The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant (36 page)

If the muscle is only strained, the treatment is exactly the opposite as with bruises. You should apply warmth. I tend to lean toward fluffy towels soaked in hot water, which should get the blood flowing again. Then you can wrap it with an Ace bandage and elevate it on a stool or a few pillows.

If a muscle has a minor tear, you will see a large bruise where you should apply an ice pack. Over-the-counter painkillers will help. If the pain continues, go to a doctor.

Dungeon first-aid kit

A good dungeon first-aid kit includes many of the same items as a good home first-aid kit — with two additions. If you do handcuff or chain bondage, it should contain a pair of bolt cutters and an extra set of keys.

I would recommend at a minimum:

• 4x4 sterile dressings
  
• Ace Bandages
  
• Adhesive tape
  
• Aloe vera gel
  
• Anesthetic spray
  
• Antibiotic ointment
  
• Band-aids
  
• Betadine and/or rubbing alcohol
  
• Burn ointment
  
• EMT scissors
  
• Ice pack
  
• KY Jelly
  
• Sling bandage (triangular)
  
• Smelling salts
  
• Splint
  
• Sterile cotton
  
• Sterile bandage roll
  
• Tweezers
  

A final note

I’ve written several times, “go to a doctor” or “call 911.” In the middle of a scene, you, and probably your submissive, are going to be reluctant to climb out of the closet this way. First, medical professionals have seen it before. One of my friends, a lovely dominant and a New York City EMT, was confronted by a man who admitted sticking a gerbil in his wife, where it had, “passed to its reward,” and was now stuck. My friend, without looking up from her notepad, said, “Vagina or anus?” They have seen it all before. You probably won’t even make the top 100.

Second, but more important, it is your responsibility to care for another individual. You have accepted responsibility for another. To allow, him or her to be put in danger simply because you are embarrassed is irresponsible. You have a duty in these cases to seek medical aid.

To minimize embarrassment, if there is time, change into vanilla clothing. Medical people do tend to give a bit more respect to those who look “normal.” If there isn’t, grab something out of the closet. If the ER is anything like most, you will have long enough to make a complete outfit from bolt fabric before they get around to you. You can easily change clothes in the rest room. Another thing to bring along is a note pad. Keep track of those who have talked with you. You may want to hand out condemnations or compliments later. In any case, the sight of someone politely taking notes does tend to make people behave.

You don’t have to tell the complete story of the scene. If, for example, your submissive fell from a suspension frame and broke her leg, a simple, “she fell,” should be sufficient. Male dominants are especially at risk in this area. In today’s political-medical environment, if there is a suspicion of “abuse,” the less on the chart the better. However, you should never withhold information that could be necessary to the treatment.

Suggested Reading

Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies,
Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

Sex Disasters…And How To Survive Them,
Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., and Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

Appendix: Reading Resources

2 1st Century Kinkycrafts,
Janet W. Hardy (ed), Greenery Press

Becoming a Slave, J
ack Rinella

The Compleat Spanker,
Lady Green, Greenery Press

Consensual Sadomasochism: How to talk about it and how to do it safely,
William A. Henkin & Sybil Holiday, Daedalus

Erotic Slavehood: a Miss Abernathy Omnibus,
Christina Abernathy, Greenery Press

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures,
Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Celestial Arts

Exhibitionism for the Shy,
Carol Queen, Down There Press

Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment,
Hardy Haberman, Greenery Press

Fantasy Made Flesh: The Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay,
Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

The Finer Points of Pain and Pleasure
, FifthAngel, Self published [note: FifthAngel is the handsome devil on the front cover of this book — I’m the handsomer devil on the back cover]

Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play,
David Walker & Robert J. Rubel, Power Exchange Books

Flogging
, Joseph Bean, Greenery Press

A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting,
Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

How to Capture a Mistress,
Karen Martin, Power Exchange Books

The Human Pony,
Rebecca Wilcox, Greenery Press

Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins and Outs of Enema Play,
M.R. Strict, Greenery Press

Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook,
Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

Leatherfolk,
Mark Thompson (ed), Alyson Press

The Leatherman’s Handbook: Silver Jubilee Edition,
Larry Townsend, L. T. Publications

Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player,
Joseph W. Bean, Daedalus Press

Master/Slave Relations,
Bob Rubel, Power Exchange Books

The Mistress Manual,
Mistress Lorelei Powers, Greenery Press

The New Bottoming Book,
Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

The New Topping Book,
Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

Partners in Power: Living In Kinky Relationships, J
ack Rinella, Greenery Press

Photography for Perverts
, Charles Gatewood, Greenery Press

Play Piercing ,
Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

Protocols for the Leather Slave,
Power Exchange Books

Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys to Transcendence,
Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage,
Midori, Greenery Press

Sex Disasters... And How To Survive Them,
Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., and Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners,
Lady Green, Greenery Press

Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude,
Guy Baldwin

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction,
Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

Ties That Bind,
Guy Baldwin

Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning,
Janet Hardy, Greenery Press

Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps,
Jack Rinella, Greenery Press

Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies,
Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay,
Miranda Austin & Sam Atwood, Greenery Press

Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship,
Midori, Greenery Press Toybag Guide to High-Tech Toys, John Warren, Greenery Press

Toybag Guide to Hot Wax and Temperature Play,
Spectrum, Greenery Press

Toybag Guide to Medical Play,
Tempest, Greenery Press

Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing,
Bert Herrman, Alamo Square Distributors

When Someone You Love Is Kinky,
Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt, Greenery Press

Appendix: Scrubbing Up Afterwards

Cleaning up after a scene can present some interesting problems that are often not completely covered in Good Housekeeping books. While you may delegate the actual clean-up to your submissive, it is, after all, your property, and you will probably want to supervise, with or without a riding crop.

When speaking about cleaning, in most cases, the goal is disinfection rather than sterility. Disinfection is the removal or killing of pathogenic (sickness-causing) organisms. Sterility means there is no life. While sterility is the aim with toys like needles which break the skin, it is difficult to obtain and even more difficult to maintain. With most toys, our aim is purely not to transfer any “bad stuff” from one submissive to another.

Cooled wax from your submissive’s skin can easily be vacuumed up if this is done before it is ground into a carpet or into the cracks in a wood floor. Hot wax that falls on fabric is more difficult to remove. However, if you put a soft, absorbent cloth over the cooled wax and then heat the cloth with an iron, the wax will melt and be absorbed into the cloth. I have had particularly good luck with using this technique on a black, velvet-covered chair I occasionally use for waxing.

Leather hoods, straps and clothing can be cleaned with commercial leather cleaner. In the previous edition I recommended saddle soap, but so many expert leather workers have told me I was wrong that I’ll concede error and go with their recommendation. Every six months or so, leather articles should be treated with neat’s foot oil. You should use several light coats and finish by polishing with a soft cloth, while being careful not to use too much. You want to oil it, not drown it. If leather has to be stored, simply hang it up. Do not seal it in plastic, because it needs air.

Because leather whips come in such intimate, and forceful, contact with the submissive’s skin, there is a chance that they could pick up a bit of blood. For this reason, first, wipe them with a rag soaked in hot, soapy water; then, with an alcohol-dampened rag and, finally, with a rag soaked in hot clean water. After the whips have been allowed to dry, they should be lubricated to prevent them from becoming stiff.

I use a thin layer of butter to soften whip tails. It is a natural lubricant that contains little to irritate or inflame sensitive or broken skin. I just stroke it on and rub the surface dry. Some other dominants use mink oil for the softening agent. Saddle soap can also be used, but because it contains chemicals that could cause an allergic reaction, I tend to avoid it.

Toys like dildos, douche nozzles, or knives should be washed in hot, soapy water wiped with a mixture of one part household bleach and nine parts water. I strongly recommend that you not use the same toy on different submissives. Dildos can be made easier to clean by covering them before use with a condom.

Vibrators should be wiped with a rag soaked in hot, soapy water and another with ten percent bleach. However, because of the construction of most vibrators, they cannot be soaked. Instead, they should be covered with a condom before use. For those too large to cover with a condom (although you will be surprised how much one stretches), use a surgical glove. Some vibrators like the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Oster Stick Massager have attachments that can be soaked in water-bleach mixture. Another approach is to use a laboratory sanitizer like Hibiclens, letting it sit for about ten minutes and wiping with warm water.

Rope and nylon strapping can be washed in an ordinary washing machine. However, you should first put them into a bag to minimize knotting and to prevent them from becoming tangled in the agitator. A mesh bag like those used to wash delicate fabrics is ideal. However, a pillow case will do.

TENS accessories combine a number of cleaning problems. The insertable toys have internal contacts that can be hard to reach and may react badly to immersion in a bleach solution, and condoms aren’t useful because they are insulators. About the only way to be confident of disinfection is to use an autoclave or pressure cooker for at least a half hour. Another approach is a spray with a laboratory sanitizer using the approach mentioned above. Some external contacts made from rubber can be cleaned with a bleach solution, but the leather ones should be cleaned like any other leather toy.

Condoms, dental dams, finger cots and latex gloves should be sealed in a plastic bag with a bit of alcohol and disposed of in the trash. Ideally, they should be treated like biohazard materials and incinerated in a sanitary manner, but sometimes the principal way to make sure that the wrong thing is done is to make the right thing too complex to do. Let’s just keep it simple, and dispose of them in a sealed container full of alcohol fumes.

Appendix: Contracts

Here are the contracts entered into by two dominant/submissive couples. The styles are quite different, but the basic features remain constant.

Master Morgan’s and Leah’s contract:

1. Leah agrees to place control of her body, thoughts, and behaviors in the hands of Master Morgan while they are in direct contact. She will follow all commands that fit within the limits of this contract completely, faithfully, and with immediate speed. She will answer all questions honestly and completely. She agrees to receive punishment if she fails to comply with the above.
   
2. Master Morgan accepts the responsibility for leading Leah in the exploration of her sexuality. Morgan agrees to protect Leah’s sense of internal self-worth while removing ego barriers that have prohibited her from exploring these areas on her own. Morgan agrees to a long-term goal that Leah will become comfortable in the knowledge of her sexual desires, as expanded by this training. She shall achieve her “graduation” when she is able to control her own sexuality because her restructured sexual ego and sense of self-esteem are in harmony.
   

   The choice of behaviors, sexual partners, physical devices, and punishments is determined by Master Morgan, with the following exceptions:
   

   • Leah may stop any activity at any time by the clear use of her safeword;
     
   • Leah and Morgan may leave this agreement temporarily and return to the outside world at any time simply by requesting it;
     
3. While the level of acceptable force will be learned by mutual exploration and may change with time, nothing will be done to cause physical injury to Leah. Nor will she be exposed to risks of pregnancy, arrest, or disease.
   
4. Verbal humiliation will be used only as it affects Leah’s preconceived notions about sexual morality. It will never be used to describe her general worth as a human being nor her non-sexual behaviors, except her unwillingness to follow orders.
   
5. This contract expires immediately upon clear notice by either party that the contract is terminated.