The Luminosity Series (Book 1): Luminosity (16 page)

“Mom… you don’t have to do this. This isn’t your
responsibility,” Andrea said.

“Like hell it isn’t. You think I’m going to let them
take anyone else away from me? I’ve tolerated enough of this nonsense,” she
snapped, tossing her napkin onto her plate.

“But how? How will she raise a child with what’s
happening?” I asked, shooting up from the table in anger. My chair skidded
across the floor in a ferocious shrill, causing everyone to flinch. Andrea’s
expression crumbled as her eyes filled with tears.

“The guards don’t know about the cellar. And they’re
not going to find out, you hear me?” my mother asked, looking to Andrea, who
seemed even more terrified by her reaction.

“But what if things get worse? When she needs
medication? What about food and water?” I asked, dizzy and breathless as I
stared at the floor.

“We’ll figure something out. She’s your sister. We
need to help her!” she yelled, frustrated by my reaction.

“And what about the baby? I’ve seen what they do to
newborn infants at the hospital, mom. They kill them because they don’t have the
resources left to support them. What will you do when that child doesn’t have
enough to survive off of?” I yelled in an exploding huff.

“Enough!” my mother snapped.

“No. Why is it so easy for you to pretend like
everything will be fine? It never will be.” In that moment I was ready to pass
out, but instead of allowing me the escape, Andrea raised from her chair, her
eyes a mixture of insult and outrage.

“Aubrey, this was an accident. It just happened. But I
couldn’t live according to some doomsday deadline like they wanted us too. And
I certainly couldn’t pretend I was dead like you,” Andrea spit out her words, now
standing there in tears. Her words were so precise, so soft, yet so fatal in
their execution.

“You think I chose this? To be locked in a cage for
the rest of my life, not knowing what happened to my own father? Never
experiencing what things could have been beyond these walls? Outside of their
regulation?” I burst out. My mother’s heart broke as she covered her mouth,
bursting into a drowned cry. Andrea scowled at me sharply from across the
table, her eyes turned to icy daggers.

“You pitied yourself for three years, Aubrey. And you’re
in no better a position than either of us,” she fired back. My lips trembled as
I stormed away from their tearful embrace unnoticed, my regret resurfacing
again. But my regret soon transformed into a sorrowful storm—a misery for
having to live life in this time, and an undying resentment for my mother’s
secrets, my father’s death, and now, my sister’s fate.

I spent the next two days ignoring my mother. Her
concern for the future was overwhelming, just as it was after the accident. But
this time, she surrendered the limited hope she had left.

Since I was five years old, my mother slid down a
descending spiral—a fall that granted the burden of my father’s loss to steal
her pride, her faith, and her dignity. Now she was a ghost—a soulless
reflection of the strong woman I used to admire as a child, trapped inside the
bottoms of her despair. But she had a bigger mystery, something that weighed
her down so heavily she couldn’t forgive herself. Kind of like me. But even
with the shortage of comfort and reason, I’d find the shattered pieces of
closure I sought—the puzzle that begged to be put back together.

As the height of my awareness peaked, I turned into a
ticking time bomb, bracing to detonate at any second. Charlie had become
another casualty in my fog of destruction, along with Evan and everyone else I
cared about. And that included my sister, who supported me through the heaviest
months of my life. Even after returning here, there’d always be certain
situations we’d never escape from, including the past. And perhaps that was all
I needed to learn before I’d be able to move forward.

A gentle breeze rustled through the trees, disturbing
the silence of the late afternoon cemetery. Leaves swirled in the wind like
miniature tornadoes, twirling back down where they too would shrivel away and crumble
into the earth. And when my vision finally sailed to the far corner of
headstones, I saw him. He was right where I predicted he’d be, sitting beside
his father’s grave with his arms folded around his knees. Only this time, I
hadn’t expected to see that familiar gaze—the look of failure and anguish. Nor
did I ever want to witness it again, but now, I had no option but to confront
the demons that still hid behind it.

The crunching of mulch underneath my boots gave away
my whereabouts. Evan whipped his head backward in surprise as I inched toward
him, his face fixed upon recognizing me. I sat down beside him on the hollow
ground, the two of us absorbing the silence. Once the rattle of my appearance wore
off, he threw his attention forward again, aiming his red eyes at the fence.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Jake,” I said,
looking back down calmly. He cringed, waiting as I rubbed away a tear. A few
moments went by as I beamed at Mark’s headstone. “Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’ll be fine, Aubs...” He squinted at the sun.

“Jake was wrong about what he said about you,” I said.

“Maybe not. Maybe I
am
a coward for trying to
help people,” Evan sighed.

“No you’re not.” He shook his head.

“Everything I do, every time I breathe, heck, each
time I blink I ask myself if what I’m doing is enough... but it never will be,”
he said, the discouragement swirling in his eyes. “I guess I should have seen
it coming. Jake lost a lot more than I did.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to him
after I left?” I asked, glancing over at him. He was squinting in the sun again
as he took a deep breath.

“Four days after the wall went up, he woke up and
found the military raiding his house. He was dragged out of his own home while
they searched through it. They demanded he tell them what happened, accusing
him of being a squatter or having a connection to the rebellion. Everything was
taken from him. Every belonging. Every memory. Before that, it was just him,
his mother and his younger brother living here. From the time he was born, they
were all he had. But his mother believed the conspiracies and planned to run.
After Jake tried to convince them not to go, they left him here with nothing.
He’s struggled with it ever since, and now, he chooses to believe they were
right,” he said.

“What conspiracies?”

“That the colonies were just a cover-up to keep people
under control. That they don’t exist.” He looked at me out of the corner of his
eye.

“That’s ridiculous…” I rolled an eye and blinked hard
at the ground.

“Is it?” he asked. I remained silent in confusion.
“Jake’s mother didn’t think their family had a chance anyway. And she had good
reason not to, because even before the collapse, they were barely making it by.
Jake didn’t have the motivation to pull himself out of it. Since his family
disappeared, I forced him to go down to City Hall. I went with him every day,
Aubrey, hoping for an update, waiting for some sign from our military they had
been found.”

“So that’s why he ran off that night past the fence…”
I said in wonder.

“Yeah.” He shifted his sights toward me in a grimace.
“But I can’t blame him. His family didn’t make it long. They were found dead in
an abandoned homestead in the mountains after only two months. No one knows
what happened to them. They wouldn’t tell us how they died,” he added. I closed
my eyes, drifting my head down as I put a hand to my forehead. “He knew just as
well as I did that any word from our military about their whereabouts would be
bad news. But at least we’d know. It was—it was hard to witness his reaction
after that. He didn’t handle it great, and it got between Aaron and I. Aaron
doesn’t have patience for people like Jake anymore. Being a guard changed his
outlook on things, and I don’t mean that in a good way,” he said. I opened my
eyes, blinking into focus as I looked at him.

“I’m sorry,” I said in a defeated whisper. He turned
to face me.

“Don’t be,” he said with a swallow. “I was a fool for
dwelling on my father’s death for so long. But back then I had no idea this was
only the beginning of the losses I’d experience. Jake had every right to say
the things he said because I’m still lucky enough to have people left to lose.”

He withdrew his focus, revealing the distinct scratch
left behind by Jake’s defense. On the side of his face, it gave off a grim
appearance now. I shook my head.

“That doesn’t give him the right to say those things.
Our past just becomes an excuse to pity ourselves. It’s easier to dwell there,
especially now. But he needs to learn how to cope with this on his own without
blaming everyone else. We all do,” I said.

“But you wouldn’t have come back here if you could
handle this on your own,” he said.

“But it isn’t right for me to—”

“You told me after you got here that you couldn’t do
this without me. You needed me then, and you still need me now. When are you
going to stop feeling so ashamed of that?” he asked, studying me as I swallowed
in surrender.

“I don’t think I ever will...” My eyes fell to the
ground.

“Well, no one deserves to be left to fend for
themselves in a world like this, especially you.” I let out a breath. The
softness returned to his gaze, and for the first time since I had been here, I
sensed a new hope arise in him.

“But I—I didn’t belong here. And I still don’t, Ev.”
He continued to sit with me in silence. I looked over at him, aware of the
sadness returning.

“Then where
do
you belong? Nobody belongs anywhere
anymore. Sometimes we just have to trust there’s a reason we’re alive, that
there can be a good ending to this no matter where we are.” The breeze lifted
his hair as the light from the sun submersed his face. And then, he stood up,
seemingly impatient, reaching out his hand to pull me up. I was dizzy upon
standing up beside him, and as I digested his words, flashbacks of Charlie’s
death blazed through my head.

“Evan, something horrible happened at the hospital,” I
gasped my confession out. He appeared confused as I lost my balance from the
sudden surge of disorientation. Reaching his arms out, I unraveled into them,
his grip catching my fall. I drew in a long breath, realizing how weak I was.
When he held me up, he stared into my eyes more seriously.

“Hey. What’s going on with you? When’s the last time
you had anything to eat?” he asked in alarm as I dodged his worried glances.

“It doesn’t matter. I—I can’t—I can’t do this
anymore,” I said, breathy and exhausted.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, wincing in
guilt. It occurred to me I hadn’t told him about my incident at the hospital. I
guess I assumed he’d found out by now. “Aubrey.” He shook me back to life. And
in that second, I lost control again.

“They killed a patient because of me, Ev...”

“Who did?” he asked.

“The guards. The doctors. They injected an innocent
man because they ran out of medication. They blamed me for it. I—I tried to
stop them, and they revoked my duties. It’s over for me. There’s no way I’ll
qualify into a colony after what I did,” I said in breathy sobs. His eyes
widened.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in trouble, Aubs?” He
sighed as I regained my balance. Shame overwhelmed me in that moment, wishing I
hadn’t told him, avoiding him in a storm of guilty tears.

“Because I can’t stand to see you like this…” I
released myself from his grasp.

“Like what?” he asked, his eyelids fluttering under
the weight of emotion. I glanced at the headstone again.

“Like this. So defeated. Knowing you can’t save people
anymore. Accepting there’s nothing left for you to do but wait until you lose
this person, or give up on that person. I—I couldn’t let you or anyone else
down like that again. And now I did. Just like I told myself I wouldn’t.” I
pushed the frustration from my eyes. His jaw tensed as he took in a breath,
trying to hold back the pain. Gazing behind me, he watched the last bit of
sunset gleaming across the tips of branches in the background.

“Listen. It’s not you who’s letting me down. It’s this
place and what it’s doing to people. It’s who we’re becoming.” I swallowed,
focusing on the ground before closing my eyes for a second. “Is that all that
happened?” he asked, glaring at me in suspicion, waiting for me to look at him.
When I refused to face him, he sighed. “Aubrey... please… I promise you can
trust me,” he said.

“My sister, Andrea… I found out she’s pregnant,” I
mumbled, shaking my head in an outburst of emotion. Evan paused, remaining
silent as the tension crept onto his face.

“What?” I nodded. “You realize what they’ll do to her
if they find out,” he warned.

“My mother has a plan to bring her back here. She’s
going to hide her,” I whispered in a sob.

“Man… this is serious…” he said. I nodded my head.

“Things are about to get way worse, especially with
the qualification letters coming out soon. I’m scared of what this will mean
for my family,” I said breathlessly, ready to buckle under the pressure.

“Hey… look at me.” He held onto my shaky arms. “You
still have a chance…”

“You don’t know that…” I said, nodding my head again.

“You have to stay calm. The more you worry about
things going wrong, the worse it gets.”

“I’ll be disqualified. The odds are already against
me, Ev.”

“But our age group has the best chance, remember?” he
said hopefully. I winced.

“It won’t matter if my mother is caught. If I lose
them, Evan, if they catch her hiding my sister, I’ll have nothing and nobody
left.”

“You’d still have me.” His expression tensed, looking
me in the eye abruptly with a wince. I blinked away my tears, diverting my
gaze.

“If they figure out her intentions, they’d send me to
a prison camp just for being associated with them,” I said.

“I’m not going to lie, this is dangerous. There’s less
people up on Cedar Ridge. Maybe you should stay at my place until things blow
over. You’d be safer there. You could stay there until you’re sure your mother
and sister are safe.” He spaced out, struggling to calm himself.

“But what about roll call?” I asked.

“Once the letters are released, they’ll be too
distracted. People will rebel once they discover they’re disqualified. Why do
you think so many of the homeless around town have disappeared?”

“I—I don’t know anymore,” I sighed, running a hand
over my forehead.

“Aaron said they’re calling for more troops already,
possibly even thousands more to guard the area. They’re preparing for full out
anarchy, Aubrey. At least this way if something happens, they won’t know where
to find you.” I gave him a long stare, analyzing his painful expression. “Look,
I know you don’t want my help, but please just consider it…” he said. I nodded
in acceptance.

Without prior warning, the hum of helicopters pierced
the silence. Evan stared upward, watching the auroras scatter across the
oncoming night sky. A wave of dread washed over me as military trucks
surrounded the cemetery. They were preparing for curfew—a nightly defense where
the heavy presence of soldiers on the streets protected against looting or
other forms of resistance. Even though it was still early, no one was allowed on
the streets after dusk.

“We should get back,” I said, taking a second glance
of reassurance before he faced me again. As I walked forward, he grabbed my arm
to stop me.

“Wait.” He swallowed. “There’s something I have to
show you. It’s not far, but we have to hurry,” he said with a sigh. Curious, I
glared past him at the guard trucks parked along the road.