocodile Dundee hats, I suggested that we follow Simone's advice to visit the famed Australian Heritage Hotel, a historic spot where you could order a pizza topped with kangaroo, saltwater crocodile, lamb, or emu. Holly couldn't bear to sink her teeth into a formerly cuddly, antipodean version of Bambi. So instead we took our appetites over to Sushi Train, a restaurant where seaweed salad and four-piece rolls traveled past our outstretched hands on a giant conveyor belt.

It wasn't exactly exotic or particularly Australian. But as I plucked a California roll and then a Boston roll off the revolving chuck wagon, I decided that for tonight at least, it was fine to have a taste of something familiar. Sydney was no longer just another destination we were visiting—for the next several weeks, it would be our home.

 

I
t wasn't long after we'd hung the meager contents of our backpacks in the closets at Simone's place that I started to notice that something was going on with Holly. I wasn't sure what it was, but she wasn't acting like herself.

Holly was one of the most laid-back, easygoing women I'd ever known, but by now I'd also learned that our eternal sunshine optimist was a still water whose emotions ran deep. Though she allowed the world to see her brilliant smile, her genuine kindness and compassion, she rarely shared the darker states of anger, depression, or disappointment. I knew she processed her feelings differently from Jen or me, who liked to talk and express and share until we'd exhausted our emotions (and those of everyone around us) and were ready to move on. It was only because I'd spent so much time with Hol in the past year
that I recognized that she was going through something now. And I suspected that whatever it was had nothing to do with squeaky air mattresses or empty bank accounts.

Worried that she'd be missing out on our last weeks of freedom, I hoped she might feel like talking about it. I asked if she wanted to do the coastal walk from Bondi to Bronte. The 3.5-kilometer stretch between the two popular beaches is arguably the most spectacular in Sydney and, if the travel guides can be believed, one of the most picturesque in the world. Built in the 1930s as a government project, the path begins at the very top of Bondi's surfer-packed white sand crescent and winds its way south through limestone cliffs overlooking the Tasman Sea.

The beach's name comes from an aboriginal word that translates to “the sound of water breaking over rock.” The title certainly fit. Even as we walked, I could hear the waves crashing against the shoreline, filling huge saltwater lap pools built directly into the cliffs. They also provided just the right amount of curl for surfers trying to catch a break all the way back to the shore.

I knew that Holly loved this walk. She'd told me that she felt revived by the sun warming her face, uplifted by the sight of young families spreading picnic blankets along grassy spaces in the public parks. She even got a kick out of the small tent city some hippie had built along the shoreline back in the 1970s, which lives on to this day. Due to a weird government-zoning technicality, the guy couldn't actually be kicked off the rocks. “Maybe we should ask to stay with him instead of paying rent at Simone's,” Jen had joked the first day we'd all done the walk together. “He's got a stellar waterfront view and zero overhead.”

Holly had been in great spirits then but was introspective now as we diverted from the path to check out the black-and-white photographs of lifeguards hanging in the Bondi Surf Bathers' Life Saving Club.

Swimming and surfing along Australia's 25,700 miles of coastline can be a risky endeavor—if strong currents or riptides don't drag you out sea, you could get an excruciatingly painful hug or a deadly kiss from a box jellyfish—so the formation of lifesaving clubs became absolutely essential here. Many of the techniques still used to prevent drownings today spring from those developed by the men—and later women—who served in Australia's lifesaving clubs.

As we walked past the turn-of-the-century portraits of cross-armed, serious-looking men in black-and-white candy-striped suits and matching skullcaps, I turned to Holly and casually mentioned that I thought she'd seemed a little distant lately. Was she doing okay?

Holly paused for several seconds to stare at one of the photos.

“Isn't it weird how in all of the old portraits, the lifesavers look really stern, almost pissed off?” she said. “But in all of the modern ones, they look over-the-top happy, like they don't have a care in the world?”

I peered at the photos and saw that Holly was right. The suntanned, red-and-canary-clad men and women from the current years looked as if they'd been splitting bottles of Prozac before every practice.

Simone had once told me that Australians adored the fact that outsiders viewed them as the happiest, best-adjusted people on Earth. Life down under, the world believed, was all about sunshine, surfing, shrimp on the barbie, and pursuing the endless summer. Nothing bad could happen in the magical land of Oz. “In reality, we have the exact same disappointments and heartbreaks that most people do,” she'd said. “We're just better at hiding them than everyone else.”

That was the closest Simone had ever come to alluding to how devastated she'd been over her breakup with Jeff. It was
only after arriving in Sydney and watching the vivacious woman I'd come to know close off as she drank red wine by herself on the porch every night that I started to understand the depth of her hurt. Whenever I went outside to talk with her about it, her entire facial expression and demeanor would change. She'd perk up immediately and insist that everything was “just gorgeous, darling! Really!” and explain that she was just exhausted from a long day at work.

I never really pressed Simone about her feelings—I felt that it might be too intrusive for someone I was still getting to know—but I knew I needed to try again with Holly. Her nonanswer told me that there was more going on underneath the surface than I'd originally guessed.

I waited until we'd hiked up the stairs that rose above the Bondi Icebergs Winter Swimming Club and made our way along the path to the sandstone cliffs at Mackenzie's Point. From there we could take in the full sweeping curve of Bondi and catch our first glimpse of Bronte, a calmer spot a kilometer or so in the distance. This time Holly quietly confirmed that everything was okay—she'd just been feeling a little lonely lately, which, she hastened to explain, “has nothing to do with you or Jen.”

I knew I could be treading on awkward ground, but I took the conversation one step further and asked her about things back home—and had she talked with Elan lately? Jen and I had noticed that since she'd returned from Boston after the New Year, Holly had brought up his name in conversation less and less, other than to report the headlines about his latest audition or the movie he'd just started filming in Chicago.

“It's just so tough with him on location and me not being able reach him on Skype,” Holly explained, saying that she got little more than static when she tried to call him using our laptop. “And with the time difference between Sydney and the
States—we just haven't had a really good, long conversation in a while.”

During the past few weeks—maybe even the last few months, she admitted—Holly had been wondering if she and Elan would ever really reconnect in the same way as they had when they'd first met. At times she'd felt more in sync with him than she'd ever thought it was possible to be with one person. Lately, though, they couldn't even agree on a time to schedule a phone conversation.

I thought back to the morning before our initiation into the Maasai tribe in Kenya, when Holly had shyly admitted that she'd thought Elan might actually be the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was a powerful realization for her—she'd kind of assumed that she'd be one of those independent girls who might not get married until later in life—but after nearly four years together, they'd never had a solid conversation about marriage and kids.

That had shocked Jen and me (again, not an emotional stone was ever left unturned with the two of us), but I also understood Holly's rationale. As a closet traditionalist, she wanted Elan to pursue her, to pin her down, to be the one to convince her to settle into adulthood at last. But thus far—he hadn't. Like Holly had been at twenty-seven, he was focused primarily on achieving his own dreams and creative ambitions.

From what I knew of Elan, he was truly in love with Holly, so much so that he'd given her his full support when she'd decided to travel. I remembered when he'd proudly showed me the full-color map he'd purchased and mounted on tackboard in order to follow Holly's route around the world. I'd told Holly just before we'd arrived in Sydney that I yearned for what she had: a loving, evolved relationship, a snug apartment, and a shared vision of the future.

Except that now, from what Holly was telling me, she wasn't
sure the last element in the equation was still in place anymore.

“Don't worry, Hol,” I said, hugging her just before we walked down the steps to Bronte Beach. “Once you're back in New York and under the same roof, you'll get to know each other again. And you'll fall in love all over again.”

I hoped that she'd agree or at least confirm that that's what she wanted, but she fell silent again as we descended to sea level. Finally she turned and gave me one of her winning Holly smiles, the kind that usually convinced our friends that she was doing fine and, in fact, on top of the world. Except that by now, I'd gotten to know Holly a whole lot better than that.

 

W
ithin a week of picking up the World Nomads van, we'd broken all three of Chris Ford's rules. We hadn't topped off the oil or coolant (none of us remembered how to). Because the front seat was built for two and an insanely tight fit with three, we all took turns hanging out on the couch in the back (“If we're just driving on side streets, maybe it's not a big deal?”). And we'd just slowed down to pick up a hitchhiker on the side of the road during our first out-of-town excursion to the Blue Mountains.

Okay, Adam didn't exactly qualify as a hitchhiker. Holly had met the tall, brawny firefighter in the airport on the way to Sydney, and he'd offered to give the three of us a tour of the national park just outside his hometown of Katoomba. Since he didn't have a cell phone and insisted that it would be complicated to give us directions to his house, he'd made us agree to pick him up right on the side of the highway.

“Maybe this is how they save time in Australia?” Holly remarked as she slowed down near the drifter in washed-out cargo pants and a tight black tee who was waiting near one of the exits.

“Or he's got a live-in girlfriend,” Jen said slyly.

“You were right—it's absolutely impossible to miss this thing,” Adam said, laughing as he jumped in the back of our rolling billboard. As we got closer to our destination, he gave us the backstory on what we were about to see.

In 1788, a group of eleven ships nicknamed the First Fleet sailed from Great Britain to Australia with 1,400 people aboard, more than half of whom were convicts. A penal colony was established in what is now downtown Sydney. In order to deter the prisoners from trying to escape west through the Blue Mountains, a rumor was planted that the range encircling the settlement was completely impenetrable. For at least ten years, the story stuck—until a freed convict named John Wilson returned to Sydney to report that he'd found a way through the supposedly impassable mountains. Over the next decade or so, the government conducted several expeditions to confirm the best route through the mountains and on to the more fertile lands on the opposite side. Incredibly, just twenty-six years after the First Fleet landed in Sydney, convicts constructed a road that cut through the foothills in the same general direction we were headed now.

As Adam shared the history of the country where he'd grown up, I listened with the intensity of a kindergartner sitting in the front row at story hour. I'd always loved learning the backstory of the places that we visited, but there was something about Oz's inauspicious beginnings that I found really compelling. So much about this young, rough-and-tumble country reminded me of my own.

Both the United States and Australia started out as British colonies that were still relatively unexplored at the time they were founded (at least by the settlers). They're also staggeringly large, and the same pioneering, self-reliant spirit that drove American settlers to spread west all the way from Plymouth
Rock to the Pacific was the same one that led Australians to throw down stakes in desolate, critter-infested outposts where no sane person should dare to tread. The early Aussie and American settlers had both pushed the boundaries of what was possible, taking a leap of faith—and oftentimes huge risks—in the hope of realizing some unknown reward. And though the journey that Jen, Holly, and I had just taken could hardly compare, I understood the mentality that had caused them to hit the trail in the first place.

I wasn't ready for that journey to be over.

After our first few strategy sessions in Sydney, I'd learned that both of my friends were planning to return home in early June, just less than a year after our original start date. I knew that it probably made sense to book a plane ticket at the same time. But something told me that I needed to stay in Australia, for a few weeks at least, on my own.

It wasn't that I craved solitude or wanted to be here without my friends. Exactly the opposite was true. I couldn't bear the thought of saying good-bye to them, helping them hoist their backpacks one last time before watching them disappear into the terminal. It's just that I felt that the personal journey I'd taken this year wouldn't truly be finished, and the lessons of the trip fully realized, until I'd handed off the laptop to Jen and Holly and struck out on the road alone.