The Nanny (38 page)

“Oh, I see,” whispered Jo.

“I don't feel that way now,” Josh rushed on.

“No?”

“No.”

“How?”

“Well, I feel completely different now.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Quite the opposite in fact.”

“Really?”

“God yes,” said Josh. “I love the kids now.”

“Oh. I see.”

“It was all mixed up with my misunderstanding about Dad leaving.”

“Oh. Right.”

“It's only now that I can see I was bearing a big, unhealthy grudge. And of course it was easy to direct it straight at you.”

“Oh.”

“But it wasn't just that.”

“No?”

“No. When I met you, I tried my best to hate you,” he looked up at her. “Kept waiting for the hatred to kick in.” He shrugged. “But it never did. And then before I knew it, I started to like you.”

Josh looked down suddenly, and Jo took the opportunity to breathe out.

“And I've found out things about my mum and dad that have altered”—he thought for a moment—“everything for me.”

Jo whispered, “Toby told me.”

Josh paused and looked at her questioningly.

“I hope you don't mind. Earlier today,” she explained, “he was distressed about something, and it came up.”

“Is he okay now?”

“Fine.” Jo nodded. “I think we sorted it.”

“Who's a clever nanny then?” Josh smiled, moving his head back slightly.

“Oh yeah,” quipped Jo. She looked away, her hair falling on his arm. “I'm a real Mary Poppins.”

Josh looked away from his arm. “My turn to apologize. Horrid nickname.”

“Understandable.”

“Actually,” he confessed, head down, “she was my first crush. I had a poster and everything.”

Jo stopped breathing. When Josh squirmed a bit, she started to gabble.

“I'm so sorry I accused you of helping Dick have an affair.”

“Oh yeah, where the hell did that one come from?”

“Pippa and I overheard a conversation you had with Dick about him meeting a woman,” rushed Jo, leaning into him in her eagerness to defend herself, “and you were trying to persuade him to tell Vanessa about her, and he was saying that would end his marriage.”

Josh blinked slowly, trying to focus on what she was saying.

“Don't worry,” said Jo, leaning in some more. “We worked out it wasn't a lover. It must have been someone to do with Dick's business—a client or a buyer or his accountant.”

“Oh! That complete bitch. His accountant. She just stopped returning his calls. He was so stressed, it was terrible. And the longer it got left, the worse it got. That woman was literally ruining him. I told him years ago not to go to her and begged him to let me do his books, but”—he gave a deep sigh—“I suppose I was still a trainee then. I guess it takes a while for parents to take you seriously.”

Jo nodded. “Dick certainly relies on you.”

“D'you think?”

“He adores you.”

Josh beamed and shrugged.

Jo smiled.

“Bloody hell,” cried Josh suddenly. “So you and Pippa put two and two together and made twenty-two.”

They stared at each other. Jo was just about to apologize again when Josh spoke.

“You must have thought I was a right shit,” he whispered. “Helping my dad have an affair.”

“Well,” Jo, clasping the nearest thing to her, which happened to be Josh's thigh. “That's why I said those things to you when you came to…see me.”

Josh nodded. “Ungh.”

There was silence.

“You don't…disgust me,” she whispered. “At all. In fact.”

“Thank you,” said Josh. “You don't disgust me either. At all.”

“And I'm so sorry I called you a scrounger.”

“A two-faced, scrounging, hypocritical bastard with a Peter Pan complex I think it was. I can hardly remember.”

“I thought you were living here rent-free—which was none of my business, I know,” she interrupted herself. “But I found that quite immature and the truth was”—she steadied herself against the wall and mumbled—“it had begun to matter.”

There was silence for a moment. Josh cleared his throat.

“I'm sorry I called you a prick-tease,” he said quietly. “It did just seem—”

“I was.”

“Pardon?”

“Flirting. I was. With you.”

“Oh.”

“I wasn't teasing, I was flirting,” insisted Jo. “It wasn't something I thought about—I kept telling myself we were just friends—”

“Me too—”

“And I know I should have told you about Shaun, but I didn't want to—”

“No—”

“Because I was scared that if I did—” She slowed down, her eyes on the floor. She was unable to finish the sentence.

The silence was deafening. She'd have loved to have seen Josh's expression, but that would have meant looking at his face.

“And then you went all horrid,” she went on whispering.

“I know,” he whispered back. “I'm sorry.”

“Why did you do that?”

The pause was unbearable.

“Wasn't it obvious?” he whispered.

Jo couldn't answer. She heard Josh give a big sigh.

“So you and Shaun, eh?” he started.

“Who?” Jo gave him a little smile.

“You seemed very cut up about it that day.”

“Well, yes of course,” she said. “You came at a bad time. It had only just happened. I was in shock. It was like…Sheila had just rewritten my past. If that doesn't sound mad.”

“Nope. I know just what you mean.”

“I just had some rethinking to do.”

“Right.”

“Bend myself to the new facts.”

Josh got an image of Jo bending and quickly concentrated hard on the grains of wood in the playhouse wall.

“And I've done it now,” said Jo. “Bent myself to the new facts.”

“Wow,” said Josh, staring hard at the wood. “That was quick.”

“Not really,” she admitted. “I should have finished with Shaun years ago.”

She looked up, realized how close Josh was, went wobbly and looked down again.

“I hope he and Shee will be very happy together,” she said. “And I think they will be. Anyway, I don't really care anymore. I've got other things on my mind.”

There was a long pause.

“So,” said Josh lightly, leaning down on his elbow, shifting along the floor space, and looking up at her. “I've been reliably informed that you told Gerry to get lost.”

“Yes,” she said, shifting herself down into a mirror image next to him. “Finally. Suppose I took my time.”

“Well, sometimes these things are hard to do,” he said softly.

He let his top leg drop toward her.

“Sometimes it's very hard to say what you feel,” murmured Jo.

She let her top leg mirror his.

“God yes.”

“Especially when you feel”—she didn't move her thigh when it accidentally brushed his—“so much.”

“Much,” he echoed.

“Maybe I just wanted to make you jealous,” she whispered.

The playhouse shrank.

“I was jealous anyway.”

“Were you?”

“Yes. Very.”

“Who of?”

“Everyone. Even the kids. Bastards.”

“The kids? You mean the ones who got us in the playhouse together?”

Josh laughed. “Looks like they're quite adult when they put their minds to it.”

“Yeah,” whispered Jo. “It's just us who need to grow up.”

“I'm feeling particularly grown-up at the moment,” he said. They were now lying facing each other, nose to nose, grin to grin.

“Ooer.” She giggled.

Josh groaned playfully. “You are so gorgeous,” he whispered.

She closed her eyes, and could feel his breath on her cheek and neck.

“That time you fell out of the sink,” he murmured. She giggled. “Up till then I'd convinced myself that I just liked you, but oh God.”

“I thought you were going to kiss me,” she breathed into his neck.

“Kiss you?” He turned his head to hers. “I wanted to eat you.”

She gasped, every nerve ending in her body on full alert.

“And then you told me you had a boyfriend.” Josh moaned. “God, it was so awful.”

“I know,” she breathed. “I was just feeling so guilty and confused and…and horny.”

Josh nudged himself nearer, so their hips were gently touching.

“And,” whispered Jo, “I didn't want to spend our first kiss feeling guilty.”

Josh's lips gently found hers.

“And then you needed help getting to bed,” he whispered into her ear, “and I had to listen to you cry without being able to soothe you like I wanted to. And I had to help you get into your nightshirt.” He groaned.

“Did you see anything?” asked Jo suddenly.

“Nope. Even in your inebriated state, you still managed to ask me to turn around.”

“Really?” she murmured, her hand stroking the back of his jeans. “Not much of a prick-tease really then, am I?”

“Not then no.”

He started stroking her hair all the way down her back. Her spine tingled.

“So how did you feel about Shaun that night?” asked Josh.

“The truth?”

“The truth.”

“I could hardly remember his name when I was with you.” He nudged his thigh ever so gently in between hers.

“That night he came to stay,” whispered Josh. “It was hell.”

“I know.”

“I was in the next room for Christ's sake.”

“I know. I was…”

“Yes?”

“…thinking of you.”

Josh lengthened his neck nearer to Jo.

“You don't need to just think of me anymore.”

“Ooh! Mr. Fitzgerald!” mocked Jo. “What
do
you mean?”

“Do you think,” he managed, hitching himself up, so he was lying above her, one hand lightly touching the back of her thigh, “we should kiss and make up?” His lips brushed hers.

“I don't know,” she murmured, her arms finding their way up to his neck. “I can't think of anything at the moment.”

“Oh.”

“What do you think?” She closed her eyes and saw rainbows under her eyelids as Josh explained to her, as best he could, that he thought yes.

Melissa Nathan
acclaimed author of
Pride
,
Prejudice and Jasmin Field
, was born and raised in Hertfordshire and now lives in North London with her husband. A journalist for ten years, she now writes novels full time.

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