The 'N' Word, Book 1 (37 page)

I feel like I’ve awoken from some dream, but I feel worse than I did before, Melissa. I don’t know what I feel, but it’s all messed up in my mind. Am I reformed? I don’t know, but I’m angry, yet it’s a different type of anger, and I’m scared, baby. I don’t know what the future holds and if there’ll be any lasting results from this, but I do know, due to you, I’m at least open to listening and learning now… and listening is where understanding begins. Thank you for the suggestion. It seems so simple, like a little thing to say, ‘Just talk to someone’, but for me, it was not a simple thing. It was big. It was huge. It was everything.

Love,

A.P.

P.S. I have permission to speak to you again via phone. Same time, same number… I need you to help make that happen. I miss the fuck out of you.

Mia’s chest rose and fell as she drew in air, low, deep, slow, and ragged. Had it all been worth it? Yes! Inside she rejoiced, for that miracle she believed could happen was transpiring. Her lips kinked in a smile, then morphed into an all out, ear-to-ear grin.

Aaron, I knew you could do it, and I knew in my heart to not give up on you just yet… You have a long way to go, but you’re getting there. You’re getting there, baby, and I love you all the more for it!

“
I
LIKE IT;
I’m not complaining. You listen more, you answer my questions more directly, with more detail and without the extra urging. I just want to know if there is a specific reason behind it?” Dr. Owens questioned.

Aaron glanced towards the windows behind the man and watched the tips of the dark green trees sway in the light breeze.

“Just been doin’ some thinking is all.” He glanced up at the clock, then back into the man’s eyes. “A lot of thinking.”

“Would your pen pal, Melissa, have anything to do with this?” the man asked, a bit of a half-cocked smirk on his face.

“It’s almost time for her to call…” Aaron twisted in his seat, wanting that phone to ring as fast as possible. “I want to talk to her.” He gripped the chair arms over and over, his excitement bubbling just beneath the surface, despite how he attempted to contain himself.

“I can tell.” Dr. Owens glanced up at the clock, too, then slowly rose from his seat. “I will go sit there.” He pointed across the way. “I’m sorry we couldn’t get access to that other office again for you, but I promise to not interrupt.”

“Will you put on your headphones, like you promised?”

Aaron shot the man a glance from over his shoulder as he went past him and sat in the corner, a book tucked under his arm.

He needed a semblance of privacy, just like before. He had things to say to the woman; things he wished to go to her ears, and her ears, only.

“Yes, I will be able to hear you if you speak loud enough, but not in your usual tone.”

Aaron nodded in understanding then stared at the black phone sitting on the man’s desk. He swallowed down a nerve driven throaty gulp until the next second past, the one that made it officially 4:00 P.M. Once 4:01 P.M. rolled around, copious beads of sweat tickled his forehead. He swiped at the damn things, took a gander at his moist fingertips, then turned towards the window again, counting seconds. As he slid into a daydream, the phone rang, bringing him out just as quickly as he’d sunk into the thing.

“Answer it?”

“Of course,” Dr. Owens smiled sardonically as he put his ear buds in place. “We know it’s for you.”

Aaron turned back to the phone, gripped the receiver and brought it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this… is this Aaron? It sounds like Aaron.” He could hear the elation, the smile, the winter and summer and the other two seasons all vying for attention in her melodious voice.

“Yeah.” He cracked a smile as he leaned back real cool and leisure like in his seat. “Is this my baby?”

“Yes. Hi… I got your package. Those birds are very nice. I placed them on top of my curio cabinet.”

“They get a special display?” he teased. “That’s nice.” He ran his hand down his thigh, warming it, and looked back out the doctor’s window, now taking notice of a guard walking the grounds.

“Yes, I like to see them when I go into my living room.”

The two were quiet for a moment or two.

“So uh, I wanted to talk to you, Aaron, about your meeting with Marcus. I believe that’s what you said his name was.”

“Yeah, that’s his name…”

“So, now that you’ve had more time to think about it, think it through, how are you feeling?”

“Mmmm.” He stretched his leg. “About the same, confused. I’m still going over it in my mind. It’s like I’m fightin’ inside of myself. I’ve been doing a lot of reading too, Melissa.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, and more writing, too. Just trying to think, get some thoughts out. I’m also under some stress… like I told you. This is all I’ve known for a good part of my life and I still don’t think everything I believe is incorrect, but… I’m questioning it now… I’m questioning
all
of it…and some of it… some of it is completely wrong, Melissa. I don’t understand what happened or how it happened. I mean, some of it I do, but, it’s like I’ve been sleepwalking or something. I can’t even trust my own judgment, now…”

“We should always ask ourselves questions, Aaron. You’re on the path to self discovery and that can be upsetting at times.”

“Yeah, I s’pose you’re right. You know.” He grinned into the receiver. “I thought about you last night…”

“You did? What did you think about?”

“Honestly?”

“Of course I want you to be honest.” He glanced over at Dr. Owens and then turned back around.

“I want to imagine you right now, this very second.” The doctor seemed to be engrossed in his reading, and his ear buds were still jammed into his ears. “What do you have on? Describe
everything
, baby…”

“Um, I have on a white shirt, button down with little dark blue buttons. I have on a pair of navy blue slacks, too. Not very sexy, but I wore it to work.”

“Yeah? What’s under that getup, honey?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on now, don’t tease me, baby…we ain’t got much time. You know what I mean… What is goin’ on underneath the outfit?”

“Oh.” He heard a nervous little cluster of giggles. “I have on a white bra, with lace… and matching panties.”

“I got a question.”

“What is it?”

“What kinda cookies you got?”

“Um, well, I just made some more chocolate chip and—”

“No, no, baby.” He laughed lightly, leaning into the phone and whispering now. “What color are your
nipples
? Are they strawberry? Caramel? What?”

Sucking her breath, she leaned back in her seat. “…Caramel.”

“Downstairs… the landscaping…you got a lot to trim, just a little bit, or is there nothin’ there at all?”

“The landscaping is light…”

The man’s breathing grew heavier, huskier…

“I bet your skin is soft as butter, Angel. I bet you taste better than those brownies you sent me…and those damn things were delicious.”

“Thank you.” She laughed lightly.

“Would you be offended if I told you that I wanted to lay you down and push inside you over and over again? ’Cause I do, baby… and it’s all I think about now…”

H
ER BREATH HITCHED
as she scanned her collarbone with her fingertips.

“I want the chance to make you feel good, baby… kiss those sweet, caramel cookies, suck on ’em, rub and caress them… push my hand between your thighs and feel the heat from your body climb up and down my fingers… I love eatin’ pussy, baby… and I would do damn near anything to get a chance to run my tongue over your clit right about now. I love to fuck, too… I’m sorry if I’m bein’ too candid, too upfront, but from the way you’re breathin’ on the other end, you want it too…”

“I do…” She snaked her hand in her panties and rubbed her pussy as he continued to speak the dirty words, over and over, never letting up.

“You want me to slide my cock inside your pussy, baby?”

“Yes!”

“Come on now, baby. Don’t be shy… talk to me, say all the shit you dared yourself not to!”

“How big is it?” She gulped as she threw her head back and kept stroking her clit, faster and faster. “Do you have a big dick, baby?”

“You’ll be
more
than satisfied, Sweetness. That’s a promise. I’mma make sure I get it
all
the way inside you, too…slow thrusts, easy and steady… Make you
feel
it, take your goddamn breath away… in your mouth, your pussy… your ass, too… I’ll
own
your body, honey. Yeah, when I see you, you’re
gettin’
this fuckin’ dick! Good ’nd hard, I got energy for days. Make you cum so much you’ll lose your mind.”

“Ohhh shit, Aaron…you are turning me on.”

“Good, sweetheart… that’s my job. It’s been a while for you, baby, hasn’t it?”

“Yes…”

“I can’t wait to get my damn hands on you. When I see you I’m gonna
fuck
the
shit
outta you, Melissa! Make you never want anybody else but me ever again!”

“Piiike!” someone called out. “One minute left.”

“Mmmm, baby, I have to go. I don’t want to, that’s for damn sure… we get to talk again in a couple of days. I am going to write you some letters tonight. It was a real pleasure chattin’ with you. It makes a difference, you know? Hearing your voice – it makes everything more real. You’re
my
woman, you hear me?”

“Loud ’nd clear.”

“I don’t share! Don’t give those lips to nobody else. Don’t give that pussy, not even those damn cookies, the
real
ones that you bake in the oven, to no other motherfucker. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, baby…” She stifled a laugh at his declaration, but loved the words all the same.

“Good, glad we got an understandin’. And if you need anything you let me know… I’m just a letter away…”

Chapter Seventeen

M
IA DIPPED LOW
and close to Rodger. The slim man, his frame paper-thin and his lips even thinner, collapsed forward from her tender touch across his bony shoulder. He shook like a tree branch in a heavy rainstorm with twenty-mile-an-hour winds. She leisurely looked up at the clock, her heart beating more rapidly as each second passed, then set her sights on him once again. A tear budded in his right eye; the blue sphere glimmered with moisture but he quickly swiped it away with the back of his tattooed hand.