The Mill House (24 page)

They were moving the coffin now, sliding it towards a red curtain. The vicar was blessing it. The curtain glided back and Fen's grip became so hard it hurt. Julia's eyes stayed with the casket. He couldn't see the teenager following, or the grown woman watching. He was going to another world, a different place in time, and would never come back.

The coffin moved forward and the curtain started to close. Her chest was so tight she was barely able to breathe. The teenager didn't want to let go. She couldn't. It was all becoming tangled inside her now, voices, pain, fear. Somewhere in the darkest corners of her soul it was as though a raging current was coming to sweep her away. She could feel herself being swallowed into it, falling back and back ...

She lifted her hands to her face and felt Fen's arm go round her. She needed Josh to be here, and Shannon and Dan. They were her life now, and she must hold onto them. Her father had gone. He couldn't come back, but even as she struggled to accept that, it was as though a terrible blackness was closing over her, sucking her into a void of endless loneliness and despair.

By the time they all filed out of the crematorium Julia had herself back under control, and was able to greet the people Fen was introducing with warm smiles and gratitude for their kind words. Never mind that she felt like an impostor, or someone who was taking credit for something she hadn't done, they all seemed more than happy to accept her as Dougie's daughter, and most of all pleased that she'd come. However, they didn't linger long, for everyone was returning to the house where the caterers, and a much-needed tipple, were waiting.

Though the reception started out as a sedate, dignified affair, with most sipping tea from bone- china cups, and nibbling sandwiches with no crusts, it wasn't long before champagne corks started to fly and balloons floated down from a

net above, for it was a final request of her father's, she discovered, that everyone should have a thoroughly good time. And it didn't appear anyone had a problem with that, for the organ dirges were soon replaced by considerably more rousing music, and the laughter became much louder and more raucous Toast after toast was drunk to Dougie and Gwen, who could almost have been there as newly-weds, rather than the dear departed.

Since she'd eaten nothing all day Julia soon felt the champagne going to her head, and as her glass was constantly being refilled, it wasn't long before her emotional pendulum was swinging around so erratically that she was barely aware of what she was thinking or feeling. All she knew was that she seemed to remain in the same spot as everyone jostled around her, each with a memory to share or an anecdote to relate. If they were curious about her, and they surely must be, today they appeared to be restraining it since no-one asked why Dougie had kept her a secret, or where the rest of her family was on this momentous occasion.

All the time she greeted new people, talked, laughed and listened, she was aware of Rico's moody eyes watching her, but though she felt flattered by the attention, she knew only too well what a dangerous combination alcohol and emotion could be, so deliberately kept her own gaze averted. It was hard, though, for as the day wore on and she drank even more, she was starting to feel reckless almost to the point of madness, and needy to a degree that could easily be shaming. More than anything she wanted Josh to be here,

to be as close as they'd always been, with no Sylvia between them, no lies and no deceit. It was too late for that, she knew it was always going to be there now, but she mustn't let herself dwell on it. She should just go on enjoying being someone's cherished daughter for a change, instead of someone's mother or wife, because it felt liberating and stimulating and almost as intoxicating as the wine.

'Blimey, you're an 'ard one to get through to,' a florid-faced, stocky little man declared breathlessly, as he managed to elbow his way to the front of the crowd. 'Bin dying to meet you since we all got back here. Albert Granger, Gwen's second cousin. Everyone calls me Albie.'

'Nice to meet you, Albie,' Julia responded, shaking his hand.

'Don't mind telling you, I got the surprise of me life when I found out about you,' he confided. 'Who'd have thought old Dougie had such a stunner as you hidden away? Not me, that's for sure. Definitely got the better of me this time, he did. Mind you, I was always teasing him about his past. Reckoned he had a few too many secrets, that's what I always used to tell him. He'd say Albie, before I go I'll tell you where I buried the bodies.' He laughed loud and long, while Julia smiled politely and knew instinctively that her father hadn't much taken to this man.

'Course, I knows there's no bodies really,' he went on jovially. 'He just used to say that to get me going. Wouldn't hurt a fly, old Dougie, everyone knows that. Didn't have it in him, never mind the way he was when he first moved down

here. Had a lot on his mind back then, our Gwen used to say. Had a right temper on him too, I can tell you, because I was one of the ones who copped it once. Could hardly say anything without him going oft the handle in those days. Just thank God for our Gwen. She had the right influence on him. Never used to lose his temper and go off on his drunken rampages once he got settled with her, and thick with the Bowers.'

Realising they were coming dangerously close to a place she didn't want to go, especially today, Julia started to interrupt, but with her thoughts blurred by champagne she found an excuse maddeningly elusive.

'Course there was lots of rumours back then,' Albie continued, undeterred, 'but I never used to pay em much mind. It was his business if he'd been in trouble with the law, weren't it? Nothing to do with me.'

Julia's heartbeat was starting to slow. 'What kind of trouble?' she heard herself ask.

'Gwen never said, or not to me she didn't. She just told me once I had to stop getting on at him about things, because he found it painful to think about his past, and all what he'd done. Can see what she meant now, if he upped and left his family the way he did. Don't expect that made him feel very good about himself, did it?'

Julia could almost feel the paleness of her face as she stared at him, then suddenly Fen was at her side, gushing, 'There you are, you will excuse us won't you, Albie, but the vicar's looking for Julia,' and sliding an arm through Julia's she tugged her off towards the bar. 'Not really,' she murmured in

Julia's ear, 'you just looked as though you needed rescuing.'

'Yes, I think I did,' Julia responded. 'He's a bit.. .' She struggled for the word.

'Let's settle for drunk,' Fen suggested.

Julia smiled, and wondered whether to repeat anything Albie had told her, but the opportunity passed as Fen's husband, Bob, came bearing down on them with a freshly opened bottle of champagne.

'At last I get to meet you,' he declared, filling their glasses. 'Fen's been talking about nothing else since you arrived. You've made quite an impression.'

'Darling, you should be offering your sympathies,' Fen gently reminded him.

Bob immediately looked contrite.

'Oh no, really,' Julia protested. 'It's lovely to meet you, Bob.'

'I hope we're going to be seeing plenty of you while you're here,' he said, his smile making him seem boyish, while the thick lenses of his glasses and shock of grizzled hair lent him a distinctly professorial air. 'Fen tells me your husband arrives tomorrow.'

'Yes, but only to drop off my daughter. He's taking our son sailing over near Chichester.'

Bob's face lit up. 'He sails! Then he must be a splendid fellow.'

Fen rolled her eyes. 'Don't get him started, please,' she implored, as her mother joined them. 'Mummy, you've done a splendid job,' she told her, giving her a hug. 'Everyone's having a marvellous time, which is just what Dougie wanted.'

'It really is a wonderful party,' Julia assured her.

Laura Bower's face glowed with pleasure. 'Thank you,' she answered graciously. 'They're a very good catering company, we've used them before on a number of occasions.' She turned to Julia, and after checking no-one but close family was in earshot, she said, 'I hope it's not too indelicate to mention the photographs of your children in Dougie's house. Fen told me about them and we're positively agog with the mystery of how they got there. I don't suppose you've found out anything yet?'

Julia shook her head. 'No. I don't even know who to ask,' she confessed, 'except my mother, but I'm almost certain it wouldn't have been her.'

'Most curious,' Laura commented. 'I wonder how long he had them.'

Julia shrugged, and glanced up at Rico as he pined them.

'Ah, just the person,' Laura declared, and before he could utter a word of protest, she'd seized his arm and was marching him off into the crowd to only she knew where.

Laughing, Fen turned back to Julia. 'So what did Albie have to say for himself?' she asked.

Julia was on the point of answering when Peter Bower bundled up bringing a couple of Dougie's old chums with him, and by the time the introductions and condolences were over, Fen had been dragged away by someone else. Bob was eager for Julia to meet his parents, so ushered her over to where they were tucking into the best of the buffet.

The rest of the day continued in much the same vein, offering little or no opportunity for confidences,

and by the time David drove her back to the mill it was so late, and she was so tired, that she'd virtually forgotten what Albie had said anyway.

It would come back to her, she decided as she climbed into bed, but she really didn't want to think about it now anyway, or about the way she and Josh had just been irritable with each other on the phone again, which she thought was probably her fault, but couldn't quite remember. She only wanted to snuggle down under the duvet now and fall fast asleep thinking of how relieved she was that Sylvia was off to New York tomorrow, and how eager she was to see the children in the morning, and Josh, damn him, and how much her father would have loved them all were he only here to meet them.

Chapter Eight

As Josh followed Julia's directions though the damp and tangled Cornish lanes, the prospect of seeing her was tightening the band of tension around his head to an almost intolerable degree. It wouldn't go well, he knew it already, not only because of their heated exchange on the phone last night, but because his conscience was giving him a seriously hard time this morning. In fact, since he was about to face her, knowing he'd screwed Sylvia again yesterday, he could only wonder that he hadn't turned the car around by now - except it would make matters a thousand times worse, which was difficult to imagine, considering how had they already were.

He'd tried telling himself, before going over to Sylvia's, that his only purpose was to end the relationship, but he'd known very well what would happen when he got there, and in truth, it was exactly why he'd gone. He just wished he could stop himself wanting the damned woman, but even thinking about her now, and the way she'd

opened the door to him, wearing nothing but spike-heeled shoes and a knowing smile, was making him hard. Just pray to God Julia never found out, because he didn't even want to think about what would happen if she did. At least he hadn't agreed to meet Sylvia in New York, in spite of how tempting she'd made it sound, because there was no doubt at all in his mind that if he succumbed it would be the end of his marriage.

Feeling the sharp bite of irritation dispel his lust, he changed down a gear and forced Patsy past a convoy of caravans. Fortunately both children were asleep now. The early morning start had made them fractious and bolshie so they'd been at each other, or him, almost the entire way, and since he was tired too, after working until gone midnight, and rising again at five to start packing, the journey had been far from fun. As if his conscience wasn't enough to be dealing with, he was having an extremely hard time being anything other than furious at having to take time out of the office next week when he could so ill afford it. Certainly he was sorry about Julia's father, and obviously sorrier still about Sylvia, but were it not for the fact that he'd already promised Dan, and that anything he did contrary to plans was going to be somehow connected to Sylvia, he'd leave both children with Julia today and head straight back to London.

However, he'd probably feel even worse if he let Dan down, and since Shannon was equally excited about having her mother to herself for a week, he had little choice but to go with the flow. It was just a pity Shannon had changed her tune

so radically this morning, for last night she'd complained so bitterly about being torn away from her friends in London and everything they were planning for half-term, that he'd thought for a while that he had her on his side.

Glancing at his watch, he calculated another ten to fifteen minutes before they arrived. He could only hope that Julia had woken up in a better frame of mind this morning than the one she'd been in last night when she'd called sounding drunk or exhausted, or both, and extremely pissed off that he hadn't called her. If she'd checked her mobile she'd have known that he had, several times, but that information hadn't managed to appease her, if anything it had made her worse, which told him that she'd been determined to pick a fight, no matter what. So they'd had one, and out had spilled all her resentment that he hadn't been with her for the funeral, while he'd yelled back the reminder that they had two children to consider, and as far as he was concerned they came before a man who'd ducked out on his family and responsibilities a quarter of a century ago and was somehow still managing to create havoc in their lives now. It was at that point that the phone had gone down.