The Makeover (54 page)

“Is that when
she brought you to the child support court?” Phoenix prompted, wondering why
she was hearing this story for the umpteenth time.

“Uh huh. 
That heifer wanted revenge ‘cause I broke up with her.  She also hated how
I stopped giving her cash money, even though I brought everything for my
son.  So she walked right in there and told those white folks that I never
took care of my boy in five years.  They turned around and said I owed
like eighteen thousand dollars in back child support.”

“But you did go
back to court, right?” Phoenix asked, stifling a yawn.

Cedric suddenly
swung his legs down and sat back up on the couch.  He was tense, as the
muscles tightened in his neck.  His eyes were bloodshot and droopy, but he
was wide awake.  “Right.  And those people said unless I could bring
by receipts—receipts from years, that I didn’t keep—I had no proof.  Even
though I brought witnesses, people from my job to verify I used my discount to
buy him clothes and sneakers every other week, the judge didn’t want to hear
it!”

Phoenix heard
the fury in his voice and was startled.  “Okay, Cedric, calm down,
okay?  I already know this so we don’t have to rehash it.  I know
you’re hurt about it, but getting worked up—”

“Worked up?”
Cedric gave her a withering look.  “Please I’m beyond worked up!  I
had tried to take care of that broad and she used me!  She just wanted me
to finance her nights at the club and pay for her hair and clothes.  She
doesn’t take good care of my son.  Do you know what happened after she
dragged me to court, huh?  She left me with less than two hundred dollars
a paycheck each cycle.  They gave that ho’ six hundred dollars every two
weeks because she went in there and lied!   I came home with one
hundred eighty-nine dollars!  My rent for my room at the time was like one
hundred twenty-five a week.  I could not even
feed
myself. 
Funny thing is, after all that money, she still never paid for his hair cuts or
when he needed new shoes.  She got twelve hundred a month and public
assistance paid her rent in the projects!  What did she do with my
money?  She spent it on weed, nights at the club, and Coach bags!”

“I know,
Cedric, and—”

“And when I
couldn’t afford extras for my son, she stopped letting me see him.  For
two years, she let me see him only on Wednesdays from three to five after
school!  For two years.  I tried to show her that I didn’t have the
money.  I tried to tell her that she practically had my whole check. 
I tried to get legal aid and they refused to help.  I couldn’t do
anything!” Cedric howled his rage and started slamming his fist into his palm.

“Cedric,”
Phoenix walked gingerly over to him and tentatively placed a hand on his
quaking shoulder.  Before she could react, he grabbed her and buried his
face in her middle.  He sobbed against her stomach as she froze in
position, afraid to move an inch.  With a trembling hand, she awkwardly
patted his shoulder, still fighting the compassion she had building in her
heart for Cedric.

God, I don’t
know what to do,
she thought.

After several
minutes, Cedric took a cleansing breath and continued.  “Sorry.  I
just get so mad at that whore.  So I couldn’t hold it together anymore and
I started doing dirt again just to make ends meet ‘cause I had to see my
son.  I did a few stick ups and a few robberies.  I sold crack. 
She didn’t care that I could end up in jail.  She just wanted that dough
lining her pockets.  And even when I gave her what she wanted, she still
held my son over my head.  She still refused to let me spend time with him
the way I wanted.  She would call me and say, ‘your son needs a
coat.’  I would ask her, ‘what happened to the five hundred I just gave
you in cash, on top of what child support gave you?’ and she would say, ‘oh you
don’t want to buy the coat? Then you don’t have to see your kid until you
do.’  I mean, what kind of mess was that?”

“I know,
Cedric.  What makes it worse is that so many women just want the father to
be involved and you were trying your best,” Phoenix surprised herself with her
kind words.

“Exactly! 
So you know the rest.  I couldn’t hold my job with all the mess I was
doing so they let me go.  I kept getting her cash but it wasn’t as much as
before, and she finally didn’t let me hardly see him at all for about six
months.  That’s when I met you.”  Cedric looked up at Phoenix with
such tenderness that she almost flinched.

“Yeah,” she
answered, ruefully, “then you met me.”

“And you saved
me,” Cedric continued.  “I met you and I was saying to myself I would
never let another woman use me ever again.  If anyone was going to get
over, it would be me.  First it was my mom, grandmother, and  aunts
sending me out there to hustle.  Then the mother of my kid.  I’m
thinking no woman out there is worth anything.  They are all selling their
souls for cash.  So I said to myself, I ain’t going for the same type of
high-maintenance chick. I am—”

“You’re going
to find an ugly, desperate woman who will take care of you for a while, right?”
Phoenix asked through clenched teeth.

When Cedric
gave her a sheepish look, Phoenix had to resist the urge to rip his eyes out
all over again.

“But you know
what, Phoenix?  I know you wasn’t my physical type.  I can’t
lie.  You were big and you didn’t carry yourself good.  I’m sorry,
but it’s true.”

“I know
Cedric.  Please don’t go there again or this evening is going to turn in
an opposite direction really quickly.”

“No, Phoenix,”
Cedric held up a hand.  “Hear me out.” 

Phoenix rolled
her eyes and huffed. 
Now he’s going to flip from street dude to
intellectual, analytical man.  Somebody please shoot me.

Cedric
continued in a serious voice. “You weren’t my type.  And I didn’t say I
would set out to use you.  I just knew that you were not the type of woman
that would use
me
!  I could tell right away from how you spoke that
you were educated.  I figured you were hard-working.  I knew that you
could help me get ahead in life.  I didn’t mean to use you, Phoenix. 
I didn’t even realize I was doing it.  You just kept giving and giving and
solving my problems.  I just kept accepting it because it felt good to
have someone, a woman in my life, handle business for me for once.  I know
it wasn’t right, but it felt so comfortable.  You wanted me for me. 
You took care of me when I needed you ‘cause you honestly loved me…” Cedric
became choked up as his face collapsed again.  “I am so sorry,
Phoenix.   I am so sorry that I am so shallow.  You are the best
person I’ve ever met.  You are nice and giving and supportive.  I
took advantage of you, Fe.  I did want to fall in love with you so
much.  I tried.  I wanted to be attracted to you, but I couldn’t get
past—”

This time
Phoenix jumped up out of her seat.  “If you think I am going to let you
insult me one more time out of your mouth—”

Cedric caught
her hand when she tried to move past him.  “Please.  Wait.  I am
sorry.  I had no right to use you, Baby—”

She snatched
her hand away as tears sprang to her eyes.  “Don’t call me that!”

“Okay,
Phoenix.  I am sorry.  I am so sorry for hurting you.  You
didn’t deserve that.  I used your kindness and generousness—”

“Generosity,”
Phoenix snapped.

“Okay,
generosity,
because I had been used all my life by the women in my life.  I didn’t
know what love was.  Love is about sacrificing.  When I did sacrifice
before for a woman I loved with all my heart, she took it and smashed it under
her Jimmy
Choos
for a few dollars.  When I got
ready to sacrifice again for a woman, she dumped me, and killed my baby, for
her parents’ money.”

“And you
smashed my heart over for a few pounds,” Phoenix snapped.  “Don’t forget
that.”

“I know,
Fe.  But I am here, owning what I did.  I had no right to use
you.  I am so sorry.  I have been thinking about it all week. 
Yes, a sneaky part of me thought, maybe I could crash here ‘cause, yet again, I
am in a bind.  But there was another part of me reminding me of all of
this.  I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I hurt you.  I
couldn’t stop thinking about how I let myself use you and let the relationship
go further than it should have for my own selfish gain.  When I saw how
this new chick turned her back on me ‘cause her
daddy
told her to,
killing my baby, not even fighting for our relationship, I knew.  I
realized how you always fought for me.  When your family and friends
didn’t like me, you never let them put me down.  And when you asked me for
a baby, I refused to give one to you—”

“Never mind
that.  That was the one gift you ever gave me,” Phoenix smirked.

“Ouch! 
But what I am saying is please, Phoenix, forgive me.  What I did to you
for those two years was wrong.  I am so sorry.”

“I can’t
believe you’re apologizing,” Phoenix said in awe.

Cedric
shrugged.  “And you know what?  After
Shia
left to go to Shanghai, I knew right then what you must have felt like.  I
finally got it.  I was like, wow.  God sure got me back for hurting
His daughter, man!” Cedric gave her a look.  “I ain’t messing with God,
yo
!  No more!  I think I am going to church with
my coworker tomorrow afternoon.  He’s been inviting me for two
weeks.  I’m all messed up.  I need to go to God, man.”

And just like
that, Phoenix realized.

The light that
had been slowly creeping around the darkness in her heart suddenly shined so
bright that the darkness withered in its presence.

And she burst
into tears as she stood in awe of God’s truth.

She realized so
many things that came rushing to her all at once.  God was in
control.  He had not allowed Cedric to get away with hurting her.  He
had not allowed Cedric to use her,
she
had.  God had told her, just
that evening, that vengeance was His.  He had meant it.  He had
already worked out His vengeance for the pain this man had caused.  But
being the Sovereign God, who loves all His children, He did it in a way that
worked for Cedric’s good.  He allowed Cedric the pain of facing how he had
been used and abandoned in his past, and allowed him to feel it again in his
present.  But God chose to use that pain to lead Cedric to grow as a
man. 

Phoenix cried
because she realized that she never had to repay Cedric for his actions. 
Not only had the Lord shown her what He could do, but He’d gotten Cedric to
truly apologize.  Most amazing of all, as enraged as Phoenix was, the Lord
had used
her
to comfort the very man—her enemy—that she was on a mission
to hurt back. 

 Phoenix,
to Cedric’s amazement, continued to cry as she marveled at the Lord.

She cried
because God had shown her that it was not too late for her after all.

She cried because
neither she nor Cedric had good intentions, both intending to go against God’s
will, but He had still found a way to use their failures to help them.

She cried
because her heart of stone was being softened into flesh.

She cried
because God had taken all of their evil and turned it around for their good.

She cried as
she walked over to Cedric to give him a hug. 

After they
cried and hugged for a time, Cedric surprised Phoenix by saying, “I know you
not really in the church anymore, but you still know more about this God stuff
than I do, so—”

Phoenix felt
proud when she responded, “Paulo’s been taking me for the past few months
actually.”

Cedric raised
his eyebrows, and with shining eyes, said, “
Aww
man.
I can’t compete with that.  That dude really loves you.  He was
really there for you in the way I should have been after all you did for
me.  He helped you lose that weight and got you back into church. 
That’s what love does.  It brings out the best in you when it’s
real.  Man!  You know what? I came here trying to see if I could get
you back.  But now, I see that the best way I can repay you for all you
have done for me, after all I’ve done to you, is leave you alone, and get out
of your life.”

Phoenix smiled
as she let God lead.

Cedric smiled
back and went to retrieve his jacket. 

“But, Cedric,
what were you saying about church?”

“Oh,” Cedric
said, putting his jacket back on the couch.  “I wanted to know if you
could pray with me.  I want to, I don’t know…”

“Introduce
yourself?” Phoenix said with a smile.  “You want to talk to Jesus?”

“Yeah.  I
don’t know all the details but the dude at my job said He died for people like
me—the thieves, liars, users, and abusers.  He said I can ask Him to
forgive me and be in control of my life, so…”

“Oh my
God!”  Phoenix shouted as fresh tears flooded her cheek.  “I had no
idea this is where this whole thing was going to end up.  We had our
intentions and all along God had His own intentions!  Can you believe I
was just praying that prayer earlier when you got back?  You interrupted
me when I was in prayer!”

“For
real?  That’s crazy…” Cedric’s voice faded away as he suddenly became
very, very aware of the living God.

And they stood,
overcome, in the presence of the Lord, who had been waiting patiently for both
of His children.

Pray. 
I am waiting for your return,
The Spirit of God lovingly nudged His
daughter.

Pray. 
I am ready for you to come to Me
,
The Spirit nudged
Cedric.   Cedric jumped and looked around.  “You hear that, Fe?”

“I bet I did,”
Phoenix smiled, now used to the quiet, still voice within.  “Yeah, I think
we ought to pray.”

And together,
they kneeled in the center of the room.  Phoenix panicked for a second,
not sure what to say.  But the prayer she had prayed four years ago, when
she had first given her heart to Jesus, came rushing back into her memory.