The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (135 page)

BOOK: The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress
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     I will tell more now about Julia Hersland and each one she came to know in living and how she came to know them and I will tell more and more about all the living ever being in her.

 

     I could go on and on, I am so certain that it would be a very important thing if some other going on being living, some other ones going on being in living could be knowing really how to be distinguishing the resisting from the attacking kind in men and women, could be understanding the way having it in them to have religion in them is in them of the resisting kind of them, is in them of the attacking kind of them. I am so certain that I am knowing a very great deal about being being in men and in women that it certainly does seem as if something would be missing if not any one could be coming to know from me all of that everything. And now I am sad with this thing for certainly I will be going on with all this thing and certainly then not any one will be rightly certain about some one which kind of being that one has in them resisting or attacking and how religion is in that one. But then I am remembering that every one being ever in living is pretty well used to this thing that some one has it to have knowing realising something and not any one else even later has that thing and so then I will go on writing, and not for myself and not for any other one but because it is a thing I certainly can be earnestly doing with sometimes excited feeling and sometimes happy feeling and sometimes longing feeling and sometimes almost indifferent feeling and always with a little dubious feeling. I could though be so wise and I am so wise and it would be so nice for me to be certain that from me some other one could be a wise one a little less wise than I am who am the original wise one. I could then be so pleased with this thing with being certain that with me there would be an increasing of wise realisation, and then I am remembering it is like when I was a younger one I was for years so sorry about things important in something being lost and some one being a dead one by an accident when he was a young one and then later I was certain I would not be using that thing that was lost and would not be reading something if it had been written and if I did not need that thing, very likely not any one would be really needing that thing, and whatever any one is having is plenty good enough unless they want some other thing and perhaps they will find that other thing, and anyhow nobody can be a wise one in the way I am just now a wise one, so I will go on and go on and if anybody comes to be like me a wise one why then there will have come to be another wise one. I am almost certain I am completely a wise one. I will not tell any more now about this thing. I will tell now some more about religion and about attacking and about resisting being and I will tell some more now about everything and perhaps sometime I will be sad again about not any one ever having the understanding of being in men and women that I am having.

 

     Julia Dehning came to know each of them, some men and some women, and so for now to finish them and her up. Sometime and it will be in the history of David Hersland that it will be done I will be telling more about each one coming to be sometime a completely dead one. I like it very much that each one all their living have it that they are in some way being living ones. Very often to very many they are very faintly repeating to themselves to any one that they are being living ones then when they are living. Some are not when they are dead ones letting any one having known them be really certain that they are then dead ones. Always then I am certain that sometime I will be telling very much more about every one being in their living living ones and being sometime then really a dead one, dead ones. Being living and then being a dead one, I am certain that I will always be telling more and more about these things to every one. Being a very happy one makes it that I can tell each one sometime about this thing about being a living one and about being sometime then a dead one. I like very much being a happy one, a really widely certainly happy one. I like very much being a very happy one. I can tell to myself too and to every one that each one in the way it is in him is being in his living and each one is sometime then a dead one. I say that I will certainly tell more and more about this to every one. I will certainly always be telling about every one being in being living and every one being sometime a dead one.

 

     Julia Hersland was being in living and certainly sometime she came to be a dead one. Julia Hersland certainly was being in living and she certainly sometime came to be a dead one. Julia was as I was saying one not failing, in a way not succeeding in living. Julia in a way certainly was quite an excited one in being one being in living. Julia certainly was one keeping on being in living all her living and then she was a dead one. Julia was in a way in living not a happy one, not an unhappy one, in a way quite a happy one. Julia was certainly one in a way not having been one feeling in living. She was one in a way succeeding in living. She came to know quite a number of men and women and quite a number of men and women came to know her and she was one having certainly it in her to be one being going on being in living.

 

     She came to know a good many men and women in living and a good many men and women came to know her and they, mostly all of them, were succeeding in living and in a way she was one having been succeeding in being in living. She was of Dehning family living as I was saying. She was not of Dehning family living. She went on living being in living as I was saying. She came sometime to be a dead one. Many others had come by then to be dead ones. Some had not yet then come to be dead ones. There are very many always living that is certain. There are very many always living. There were then once very many living. Julia Hersland was one being going on in living. She came sometime to be a dead one. Julia knew some then when she was being living and they were then being living, and they knew her then some.

 

     Julia came to know some. She came to know each one of them some sometime in her living. Julia came to know them those I have been mentioning each one of them some sometime in her living. Julia came to know them each one of them sometime in her living. I was just telling some one yesterday evening that some one has it not to have in them the poignancy of experience that that one thought that other one had in living. That one had concentration in expressing experiencing, that one had not concentration in experiencing. Having concentration in experiencing is common but then again it is not so very common. There was one that I was seeing yesterday evening and this one was of the slow resisting and engulfing kind in men and women and this one was quite solemn and this one was not such a solid one in being a slow resisting engulfing one as this one was in expression and so this one was solemn. This one could really be thinking about some one, this one had imagination, this one had sensitiveness for coming to be realising ways of doing something, this one had not sensitiveness for realising the feeling of something having being really existing, this one had the feeling of having feeling of being really existing, this one then had slow solemn expression. I was telling some one yesterday evening, no I do not think I was telling any one this thing yesterday evening. I would have been telling some one yesterday evening if I had not in a way not been wanting to tell that one this thing, that each one could be finding another one interesting if each one felt another one being in act of feeling the way that one really is feeling being living. I cannot come to be more certain ever of anything than I am of how very interesting it is to me in my being one being living to be certain of the feeling there is being in each one and how that feeling comes out of each one as expression. The one I was going to be telling this thing to last evening is one having it that he is sympathetically realising this about each one who has been expressing himself in something written or painted or winning in fighting or governing, or thinking or discovering, this one cannot be rightly certain although this one is very often telling about this thing and this one is very often quite certain what the being is in any one as experiencing when the expression is not a formulated one. Now I can learn it by loving repeating, loving repeating is in me and so to me every one is having as it were coming out of them formulated expression. Loving repeating in me makes of me then one understanding being in men and women, and the relation of expression coming out of each one to the being making them of them. So then any one can know that being one loving hearing seeing feeling repeating has made of me a very wise one.

 

     I am commencing now again a description of Julia coming to know some men and some women sometime in her living. I am beginning again describing being and expression of the being of them coming out of them of some men and some women Julia came to know in living.

 

     It is a queer thing that some one wanting to be giving and giving some one something is not giving that one what that one is wanting. It is a queer thing that some are wanting to be giving some something and are giving some something and are not giving them what they are wanting, what they are needing for their living. It is a queer thing that some are realising sometime that some other one is seeing, is remembering something that one cannot be seeing by looking, cannot be remembering by any kind of trying to remember that thing. It is a queer feeling to be really certain that one is not remembering the way another one is remembering, is not seeing the way another one is seeing, it is a queer feeling to be completely realising the way another one is seeing something another one is realising something and to be quite certain by realising that one can not be seeing, cannot be remembering that thing. It is a completely queer feeling, this that I am describing. It is a completely queer feeling to be realising that some one is seeing something, is feeling something is remembering something, to be completely realising that one being feeling, being remembering, being seeing something and to be completely realising that one realising another one's feeling seeing remembering that thing cannot one's self feel see and remember that thing. I can say that having such a feeling is completely having a queer feeling in being one being living. I can say that I am having completely a queer feeling when I am realising that I am not being feeling, seeing, remembering something when I am completely realising some one else being feeling, seeing, remembering that thing. I have then a completely queer feeling, I have been having a completely queer feeling, I have been realising some one being able to be feeling, remembering, seeing something and I have been realising that I am not able to be feeling, remembering, seeing that thing. It is not a completely queer feeling if one is not completely realising some one's experiencing something and completely realising not being going to be, not being experiencing that thing. This thing then is the complete thing in having complete queer feeling in living. I well tell about, this again and again. It is in me now, it will be in me again and again. It is in me now, it will be in me very often. I am now beginning the ending of my telling about the living in Julia Hersland and Alfred Hersland and other women and other men knowing them.

 

     Some one was saying of some one that he was an interesting one, he wanted himself to be such an earnest one, his father was not an earnest one that was a thing he was used to in his living, his mother was an indolent one, he was pretty well used to that thing that she was an indolent one, his brother was certainly not an earnest one he had not any hope that he could be in living, a fellow who was such a one as his brother was, an earnest one, he himself was not ever keeping going in being an earnest one, this one then was as another one said of him one asking very much of himself in living and he was not succeeding, very likely would not be succeeding in going on being an earnest one and he was not a disappointed one one disappointed with living, he was one not really filled with any earnest feeling in being one being living, he had earnest feeling of knowing that not any one in his family had been being in living an earnest one and this made of him in a way one who could be in living if he would be, a disappointed one. So then as some one said of this one this one was one feeling it in him that he might have been expecting having earnest feeling coming to be being inside him but he did not come to be expecting this thing as he was almost certain that his father did not have ever inside him earnest feeling, that his mother certainly was one going to be going on being indolent in being living, that his brother certainly never would have anything in him of earnest feeling, and then he to himself as one to be realised by him would not come to have inside in him certainly earnest feeling, that was very likely to be not in him this earnest feeling that he was expecting from some one inside him. So then this one as this other one said of him was a very moral man. He certainly asked a great deal of himself, that is what this other one said about this one, this one that the other one said was one who was certainly a very moral one in his being one going on being living. This one then as I was saying was a very moral man in being one expecting very much from himself inside him in his being one being living. He certainly was not having it in him very expectantly feeling this expectation of having earnest feeling going on being in him but he certainly was a moral one in having this very certain realisation that not his father not his mother not his brother not himself in learning living was an earnest one in feeling anything.

 

     It is a very amusing thing hearing some realising other ones being moral ones in living. She should do it, she wants so much from herself to herself in living, let her pay herself for being one going to be going to be a good one. That is what some one is saying about some one. It is very interesting to be helping some one going to be a good one. It is certain that some are going to be good ones in living. It is certain that to some this is in some other one very unbecoming. It is certain that to some this in some other one is very becoming. I have been helping some with this thing with coming to be going to be a good one. I have been helping some very much in this thing. Each one is herself, is himself inside her inside him and it is certainly a very interesting thing helping each one, helping some of each kind of them to be going to be a good one. I have sometimes been helping some, with very much feeling and serious consideration and steady struggling and earnest attention, I have sometimes been helping some to going to be a good one in their living for them. I have quite often been doing this thing. I am now going on telling a little more about the middle living in Julia Hersland and in some coming to know her then. She was then to herself inside her one honest in all daily living, one certainly having courage in being one certainly going to be going on living, one certainly going to be learning anything, one certainly to herself inside her in a way certainly a good one.
BOOK: The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress
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