The Mute and the Liar (65 page)

My
answer
is
not
considered
important
and
Ryo
links
h
i
s arm around
mine and drags
me into the
depths
of
the crowd anyway.
I
try to
pull
away, but the crowds on other sides of me just push me closer to him.

“
These
are
the
shlads,
”
he
presents
me
to
a
jumble
of
unfamiliar
and
forgettable
faces,
all
of
which
appear
to
light
up
at
my
arrival
into
their
circle.
They’re
all
boys,
I
notice,
and
suddenly
have
a
hungry
look
in
their
faces
the
moment they see me
.
I
suddenly feel like
a
rack of lamb being waved
in
front
of
hungry
wolves.
“
Well
don’t
just
gawk at
her.
Let’s
do some
shots
Goddamit.
Bring
on
the
vodka!
”

*****

Where’s
Jayce?
I
can’t
see
him
anywhere.
Maybe
if
I
crane
my
neck
a
little
further…

Nope, nothing. Just loads of unfamiliar faces.

Where
has
he
gone?
I
haven’t
seen
him
for
a
while.
Not
since
Ryo
took
me
away.

“
Done!
That’s
nine!
You
can’t
beat
that!
”
says
the
guy
I’ve
forgotten
the
name
of
sitting
opposite
me
as
he
slams
down
his
empty
shot
glass.
The
guys
sitting
around
him
all
cheer
and
slap
him.
I’ve
discovered
that
this
slapping
thing
is
the
specimens
named
the
'
shlads
''
way
of
saying
‘well
done’
without
actually
saying
‘well
done.’
Genius.

It’s
a
dull
game
really
and
doesn’t
deserve
all
this
unnecessary excitement,
all
this
noise.
They’ve
been
at
it
for
about
an
hour
now,
all
hooting
away
and
cheering
,
acting
like
they’re
having
the
time
of
their
lives.
Give
me
a
break.

Ryo has
been
holding
my
hand
this
whole time.

“
My
girl’s
the
best
,
though.
She
can
double
that
if
s
he
w
an
ted
t
o,
right
Doll?
”
I
have
no
choice
but
to
nod.
I’m
up
to
four
.
I
f
eel
absolutel
y
fine.
If
anything,
I
feel
calm.
I’m
not
worried,
not
scared,
not even
worried
and
scared
at
the
same
time.
Just
a
bit fed
up.

Right.
Time
to
put
an
end
to
this.

I
look
directly
at
Ryo
and
raise
my
hand,
outstretching
my
fingers.
He
furrows
a
moment
in
confusion,
and then
understands.

“
Five!
You want
five?
Are you
sure, Doll?
”

His
degrading,
pathetic
pet
name
for
me
makes
my
toes
curl.
No,
actually,
on
second
thoughts, it’s
not
the name that
does
that
to
me, but
Ryo himself.

“
Brilliant!
I
knew
you
were
something
special.
Well,
you
heard
her!
Five
more!
”

Some
spotty,
pear-faced
kid
almost
spills
the
whole
lot
over
me
as
he
thunderously
gallops
to
the
table,
and
I’m
pretty
sure
wearing
the
vodka
doesn’t
count.

“
She can’t
do that.
She’s
just
a
girl.
”

I
can
do
this.
It’s
just
a
bit
of
counting,
that’s
all.
What
I
always
do
in
my
head
anyway.
It
will
get
me
away
from
this
wretched
table,
and
then
I
can
find
Jayce.
He’s
got
to
be
around
here
somewhere.
I’ll
ask
him
to
take
me
home,
even
if
it
means
finally
speaking.
I
have
to
get
out
of
here, and
winning
this
stupid
game is
my
only
chance.

Okay.

Taking
a
deep
breath,
I
lift
the
first
glass
to
my
lips.

*****

“
You’re brilliant,
Alicia!
”

I
love
hearing
him
say
it.
No
one’s
ever
said
that
to
me
before.
He
keeps
repeating it,
again
and
again.

Brilliant.
I’m brilliant.
I
am
brilliant!

I
close
my
eyes
and
throw
my
hands
in
the
air,
letting
the
word
resuscitate
me.
All
the
bodies
around
me
jump
in
unison.
The
heat
closes
in.
I
feel
it
inflating
my
ribs
and
consuming
the
place
where
my
lungs
should
be.
I
can’t
breathe. But
this
feeling
is
intoxicating.

My
feet
leave
the
ground
and
suddenly
I’m
jumping
too,
melding
together
with
everyone
in
the room,
all
of
us
moving
to
the
same
tune.

For
a
minute
I
swear
I’m
flying.

There’s
another
glass
in my hands,
filled
with
something
I
can’t
remember
the
name
of.
I
pour
it
down
my
throat
in
one
go
with
the
thirst
of
the
shipwrecked.

The
music
pulses
on,
the
heartbeat
of
this
airless
room,
the
only
thing
fuelling it.

You’re
going
too
far.

I
drown
out
that
granulated,
nibbling
voice
with
a
wild
shriek.
I
only
remember
I
am supposed
to
be
mute
when
it
has
already
left
my
mouth.
And
then
I
realise
I
don’t
care
anymore.