The Nanny (35 page)

Lunchtime a week later, Sebastian James sat bulkily on top of Pippa, almost visibly growing, while Pippa and Jo wolfed down a sandwich together. Jo had given Pippa her application form for her university course. When Pippa finished reading it, Jo calmly informed her that she had to move out of the Fitzgeralds'.

Pippa put down her pannini.

“Where will you live?”

“Well,” said Jo. “I was wondering…”

“Move in with me!” cried Pippa. “I've got a spare room the size of a
massive
cupboard!”

Jo smiled with relief. “Your family won't mind?”

Pippa laughed. “You've been there! It's the attic flat! It has nothing to do with their home—separate front door and everything.”

“How much is the rent?”

“Nothing! I don't pay, and you being there won't add anything to my rent. It'll just be nice to have you there. I mean it
is
small, but I'm at Nick's on weekends, so you'd have the place completely to yourself.”

Jo nodded, and Pippa returned to her pannini before Sebastian James had a chance to smear it on his face.

After a while Pippa looked up at her. “Not hungry?” she asked.

Jo shook her head.

“What's up?”

Jo looked away.

“It's Shaun isn't it?” whispered Pippa.

“I hate Josh,” breathed Jo.

“Oh.”

“I can't bear it.” Jo wiped her tears. “I feel like I played it all so wrong.”

“Stop blaming yourself, honey,” said Pippa, holding Jo's hand over the
table and squashing Sebastian James's face into her chest. “It takes two to tango.”

“He was so wonderful in the beginning. I mean
wonderful
. I was seriously considering chucking Shaun.”

“I know.”

“And then he went so cold.” She blew her nose. “And said all those horrible things. And then at the cinema it looked like we were friends again, and I even managed to get out what I wanted to say to him, and everything was brilliant. Then he came to see me and…” She shook her head. “I just don't understand. It all went sour again. I just don't understand.”

“You know what the trouble is, don't you?”

“No. What?” Jo concentrated hard.

“Well, what usually happens in something like this is that the reason you can't make up is because you can't say the one thing that will sort it all out.”

“What's that?”

“That you fancied him rotten but were not going to chuck your boyfriend because he was your safety net. It doesn't mean you're a prick-tease, it just means you're mad about him.”

Jo clenched Pippa's hand tight and nodded.

 

At precisely the same time, Josh Fitzgerald was discovering the efficacy of the office grapevine. Half an hour earlier he'd resigned. Now at the watercooler he was being congratulated by a bloke he'd only had a nodding acquaintance with in the lift.

He went on to spend the rest of the afternoon answering questions about his future plans, questions posed by everyone from the sandwich boy to his biggest rivals. Most of the office were as delighted for him as they were for themselves. He wasn't going to a better job in one of the top five firms, he was choosing to drop out of the race, and they were all man enough to congratulate him on taking a risk they'd never be stupid enough to take themselves.

Josh saw behind their smiles and was glad because it reminded him why he was leaving. And he was grateful to have so many people choking up his day because it took his mind off other things.

That night he went out for a drink with some mates to celebrate. By the time he got home, amply drunk, Vanessa and Dick were alone in the kitchen.

“Have a good evening?” asked Vanessa.

“I got rat-arsed,” said Josh. “So it was good enough for me.”

“Don't wake Jo up when you go to bed,” said Dick. “She's only just turned off the light.”

Josh nodded slowly, turning slightly to her door.

“Fancy joining us for a nightcap?” asked Vanessa.

“Why not?” he said. “Give her time to fall asleep so I don't wake her.”

“Ah, that's good of you,” said Vanessa.

Josh shrugged.

“She got the interview for her course,” said Dick, pouring him some wine.

“Did she?” asked Josh, taking his glass and downing most of its contents. “Great.” He nodded firmly.

“And she's moving out,” said Vanessa.

Josh nodded again and downed the rest of its contents. He held out his glass for more.

“How come she's moving out?” he asked.

“She's going to move in with Pippa,” said Vanessa.

“When?”

“Next week. Said she just needed a change. Shame.”

“Maybe we've been taking advantage of her in the evenings,” said Dick.

“Oh hardly,” countered Vanessa. “Anyway, while she's here she might as well take part in the family.”

“Exactly,” said Dick. “Now she won't be here, she'll have her evenings to herself. Probably be able to start dating again. She can hardly do that when she's stuck here helping us.”

They continued their discussion, hardly noticing Josh.

“Right,” he said suddenly. “Night all.”

“Night,” whispered Dick and Vanessa, as he opened Jo's bedroom door.

He closed the door behind him and tiptoed through the pitch-black into his room, the sound of Jo's breathing telling him she was out cold. Once inside his room he fell flat on his futon, where he considered the pros and cons of walking past her sleeping form to brush his teeth.

 

“I think it's a shame,” Vanessa told Dick, leaving her glass in the sink. “I thought we'd all just started to get used to each other.”

Dick turned off the lights as they left the kitchen.

“Well, she won't be needed as much once I've finished sorting out the shop for Josh.” He yawned.

“Yes, but that won't be for a couple of months yet,” said Vanessa, following him up the stairs. “He'll still need you there in the day.”

“I know. But in the evenings I'll be home. I don't blame her at all.” He turned off the landing light and followed Vanessa into their room.

“I'm rather hurt actually,” admitted Vanessa.

Dick put his arm round his wife. “Don't be,” he said.

“Okay.”

They kissed, then drew apart, fingertips touching as they wandered into the bathroom.

“Any news from the headhunters today?” asked Dick.

Vanessa shook her head. “I think it may prove more difficult than I thought. Companies are so much smaller than when I was last looking.”

They stopped at their his-and-her sinks and looked at each other in the mirror.

“Are you unhappy there?” asked Dick.

“No,” allowed Vanessa. “But I would rather be somewhere else.”

“You don't regret taking on this responsibility? I can always—”

“No,” she interrupted. “It's my turn to be doing it because I have to. You've done that for long enough.”

Dick watched her as she tried to put her thoughts into words.

“I think I understand more how you were feeling about your work,” she said. “I don't have a choice anymore. My job isn't a right, it's a responsibility. It was before—we needed both our incomes—but to me it didn't feel like I
had
to go in every day, it felt like I
wanted
to go in every day, because…” She smiled and shook her head at herself. “Because I had a husband. I had an economic safety net. I hadn't realized how much of a difference that made to me, psychologically. It meant I had the luxury of seeing my career as something to fulfill me, not as something to feed my family.”

Dick nodded. “If you want me to get a part-time job—”

“No,” insisted Vanessa. “You need to be with the kids, and they need you, and I want you to be happy. It's just…it's just different now.”

“What if you can't find another job?”

Vanessa shrugged. “I'll stay where I am. Once I've exhausted all the options I'll have a word with Max, ask for a raise, see what happens.”

“There's no rush financially, is there?”

She shook her head. “No. No.”

“And your home life should improve. You won't be squeezing the supermarket shop in your lunch hour anymore. Or sorting out the kids in the morning. You can focus on your job, quality time with us, and relaxation.”

They smiled at each other.

“We'll get there,” said Dick.

“I know,” said his wife.

 

It was a long night. By the time Josh had finally fallen into a fitful sleep, Jo was wide-awake, considering the pros and cons of moving in with Pippa. By the time she finally fell asleep again, Josh was wide-awake, considering the pros and cons of tiptoeing near Jo's sleeping form, getting himself another drink, and tiptoeing back past her sleeping form. By the time he finally fell asleep again, Jo was wide-awake, considering the pros and cons of knocking on Josh's door and apologizing for slapping him. By the time she finally fell asleep, Josh was wide-awake again, considering the pros and cons of tiptoeing past Jo's sleeping form, having a quick cold shower, and tiptoeing back past her sleeping form. By the time he finally fell asleep again, Jo was wide-awake, considering the pros and cons of knocking on Josh's door, opening it wide enough for her to be able to see him properly, and telling him that she didn't appreciate him always thinking the worst of her. It was hard enough moving out from home—not that he'd know, of course, still living at home—and she didn't need him making it even harder by being so cold with her. By the time she finally fell asleep again, Josh was wide-awake again, considering the pros and cons of tiptoeing past Jo's sleeping form and just taking it from there. By the time he fell asleep again, Jo was awake again, considering the pros and cons of knocking on Josh's door and just taking it from there.

Only moments before Mickey's white-gloved short hand reached the six, they were both out cold.

 

Later that day, while making the children tea, Jo's mobile rang. She read Gerry's name on it, and made a noise between a scream and a groan.
Right,
she thought, stirring their pasta sauce. I need to clear this up. She closed her eyes and pictured Josh's reaction to the last time he called.

“Gerry!” she cried more angrily than she'd intended. “Again!”

“Hi,” said Gerry slowly. “Shall I call back later?”

“No! I think we have to talk.”

“Actually I'm not sure I've got time.”

“But you phoned me.”

“Yep, but something's just come up.”

“Gerry,” she began.

“Another time perhaps—”

“I will say this only once,” she continued. “I like you. You are really nice. But I do not like you in that way. I was lonely and depressed and trying to prove to—”

“I'll call back at a better time—”

“I do not, repeat
not
, want to go out with you.”

“I think the line's going a bit—”

“I don't fancy you, Gerry
.”

There was silence from the other end. She closed her eyes.

“Of course you don't,” soothed Gerry.

“Thank you.”

“Not now. It's a bad time.”

“No!”

“I can wait.”

“Gerry!”

“Woman's prerogative and all that.”

“What?”

“We all know women change their minds a lot,” he said good-naturedly. “That's how come they're so clean!”

“Gerry—” she said over his laughter.

“Listen, my mum refused my dad ten times before she said yes.”

“Gerry!
You're not listening.”

“Mind you, she knew her mind over the divorce.”

“Gerry, listen to me carefully. The womb does not take up brain space. They are in completely different places.”

“Eh?”

“I know my own mind.”

There was a pause. “Right.”

“And I really like you, but I don't fancy you now, and I never will.”

Another pause, during which Jo was cringing at the cruelty of her words. “Right.”

“I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

“You did actually, yeah.”

“Well, I'm really sorry about that. Maybe I like flirting as much as any red-blooded adult. I was very, very grateful to you for being so nice to me, but—”

“Ah shit!” he cried. “Not ‘nice.' Don't call me ‘nice.'”

“But you were.”

There was a silence.

“Not ruggedly handsome and captivating?”

“No.” She smiled. “Not to me. Maybe to someone else. But to me you were nice, Gerry.”

“Bugger.”

“I'm sorry.”

There was a pause.

“You don't just want to still see each other as friends?” tried Gerry.

“No thanks.”

“No strings?”

“No thanks.”

“With Nick and Pippa?”

“No thanks.”

Another pause. Jo knew she'd have to get off the phone quick, before she relented out of pure pity.

“I have to go now,” she said, stirring the sauce.

“Can't blame a bloke for trying.”

“No. And you certainly tried.”

“Well”—he sighed—“if you really want something, you have to fight for it.”

Jo paused from her stirring and pressed her eyes and mouth shut to stop herself from relenting.

“I'll say good-bye then,” said Gerry.

“Bye.”

She hung up, threw the phone in the air, and caught it just before it landed in the pasta sauce.

 

By the time Josh came home, Vanessa and Dick had tidied up from dinner.

“Mary Poppins in?” Josh asked, before going to his room.