The Makeover (51 page)

Cedric had the
decency to look down at his hands that were resting in his lap.

“Is she?”
Phoenix said, in a voice that was trembling.

“I got to be
honest with you.  Yeah, she got pregnant.  And I asked her to marry
me. But—” Cedric continued to look at his hands.

“Do you love her?”
Phoenix smirked, feeling the rage rise within her.

“I mean, I
guess…I don’t know.  I mean, she, um, you know…” Cedric stammered.

“I don’t think
I do, Cedric.”

“She, helped me
out a lot so—”

Phoenix
clenched her fists at her side as she narrowed her eyes.  “And I didn’t,
Cedric?  I didn’t give you my all for almost two years?”

“That’s what
I’m saying, Fe.  I know you have.  I have been thinking about you for
this past week so much.  And I—” Cedric looked away.  “I just had to
come here for some reason and see you.  I miss you.

Pray and
I will reveal the truth
,
the Lord whispered. 

Phoenix sat
there and watched Cedric, with his downcast eyes and his long face.  He
looked genuinely sad and regretful.  He also looked handsome, with his
caramel skin, gorgeous smile, and light brown eyes.   His curly hair
was cut low and his beard was neatly trimmed.  Goodness that man was
good-looking.  The good news was that so was she.  She looked just as
good as he did and she wasn’t going to let him forget it.

She sat there
staring at him trying to figure out how to seduce him, to get him to a point of
begging for her return, only to reject him.  Problem was, the more she
looked at him, the more she thought about Paulo.

Her heart of
stone was softening at the very thought of Paulo

Pray
.

She ignored the
voice within as she contemplated her next move.  Here was the chance she
had been waiting for, had been dreaming about, had envisioned as she struggled
on the treadmill and jogged the perimeter of the park.

Yet Paulo’s
face remained in the back of her mind.

Paulo had
prayed for her.  Paulo had looked at her acne-riddled face and her
overweight frame and found beauty in her eyes and in her heart.  Yes, he
had polished the gem that she already was, but had seen the gem buried under
all the soot in the first place.  Paulo had tried to help her heal by
sharing his love and by sharing the love of Jesus Christ.

Was it worth it
to throw all of that away?  Somehow she could sense that if she continued
with her plan, something vital would be lost forever.  She felt as though
she would not only lose Paulo, but something greater and invaluable.

But she had
already lost everything.  Was there anything left fighting for?

“Where is your
dude this evening?” Cedric asked suddenly.  “I thought y’all would be
joined at the hip.”

“He’s at home,”
Phoenix asked, puzzled that he brought up Paulo just when she had been thinking
about him.

“He help you
lose all this weight?”

Phoenix
nodded.  “Just like he said he would.  Paulo always does what he says
he’s going to do.”

Cedric
smirked.  “I guess he’s better than me.”

“No argument
there.”

“So why you not
with him right now?”

“I was on my
way to him when you showed up.  I actually thought you were him.”

“I guess I
surprised you huh?”

“More than you
know,” Phoenix sighed.  “Okay, so you’ve been thinking about me.  Now
what?  What is it you want, Cedric?”

“I want you
back,” Cedric answered, looking down into his lap again.

Phoenix waited for
him to look into her eyes.  Paulo never looked away when he shared his
feelings for her.

“Why?” 
This
is almost too easy,
Phoenix thought.  This is what she had always
wanted him to say, had always longed for him to ask.  And there he was,
right there, asking. 

But a small
part of her, the part not drenched in alcohol or soaked in bitterness, the part
that still had a tiny shred of discernment forced her to ask herself why it was
so easy.

And why all of
a sudden?

Pray and
I will reveal the truth.

Again she
ignored the voice as she struggled to make sense of the situation with her own
analytical devices.  She looked at Cedric’s smile that didn’t quite meet
his eyes.  “Why would you want me back?  I thought you were happy
with your new Asian sensation.”

“Because you’re
good for me.  You were always good to me.  I shouldn’t have walked
out on you over a few pounds.  But ain’t you glad I did?  If I
hadn’t, you wouldn’t be looking as fine as you are now, Beautiful.”

Phoenix
sneered.  “I guess I owe you, huh?” 
That’s right,
Ced
, keep digging a hole for yourself.  And they
expected me not to get back at this jerk?

“I like to
think so.”

“
Hmmmm
.”

“What, you
don’t think my leaving when I did helped you?”

“It certainly
gave me the fuel to light my fire, that’s for sure,” Phoenix deadpanned.

“Either way, I
know I helped you out,” Cedric retorted before flashing a smug grin.

Phoenix
wondered what she had seen in this man that sat before her, patting himself on
the back for crushing her spirit and ripping her heart into two.

“I’m saying,
you
gonna
offer me a drink or something?  I can
tell you already started the party.”  He grabbed her mug from the coffee
table and sniffed.  “I’ll have what you were having.”

Phoenix
stood.  “Yeah, a drink sounds great.” She started to walk to the kitchen,
before stopping.  “Oh, I only have vodka so…”

“What you got
to mix with it?”

“Nothing.”

Cedric wrinkled
his nose.  “I can’t do vodka straight, though.  You don’t have soda
or
Kool
-aid? Nothing?”

Phoenix shook
her head.  “That’s what I said, Cedric.”

Cedric let out
a heavy sigh.  “
Lemme
go to the store and get
some juice…what you want, OJ? Cranberry?”

Phoenix
shrugged.  “You pick.”

“Alright,” he
said, putting on his coat.  He walked down the hallway in front of Phoenix
before he saying, “
Yo
, I’m a little short so—”

Phoenix nearly
cringed.  “What?  You don’t have any money?  I thought you had
this fabulous job?”

Cedric
shrugged.  “I don’t have cash on me.”

“Use your ATM
card, Cedric!  You can’t buy a bottle of juice?” Phoenix sneered.

“Look, you got
a couple dollars or what?”

Phoenix stomped
away to get her purse, thinking about how Paulo had never even asked her to pay
for a pack of gum, not even when she begged to be allowed to treat him to dinner
or a movie.  Paulo never, ever accepted money from her.  Pulling out
a five dollar bill she raced back to the front door, before she changed her
mind, and slapped it hard into his palm.  “Keep the change!”

Cedric placed a
dry kiss on her forehead.  “Thanks, Sexy.”

As she slammed
the door behind him, she stared at it for a long while.  Collapsing
against the nearest wall, she laid her head back on it and sighed, “Jesus
Christ, what am I doing here?  What is really going on here?”

And Jesus, as
He always does, heard the question. 

“Jesus, help
me!” Phoenix shouted as she raged and stomped and cursed around her apartment,
drunk, frustrated, confused, and annoyed. 

And in spite of
Phoenix’s condition, that prayer was enough. 

The Spirit
commanded Paulo, Cara, and James to continue their battle for their sister in
Christ.   The Spirit led them in tongues to pray for Him take control
of Phoenix’s life.  They also prayed for the Lord God to turn what was
meant for evil around for good.  They asked God to bring glory to His own
Name in whatever Phoenix was going through.

And as led by
the Holy Spirit of God, they went
against the rulers, against the
authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly realms that were seeking to destroy Phoenix’s
life and her very soul.

Chapter 27

But mark
this: There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be
lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to
their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous,
without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash,
conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of
godliness but denying its power.  Have nothing to do with them.  They
are the kind who work their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed
women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil
desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.  (2 Timothy
3:1-7).

Phoenix sat in
her apartment struggling against herself.

Her time alone
had given her a moment to think.

Suddenly, a
memory came to mind of a sermon she had heard years before at her own Baptist
church.  It was a sermon about fighting temptations.  The pastor had
spoken about Joseph, in the Book of Genesis, who had been tempted to commit
adultery with the pharaoh’s wife in Egypt.  He spoke about Joseph running
away from doing evil.  The pastor taught them all that when God’s children
are tempted or are about to fall into a trap of the devil, God would always
provides a way out of temptation.

Phoenix
wondered if Cedric suddenly going to the store was God’s way of helping her
escape?  Maybe…

“No!” Phoenix
shouted, casting the thoughts away.  She felt on edge, paranoid, and
trapped.  Every few minutes she was hit with such powerful images of her
life with Cedric that she had the urge to duck.  Those images would thrash
against memories of the life she’d been given with Paulo.  She felt like
she was in the middle of a war and had no idea why.

She was
drained.  She had desired an opportunity for revenge against Cedric for so
long, and now that it had been practically laid at her feet, she wasn’t sure
she wanted it as much as she originally had.

She started wishing
she could turn away from all of this.  She wanted to run back to Paulo and
apologize to him and restore their relationship. 

More
importantly, she wanted to run back to God and apologize and restore their
relationship.

And she was
beginning to want that more than anything. 

“God, I am so
stupid.  I wish I could ask You to forgive me and move on, but things are
such a mess right now…”

Abruptly, like
a light starting to shine in a dark corner in her mind, she started to
see.  The images were blurry, and it felt like something was trying to
block her vision, but she could still see tiny glimpses of light that were
shining through the darkness.

And she began,
bit by bit, to see how foolish her plans really were.

But still, she
struggled because the images of catching Cedric with the girl, in her home two
months, before their wedding plagued her.  They were like poison arrows
piercing every part of her and the sting of each arrow was enough to send her
into a boiling rage.

But light was growing,
slowly, inch by inch, and fighting to reign in the darkest corners of her
heart.

She didn’t know
what to do.

She wanted to
ask God but she wasn’t sure if it was too late to turn to Him.

She was
sapped.  She felt like she needed to fight, but she had no idea what she
needed to fight, or how to fight.  She didn’t believe she could win even
if she did choose to fight.

“Jesus, I am
tired of fighting,” Phoenix murmured without realizing that once again, she was
talking to her Lord.

The
battle is not yours, it is God’s.

The voice in
her heart spoke with such quiet authority that it rattled her core.

“But he came,”
she whispered.  “This is my chance to have peace.  I need to make it
right.  I need to make him pay—”

Vengeance
is Mine.  Come to Me and I will give you rest. 

Phoenix began
to cry again.  The effects of the alcohol had suddenly disappeared and she
knew she was not making the voice up.  She knew Whose voice she had been
hearing.

“But it’s too
late,” Phoenix cried.  “I’ve given up everything to do this.  I can’t
stop now.”

Return to
Me and I will restore you
.
  He spoke even louder that time.

“But God—”

And she
struggled because an even louder voice spoke to her mind.

But
God?  What is God going to do?  It’s too late for you.  You’ve
already messed things up for yourself.  You have no relationship with your
family, your friends, or even Paulo.  Yes, you have Cara and James, but
they have each other.  What can God do now? 

“Nothing,” she
whispered, defeat crushing her soul.  “There’s nothing left for me except
my chance for payback.  I have to make Cedric pay.”

And she ignored
the churning in her stomach as she waited for the chance for Cedric to return
so she could follow through on her plan to seduce him.

***

Paulo walked
the perimeter of his home shouting scriptures and praying for the woman he
loved.  Exhausted, he collapsed on his couch and began to weep as his own
stomach began to churn.  He sensed in his spirit that something was going
to happen to Phoenix, but he was powerless to change it.  All he could do
was pray.  As much as he desperately wanted to, he could not run to her,
and try to fix it because he had already turned Phoenix over to God.  She
was in His hands now.

God, how he
loved that woman.  He loved everything about her.  He loved the sound
of her laugh and the way her almond-shaped eyes crinkled when she smiled. 
He loved the way her even, brilliant smile could light up a room.  He
loved the deep molasses color of her skin tone.  He loved her thick, wavy
hair that she never seemed to know how to manage.  He loved her shapely
legs.  He loved her awkwardness.  He loved the way she would try so
hard to look nice for him.  He loved the way she chewed her bottom lip
when she was fighting through a particularly difficult thought or idea. 
He loved her intelligence and her manners.  She loved how she chose a
profession that would allow her to spend her days helping others.  He
loved how she always needed to look at him in awe every few seconds.  He
loved her quick, sardonic humor.  He loved the raspy sound of her
voice.  He even loved the flaws.