The Man to Be Reckoned With (13 page)

He had thought of everything. He was making arrangements. Before he... And suddenly she couldn't lock away the questions. “Thanks. So you'll be at the wedding?”

He laughed, and now there was no more easy humor in the sound. The moment was fractured. And she didn't know why. He tucked his fingers into the pockets of his jeans. Looked anywhere but at her. And Riya tried not to show her utter dismay.

It was obvious withdrawal, painful retreat.

“I would like nothing but to leave this very instant and not look back. I've stayed too long already and I'm getting restless. But I did give you my word.”

He was not joking and the utter lack of any emotion in his words shocked her. She had barely made friends, or any other relationship for that matter. And he...he was one relationship she didn't want to lose. “Are we friends, Nathan?”

His jaw tight, he stared at her for several seconds, anger dawning in his gaze. “We are nothing, Riya.”

She flinched at the cutting derision in his words. The entire tenor of the conversation had changed. “Why are you acting like this? What did I do wrong?”

“You were fun that night.” Her palm itched to knock the derisive curve of his mouth. “Today, you're falling into a pattern that I'm allergic to.”

“Because I want us to be friends? I know that it was you that forced Jackie to tell me truth.” When he opened his mouth, she put her hand over it to hush him. And felt the contact jolt through her. “I know you did it because you cared. I don't want explanations. I just...I think I would like us to be friends, Nate. I...” She stopped, arrested by the look in his eyes.

“I did what I did because I felt sorry for you, for what your mother and this estate—for what they all did to you.”

“Sorry for me?”

“Yes. You manipulated the truth to bring me here, risked everything to patch things up between Dad and me. It has brought me a peace unlike anything. I thought I would pay you back the favor, lift the veil from your eyes, so to speak.

“We're not anything, Riya. We can't even be called a one-night stand. Because you weren't even there for the whole night, right? And we're definitely not friends.”

And now she was angry, very angry. And stunned, because there was nothing but finality in his tone. “Why not? Why are you being such a jerk?”

“Because there could be no friendship between us, Riya. Not after that night. When I leave here, you won't see me again, hear from me again.
Ever.
”

Her breath knocked around in her lungs. It didn't feel as though he was stating a fact. It felt as though he was making her a promise. A painful one.

“You never plan to visit the estate that you went to all this trouble for? You'll kick us all out and just let the house be?”

“Yes.” The word kicked her in the gut. “I could say otherwise now to make you happy, but it would be a lie. And I can't bear lies.”

Something glimmered in his eyes, but Riya had no idea what. He was hurting her with his words. He was aware of it and he was still doing it. Very efficiently even.

Suddenly the cold stranger from the first day was back. Nathaniel Ramirez was back. And the man who had learned more about her in a few weeks than anyone else in her entire life, he was gone.

“Don't do this, Riya. Don't fixate on me because I'm the first man you slept with. Or because I'm the first man who showed a little bit of concern.” He clasped her cheek, devouring her as if he were starving, as if he was memorizing every feature, every angle of it. “What you feel for me is only attraction. Only your body asking for—”

“A repeat performance? You think I'm naive enough to sugarcoat my words when all I want is one of those fantastic orgasms you deal out? And for the record, if that's what I wanted, I'm sure you would oblige me, wouldn't you?”

Now there was anger in his eyes. And Riya was glad. She wanted him to be angry, she wanted him to be hurt.

“I think you don't know the difference between a good friend, a great lover and a man who deserves your love. I'm only good for one of those roles. I think you haven't seen enough of the world to know yourself.”

“Right. Because Nathaniel Ramirez knows what's best for everyone.” She pushed his hand away, hating herself for wanting to revel in his touch. “Will you do me two favors while you're still here, then? Or have I run out of luck with you?”

He looked pale, drawn out. As if there was nothing more left in him. And she was the one who was hurt. “Yes.”

“Can you find out where my father is? Put all your power and wealth to use?”

“Yes, I'll put someone on it. What's the second one?”

“There's a week to the wedding. It would make me really happy if you didn't come here. Robert can come see you at the hotel.”

“Why?”

Stepping back, she ran her fingers over the wood grain, her throat clogging. “This has been my home for more than a decade. You have the rest of your life here. I only have one week. I want to enjoy it. And if you're around, it'll ruin it for me.”

He nodded and then walked away. Riya sank to the bench, her limbs sagging.

For some reason, the tears came then.

They hadn't come so many times when she wished for them, when she needed an outlet for the ache in her heart. They hadn't come when she thought her father had let her go. They hadn't come when she learned that Jackie had lied. But they came now.

Sitting in the gazebo, in the place that had been home to her, Riya cried.

She didn't know why, and she didn't try to understand. Only tucked her arms around her knees and let the tears draw wet paths over her cheeks. She cried for the little girl she had been, for the lost and guarded teenager she had been, for the frozen woman she had become.

She didn't think about Nathan. He had no place in this. This was for her. Only her.

And when the tears dried up and her head hurt, she wiped her cheeks, took a shuddering breath and stood up. Looked around at the lush greenery.

What she had been doing was not enough anymore. That night with Nathan had only been the beginning. Something had to change in her life. She needed to live more. Not that she had any idea how to do that. But she had to start somewhere. After the wedding, she would leave.

She would have to quit her job. She would have to plan her finances, apply for part-time remote-access jobs. To give up all the stability she knew, to leave a job that paid well, the city she had grown up in, to leave Robert and Jackie...the excitement of it all, the fear of it, rocked through her.

There was a whole world out there. And staying still wasn't an option anymore.

* * *

Standing at the entrance to the kitchen, Nathan felt every muscle in him clench with a feral ache. Every soft cry that fell from Riya's mouth, every hard breath, landed on him like a claw, raking through him.

But he couldn't go to her. He couldn't hold her as he wanted to, he couldn't promise her that life would get better. That it would hurt less and less. That pain was just as much a part of life as joy.

He didn't make the mistake of thinking she was crying over him. He knew she was saying goodbye. Still, he wished he could be her support even as it was he who was forcing her to leave.

Ask her to come with you, Nate,
a voice piped up, catching him unaware.

If he gave in to the longing inside him, if he asked her to come with him temporarily, just until this fire in him was at least blunted... Whether she realized it now or not, when this wave of risk-taking became too much, her natural world would reassert itself. There would be nothing for him except her rejection.

And that rejection would kill him as nothing else had done. To see that fear in her eyes would surely finish him off. And he couldn't blame Riya for being who she was, for the way she had survived.

He would never be the right man for her. And if he wanted to nip this...this yearning, this longing she made him feel, he would have to leave soon. Not risk seeing her again.

Before he forgot, before he started hoping for things that would never be, could never be his. And the distance between hope and fear was not that big.

And so he left, without looking back. As he'd always done.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

T
HANKS
TO
THE
superefficient event management company Nathan had hired, the wedding preparations went without a hitch. All Riya had to do, even if reluctantly, was to keep her mother calm and turn up to the wedding. More than once, she had indulged in the idea of leaving even before the wedding. But doing that would have hurt Robert and, of course, her mother.

And she wasn't ruthless enough yet just to cut them out of her life.

But the week leading up to it, surprisingly, had been a pleasant one. Grudgingly she accepted that this fact was due to Nathan. She was aware he threw around his wealth as he pleased, but that he had actually cared enough to have the event organized for Robert, that she couldn't overlook.

Since he had kept his word and she had mostly worked from home, she hadn't seen him for the whole week. Having always been the one to take care of the logistics and details of their everyday life, she felt that having it all taken out of her hands had been the best. All she had needed to do was to pick a dress. And even that hadn't been left to her.

She had been presented with three gorgeous ones that a team from a world-famous fashion house, from whose designs she had never been able to afford even a pitiful scarf, had been waiting with for her one afternoon. A stylist and designer along with the dresses.

She had balked at the idea of wearing anything Nathan paid for. Had absolutely refused to even look at the selection picked out for her.

Until he had texted her:
Am paying for the wedding. To show my father that I don't resent it.

Can buy my own dress,
she had texted back.
My boss is a heartless pig, but he pays well.

Thundering silence until...

It's a welcome-to-the-family gift. Accept it or I'll call you sis :)

She had laughed, imagined the crinkles he got at the corners of his eyes when he did.

Gross and perverted, that's what you are.

Her heart had run a marathon as she waited. And slammed against her rib cage when her phone pinged again.

Please, Riya.

Her fingers had lingered over her phone's screen. Why? she wanted to ask him. He had rejected her friendship, so why did it matter whether she accepted this from him? Why was he playing games with her? Caring and affectionate one second and a ruthless stranger the next?

In the end, under his relentless will, she had given in. Let them fit her. Fallen in love with the frothy beige silk creation that somehow was almost the same color as her skin and yet stood out against it as if it were made for her. Whispered sinuously when she moved, outlined her curves without being tacky.

Understated and yet elegant, it had shocked her at how much it suited her, her personality. Not the boring, dowdy clothes she had worn before and not the garish red of her wild night.

But somewhere in between, just perfect for her.

Her hair had been twisted into a sophisticated knot on the top of her head, with soft tendrils caressing her neck and jawline. She had refused the makeup artist's help, however.

The limo that had brought them to the hotel from the estate, the quiet but affluent luxury of the hall they were having the reception in, the delicious buffet—despite all the things clamoring for her awe and attention, despite her heart fisting in her chest with the thought that she was going to leave everything that was familiar to her very soon, Riya couldn't silence her need to see Nathan.

But when she entered the hall, shook hands with friends, he was nowhere to be seen.

And so she waited. Through Robert and Jackie exchanging vows, through their friends toasting them.

She stumbled through her own speech, her eyes still locked on the entrance.

And she waited.

She kissed Jackie's cheek, danced with Robert and only then it dawned on her that her waiting was useless.

Nathan had never planned on attending the wedding.

* * *

Riya was fuming when Jackie found her in the quiet corridor that seemed to absorb her anger and the sounds she made.

“Riya.” Wary hesitation danced in Jackie's eyes. “I'm so sorry, but this is for the best. Let him go, Riya. It's got nothing to do with you.”

Shocked at how perceptive Jackie was being, Riya stared at her. “Please, Jackie. Not today. Just enjoy your day.”

“I'm learning, Riya. I've never provided you with security, but I do think of you, worry about you. After all this, you deserve happiness, you deserve someone who'll love you and take care of you for a long time. And Nathan is the last man on earth for you.”

Riya didn't like the look in Jackie's eyes. And yet, for the first time in her life, she had a feeling that her mother was speaking the absolute truth. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn't deserve you. Isn't that enough?”

“Just please tell me what you mean.”

“He has the same heart condition that Anna had.”

Gasping, Riya grabbed the wall behind her. A violent shiver took hold of her, and her teeth chattered in her mouth.

She felt as if someone had pushed her off a cliff and the earth was rising to meet her without a warning, without a safety net.

Anna had been barely into her forties when she died.

No. No. No.
It couldn't be true. It couldn't be borne.

Nathan was a force of life.

“I don't have a heart. At least, not a working one.”

All the signs had been there right in front of her. That night in his suite, he had almost fainted. Did it happen often? That strap he had worn on his wrist sometimes instead of his watch, it had to be a heart rate monitor.

So many times she had called him heartless, had thrown his mother's name in his face, wondered at how easily he cut everyone out of his life... She shot to her feet and swayed, still feeling dizzy. “I need to see him.”

“Riya? What's wrong? You look unwell.”

She lifted her gaze to Robert's and swallowed. Tried to rally up her good humor, her strength. Because she had always been strong, hadn't she? They all left, they all deceived her; what else did she have but her strength?

But Nathan hadn't deceived her, hadn't lied to her. In fact, had told her that he would always leave.

“Nathan. Do you know where he is?”

“He went back to the estate. He's leaving in a few hours.”

Shock traversed through her, a sudden cold in her chest. “He was here. Today? When? Why didn't he—”

“Yes. But he left just as you and Jackie arrived. Said he couldn't stay any longer. He's leaving tonight.”

Let him go, Riya,
the part of her that she had painfully trained into place screeched at her.
Let him walk out of your life. End it all before you sink.

“Oh.” It was a miracle Riya managed that, because inside it felt as if someone had pulled the ground from under her. “He didn't even say goodbye, Robert. I... He promised me he would be here tonight.” She tried to breathe past the fear and spiraling hurt. “I don't understand any of this. How could I not realize? How could he not tell me? I...”

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, Robert hugged her. And enveloped in the love she had always craved, the lack of which had made her erect a shell around herself, Riya found herself unraveling. One question kept relentlessly pounding against her head.

Why did she care so much?

He had made it clear that they didn't mean anything to each other. Not even friends. Having faced abandonment and rejection all her life, she'd always worn retreat as her armor. She wanted to do that tonight too. But he had left her nowhere to hide.

“I'm sorry it came to this, Riya. But you have to know it has nothing to do with you.”

Riya laughed because that was what everyone kept saying. “No?” she said, her voice echoing in the quiet of the carpeted foyer. She was so tired of fighting this, of telling herself that she was strong. “It seems everyone finds it so easy to walk away from me, so easy not to feel even affection for me. So easy to reject me. I hate him for doing this, hate myself for feeling like this. I have to be the stupidest woman in the world—”

Shaking his head, his heart in his eyes, Robert sighed. “It's the way he survives, Riya. He would despise himself if he became like Anna.”

“
I don't care
what his reason is. I deserved at least goodbye.”

“No, Riya. Wait.”

Uncaring of the anxiety in his face, Riya tugged at her arm. Every inch of her was shaking with urgency, the rest of her body scrambling to catch up with her heart. “Let me go, Robert. If he leaves before I can get there, I'll never see him again.”

Her throat closed up at the very prospect. “Never again.” He'd pretty much promised her that. He'd cut Sonia out like that. And to never see him. “I have to talk to him—”

“Don't make this harder on him.”

“What about how I feel?” She screamed the words, wondering how to stem the hurt. She'd been prepared to say goodbye tonight, but knowing what she did now... “I never saw my father again. If Nathan leaves before I see him, if something happens to him, I couldn't bear it, Robert.”

It hurt as if someone were ripping out her heart from her chest. Had she and the time they had spent together meant nothing? Hadn't she mattered even a little to him? Shards of hurt and pain splintered through her.

Trembling, she patted her palms down her midriff in a rhythm.

“I'm so sorry, Riya. He had no right to do this to you. I'm sorry I didn't protect you—”

The sob that she had battling rose through Riya and she threw herself into her mom's arms. “He doesn't care, Jackie. He was perfectly willing to walk away...without a word. I wish it didn't hurt so much.” She clenched her eyes closed. She couldn't give in to tears now. “This goodbye is just for me. Just for me.”

Standing in that softly lit corridor, looking at Robert, who had the exact same eyes as his son, Riya calmed herself down. Her world was changing, slipping from her hands, forever shifting. But even for the fear rattling through her, she couldn't stop.

Only one more night, she reassured herself. Just one more night and she would never think about him again.

* * *

“You promised me a dance.”

Hearing the soft whisper of her voice, Nathan turned around from the balcony. He hadn't been sure if she would seek him out. With a steely focus, he'd not speculated on whether he wanted her to find him.

Leaning against the wall, he let his gaze rove over her. She looked ethereal tonight, like some beautiful, otherworldly creature come to earth with the express purpose of tormenting him. The beige silk dipped and flared around her lithe body, her hair falling like a silk curtain on one shoulder.

Like a shadow, he had watched her step out of the limo. Hadn't been able to help himself from greedily drinking in her beauty. Had exercised every ounce of will when he saw her gaze wander through the hall, looking for him.

It had taken everything he had in him not to drag her away from the appreciative male gazes and there had been too many of those for his liking. But she wasn't his to protect or even to look at. After so rudely rejecting her small advance for a friendship, after witnessing the hurt flash in those beautiful eyes, he'd known he'd better keep his distance from her.

Not hurting Riya had somehow become the most important thing to him.

“If I remember right, you said you didn't want to dance with me,” he said, willing himself to smile. His fingers gripped the railing so tight that the pattern would imprint on his palm. “
Leave Travelogue and go away, forever.
Those were your words.”

Something shimmered in her gaze, but for the life of him, he couldn't tell what.

Stepping inside, she closed the door behind her. “I changed my mind. I've decided a lot of things have to change in my life.”

“Like what?”

With a shrug, she looked away from him and he saw her chest rise and fall, her spine straighten as though she was bracing herself. For what?

He needed to get her out of here. Before he lost the tenuous thread of his control. Before he forgot how it had felt to have her look at him as if he was her hero, as if there was nothing he couldn't conquer. As if he would always be there for her.

She smiled then. There was fear in that smile, a bravery in it. There was something in her eyes that pulled at him, pierced through him. As if she was fighting to stand, as if she was fighting to keep herself together. And, as it had been from the beginning with her, every atavistic, male instinct in him rose to the fore.

Was she afraid? Of what?

He reached her, lifted her chin, looked into her eyes. “Riya, what is it?”

She shook her head, clasped his wrist, brought his hand closer so that his palm was wrapped around her cheek. Pressed her mouth to the center of his palm. “I'm quitting Travelogue.”

“What?”

“I found a remote-access job. It's a software architect position for a charity based in Bali. A six-month contract.”

He frowned, worry for her trumping every other emotion in him. “Bali? Do you even know anyone there? Let me talk to some people I know and get the area checked—”

She shook her head. “No. I'm sure I'll be okay. I've taken care of myself so far, haven't I?”

“Why Bali? Why quit Travelogue?”

“Nothing here...nothing feels enough anymore. This life I've been leading, I want more. I want more excitement, more everything.”

“Riya, I don't think you should just up and leave.”

“Nathan?”

“Hmm?” He made a sound in his throat, incapable of anything else with her hands moving up his body. Sexual tension and anticipation arced and swelled between them, binding them together.

“A part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and live recklessly. A part of me will always hold me back. You are in between, Nate. Between risk and safety.” Her hands clasped his cheek, and she tilted his chin up to meet her eyes. Lust and fire danced in them.