The Naughty Sins Of A Saint (2 page)

Throughout the auditorium, men stood up and applauded.

“If they’re talking about it, they care! If you don’t care about a Black bitch who irks you to no end, why waste your time talking about her? I’ll tell you why – because the shit that people really truly want, they think about it 24-7. They can’t stop thinking about it. You don’t see me talking incessantly about white women. They aren’t on my radar. I’ve made it clear I’m not physically attracted to white women, so why in the fuck would I use my precious time talking about them for extended periods of time? If you don’t want something, then shut the hell up about it! These same Black men who pretend such disdain actually hunt it, dream it, scheme it, and desire it. They piss themselves if they don’t get it. They try to lie to other sons-of-bitches so that it appears less desirable! Any of you like to watch ‘Lord of the Rings?’”

Many men nodded, while some shouted, “Yes!”

“Well, you know about the ‘my Precious’ bit, correct? The Black woman is ‘my Precious’ for Black men, but Black men talk shit about her to keep us away. ‘Oh, you don’t want that shit, right there, man,’ they say. ‘That’s a piece of shit. It smells bad, it’s rotten, it’s no good,’ yet they stand over it, blocking your view and coveting it. Black men have the finest women on the damn planet. This isn’t to say that other women of other races aren’t beautiful, quite the contrary, but when I speak of fine, I’m talking about their soul, their essence, their look, the entire package. When you’ve been walking the earth for that long, you can only improve yourself each and every millisecond. She’s the closest thing to God, because she’s known him the longest! The Black woman is the most adaptable, loving, loyal, strong, resilient, sensual, mothering, tempting ‘goddess’ on this planet we call ‘Earth.’ She’s the original Eve for all you Christians out there. The moon, the sun, the stars blush whenever she’s born. Her skin – from the darkest blackberry, to lighter than some of you pale-ass Irish and Brit bastards in here – is from the soil. She’s from the earth. Without soil, nothing grows. We become rootless! We’re all degenerates. We’re hybrids of the original, and in order to be closer to the original, to be closer to our Creator, we have to have her, period. No questions asked.”

Saint smiled as he received a standing ovation right before the scheduled intermission. The overhead light came on, highlighting all of the men in the audience. He sat down in his seat and lowered his head as he contemplated the rest of his lecture. As soon as he parted his lips, a swirl of thick, purple smoke escaped. Saint looked around, glad no one had taken notice. He closed his eyes and tried to relax as he imagined being alone in the room with his thoughts. He ran his long golden fingers through black hair, closed his eyes and left, even if only in his mind. His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a man laugh loudly on the stage, and turned to see him give a handshake to another. Saint looked at the friendship between the two men and immediately thought about his best friend, Raphael. Saint grinned as his thoughts again shifted, this time to wanting to get laid so very badly. As he acknowledged the images of naked women in his bed, he shoved them away, trying to stay focused on the topic at hand. The twenty-minute break wound down, and the lights lowered once again. The men in the audience waited with anticipation for Saint to speak. He stood up and returned to the podium.

“Physically, men are the only human beings who can enter someone else and touch their soul. I’m not going to get into homosexuality right now, because that isn’t the purpose of this conference, but I’ll say this – we men want our souls touched as well, and you have to be penetrated for that to happen, but not physically. There are other solutions than anal sex, but sex is a soul exchange, even if it lasts but for two minutes, so quickly she don’t know what the hell happened.”

Many people laughed.

“Or it could be two consecutive days – all the damn time screwing vigorously, to the point that her pussy is swollen and sore and your dick is shooting blanks from cumming so much. It doesn’t matter. It’s a soul exchange, and it’s important, and not to be taken lightly. But I’ve never advocated men humping like rabbits from woman to woman. Some men believe we weren’t created to be monogamous. Bullshit! Our genetics shows otherwise. We have only one dick.

That one dick can only be inside one person at a time, and in that space in time, the universe is aligned in a way that’ll never be identical again. You can’t share that time and space with someone else. The argument is used also for polygamy – some say that it’s natural because women outnumber men. Again, bullshit – the dick is divinely designed for procreation.

There have to be more wombs available to ensure that the human race doesn’t die out. This is another reason why women are fatter than we are and lose weight more slowly than we do. Their bodies are programmed to carry babies, and babies need nourishment while in the womb, so if the woman is unable to eat for a few days, her baby can survive. Men don’t need that. You can look right at nature, at our hardwiring, and find all the answers you need about what we are and aren’t supposed to be doing. One man can impregnate fifty women in the same week, but a woman can only become pregnant once at a time. She has to wait nine months to bring that baby forth, and then typically another month after that, until another egg is ready, so it takes her almost a year to bring one human being into the world – or two in the case of twins – and so on and so forth.

I have absolutely no problem with polygamy. Let me get that straight right now. My issue is when I’m told it’s natural, over monogamy, because I know it isn’t true. I’m a sex therapist by trade – a scientist. I went to medical school, and I’m a sex lecturer. I have the experience to know about these things. Polygamy isn’t unnatural, but it doesn’t trump monogamy. They’re two different solutions to one’s love life and spiritual connections. One thing that’ll stand you apart from your competitor, the Black male, is to offer monogamy, faithful monogamy, Gentlemen. Women don’t want to share a man, and I guarantee you, that for many women involved in polygamous relationships, if they were allowed to have that man all to themselves, if he’d sincerely offer, they’d jump at the chance. That’s why you must stand out from the crowd and be different from your competition.

From the time you and she are established as serious, you must cease all sexual and romantic activities with other women. This will make you more desirable right out of the gate. This is one of my most important points. If you remember nothing else, I need you to remember that this is serious business, and you’re up against a very worthy opponent. He’ll use tricks, games, lies, and scheming to get you to leave his women alone. He sees you as a threat, and this next word of caution is strictly for the white men in this auditorium. You’re in far more danger than the rest of us, when you seek Black women as lovers and wives. White men, you’re the scapegoat for what your ancestors did to a nation of people. Your mere presence causes anxiety, anger, and fear. That’s part of the reason you’re met with so much resentment, even to this day. Interestingly enough, some Black men who despise you have no problem fucking white women, impregnating them, and leaving their biracial children fatherless and destitute. Such behavior isn’t far from that committed by the white slave masters against the ‘Black queen;’ however, Black men believe they have the right to behave badly because of all the suffering their ancestors experienced.

White men, you also represent power, wealth, and control – what all men want. The white man has the bulk of it across the world. We already know this, and there’s no need for us to sit here and play nicey-nice. You’ve also systematically abused your power. You create mayhem, and you do it in the name of greed. The European culture is corrupt. This is one of the reasons why I say we’re hybrids. You’re hard-wired to conquer. The African race is hard-wired to see things collectively, not individually. But this view among Black men has changed, due to European influence. Black men now lust after what you have, white men. You’ve violated them and changed them into monsters, just like you. I don’t apologize for saying this shit to you. It’s the truth, and you need to embrace truth before you can ever be with a Black woman, because she and your future children will live with the consequences. I don’t care if you didn’t personally drill for oil, steal gold, rape, and pillage – your bloodline is still responsible. You have what other men want, and if you go after the one thing Black men have relied on, no matter how much he’s abused her, then you’re starting a war. A white boy just got killed the other day for walking hand-in-hand with his Black girlfriend after their prom. We’re in a war. Don’t get into this if you don’t have the stomach for it. Go find you a white woman and live your life. I reiterate – one thing the Black man always had was his woman. Then he left her, gentlemen.”

Saint took another sip of water.

“He left her all alone to fend for herself and nurse her broken heart. He left her penniless, with no roof over her head and children he no longer acknowledged. Then she did what she had to – take care of herself and those children. She went into survival mode, and when that man wanted to come back home, he told her she was too aggressive, trying to run him. He said she didn’t appreciate him, that she was a whore and much worse to try to beat her back into submission. She had to be hard and aggressive!”

Saint slammed his fist on the podium.

“She was alone! I’m not a male chauvinist, though I’m often called one, but I strongly believe that a woman needs a man, regardless of her race, career success, and world view. Men, you’re supposed to be her provider, protector, lover, and best friend. We were designed to be with one another. Our union is necessary to create life, and apart from one another, we only create death.”

Applause erupted.

“As most of you know, and my constituents can attest to, your choice of sexual partner tells more about you, spiritually, than anything else. To whom you’re attracted and mate with tells the world where you are, as far as your spiritual health. For instance, men who rape children are sick, as are men who rape grown women or have sex with animals. They’re spiritually dead. When you stick your dick in a woman’s pussy, you’re connected for life. You’re taking from her, and she’s taking from you; the only difference is, you leave more behind. Whoever puts his hand inside the cookie jar leaves evidence – his DNA. Your hand brushed up against the side of the jar when you picked up the cookie. Some microscopic crumbs fell. Your DNA is on those as well. You’ve left fingerprints, DNA, and germs. That’s why I never eat those cookie samples at the grocery store.”

More laughter erupted.

“Why do you think most women are so emotional? Why do they get clingy after sex? They’re designed that way! You’ve gone inside her and taken something she can never get back. That cookie is gone forever. You ate it. It’s in your body now. She has to remain close to you in order to continue to feel complete. Every man she sleeps with steals from her. She, too, must choose wisely, because she loses more than we do. Every thrust your dick makes inside of her forges a path. Her chakras are affected. Her spirit is affected. Her chemistry is affected. You alter how she tastes and smells. You may even alter the way she walks if you’re doing it right.”

 The audience hooted.

“Her emotions are affected. When she has an orgasm, she’s tied to you in another way, too. When you can give a woman an orgasm multiple times, she becomes addicted to you and that puts you in a position of control. She’ll continue to want it. Why do you think her clit is positioned where it is? That’s divine design. It’s a way of God forcing you to be a good lover. If it was all just about procreation, she wouldn’t even have a clitoris. Not all female mammals have them. It’s a call for you to pay attention to her body and make sure when you’re inside her, you’re angling the right way to rub up against that tiny man in the boat. You have to touch it, suck it, rub it. Men, choose wisely. Once you leave her, you’re imprinted on each other, no matter where you go. If one of you dies, the other one still has the imprint. This isn’t a joke! Don’t play with her heart. Don’t have sex casually. When you make love to her for the first time, do it because you want to imprint, not just to bust a nut! It needs to be for both reasons!”

As the men in the crowd grew serious, Saint continued, “I need all of the men in this room to stop fucking every woman who bothers to respond to your sexual advances! How we fuck says a lot about us! How you make love is important! When you go to work a new job, you have to be trained. You’re taken on a tour of the facility. You meet your colleagues. You’re told how much you’ll get paid and what’s expected of you. The same goes for your soulmate and how you fuck her!” His voice boomed throughout the large, packed auditorium.

“I’m going to give you a crash course this evening on how to make love, but first, let’s go over how to find, select, and woo your future goddess. You find her the same way you’ve been finding women. You have to get out and about. You can meet her online if you wish, but be selective. Remember, you’re picking your wife, not a fuck-buddy, so don’t get messed up over some woman with a nice ass and big tits. When you look at her, imagine her as your wife. When you see her photos, speak to her on the phone, go on dates with her, if something doesn’t sit well with you, don’t ignore it. Your future wife will look good to you, smell good to you, keep your interest, and embody most, if not all, that you’re looking for in a mate. It’s time to grow up, Boys. Whatever continent your family is from originally, you now have to swim over three seas to get your bride. It was designed that way so once you’re over there, in Africa, my pale comrades,” – many men laughed – “make the best use of your time and energy. You’re over there to conquer, but only one woman! There are many Black women who are still resistant to the notion that they can be treated like gold, and perhaps, by a man the color of notebook paper. There are many Black women still in love with the premise they call ‘Black love.’ There is no such thing as ‘Black love,’ ‘white love,’ ‘Latin love,’ ‘Asian love,’ or any other kind of racially-exclusive love, because love was never dipped in paint, colored with crayons or scribbled with markers. Do you think God makes one love inferior to another? It only has one color, and that color is formed when you mesh with your lover. We’re so uncomfortable with race and ethnicity in this country we try to categorize every goddamn thing! But we like what we like, and there’s science behind the attraction. The attraction makes sense. Those of you wise enough and brave enough to be here realize this. You owe no apologies. The Black woman can take a repeated beating and still sing the praises of her oppressor. She’s loyal to the undying end, and that, my friends, is part of the reason that she’s so stubborn but also so – damn – sexy.”