The M Word (17 page)

It was depressing, but true. As much as
people liked to sing about it, no one actually died from a broken
heart.

#

Marius knew Brenda didn’t want to hear from
him. She’d made it very clear when she left, and when he did email
her, she replied with very short messages. But he thought of her
every day, wishing she would open her heart and return to him.

And once the competition was over, he would
go to Oklahoma and see her, even if she rebuffed him. He would go
to her bank every day until she spoke with him.

But until then, what could he do?

He remembered the list of home improvements
she had wanted to do, and started working on them. When she finally
returned to their home, he wanted to surprise her and make her
happy. So he had the hardwood wood floors sanded and refinished. He
paid someone to paint over the outside brick, so it was now a warm
sand color rather than bright blue. Then he had the tree stumps in
the front yard dug up, the roots ground down and winter grass
planted.

Would she even care?

Eventually, he wrote her an email:

Brenda: No matter what your feelings for
me are, I would like you to be at the National Council Audition
finals. I’ve purchased a ticket for the Grand Finals concert,
airline tickets and made hotel reservations for you. Please
come
.

Her response, three days later was brief.

Thank you, I’d like that. But no
promises.

At least it wasn’t an outright refusal. So he
clung to that tiny thread of hope and prayed. And sang.

#

At the end of February, Brenda texted Kelly.
Please call.

Within ten minutes, her phone rang. Kelly was
breathless. “Brenda, is that really you?”

“Yes.”

“It’s so wonderful to hear your voice. How
are you doing?”

“Not well,” Brenda admitted wryly.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m pregnant,” Brenda said. “And I’m as sick
as a dog.”

“But that’s great news,” Kelly said brightly,
then stopped. “It’s Marius’ baby, right?”

Brenda laughed. She did love Kelly. “Yes,
it’s Marius’ baby.”

“Thank goodness,” Kelly said with a sigh of
relief. “So when are you coming home to Dallas?”

“Not yet. There’s been some
complications.”

“Are you okay?”

“Not really.” Brenda lay in bed, staring at a
gray ceiling above her. “I’m throwing up too much. I’ve lost
weight. Some of the women at work thought I was bulimic. But that’s
not why I called. I’m in the hospital, on medications to keep me
from vomiting and on IVs to help me gain weight.”

“That sounds serious.”

“Slightly,” Brenda agreed. “But the doctors
aren’t too worried. It’s called Hyperemesis Gravidarum and it
happens to about one percent of pregnant women.”

“You always were an over-achiever.”

Brenda smiled. Although she hadn’t talked to
Kelly for more than two months, they were back to their normal
relationship, without missing a beat.

“Do you need me to drive up there?” Kelly
offered.

“No, I want you to go to New York.”

“What?”

“I want you to go to the MET singing finals.
Marius is in the finals, and he’s expecting me. I can’t make it, so
I want you to be the there to tell him why.”

Kelly gasped. “Doesn’t he know about all
this?”

“No, and I don’t want you to tell him until
the competition is over. I don’t want him worrying about me.”

“Your baby and your health are more important
than any singing contest,” Kelly said simply. “He needs to
know.”

“Don’t make me regret this call,” Brenda said
sternly. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I did not leave him, just
so you could screw it up in the last two weeks.”

“What?”

“Promise me that you will not call him or
text him or in anyway let him know about me until after the
competition is over.”

“I guess a few more days won’t matter,” Kelly
said finally. “But I still don’t think it’s right.”

“Promise me,” Brenda insisted.

“Okay, I promise,” Kelly said finally, and
Brenda relaxed. She could trust her best friend. “Now, enough about
me,” she said. “Tell me everything about you, Lars and your
wonderful baby.”

#

Francesca was silent for a more than a minute
after Marius finished his aria. He waited for her response. She had
an intense look of concentration on her face as if she were
re-analyzing each note. Then she smiled. “You are ready,” she
said.

He let his breath out with a sigh of relief.
He felt the voice was the best it had ever been, but it was still
good to hear her approval.

“Thank you.”

“The coloring and agility are good. I think
you will do well.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Perhaps,” she said modestly. She glanced at
a clock on her studio wall. “Forgive me, I didn’t realize how late
it was.” It was past two in the morning. “And you have to catch a
plane tomorrow. Your wife will be worried.”

At the word wife, Marius flinched. Whenever
anyone mentioned Brenda, it was always painful.

“Will she be going with you?”

“I don’t know,” Marius said. At Francesca’s
look of surprise, he explained, “She’s been working out of state
these past few months, but I hope she’ll be there in New York.”

Francesca nodded her approval. “I wondered
why you were improving so rapidly, but it makes sense now.”

Marius frowned. “What makes sense?”

“Your voice. It is better without your wife.
I’m glad.”

He knew her theories about sex overtaxing the
tenor voice, but he’d never heard her express it so bluntly.
“Glad?” he prompted.

“Glad that she took my advice.”

Marius’ eyes narrowed. “What advice?”

Belatedly, Francesca must have realized that
she had said too much, so she tried to recover. She yawned.
“Forgive me. I’m very tired.”

He persisted, “What advice? When?”

She shrugged. “I stopped at her bank. All I
said was that you would sing better if she wasn’t sleeping with
you.”

“Which is nonsense,” he said firmly. “Did you
tell her to leave me?”

Francesca watched him carefully. “Can’t you
feel the difference? Without her, you are ten times a better
singer.”

She had told Brenda to leave him. He could
see it in her eyes. It all made sense now. And for Brenda, who was
still insecure and worried enough without help from anyone, it had
been too much. “How dare you interfere with my marriage?”

Francesca raised her chin. “I’m your voice
instructor. You hired me to help you become the best you could be.
That’s what I was doing.”

Marius fought to control his anger, to keep
his words respectful. “You’re wrong. And when I get back from New
York, no matter what the outcome, you are no longer my
instructor.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Finally, the day came. Marius stood, ready to
step onto the Metropolitan Opera stage, out into the world. The
competition would be televised and recorded for posterity. He took
a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had received no emails, no
texts, no calls from Brenda. He didn’t know if she had taken the
flight and if she were in the audience now.

But it didn’t matter.

This afternoon he would sing as if she were
before him, listening to every note, every word.

#

When his name was announced and he stood
before the crowd with the four other winners, Marius felt as if his
heart would burst with joy. This was what he worked toward for so
long.

And yet, he longed for Brenda, to share this
happiness with her.

Afterwards, there were photos and more
photos. Interviews. More television cameras.

The other finalists were surrounded by well
wishers, but he was alone.

She hadn’t come.

He forced himself to smile and speak to
people who spoke to him, but he keep scanning the crowd, hoping,
looking for her.

She hadn’t come.

“Marius.”

He turned, hopeful, and saw that it was
Kelly. His heart sank.

He was glad to see her, but she wasn’t
Brenda. Kelly gave him a hug and kissed his cheek.
“Congratulations. You were marvelous.”

“Thank you.”

Kelly said, “I’m here for Brenda. She asked
me to come.”

“She’s not here?”

“No.” The crowd was noisy, so Kelly raised
her voice. “She couldn’t come. She’s in the hospital.”

Marius felt as if he’d been shot. “Where? Is
she all right?”

“She’s still in Oklahoma, and yes, she’s
going to be fine,” Kelly assured him. “But she couldn’t come, and
she didn’t want you to think she didn’t want to be here.”

“What happened?” Marius insisted.

“I think that’s something she wants to tell
you herself,” Kelly said diplomatically and handed him her cell
phone.

Marius couldn’t hear. The noise of the crowd
was too great. He stepped into a hallway, but it was still too
noisy, and the connection was poor.

“I can’t hear you,” he said into the
phone.

“Then text,” she said, and disconnected the
call.

He texted,
I love you. When can I see
you?

Her answer was almost instantaneous.
As
soon as you can get here.

#

Brenda lay in the hospital bed, with a large
vase of red roses beside her. It took Marius a while to arrange a
flight to Oklahoma, but he’d ordered flowers almost
immediately.

She’d watched his performance via the
internet at least a dozen times. She was so proud of him. One of
the nurses noticed the performance and wrinkled her nose with
distaste. “You like opera?”

Perhaps not before, but now she loved it.
“Yes, I do.”

“I don’t understand it,” the nurse said. “But
I guess it takes all kinds.”

Brenda just smiled.

Perhaps it was premature, but she was happy
and hopeful.

Lying down in the hospital for weeks had
given her a lot of time to think and to pray. She didn’t have
Marius’ faith, but she’d finally made her peace with God and she
was ready to move forward. Whether everything would work out with
Marius remained to be seen.

And now that she knew he was on his way, it
was difficult to wait patiently.

The next day he arrived. Brenda knew she had
missed him, but the instant she saw him, her heart was flooded with
warmth and happiness. He stood in the doorway for a moment, as if
not knowing how she’d respond. Which was understandable,
considering all the things she’d said when she left Dallas.

She held her arms open wide and he came over
to the hospital bed. They embraced and he kissed her.

“Oh, Brenda, I’ve missed you.”

This was what she wanted. “I’ve missed you,
too.”

“Don’t ever leave me again,” he said
firmly.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know what
else to do. Francesca said --”

He put his fingertips against her lips. “I
fired Francesca.”

“But she’s brilliant, and she’s helped you so
much.”

“I’ll find another voice instructor.”

“Now that you won the National Council
Finals, that shouldn’t be difficult.”

“I hope not.” He sat on the bed beside her.
He gently touched her hair that was chin length now, and smiled.
“Tell me what’s wrong and what the doctors say.”

He loved her. She could see it in his eyes
and hear it in his voice.

At that moment, an attendant came into the
room to check Brenda’s IV. “Are you the father?” she asked
pleasantly.

Marius’ eyes widened and they looked at
Brenda questioningly.

Brenda nodded.

“Yes, I am,” Marius said and glanced briefly
down at Brenda’s stomach.

“You must be the singer, too.”

“You’ve been watching me,” Marius said
quietly and Brenda nodded again. She had probably annoyed all the
hospital staff by talking about him and making them watch the film
clips on the internet.

“Do you have any albums out?” the woman
continued.

“Not yet.”

“I’ve got a nephew who is making money
singing on YouTube.”

“I’ll look into that, thank you,” Marius said
politely.

Brenda watched the interaction with interest,
knowing that this was how Marius would be when he was famous. He’d
be gracious. She had a feeling her marriage was going to be very
different than what she had originally planned, but as long as
Marius was with her, it would be marvelous.

After the woman left, Marius turned to
Brenda. “A baby?” he asked with mock severity. “When were you going
to tell me?”

Brenda smiled wryly. “It slipped my
mind?”

He shook his head. “No. I want to hear
everything, good and bad. If you’re worried about something, tell
me. No more secrets.”

“You, too,” she insisted.

“I will,” he promised.

How she loved him. And together they would
build a marriage that lasted. “I will, too,” she agreed. “No more
secrets.”

EPILOGUE

ELEVEN YEARS LATER

“Mr. Jaworski, may I have your autograph?”
the flight attendant asked.

Brenda glanced up from her first class seat,
watching as Marius signed a piece of paper for the young woman. He
was becoming well-known in opera circles, especially after hitting
all nine high C’s recently as Tonio in Donzietta’s
Fille du
Regiment
, but he was also gaining some cross-over popularity.
Since he won a Grammy for an album of pop ballads, more people were
recognizing him.

Afterwards, Marius turned to Brenda and asked
quietly, “Is she getting too heavy? Would you like me to hold
her?”

“Thank you,” she said gratefully. They had a
car seat for her, but their six month old daughter Gina didn’t like
airplanes and would only sleep if someone held her. And Brenda had
learned from past experience the horrors of having a screaming baby
on airplanes. She handed him Gina carefully, and amazingly, the
baby stirred but didn’t wake.