The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant (35 page)

Party Manners

Some people feel that if they wear their whip on the left side it somehow excuses them from conventional manners. Actually, the opposite is true. Manners didn’t arise from the lower classes. They were developed by a bunch of very dominant individuals to keep them from cutting each others’ throats at the slightest jostle. Saying “please” and “thank you” to the serving submissives doesn’t weaken your air of dominance; it enhances it. The same goes for cleaning up after yourself.

Never use or even touch another person’s toys without asking. Most people are proud of their collection and enjoy showing it off. If you damage a toy, offer to replace or pay for it. These things can be very expensive. Assume the first refusal is a courtesy. I would recommend asking three times to show you are serious.

As in the public clubs, submissives are to be looked at but not touched or used in any way unless you are given specific permission. There may be submissives serving the food. Unless you have been told that it is desired, do not attempt to humiliate them in any way.

Safewords

You may assign or have your submissive choose a safeword. However, some parties have a house safeword. This is usually something common like “red light.” This assures that the dungeon masters can check on the consensuality of the scene and that any “pick-up” scenes are fully consensual.

Even more than at public clubs, your behavior at private parties can make or break your reputation. You want to make sure that everything you do enhances the reputation that is your most important scene possession. Sending a short note thanking the hosts is always appropriate.

First Aid for The Scene

Just because we are playing does not mean that our submissive won’t get hurt at one time or another. We are playing, but we often are playing rough. People get hurt riding bicycles, skating, jogging. My local newspaper carried an item about an elderly lady who, excited about winning at bingo, stood up too quickly, fell back over her chair and broke her collarbone.

This does not mean that we should accept any injuries as part of the game. After everything has returned to normal, it is incumbent upon both of you to sit down and try to prevent whatever happened from happening again. There is nothing contradictory between playing hot and playing safe.

This section is far from a complete first aid guide. I strongly recommend that you supplement it with a conventional first-aid manual. Read them before something happens. When someone is bleeding it is no time to try to assemble a medical education. Many dominants know more about taking care of their toys than their submissives. If I were licensing dominants, I would make a basic first-aid course including CPR one of the minimum requirements.

As the prices drop from four figures to three, I’m becoming a big fan of automatic defibrillators. Defibrillators used to be usable only by highly skilled technicians, if they were to do more good than harm. This new generation has hardwired most of the skills needed right into the machine. Slap on the pads, press the button and the machine will decide what’s needed and go ahead and do it while you wait for the EMTs, that you’ve already called, to arrive.

Make sure your submissive has read this section. While most injuries do happen to submissives, dominants have been known to fall, set themselves on fire during a waxing, or cut themselves with straight razors. I use the word “submissive” throughout for consistency, but don’t assume you are somehow bullet-proof.

Both of you should also practice emergency procedures. When things go wrong, sometimes people panic and take refuge in the familiar. One woman vacuumed her carpet while waiting for the paramedics to arrive when her husband had a heart attack. Make the emergency procedures familiar and commonplace, and you’ll be much better off when all hell breaks loose.

Cuts and bruises

The most common injuries in the scene, as almost everywhere else, are cuts and bruises. Bruises are unsightly, except to those who wear them as badges of pride, but they generally will disappear after a while. You can speed up healing by putting ice packs on them for no more than a half hour. Hot water will only increase the size and discoloration, and because the skin is not broken, antiseptic or astringent solutions are useless.

You should already have asked if your submissive has a clotting disorder or takes any kind of anticoagulant drug like Coumadin. This will make him or her bruise much more easily.

The greatest danger from cuts is infection. Clean the area with warm water and a mild soap. Then sterilize it with Betadine or alcohol and have the submissive hold a bit of clean gauze against the cut until the bleeding stops. Hydrogen peroxide, recommended by some first-aid books, doesn’t sterilize as well and, with repeated use, may actually retard healing. If you think you may have gotten any blood on you, wash carefully with soap and hot water. A Band-Aid can be used to keep the injury clean after the bleeding has stopped.

If, later, the cut gets red and swells, you see red-purple streaks under the skin or it is sensitive to a light touch, it is probably infected. Go to a doctor. Aside from simply being dangerous, an infection greatly increase the chances that a scar will form.

If the bleeding is severe or if it spurts, apply tight pressure with your hand or elastic bandage over the site of the bleeding and call 911. A person can die from a severed artery in seconds. Do not attempt to use a tourniquet unless you have been trained in how to apply one. A poorly applied tourniquet can cause much more damage than you realize.

Unconsciousness

Simply because of the excitement of the scene, because their air supply has been inadvertently cut off or because they have been standing in one place too long, submissives occasionally faint. Some people have the habit of holding their breath during orgasms which causes them to pass out. It is called orgasmic syncope. Diabetics may faint if violent activity causes their blood-sugar level to drop. As I noted in an earlier chapter, you should know your submissive’s medical history before you begin to play.

Immediately remove all bondage. If it won’t come off fast, cut it off. This is where the EMT scissors or bolt cutters come in handy. The submissive should be on his or her back without anything under the head, with the legs elevated slightly. Smelling salts can be used, carefully ,to awaken the submissive. Do not attempt to do CPR unless the submissive has stopped breathing and you know how. CPR is a wonderful technique but its application is limited to very specific circumstances.

If the submissive remains unconscious for more than a couple of minutes, seek medical help. However, if the submissive recovers and seems all right, you should still keep him or her lying down for at least a half hour. If he or she is a diabetic, offer some food.

Severe chest pains spreading to the shoulder, neck or arm and/or a crushing feeling in the chest accompanying a shortness of breath might mean a heart attack. Call 911 immediately before you do anything else.

If it turns out your submissive was using drugs or alcohol, you have some soul-searching to do. First, why didn’t you notice before this? Second, do you want to continue to play with a person who would do such a stupid thing? Obviously, many people will disagree with me, but my basic rule is that drugs and the scene do not mix.

Stroke

A stroke is caused by a leaking blood vessel in the brain. Among the causes is great excitement or agitation (you know, the things we try for in the dungeon). The symptoms include sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body, sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding, sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes, sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination and sudden, severe headache with no known cause.

This condition, more than most others, calls for an immediate 911 call and transportation to the nearest emergency room because the quicker treatment is begun the better the chances of recovery. For example, there is a medication called a “clot buster” that can work wonders in the event of a stroke. However, it must be administered within three hours of the initial attack.

Convulsions

A more frightening experience is if the submissive goes into a convulsion. Remove any bondage immediately, and place a loop of rope or a piece of soft leather in his or her mouth to protect the tongue. Do not use something hard like a whip handle or something vulnerable like your fingers. The first may cause damage to the teeth; the second will be damaged.

Any clothing around the neck and waist should be loosened, and you should place pillows, cushions or rolled blankets around the body. Unless you have reason to believe that these convulsions are not significant (or example, if you know the submissive is epileptic), call for medical assistance.

Head injuries

Head injuries can be time bombs. Television and detective fiction have made people casual about blows to the head. The truth is any blow to the head severe enough to cause unconsciousness is cause for a trip to the hospital. If the membrane covering the brain inside the skull is bruised, a dural hematoma can slowly form over a period of hours, eventually causing unconsciousness and, possibly, death.

At the very least, the injured party should be under observation for a full day following the injury and regular follow up for a few days after that.

Symptoms of serious injury include returning unconsciousness, nausea and or vomiting, swelling, severe headache, stumbling or knocking things over, and confusion. One check for the last is to ask three questions, called “Orientation times three:” “What is your name?” “Where are you?” “What is today’s date?” Any errors indicate possible serious problems.

“Misplaced” toys

What do you do when you “lose something inside?” If it is in the vagina and it doesn’t have any sharp edges or points, relax. There isn’t any place for it to go. Like Mary’s lamb, it will soon be back. Losing something in the rectum is more of a problem. Do not try to get it out with an enema. You also shouldn’t try to reach in and get it. I know one panicked individual who tried to use what looked like salad tongs. Don’t do it!

Lubricate the anus and go sit on the toilet. Bring a good book – this one, maybe. Wait, don’t force it. After all, your body wants to get rid of it as much as you do. If it doesn’t come out in a few hours or if there is severe pain, go to an emergency room and next time don’t use something that can slide all the way in.

Heat-related injuries

Certain kinds of mummification, bondage or vigorous scenes in hot weather can lead to heat cramps, heat exhaustion or heat stroke. Because the human body uses the head to get rid of almost half of the body’s heat, a hood by itself can lead to a dangerous increase in body temperature. While none of the injuries in this chapter are limited to submissives, heat-related conditions are a particular threat to dominants who do scenes in hot weather. We tend to pay so much attention to the submissive that we tend to neglect our own needs.

Heat cramps are painful muscle spasms caused by excessive sweating and the loss of salt. This can be treated simply by consuming food or liquid containing salt.

Heat exhaustion is indicated by nausea, faintness, dizziness, excessive sweating and weakness. The individual’s skin is pale and clammy, and he or she has a weak pulse and may show signs of shock. The affected person should lie flat with the head down and take drinks of a cool, slightly salty liquids every few minutes. However, you should never offer food or drink to anyone unless he or she can speak and hold up his or her head.

Heat stroke is potentially lethal. Initial symptoms begin like those of heat exhaustion, but soon, the individual develops a fever of more than 104 degrees and may experience convulsions or become unconscious. Cool him or her immediately. Packing in ice or snow is not too extreme, but a more common treatment is wet towels or sheets and a fan. You should call 911. While waiting, check his or her temperature often to make sure you don’t overdo the cooling. You want to reduce the temperature, not chill the victim.

Burns

Burns sometimes occur during waxings when a beeswax candle is used or if you are too busy watching where the wax is falling that you don’t notice where the flame is going. Electricity can also cause burns.

Reddened skin is the sign of a first-degree burn. Immerse the area in cold water or cool with an ice pack and apply a used tea bag that has been allowed to cool. Aloe vera gel will moderate the pain. Commercial burn ointments are made for this kind of burn. Do not use petroleum jelly or butter.

If blisters form, it is a second-degree burn. Again, the initial treatment is cold water. Then, you must cover the blister with a sterile gauze pad. If the blisters fill with a clear fluid, leave them alone; do not open them. If the fluid is cloudy, they may be infected; this calls for a trip to the doctor.

Third-degree burns are very serious. The injury may, at first, resemble a second-degree burn but quickly progresses to a charred or whitish color, and the surface may be warm and dry. Interestingly enough, it may not be painful at first. This is not because the injury is not serious; it is because the pain nerves have been damaged. This kind of injury is beyond first aid. If you are not trained and equipped to handle this kind of burn, get the submissive to a doctor. Do not use cold water or burn ointment. You can, however, cover it with a sterile dressing.

Bone and muscle injuries

Occasionally, something goes wrong and a submissive takes a severe fall or crashes against something. In most cases, these accidents were caused by simple carelessness – to be precise, your carelessness. A common cause of falls is a littered play room, one with wires or ropes scattered about, or one with an ultra-shag carpet that acts as a trap for high heels.

In any case, if there is serious damage, such as broken bones or torn ligaments, you need immediate medical assistance. If you suspect a break, immobilize the limb by tying a rolled-up magazine or ruler to it with a bandage or scarf, and get the person to a doctor.