The New Rakes (22 page)

‘To get to me.’

Tam smiled, but his mouth was bitter. ‘Of course. It has to be about you, Kara.’ He lifted the dart and feinted it at the board. ‘Nobody else is allowed to take a shot at the limelight, nobody else is allowed to get any kicks. You couldn’t give a fuck about anything but making sure you get everything you want. Admit it. You’re just here because you’re a selfish …’ He didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he hurled the dart at the board, let it clatter against the wire and fall to the ground.

He might as well have thrown the dart right at her. Kara shrank inside, felt bile rise in her throat and blood flood in her cheeks.

‘No,’ she said, ‘no, you’re wrong.’

He was standing half turned away from her, every muscle in his body tensed and hard, his hand opening and closing as if he was working at a cramp. She walked to him and reached out, tried to take his arm and soothe the restless flex of his fingers in hers. He went rigid when she touched him. Turned his face to the wall. His hand was a dead weight, his arm stiff and cold.

She wanted to shake him. Wanted him to fight. It would be easier to shout and scream than to feel him slip away like this. But Tam stayed solid and immovable, and when he spoke his
voice
was horribly calm. ‘We said goodbye, earlier,’ he said, ‘and I wished you luck.’ He shook his head a little. ‘I want you to do well, I want you to go on and take everyone by storm.’

‘Tam.’ Kara tugged at his arm, leaned into him and laid her cheek on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat against her face, hear the deep tick of the blood pulsing through his veins.

‘I still wish the best for you,’ he said, his voice wooden. ‘But I want you to do one thing for me.’

‘Tam. Please trust me.’

He laid a hand on her hair, stroking softly from her head to the tip of a tress. When he reached the end, he pinched the strands in his fingers and tugged gently. Kara closed her eyes as he wound a handful of her hair in his fist. Pull, she thought, pull hard. Pull my head back and just kiss me.

‘I want you to leave now and not come back.’

She didn’t cry, but her eyes were suddenly wet, smudging against his skin and turning it slippery under her cheek.

‘It’s because of Mike,’ she whispered, her voice hoarse.

Tam pushed her away, so that she had to scrabble for a chair behind her to steady herself.

‘I really don’t want to hear it,’ he said. ‘That’s enough.’

‘Lina’s in love with Mike,’ Kara went on, her voice rising until she hated the sound of it. Hated the light of the kitchen, the night outside, the record that was half finished and waiting for her with all the promises of her life riding on it, hated everything that surrounded her and that she’d ever imagined she might love.

‘What the fuck,’ Tam said, taking a step towards her, his face so intent that she was almost afraid. ‘What the fuck would you know about love?’

Kara’s hand flew to her mouth. She shook her head as if she could erase Tam’s words just by refusing to listen. She would
have
to scream or cry or throw something, anything that would make her breathe again. Nothing was working. She was free-falling, drifting out into the night where it was so cold she couldn’t feel anything at all.

And then he was holding her. His arms were circling her and hugging her tight to him, pressing her face into the warm cleft of his chest where the wetness of her tears was still shining.

The kiss was as bitter as the one they’d shared earlier, but this time it wasn’t as tender. He crushed her mouth under his and it felt like he was going to devour her. She didn’t even get a chance to kiss him back, just opened her mouth and let his tongue crowd between her lips. Tam surged forwards so that all Kara could do was bend in his arms and let him maul her.

The rude stiffness of his cock stuck out under his jeans and stuck into her belly, promising her more than he ever could have with words.

He was all over her, working at her body with firm hands, grabbing her flesh and squeezing it as though to test how strong it was. How much she could take. Her ass stung as he pinched a handful of it and swarmed with feeling as he rubbed the sore spot, tugging her hips up to slide her backwards onto the table.

He grabbed hold of her legs and pulled them wide apart so that she was balanced precariously on the edge of the table, shoved his hips roughly against hers so that she felt the ache in the tendons inside her thighs.

And she reached for him, responded to his strong touch with a force to match, dug her nails into his shoulders and pulled him down to kiss her more.

More. It was all that was running through her head, and for the first time in days, it was just the one word that mattered.
More
.

The chair toppled and hit the ground with a loud crack, but Tam didn’t even flinch. He just kept kissing her, filling her mouth with his tongue and bruising her lips, licking and sucking as he mauled her clothes and tugged them aside. When he plunged his fingers into the hot slick of her pussy and drove them up to the knuckle, she cried out. Burrowing her face into the crook of his neck, she rocked back and forth onto his fingers, letting him corkscrew into her and begging for more.

She tugged at his jeans, trying to pull them down without unbuttoning them. They snagged and got stuck on his hard-on, so she yanked the buttons undone and reached inside to feel the scalding heat of his erection in her hand. His hips pumped against her and his foreskin slid under her fingers, his prick obscenely dark and hard, swelling to the thickness of a hammer handle. A kiss of moisture at the tip of his cock wet her palm and made her feel like crying all over again.

Taking him inside her was like the first time she’d fucked. It hurt a little and the feeling was so new, so strange and surprising that her mind went blank. She could feel only him in her, that wide, expanding fullness that surged and overwhelmed her, rendering her tongue useless and her body nothing but a magnet, something that only existed when it was moving or touching, being touched. He drove into her with such force and fury that her ass was lifted off the table.

She needed it again, instantly. The push and pull.

‘Oh God,’ she said, ‘back, go again, m-more.’

Tam gave a rough laugh, his breath ragged. ‘You’re not making any sense,’ he said, gripping her chin in his hand and pulling her mouth to his. ‘So shut up.’ His breath was hot in her mouth as he leaned in to kiss her again.

With his tongue churning in her mouth and his cock sliding in her pussy, Kara finally lost all sense of herself. There was
only
blackness, a burning blackness that twisted and surged within her.

As he slammed her against the polished wood of the table, bringing his body tight and close to hers, the water glass tipped over and fell. The shock of the cold splash on her flank made Kara inhale sharply, curl her hands into Tam’s hips and dig her nails in. His body was all bone and hard muscle, so compact and tightly coiled. Underneath her, the puddle of spilled water sucked and splashed. The table was all slippery and Tam had to anchor her down to get deep inside her. Kara tipped her hips upwards, like a begging bowl.

She wanted to ask him to fuck her harder, but instead she smiled, bit her lip and narrowed her eyes. He knew what she wanted. Always did.

The smile fell from her face when they ground into one another. It was hard to breathe, being so close and so tightly joined. Every time Tam withdrew, it gave Kara that feeling of being at the top of a swing, the way the weight in her belly would rise and she’d be held in suspension, waiting for the next rush. She’d twitch her hips, pulling herself forwards to meet him, almost unable to stand the moment of emptiness without him inside her.

Tam gave a full stroke, stabbed her deep with his cock and held himself right up against her. His heart hammered in his chest hard enough for Kara to feel it against her own. She couldn’t let him go this time, hooked her legs around his narrow hips and locked him in place, crossing her ankles behind him.

Like that, they swayed back and forth, feeling the subtle tremors of him inside her and their ribs swelling and emptying. Kara let herself soften as they embraced each other, the movement no longer violent but pulsing inside them like a bass note that you can hardly hear but feel in the soles of your feet.

‘Oh God, I’ve missed you,’ she whispered, the words spilling from her mouth as though someone else was talking.

‘I told you to be quiet,’ Tam murmured, thrusting his fingers into her hair and pushing her face into his shoulder.

There, tucked into the crook of his throat, she licked his skin and tasted the salt. ‘You’re the only one …’ she said, whispering it into his skin, so quietly he might not have heard it over the hum of the kitchen strip lights and the faint traffic noise outside. But he squeezed her hard, and she felt him start to move again inside her, gathering speed that she knew would soon be out of his control.

Their movements grew larger as they tipped over the edge, not meaning anything any more and not slowing or relenting. Kara thought she could hear them, a pounding noise like the thudding of a tom-tom drum.

‘The only one I trust,’ she said, as Tam’s rhythm increased and all the muscles in his body tensed to breaking point.

Three final thrusts, and he cried out, a ragged yell as coarse and blunt as an animal’s.

Kara felt her own climax uncurl, explode out in fractals, spin its way from her sex to the tips of her fingers. Underneath them the table shook and the glass rolled in a drunken parabola to the edge of the table where it tipped and fell, crashing to the floor and bursting into hundreds of shards.

For a long minute, they held onto each other and didn’t speak. Kara was shaky and her head swam, the fluorescent tube light overhead suddenly so bright it dazzled her. She felt like a newborn thing, tender and stiff, and clung to Tam wishing she could stay there for ever.

When Tam pulled away at last, his skin was stuck to her and the buttons of his jeans had left red indentations on her thigh.

‘Marked,’ she said, as she pointed to the little circles impressed on her skin.

‘You’re not the only one,’ Tam said, pulling his trousers up and leaning down to touch his foot.

‘Oh God,’ Kara said. A chip of glass had cut his ankle, leaving a thin red line of blood across the gold of his skin.

‘It’s OK. It’ll give me something to remember you by.’ He licked his thumb and rubbed at the scratch.

‘Better than a notch on your bedpost, I suppose.’

‘Yeah,’ Tam said, stretching up and catching her by the waist. He kissed her stomach, his stubble rasping at her. ‘Especially ’cause I don’t have any bedposts.’

‘Right,’ Kara said, squirming away from his ticklish kisses. ‘Just that damn bare mattress.’

‘I know.’ Tam lifted his head to look up at her. His eyes were as clear as Kara had ever seen them. ‘I don’t have much. But what I do have is yours, Kara. If you want it.’

His lips were lush and full and still a little swollen from their rough kisses. His eyes were deep dark pools that she could drown in. He was on his knees in front of her, holding her tight, and letting her know how he felt. Tam wasn’t the most eloquent of men, but Kara knew what he was offering.

Too much.

She squirmed, disentangling herself from his grasp. ‘Come on, let me out,’ she said when Tam held his arms fast either side of her. She pushed at his arms. ‘There’s water spilt everywhere. I’m sitting in a puddle.’

‘Uncomfortable?’ He had her pinned to where she sat on the table and he wasn’t moving.

‘Yes, Tam. It’s cold.’

‘It certainly is.’

She didn’t meet his eyes. She knew what was there. But at last he moved away and let her struggle to her feet. He watched as she got up and tugged at her clothes.

‘You can be so sweet. When you want something.’

Kara clutched her head. ‘Please, Tam. Don’t freak out. It’s just –’

‘You can’t handle it.’ Tam walked across the kitchen to the fridge.

‘Watch your feet,’ Kara murmured, looking at the broken glass on the floor.

Tam ignored her, pulled a beer out of the fridge.

‘I thought you were out of beer?’ Kara said.

‘I lied,’ Tam said, without missing a beat. ‘I know how it goes.’ He jammed the bottle on the side of the counter to pop the cap off. ‘Now you’ve had your shag you’ll be restless.’ He took a swig. ‘Scratch one itch and you switch to another.’

Kara shook her head. ‘It’s not like that –’ she started.

‘No?’ Tam cut in. ‘You’re not that greedy? Not so selfish you’d crash your way to the top of the heap without giving a fuck whose heart you broke or who you left behind?’

His words were harsh, but he was calm. Almost as though he’d been expecting her to cut loose and run, Kara thought.

‘Admit it, you’d screw over your best friend if it meant you got a taste of the limelight,’ Tam continued, flicking the bottle cap towards the sink. Kara frowned. Something wasn’t quite right about his speech. While Tam had a lot to criticise her for, he couldn’t bleat about her trashing a friendship that had never really existed.

‘Tam, we were never great friends,’ she said. ‘We fuck, we make music, we have a laugh. But you’re not what I would call my best buddy.’

‘I don’t mean me,’ Tam said.

‘Then what are you talking about?’

His face looked almost sad, she thought. As though he knew his answer was going to hurt her more than he wanted it to. He looked down, slowly peeling the label off his beer bottle
and
speaking in a low voice. He sighed. ‘Have you spoken to Ruby lately?’

It had been three days since she was home. In a way, the flat she shared with Ruby didn’t even feel like it deserved the name any more. Not when there was a chance World War Three might break out as soon as she showed her face.

Kara stood outside looking up at her bedroom window. It was dark, but a light was burning in the living room and she could hear Ruby’s music even from three storeys down. Leonard Cohen, wailing for mercy.

Not a good sign.

Tam was right. There were things she had to fix, even if it meant swallowing her pride. She climbed the stairs to the front door and slid her key into the lock, turning it with a resentful jerk. It didn’t catch. She rattled it in the lock, but nothing happened. She swore to herself. Had Ruby changed the locks? Already?