The Naked Pint (31 page)

You once were lost but now are found, and your Beer Journey has led you to this spiritual place. All the hard work that you’ve put in, drinking many different beers and learning about their history, is paying off in spades. You’ve experienced the ecstasy in a Trappist Ale. You’ve sought out the quintessential Dunkelweizen. Look at you. You now have an appreciation for the beers that can touch your soul. You can now fully experience the rapture that these beautifully crafted beers bring to you. In the next couple of chapters, we’ll show you how to further your devotion by deeply integrating beer into your life. Beer will become a part of you. Now, give thanks.

Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days.

—EGYPTIAN PROVERB

T
he following beers will make you want to slip out of your things and say howdy. They put the s-e-x into b-e-e-r. Even the most seasoned beer drinker can’t help but salivate over these babies. These are beers you can have with the finest food at the fanciest restaurant with your best shoes on, and they will fit right in. Yes. We’ve given you a lot of great beer to choose from so far, now we’re taking you to a whole new level of happiness. The beers in this chapter are rich and complex, nuanced, and complicated. They are beers that benefit from a seasoned and mature palate. If you are looking to impress a wine snob, these are your beers. If you are ready to take your date back for a little naked Twister, these are your beers. If you want to celebrate because you finally told your boss to stick it where the sun don’t shine, these are your beers. With a bit of James Bond, a touch of Shaft, and a dose of Mrs. Robinson, these beers will make you feel especially debonair and like you’ve got some game.

When you think of a truly celebratory and sexy beverage, chances are you aren’t thinking about beer. You’re probably thinking about the other amazing bubbly drink known as Champagne. Mmmm ... Champagne. We love Champagne. Now before you call us traitors, let us remind you that a love of wine and a love of beer are not mutually exclusive. We think that beer is just as sexy as Champagne. And never do we get closer to a ménage à trois with beer and Champagne than the Bière de Champagne. This relatively new style of beer, also known as Bière Brut, embraces tradition while at the same time being totally innovative in its use of that tradition. If you still have a friend who says, “I’m not a beer drinker,” this might be your ace in the hole. Even the pickiest palate can appreciate the rarity and complexity of these impressive beers.

Now, we all know of another “Champagne of Beer,” but that’s not at all what we’re talking about here. Bière de Champagne is brewed (primarily in Belgium) and then undergoes the
methodé champenoise
, or the “traditional finishing method” that makes Champagne so special. Once the beer is brewed, it is fermented for the third time in the bottle and undergoes a months long conditioning to mature and mellow. The beer then goes through the remuage (riddling) process by which, over many weeks, the beer bottles are racked with their necks pointed downward, turned slightly every day, and angled farther downward to allow the yeast sediment to drop out of the beer and release from the sides of the bottle. This process continues until the bottle is completely vertical and all of the yeast is collected in the neck. The final process of the method happens when the beer experiences dégorgement (disgorging). In this part of the process, the neck of the bottle is frozen, and the yeast is expunged by using the pressure contained in the bottle. What is left is a sparkling, clear, highly alcoholic, and conditioned beer. Some of these beers are actually shipped to the Champagne region of France for this special treatment.

These beers are delicate yet still rich and complex, spicy with a dusting of cardamom and coriander. This style is relatively aromatic, wonderfully effervescent, and, like Champagne, highly carbonated. Most of these beers are surprisingly high in alcohol, ranging from 10% to 14% ABV. However, the carbonation is so high and the bottle conditioning so refined that it’s sometimes difficult to detect the ABV in these keenly balanced beers. Bière de Champagne usually comes in 750-milliliter Champagne bottles, complete with a fancy cork and cage enclosure (what do you think of beer now?). Like fine Champagne, these beers are a little pricier than other beers, sometimes running up near $50 a bottle in restaurants. But if you think about it, these beers are still cheaper than most of the great Champagnes of the world, and they’re well worth it. Trust us. This beer style is especially good as an aperitif or as a tool of seduction.

Note:
Be careful when you open these beers because they can overflow quite easily, just like real Champagne.

Here are some highly regarded Bières de Champagne:

B
arrel (or cask) aging is an old practice in beer. It harkens back to the days before stainless-steel and aluminum, before kegerators and top-of-the-line tap systems. In those days, wooden barrels were the only option, and brewers weren’t always happy with the flavors an oak barrel would impart. The sour yeasts that would sometimes grow on the wood were an enemy to the ale and caused headaches for many a brewer. The unsanitary conditions of the time made barrel-aging a bit more difficult and risky. As the Lambic makers were loving the funk of the barrel in their beer, brewers of other styles were frustrated to find their brews turning sour and their precious ales dumped out into the street. Some even lined their wooden barrels with pitch (or resin), creating a seal that kept the beer from touching the wood and gaining any woody flavors.