The Mill House (26 page)

'Harry gave me his word it would go no further,' he assured her. 'He's a good friend. You know we can trust him.'

Fury was still burning in her eyes. 'Frankly, I'm beginning to be less worried about him than I am about you,' she snapped, 'because I don't know who you are any more, though one thing's for certain, you're definitely not the man I married,'

and turning abruptly away she glared across at Shannon, who was too distant to see, and too engrossed in Rico to care.

Josh stood where he was, still smarting at his own stupidity, and knowing he had to make this up to her somehow. God only knew how, when he was clearly incapable of putting a foot right anywhere, and when his conscience was throwing him around all over the place. In the end he opted tor another change of subject.

'So the funeral passed off well,' he said, in a voice that was supposed to be friendly, but only just made it.

'Very well,' she confirmed.

'That's good.'

'I had too much to drink,' she confessed, 'but that doesn't mean I'm retracting anything I said last night, because it actually would have been nice if you'd been there with me. However, I will apologise for the tone I said it in.'

'Apology accepted,' he responded stiffly. Then, after a beat, 'So how are you feeling now?'

'Apart from a little hung-over, slightly apprehensive about going through his things.'

'Have you made a start?'

'Not yet.' She was watching Shannon again, whose arms were around Rico as he helped her up into the saddle. Then turning back into the house, as much to distract Josh as to dismiss the scene herself, she said, 'Now I've met some of his friends, I'm finding it very hard to believe anything bad about him, except...' She glanced up at him, then walked over to the table. 'I met one of his wife's cousins yesterday,' she said, confiding in him

because she needed to, and because it was hard to change a lifetime's habits, even when there was so much pain and resentment simmering between them. 'He told me something... Well, let's just say it wasn't exactly in keeping with the image the others are painting.'

Josh looked down into her pale, tired face, and getting a fleeting sense of what an ordeal all this was for her, he almost gave in to an urge to gather her up in his arms. However, he guessed it probably wouldn't be welcome, so he merely listened as she repeated what Albie Granger had told her during the wake.

'I've no recollections whatsoever of Dad being a violent man,' she concluded. 'He didn't even have much of a temper, except during that last row with my mother. Several things got smashed then, and I've always assumed it was her who smashed them.'

'But you're doubting it now?'

'Let's just say I'm trying to keep an open mind. I asked Fen's father about Albie this morning. He more or less dismissed him as a troublemaker and a drunk.'

'Is that how he came across to you?'

'Yes, actually.'

'And did Fen's father know anything about any brushes with the law?'

'He says not, but he did admit his friend Dougie had a bit of a reputation for being hot-headed, back in the days before he met Gwen.'

'Which was when, exactly?'

'As far as I can make out, about four years after he left us.'

'So she wasn't the reason he left?'

'It doesn't seem so.'

As her gaze drifted Josh continued to look at her, sensing what was going through her mind now, but deciding he'd let her be the one to say it.

'He could have been in prison during that time,'she said quietly.

'It's possible,' he concurred.

Her eyes went down, and after a while she said, 'You don't think ... I mean, could I ... Would I be able to blot something out of my mind so completely that I have no recollection of it at all?'

'People have been known to.'

She nodded. 'Usually when it's something too terrible for the conscious mind to deal with.'

It wasn't a question, so he didn't offer an answer. She put her hands over her face and breathed in deeply 'Do I really want to go there?' she murmured. 'Is it just going to end up making everything even worse than it already is?' Her eyes moved to his, then away again. 'I'm not sure I have a choice,' she continued. 'Someone has to sort out his belongings, and he must have intended it to be me, or I wouldn't be here. So, are the answers in this house somewhere? Are they all set out in the pages of a diary, or a letter, or a file, waiting to be revealed in order to reassure me? Or has he got rid of everything that might incriminate him so that I'll never know?'

Josh didn't voice the third possibility, though he knew already what it would be.

'Or am I going to find some kind of confession, some kind of purging of the soul before he goes to meet his Maker?' Her eyes came back to his.

'Maybe the truth really is as horrible as we fear, and he just couldn't face me knowing it while he was still alive.'

Josh was barely back on the main road leading towards Bodmin when his mobile started to ring. Expecting it to be Julia, whom he'd still not managed to leave on the best of terms, he simply clicked on without looking at the display.

'Hi,' he said, trying to sound affectionate.

'Hi, yourself,' Sylvia responded. 'Is it OK to talk?'

Experiencing a jolt of anxiety, he glanced at Dan and said, 'No.'

'Is Julia there?'

'No.'

'One of the children?'

'Yes. I thought you'd be on the flight by now.'

'There's been a delay, so I decided to call and find out how you are.'

'Fine. Everything's fine.'

'How did it go with Julia today? Have you seen her yet?'

'Yes. It was OK.'

'Did you tell her about yesterday?'

'No, of course not.' He wanted to tell her it wouldn't happen again, but he was making a fool of himself now, over how many times he'd failed to keep his word.

There was a smile in her voice as she said, 'I'm going to miss you.'

He made no reply.

'I thought you might like to know that I took off my panties to call you,' she told him hoarsely.

The response struck like lightning in his groin, and glancing at Dan again, who appeared engrossed in his Game Boy, he said, 'That's nice.'

She laughed softly. 'I thought you might like it.'

'Who is it. Dad?' Dan suddenly asked.

'Uh just a friend,' he answered. Then to Sylvia, 'I have to go.'

'I'll call you again when I get to New York,' she said.

'No, don't. I'm not going to be around this week. I told
YOU
, I'm sailing with my son.'

'I know you don't mean what you're saying,' she responded. 'Call me when you're alone and we'll have some fun on the phone.'

As he rang off, in spite of his erection, Josh was already telling himself the call would never happen, for the last thing he wanted was to duck and dive around his son for the next week, in an attempt to talk dirty with a woman he desperately needed to get out of his life, not invite even more deeply into it

The phone didn't ring again until they were practically at the boat. This time it was Julia wanting his opinion on her decision to ring her aunt on Monday, to find out if she'd sent the photographs to her father. Sensing that she'd already made up her mind to do so, he did more listening than talking, and wished he'd made more of an effort while he was with her, because his conscience was giving him a really hard time now. He still loved her, there wasn't a single doubt in his mind about that, and there was no way in the world he'd ever give up his family for Sylvia. However, since speaking to Sylvia earlier, he'd

finally admitted to himself that he was going to find it a lot harder to end their relationship than he'd ever want Julia to know.

Chapter Nine

Being the closest to the phone as it rang, Alice Hope - she had reverted to her maiden name immediately her divorce had come through - reached for the receiver, and tucked it into her shoulder to carry on zesting oranges, while her sister-in-law finished them off in a juicer.

'Hello,' she said pleasantly, expecting it to be Pam calling to say she was on her way over.

'Hello Mother.'

Alice's face immediately tightened. 'Julia,' she said, echoing her other daughter's chilly tone, and catching Rene's eye as she looked up. 'How are you?'

'I'm fine, thank you. How are you?'

'We're all fine thank you.'

'Good. Well, now that's established I'd like to speak to Aunt Rene please.'

Alice blinked in surprise. 'What for?' she asked.

Julia didn't answer.

'Where are you?' Alice demanded irritably.

'Actually, I'm at Dad's house, sorting through his papers.'

Alice felt her mouth turn dry. 'So what have you found?' she asked, meeting Rene's eyes again.

'Oh, old bank statements, utility bills, letters from the council ...'

'Don't be obtuse,' Alice snapped.

'Tell me what you think I might have found,' Julia countered.

'Oh for heaven's sake, you really are the most infuriating ...'

'Please put Aunt Rene on. If she wants to tell you about our conversation after, it'll be up to her.'

Alice's features were pinched as she put a hand over the receiver and said to Rene, 'She wants to speak to you.'

Rene's surprise could hardly have been greater. 'Me?'

'That's what she said.'

After drying her hands on a tea towel, Rene took the receiver and put it tentatively to her ear. 'Julia? How are you, dear?'

'Very well, thank you,' Julia replied. There's something I'd like to ask you. If you'd prefer not to talk while my mother's there, I can give you the number here, so you can call me back when you're alone.'

Rene's face flooded with colour.

'What's she saying?' Alice hissed.

Rene held up a hand. 'I'm sure we can talk now, dear.' she said. 'Unless you'd rather I called back.'

Julia sounded vaguely disappointed as she said, 'No, it's OK. I just wanted to give you the opportunity to be more private.'

'That's very considerate of you, dear, but I'm

sure we don't need to be hiding anything from your mother. So what can I do for you?'

Julia took a breath. 'I'd like to know if you sent photographs of Shannon and Dan to my father.'

Rene frowned in confusion. 'Why on earth would you think I'd done such a thing?' she said. 'I haven't seen or spoken to him in years. I don't even know where he lived.'

'Are you sure? Because he has some, and you're the only person I can think of who might have removed them from the drawer my mother keeps them in and given them to him.'

Rene'sexpression was still one of bewilderment. 'Of course I'm sure,' she answered. 'I haven't had any contact with him since the day he left here. None of us has. Unless your mother ...'

'What is it?' Alice demanded. 'What's she saying?'

'She wants to know if I sent photographs of her children to her father,' Rene replied.

Alice snatched the phone. 'If he has pictures of your children they didn't come from this house,' she snapped.

'Well, I certainly didn't think they'd come from you,' Julia retorted.

Alice struggled to hold onto her temper. 'Why don't you just leave this alone now?' she said coldly. 'He's dead, it's all over and frankly, you should be pleased.'

'Really? Why?'

'Because he can't hurt you now.'

Julia was silent

'Are you still there?'

'What exactly do you mean by that?' Julia asked.

'Are you talking about the kind of hurt I felt when he left? Or was there something else?'

'For heaven's sake, why do you always have to assume there's a mystery, or a secret, or ...'

'Because there is,' Julia cried. 'The very fact that you just made that comment proves it. And so do the photographs I'm holding in my hand. So how many more times do I have to ask you, Mother? What are you hiding?'

Alice turned round as the back door opened and her brother stomped in, carrying a shotgun under his arm and a couple of rabbits dripping with rain. 'Damn weather,' he muttered, dumping everything on a draining board and peeling off his saturated cap and Barbour.

'Alice is speaking to Julia,' Rene informed him. 'She's at her father's house, going through his papers.'

George's steely eyes moved to Alice.

'And how many more times do I have to ask you,' Alice was saying to Julia, while looking at George, 'to leave this alone and get on with your life?' Before Julia could reply George took the phone. 'Julia, dear,' he said, 'it's Uncle George. I'm sorry, but I really can't allow you to keep upsetting your mother like this. It's taken her until now to recover from your visit last week, and she really doesn't deserve to be treated this way.'