The Meltdown (27 page)

“Don’t worry, Jayd. One of the fraternity brothers will escort you this evening,” Mrs. Esop says, moving right along, even if her face has aged ten years in the past few minutes. First her daughter leaves, now Nigel. I guess this is how Mama felt when my mom, my aunt, and then I moved out prematurely. “Everything will be okay.” I think she’s talking more to
herself than to me, but I feel her. Everything will be okay if we could just make it through the rest of the day.

Once I escaped Mrs. Esop’s clutches this morning, I returned to my mom’s apartment, where I showered and did my hair before heading back to Lafayette Square. It’s been a day with Mrs. Esop’s emotions raging out of control. At least she was too distracted by her son’s exodus to care about my hair. I let her artist do my makeup, but there was no way I was letting her get up in my head. She actually could have used my skills, but I kept quiet and let the sister work.

So far the ball has been just as boring as predicted. The fancy dinner’s just as bland, and it appears that I’m the only one not enjoying myself. Natalia, the head debutante, and the other seasoned debutantes are enjoying their nights as princesses, but I would much rather be with my crew. I don’t know what Nigel’s going to do about his living situation, but he can’t stay with Rah forever. Nigel and Sandy don’t get along, and as long as she’s there, Nigel won’t be able to handle it.

“Is there something wrong with your tea?” Mrs. Tyler, Natalia’s mother and the vice president of Alpha Delta Rho, asks me, gesturing toward the cup on the dinner table in front of me. “And you haven’t touched your food.”

Mrs. Esop would be pleased with my loss of appetite. I think I’ve just had too much excitement in the past twenty-four hours to eat anything. Besides, the small potatoes, duck, and asparagus don’t tempt me at all.

“I’m not that hungry,” I say, eyeing the bread basket. Even the sourdough rolls look disgusting to me.

“Teresa, you’ve got this girl too scared to eat a thing,” Mrs. Tyler says as Mrs. Esop walks up to our table.

She’s plastered on a good front, but I know she’s still reeling from her argument with Nigel this morning.

“She doesn’t want to be too bloated before her first dance,” Mrs. Esop says, touching my updo hairstyle and making me cringe.

“Please don’t touch my hair,” I say.

Mrs. Esop looks like she wants to push me out of my seat but restrains herself. I already warned her about people touching my hair and that includes her.

“She’s such the perfectionist,” Mrs. Esop says, again reaching for my head, and I move out of the way. “Have some chamomile tea, dear, and calm yourself. We’ll be called to the dance floor momentarily.”

I take a sip of the hot liquid, instantly recognizing the china pattern. It’s from the sleepwalking incident where I cut my toe. I don’t feel so good.

“I’m so sorry Nigel fell ill,” Mrs. Tyler says, sipping her tea. “Did you find a suitable replacement?”

“Of course we did,” Mrs. Esop says, pointing toward the door. “And here he is now.” Mr. Adewale and several other brothers dressed in tuxedos walk through the door. He and his frat brothers definitely know how to make an entrance. “Ogunlabi is just in time to walk you across the stage, Jayd. And he knows the dance from last year, so everything should be fine.”

Mr. Adewale’s going to be my escort? How did this happen?

The deejay plays the same Etta James song Keenan and I enjoyed at the coffeehouse, causing me to fall back into my vision with Maman and I conjuring up my husband.

“I need some air,” I say, rising from the table and running toward the back door. The night air is thick and humid, unlike the weather on the other side of the hill. No wonder people from the city rarely venture to the valley. It’s too damn hot out here.

I hold on to the patio railing, attempting to steady my
spinning head, but it’s no use. In my mind, Maman and I are on the beach battling Esmeralda for my man. I catch my reflection in the water and see Maman’s green eyes staring back at me. I would scream, but I’m not in control of my voice or anything else.

“Jayd, I’m here. It feels so good to be real again,”
Maman says, her body moving in the lake’s reflection. The line between Maman’s time and mine are blurred beyond recognition: I am her and she is me.

“Maman, what’s happening to me?” I ask, touching my head. It feels like my scalp is on fire. Maman smiles at me, her shape shifting with each ripple in the dark water.

“Jayd, it’s time to start,” Mr. Adewale says, coming onto the patio, but he doesn’t sound like himself, either: It’s only Jean Paul’s voice I hear.

“Oui, mon amore,”
I respond in Maman’s voice. I have to let my hair out of the hundreds of bobby pins holding up my evening do, damn the dance.

“Jayd, are you okay?” Mr. Adewale says, trying to help me back inside, but I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay out here with Maman.

“Jean Paul,” I say, running up to Mr. Adewale, whose shape is also shifting in and out of time. He’s wearing a cream-colored suit as my grandfather and a black tux as himself. Either way he looks good to me. Like Maman said, it’s not the physical appearance that matters: His soul attracts me the most.

“No, Jayd. It’s me, Mr. Adewale,” he says, pushing me back.

Still seeing through Maman’s eyes, I kiss him on the lips. Without responding, Mr. Adewale again pushes me away and steps back, shocked at my actions. He knows something’s wrong, and I’m in no position to stop it.

“We need to get you home now.”

I can barely hear him, my mind’s so convoluted with everyone’s thoughts. Where’s Mama when I need her?

“I’m right here,”
Maman says in my head. I look down at my dress, which looks yellow it’s so faded and old. I look at the back of my hands, again recognizing them as my great-grandmother’s instead of my own. I look up at my companion, who is not Mr. Adewale but instead is Maman’s white lover and Jeremy’s great-grandfather. This isn’t good; I have no choice but to play it out.

“My love, is that you? You’ve come back for me. I knew you would,” I say in Maman’s time, reaching up for her lover’s face. I guess this is when Maman lost it. I can’t see Mr. Adewale; he appears more like the shimmering ball of light from my dream last night. What the hell?

“Jayd, can you hear me? Mama’s home. Go home now,”
my mom says, shouting in my head.
“I’ll meet you there. Leave now, Jayd, before you lose it completely.”

“No, Jayd. It’s me, Mr. Adewale,” he says, stepping away from my advance. He falls against the hard rail, unable to run.

“
Mi amore,
I knew you wouldn’t leave me. I left my husband. We can finally be together now. I’m glad your wife understands it’s in our destiny to be together.” I reach for Maman’s lover’s face, attempting to kiss him again, but he’s not having it. Mr. Adewale grabs my hands, forcing them down to my side.

“We need to get you home, Jayd. Now,” Mr. Adewale says, making his way with a limp. I know I’ve hurt him in more ways than one. Did I really just kiss my teacher? Oh, this can’t be happening, no matter how many times I’ve dreamed about this moment. “Your grandmother will know what to do.” Even out of my mind, I’m glad Mama’s home. I have a feeling she’s the only one who can help me out of this mess.

When we reach Mama’s house, all the lights are out except the one in her bedroom. She really is home. We walk up the front porch steps and into Mama’s room, where our happy reunion is overshadowed by my breakdown.

“Alaafia, Iyalosha,” Mr. Adewale says, properly greeting my grandmother. “I found her at the lake talking like Maman Marie.” He passes me off to my grandmother, whom I haven’t seen in weeks.

This wasn’t the kind of homecoming I had prepared for her. I’m grateful he omitted the intimate details of my walk as Mama’s mama. Me kissing my teacher isn’t okay, no matter how it went down.

“Still waters run deep,” Netta says, pushing aside the luggage on the bedroom floor to make room for us. We sit down on Mama’s bed and let her work her magic.

“Running water is where your powers lie, Jayd. If you catch your reflection in still water while in a dream state, you will be stuck in that vision until your head is cleansed with moving water. Only then will your head cool.”

“My powers?” I ask, unsure of what she means by that. “There’s more to them than my dreaming?”

Mama and Netta share a loaded look between them. Mr. Adewale looks like he knows what’s really going on with me but remains silent.

“Jayd, have you done any of your assignments?” Mama asks, impatient with my lack of progress.

“I was going to finish them when the ball was over. I’ve just been so overwhelmed with everything lately, and then the sleepwalking didn’t make it any better.”

“Childish ways must be left behind in order to become a woman, Jayd, and the queen you were born to be.” Mama looks like she wants to put me over her knee and spank me like the child I’m reminding her of.

Silently, Mama leads the procession through the main
house to the backhouse. When we reach the spirit room, the door is wide open. The screen is torn and shit is everywhere. What the hell happened in here?

“Your uncle Kurtis happened, that’s what,” Mama says with tears in her eyes. I notice the spirit book on the table, and it’s not in very good condition. It looks like it’s been burned.

“How did the spirit book get like that?” I ask, equally upset. I knew I should’ve followed my first mind and taken the book home with me.

“He tried to barbeque it,” Netta says. “It was a horrible sight, but luckily we were just in time to save it.”

“Can you imagine if he succeeded?” Mama says, flipping through the untouched pages. “We have to protect our lineage, Jayd. Damn the rest.”

I can hear Maman in my head agreeing with her daughter. I’ve let everyone down. “I’m sorry,” I say, tears streaming down my face, but Mama’s unsympathetic. I know she and Netta are tired from their long journey, and then she has to come and clean up my mess. “I’ll do better from now on, I swear.”

“This was a test, and you failed miserably, Jayd,” Mama says, picking up the pieces of the spirit room. I have a feeling Mama’s about to give me a whupping and a hug at the same time: her infamous way of loving the wrong out of her children. I used to be so confused as a child when Mama would spank me and then wrap me up in her soft, warm embrace. I didn’t know which way to go, and apparently I still don’t.

“Miserably,” Netta says, chiming in. Netta sits me down on the bamboo mat near the shrines—the only thing still intact back here. Even my uncles know better than to mess with the shrines. “Who knew we’d get off the highway and go right back to work? Boy, I tell you,” Netta says, rubbing her feet.

Again, I feel bad they had to come back from their vacation to the mess I’ve made.

“You melted under pressure like an ice cube in a pit of fire. I thought I taught you better than that.” Mama’s sorely disappointed, and I can’t blame her. “Ogunlabi, have a seat, son.” Mr. Adewale obeys and sits on my former bed.

“You did, Lynn Mae. She’s just stubborn like her mama,” Netta says, letting it all hang out. Usually she’d censor her criticism of my mother’s youthful ways, especially in front of guests, but I guess she sees too much of me in her to let it go this time.

“I knew you weren’t ready to handle this all by yourself, even with your mama in your ear.”

So this really was all a test? They deliberately left me in charge to see if I would sink or swim, and I ended up drowning in my own pool of circumstances. I didn’t see that one coming.

“Now, Lynn Marie did a good job. That girl’s finally growing up,” Mama says, directing Mr. Adewale to wash his hands. I guess he’s going to help us. Adding a man to the mix is definitely an interesting change.

“Yes, she is. I also think that fiancé of hers has a little something to do with her maturity.” Netta picks up a bag of efun and places the small balls of white chalk onto the kitchen table. She then claims the honey, oranges, cinnamon sticks, and molasses, ready to get it started up in here. When this evening started out with me in a beautiful white gown, I didn’t think it would end like this.

“Jayd, I specifically told you to study. We even made it so that you had as few distractions as possible. All you had to do was maintain the spirit room and fill the client orders, which is all part of your training. But could you do that? Hell no. Instead, you had to go running around with your little friends,
keeping secrets from me and shit. If your mother hadn’t told me what was going on at the ball, I would have never gotten here in time to help your stupid little self,” Mama says, now fully pissed off.

“You have to walk through your past to get to your future,” she continues. “Your mama lost her powers right before you were born, and it had a profound effect on your birth story, my dear. You are getting the esteemed privilege of walking in your predecessors’ shoes, so to speak. Instead of only reading about them from the spirit book or hearing their stories, you get to actually see their paths through your visions—the good and the bad. You get to see what went wrong and experience the pain of losing their powers and their lives. It’s your warning, Jayd. Your lesson. Pay attention, child. Your destiny is here.”

“But she’s not ready, Lynn Mae. It’s too dangerous for the girl to master her powers this early. She’s not even initiated yet, for God’s sake,” Netta says. She sounds worried, but after all that I’ve been through lately, I’m ready to get on to the next experience on the list. Whatever’s after this has to be better.

“No, she’s not, but the gift has claimed her. You know that a severe meltdown is the beginning of her change, Netta,” Mama says like she’s talking about me starting my period. Mama says change is a part of life, especially a woman’s. “She has to be initiated tonight. We can’t wait any longer.”

“Well, we have to make some sort of sacrifice if we’re going to do this right,” Netta says, thumbing through the spirit book. “I’ve never done an initiation on such short notice.”

It takes months to gather all of the materials necessary for one. Because of the many ceremonies taking place this summer, the spirit room is stocked with everything we need. All they need is Mama’s blessing.