The New York Doll (2 page)

The task number two was to find a job as soon as possible, since the money was coming through our hands like sand. The hotel bill, the rent, the food, the school tuition (we had a student visa which required at least 80% of school attendance) were sucking the money out of us with the speed of light. Luckily, Julie had a friend of hers who she knew from the camp when she first came to the States and who now lived in New York and was making a living by finding accommodations and jobs for international students. We decided to give him a call and ask for help in finding a job.

Rustam turned out to be a nice guy who took us out and showed us the City. I remember it was a warm May evening and all three of us were sitting in the car, drinking champagne and watching the lights on the Verrazano Bridge. Rustam was saying how he liked living in the States and how easy it is to make it here if you only don't give up on your dreams.

The next day I called my mom and told her the great news about the apartment and about the upcoming job interview Rustam helped us with. If everything goes well, we'll be working at the reception in one of the Internet Cafes in Manhattan. Mommy said she'll be keeping her fingers crossed for us.

- Why don't you call your aunt? She could help you with finding a job too, - my mom always has some crazy ideas.

- Oh please, mom! I've never seen her in my life and she's my second aunt on my dad's side, which is not a good side to begin with. Why would she help me?

- She's still a family, honey. And we always send each other cards on New Years... I'm sure she'll be very offended if she finds out that you are in New York and never paid her a visit. Well anyway, do whatever you think is right, sweetie. I love you! Grandma says hi.

- I love you both too mom. I'll call you tomorrow.

- I never knew you had family here, - Julie couldn't help to overhear our conversation. Our tiny apartment had no privacy at all.

- Meh... I wouldn't call that a family. You know my relationship with my father is not the greatest, and my aunt is his cousin. So I wouldn't count on them.

- Why not? Let's try calling them at least! It won't kill you.

_______________

I probably still have all the text messages saved in my old phone that can tell the story of my relationship with my cousin Ari better than my memory. See, when it comes to love and relationship, memory is very tricky, it tries to erase the pain and save only the good stuff; but for some girls, if the break up was too painful, it works the other way round, it wants you to memorize every second of your pain, tears and humiliation so if you ever think again of coming back to the person who hurt you so bad, you will have kind of a protection barrier, an electric fence that hits you hard and immediately sends an impulse to your brain: this guy equals pain, don't do it. And you are safe. If you are smart. Or if you are not a subconscious masochist who keeps going back to her offender to punish herself for whatever unresolved daddy issues she has.

My memory however works the other way. It permanently removes the unwanted person straight to the waste bin and clicks "delete". So it's kind of saved on the hard drive and if you ever go to the backup point, it will probably show you that this person existed at some point but now he remains buried under the pile of virtual papers. And yes, I'm aware of the fact that I'm probably watching too much of a "Big Bang Theory" since I have such weird associations with computers.

- My friend liked your friend. Let's take them to the movies?:)

- Ok:)

- Deal. Goodnite, girl.

- Good night:)

- Isaac lost Julie's number, can you send it pls?

- Sure:) 917 717 7777

- Thank you;)

- What r u doing, beautiful?;)

- Trying to sleep:)

- I'm in bed too:) Wish you were here with me;))

- Me too baby:)

- Ok sexy, c u tom;) goodnite

- Good night, baby:)

Ari would call me every morning while I was at school and my heart would beat faster as soon as I would hear familiar ringtone at the same time every day and would rush out of the class with a silly smile on my face. He would call me when I was tanning on Brighton beach, flirt with me effortlessly saying that he loves my "job" laying down on the beach and looking hot. If they would only pay for that, I would laugh. And God knows, I already needed money. Ari promised to help me with the job since our Manhattan interview didn't go too well. Julie started going out with his best friend, a very sweet looking Jewish boy Isaac, who would all be manners and charms, so quiet and shy and after all turned out to be the biggest male whore I've seen. Actually no, I'm sorry, the biggest male whore awards goes to Tommy, my best friend Mikky's former boyfriend. But we'll come back to him later.

_______________

I'm sitting at the dinner table in my aunt Anna's big house in Staten Island, all executed in Versace style. I never really understood that weird Russian immigrants' obsession with brands, but it is what it is. After my tiny Brighton apartment that would all fit in one of my aunt's bathrooms, it seemed very chic and upscale.

- Well, we are planning to open this night club in a month or so, so it would be perfect for you and your friend to work there. What do you say?

- That would be great of course!

- And Ari would look after you two, right, Ari?

Ari winks at me and says:

- Oh I will look after my little baby sister all right.

I'm getting a text that says "I want to take you to California Hotel". It's from Ari of course. Aunt Anna feeds us with all kinds of Russian food and homemade salads that I missed already.

- Don't even worry about a thing, honey. You are in our family now and we'll take very good care of you.

We all drink tea at the huge living room and watch Russian television. When my aunt doesn’t see it, Ari touches my hip and moves his hand under my skirt. He drives me crazy just sitting next to me. At the same time I know it’s wrong and my mom would have killed me, but it feels too right at the moment and my primary instincts take over my mind like it will happen several times again in the future.

Julie texts me: “Are you coming home tonite?” It’s already late but I’m too shy to ask if I’m staying overnight.

- Ari, why don’t you take Tonya for a walk?

Tonya is a huge black Italian mastiff with quite an unstable attitude towards almost everybody as I found out later.

- Ok, mom. Get dressed, we’re going for a walk, puppy, - he winks at me again and all I can think about is to stay with him one on one.

It’s a pitch black night and we are walking towards a big park right next to their house. No lights at the point where we climb over a little fence.

- Aren’t we supposed to stay outside? I thought they close it for a night.

- They do, of course. But that’s always the coolest part, when you break the rules, don’t you think?

- I guess…

I can’t even see Ari, all I hear is the chain rattling as he unleashes Tonya and she runs free.

- Aren’t you afraid she’ll run away?

- Girls don’t run away from me.

He pulls me close and kisses me. I thought I would die of happiness. All I thought at that moment is how lucky I was to find my estranged family in the face of the hottest boy in New York. And that boy wants me! Me, unsecure, shy girl with a bunch of daddy issues and guesses why I couldn’t find a man who would love me the way I deserved. And this handsome American boy now wants me to be with him! And that’s when I fell in love with him, crazy, deeply and unconditionally.

We come back home and Ari tells my aunt that I’ll be sleeping in his bedroom tonight as I’m afraid to sleep alone in a big new house. She agrees of course. He closes the door, goes to the closet and picks out one of his T-shirts.

- It gets chilly at night when the air conditioner kicks in.

I nod, take the T-shirt and go to the bathroom to wash my face and use the mouthwash. I stare at myself in the mirror for a second and think: “Ok, what do I do now? What do I do?” But my panic attack disappears as soon as I smell his perfume on the T-shirt I’m putting on. All I know is that I’m open to the bright, happy future with the boy I’m in love with. And I open the door to his bedroom.

Chapter 3

Several days later we went to the club that Ari and my aunt Anna were talking about. I went with Julie since Ari had “some stuff to take care of” and promised to meet us there. Ari was very excited about the whole club thing since it was his first business project after he graduated from college. His father’s business projects with heroin trafficking from Europe to New York made him go away for a little four year vacation somewhere in Colorado and while he was learning his mistakes in prison, Ari was supposed to take care of the family.

- You’ll see how much money we’re going to make there, babe! Doctor Weinstein knows everything about the club business and he’s going to teach me everything! He’ll be the big boss and I’ll be the manager. And you’ll be a cocktail waitress, so we’ll be seeing each other every day here…and every night at home, if you are a good girl, - he winks at me and I melt with a stupid smile on my face.

Julie and I sit on the second floor of a three floor club under renovation and wait for the other members of staff to show up. Dr. Weinstein, a very sneaky looking fifty-something-year-old Jewish man, finds us looking at the new bar.

- Are you girls pole dancers? – his first question leaves us speechless for some time.

- No! – I’m genuinely offended. – We’re cocktail waitresses, we are friends of Ari’s.

- Oh I’m sorry, - he smiles at us and shakes our hands. – You are very beautiful girls and I got confused.

Julie gives me one of her “where-the-hell-did-you-bring-me” looks and purses her lips. “Oh, whatever!”- I think and roll my eyes. At this point when we are almost out of money for food, I wouldn’t be so picky. Yes, I am pissed too for being called a pole dancer, but for God’s sake, stop being such a nun and be grateful that I’m trying to get us a job.

Dr. Weinstein gathers all the staff members around him and explains us the whole deal. They are planning to open in two weeks and we all should be ready by then. He discusses some questions concerning the bar with the future bartender, who reminds me much of Nicole Sherzinger; discusses the bartender license with quite gay looking Michael, the second bartender, and then explains our responsibilities to me, Julie and the other girl.

- The day before the opening you all have to come here again and we’ll have the final meeting. And I’ll bring you, girls, your uniform.

- What’s the uniform? – Julie tenses up.

- The uniform is going to be a corset and a mini-skirt. We have to show some skin to sell the drinks, and to get good tips, right? – he winks at us. Julie looks grumpier and grumpier. – And high heels, of course. You have to look like supermodels.

_______________

- I’m not gonna wear a corset! Are you serious right now? I didn’t come to this country to walk around looking like a whore!

We are sitting at the Starbacks not far from the club and drinking coffee that is too expensive for us at this point.

- Listen, I didn’t come to this country to walk around looking like a whore either! But we need a job to pay the bills, our rent is coming up, what are we supposed to do? Sleep on the street?

- My parents will send me money, but they will never allow me to work in such a place wearing such an outfit!

- Well, my mom and my grandma won’t be too happy about me working in the night club either, but all I know is that we have to somehow survive and take care of ourselves.

- If you want to do it, you do it, Mila. I’ll find something else.

That’s how our first big fight in seven years ended, leaving me frustrated and pissed big time at Julie, who didn’t seem to understand that we are on our own now and we can no longer afford the principles and pride we had back in Russia.

“Shall we wait for you here? What time are you coming? I really have to talk to someone.” – I’m texting Ari.

“Don’t wait for me, I have to go to the gym and then take care of some of mom’s appointments, have to show couple of apartments to some douchebags lol”.

Great. Looks like I’m not going to Staten Island today. After those several times when they were taking me home and I had warm homemade food, TV and doggie walks in the park, coming back to my tiny dirty apartment with the only window facing the brick wall made me feel like a dog myself, a dog that was dumped by the side of the road, in the rain, with no place to go. Sad little girl with the severe case of the separation anxiety inside of me reminds me that she’s never been gone for too long. Maybe hiding in the furthest corner of my mind, kept there by a bunch of antidepressants I was taking when the feeling of greyish emptiness inside became too dominant over all other feelings.

The sound of sirens outside brought me back to reality and surprisingly sunny and bright New York pushed all the dark clouds out of my sight and once again reminded me that even if I fall seven times, I’ll have to get up eight. I finish my coffee and look at Julie “the Grumpy Cat”.

- Let’s go.

In the subway I put my headphones on and play my then favorite song, “New York” by Jay Z. “And since I made it here, I can make it anywhere”, - I repeat these words like a mantra and the feeling that I will make it too starts spreading through my whole body and I smile at the goose bumps on my arms. My battle has only began, I don’t know where it’s going to take me, but for the first time I got the meaning of the tattoo I got a year prior to coming to the States, a roaring lion on my back. I am a fighter, I am a roaring lion and I will die but I won’t give up. My battle has only began.

_______________

While my aunt Anna left to Miami to resolve some issues with her tenants and Ari had to take care of her real estate agent duties here in New York and I didn’t really see him for two weeks, Julie and I started to explore our neighborhood little by little. For the first time we took a walk from Brighton Beach to Sheepshead Bay, and since we didn’t really know where to go, we just followed the train tracks on top. When we finally reached Sheepshead Bay Rd, we rewarded ourselves with nice and cold Dunkin Coffee. The bad news was that I got a message from Nicole Sherzinger look-alike bartender, who informed us that the opening of the club is delaying for a couple more weeks because of some unfinished construction works and delivery issues. Great. Just what I wanted to hear! We had to pay another month rent and the school tuition leave alone the food expenses. This job was our only chance and we just lost it. I felt crashed for a minute but then decided to put myself together and try to find the way out of this situation.