The Pastor's Wife (20 page)

“T
his is supposed to be my wedding day!” Savannah cried. “Why did they have to ruin my wedding day?”

Terrance looked at Savannah with utter disgust as he watched her stomp across the hospital waiting room, her train draped up in her arms. He couldn’t believe that was all she cared about.

“Why they had to choose my wedding day, and my wedding, to do this is beyond me!” she ranted.

“Savannah, shut up and sit down!” Terrance snapped. She had been going on nonstop since they’d left the church.

Savannah glared at him. “You heard the doctor say she’s going to be fine. He shot her in the freaking arm! The doctor said she can probably go home tomorrow.”

Terrance was so upset he couldn’t even respond.

“I don’t understand why we couldn’t go ahead with the wedding,” Savannah continued. “Your little former secretary didn’t need to be there anyway. And it’s not like she died or was anywhere near death.”

“She didn’t die, Savannah, but Dolan did! In the exact same spot we were supposed to get married. Are you really telling me we should’ve just moved his body and continued with the ceremony?”

Savannah rolled her eyes. It did sound kind of stupid when he said it like that.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she whined. “I was just so close to having my wildest dreams come true, and now it’s all been ruined because of that maniac!”

As far as Savannah was concerned, Dolan deserved to get shot. She just wished the cops had found somewhere else to do it.

After Dolan had fired one shot at Raquel, police, who had seemingly come from nowhere, opened fire. Savannah had no idea how many rounds they fired, but it was enough to kill Dolan on the spot. Of course, Terrance had rushed right to Raquel’s side. And only after she opened her eyes did he seem halfway relieved.

“Savannah, maybe it’s better if you go home,” Eva said, snapping Savannah out of her thoughts. Eva and her sisters had arrived at the church just as the drama was unfolding.

Savannah glared at Eva. “I’m not going anywhere. As long as Terrance is here, I’m not moving.”

“It’s not like you even care about Raquel,” Mamie added.

“Look—,” Savannah began.

“Not now! Good grief, would all of you just be quiet!” Terrance quietly screamed. He buried his face in his hands, the tears overtaking him. “I can’t take this, I can’t take this, I can’t take this,” he mumbled.

The outburst caught them all by surprise. Savannah quietly sat down on the hard sofa next to him, mumbling a halfhearted apology.

Terrance felt like he was having a meltdown. The thought of almost losing Raquel was causing him to reevaluate everything he’d been doing.

Savannah reached over and gently placed her hand on top of his. He wanted to snatch it away, but instead he just sighed as he realized that it was time for all of this to end.

T
errance walked to the podium at Lily Grove. This had to have been the longest week of his life. But it felt good to be back in the pulpit. He’d turned his troubles over to God,
really
turned them over, and stopped trying to figure out the answers himself. God had revealed to him what he needed to do.

Terrance smiled at Raquel, who was sitting in the second row. He was so happy to see her here. She’d told him last night she had “to be in the house of the Lord” today.

Savannah caught Terrance looking at Raquel and turned up her nose. For one quick minute she found herself wishing Dolan had been successful in shooting Raquel. She shook off the evil thought and tried to focus her attention back on Terrance.

She had gently reminded him this morning that they still had an agreement. He would still marry her, and she would take his secret to her grave. He hadn’t responded, but he hadn’t fought her on it either. He’d been walking around numb all week. Savannah knew he was dealing with a lot, so she actually let him have his space. All of her attention was focused on marrying Terrance as quickly as possible.

“God always says you have to be tested to have a testimony,” Terrance began. “And I think you all will agree with me when I say we all have been tested this week.”

A chorus of
Amen
s rang through the sanctuary.

Terrance looked down at the spot where Dolan had died. The deacons had quickly had the carpet changed, but the image remained fresh in his mind.

“I know a lot of you were upset that our Christmas celebration was marred by the events that unfolded here last week.” Terrance paused as several people grumbled. “But we have to remember, that which does not break us makes us stronger. And, church, I stand before you a stronger man today.”

Terrance took a deep breath as several people stood and urged him to “tell it.” He looked at Raquel. Her arm was in a sling. She gave him a reassuring nod.

“I have something I need to share.” Terrance turned his attention to his aunts, all of whom sat in the front row. “To my beloved aunts. You have nurtured me, raised me, and loved me. And even though I haven’t always acted like it, I am and I will always be eternally grateful.”

Savannah raised her eyebrows. His aunts looked at him like they were trying to figure out where he was going with his testimony.

“I have prayed about this, and there’s just no other way to say what I have to say except to come right out and say it.”

The entire church was quiet now.

Terrance paused and took a sip of water. “I have been carrying a secret that has all but eaten me alive.”

Savannah jumped from her seat. “Terrance, no! Don’t do this. Please.”

Terrance looked at her pitifully. “Savannah, please sit down. It’s over. There will be no wedding.”

Savannah looked around at all the people staring at her, and defeat set in. She slowly sat back down, seemingly stunned that everything she had ever dreamed of was coming to an end.

Terrance took another deep breath. “Church, as many of you know, my beloved grandmother died fourteen years ago at the hands of a drunk driver. It devastated me, her sisters, and you, her church family who knew and loved her.” Terrance didn’t realize he was crying until he saw the tears drop on his open Bible. “Despite their best efforts, police never found that person. Despite my aunts’ tireless search for exactly what happened and who caused that deadly accident, no one ever could find the person who killed my grandmother. That’s because he was under their noses the whole time. I am that drunk driver. I am the person who killed my grandmother.”

Eva, Mamie, and Dorothy Mae let out a collective gasp, as did several other people in the sanctuary. Terrance knew he’d lose his nerve if he didn’t continue.

“Despite the love of my family, I was a misguided young man who didn’t know God and turned to my friends, my so-called friends, who continued to lead me down the wrong path.” He paused and wiped away his tears.

“I was in a stolen car that night. I didn’t take it, but my friend did. I dropped him off at a girl’s house after a night of drinking and partying. It was my intention to get home, dump the car down the street, and get some sleep. I never made it home because a cop tried to pull me over and I took off. When I turned onto my street, speeding beyond belief, I almost hit an oncoming car head-on. The driver swerved to get out of my way, and ended up crashing into a tree. I was fifteen and scared to death. I took off, then dumped the car. I had no idea it was my grandmother until the cops showed up at my door. This is something that has haunted me all of my life. The guilt has imprisoned me, and I pray daily for forgiveness from God. He has forgiven me, yet I can not forgive myself. So I stand before you today not to ask for your forgiveness, but to apologize and let you know that I am stepping down as pastor of Lily Grove. I don’t deserve the blessings God has bestowed upon me, and I don’t deserve to be your pastor. I am so sorry for the pain I have caused my family.” He looked over at his aunts, who sat in shock. “And I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you. I know that I may face charges, but quite honestly, any prison time I receive can be no worse than the prison I’ve lived in for the past fourteen years. Church, keep me in your prayers. Keep my aunts in your prayers. And God bless you.”

Terrance choked back more tears as he stepped down from the pulpit.

Almost simultaneously, Savannah, Raquel, Eva, Mamie, and Dorothy Mae jumped up and raced to the back of the church, following Terrance to his office.

By the time they all reached his office, Terrance was removing things from his desk and putting them in a large box.

“Terrance, please tell me this is some kind of cruel joke,” Eva said, tears streaming down her face. She was trembling and, for once, looked her age.

Terrance could barely look at her. “I wish it were. But, no, it’s the truth.” As much as it hurt, he felt a sort of peace at having the weight of what he’d done lifted from his shoulders.

“Baby, how…why would you…” Dorothy Mae couldn’t even finish her sentence. She was heavily crying as well.

Terrance looked at his aunts. He was disgusted and disappointed in himself. “I don’t have any answers. I ran that night because I was scared. And as each day passed, it became harder and harder for me to come clean.” He picked up the five-by-seven photo of his grandmother and stared at it. “I think she knew. She saw that it was me when she swerved to get out of the way.” Terrance’s voice cracked. “Right before she plowed into the tree.” Terrance wiped away his tears and dropped the photo in the box. “I’ll never forgive myself. I’ve tried, but I just can’t.”

“But why did you think you couldn’t tell us?” Eva said, stepping closer to him.

Terrance shrugged. “Scared of losing your love. Of going to jail. Ashamed of what I’d done. Devastated that I was responsible for the death of the person who loved me the most. You name it.”

Savannah eased toward him as well. “Oh, Terrance. I know this is heartbreaking. Let me take you home.”

Terrance cut his eyes at her. He didn’t even have the energy to be angry with her anymore. “It’s over, Savannah. You don’t have anything to hold over my head. You don’t have anything to threaten me with, so there will be no marriage.”

“She was blackmailing you?” Mamie asked as she glared at Savannah amid her own tears. “Why does that not surprise me?”

Savannah was silent. She looked like she wanted to say something, but obviously decided against it.

Terrance picked up the box. “You all will never know how sorry I am.” He looked at Raquel. “Thank you for giving me the courage to face my demons. I’m so glad you’re okay, but I don’t deserve this church, happiness, or a woman like you.” Terrance tuned out the cries of all five women as he made his way out of the church.

S
avannah slumped against the wall in the church hallway. The tears wouldn’t stop coming. Everything—her life, her chance at redemption, her chance at happiness—all of her dreams were gone.

Savannah buried her head in her lap just as she heard Tyra come running down the hall, calling her name.

“Savannah! Are you okay?” Tyra squatted next to Savannah and started stroking her hair.

“What are you doing here?” Savannah numbly asked.

“You know I promised you I was coming to church this Sunday. But that doesn’t matter. I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”

Savannah stared at her blankly, then suddenly broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably.

“Oh, Savannah. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s over, Tyra,” Savannah cried as she laid her head against Tyra’s chest. “I just wanted to be happy, and it’s over.”

“Shhhh,” Tyra soothingly said. “It’s gon’ be all right. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you’ll find the man you were meant to be with.”

Savannah sniffed loudly. “You don’t understand, Tyra. I was so close to having people’s respect. I just needed someone like Terrance in my life and people would stop putting me down so much. I’m tired of people talking about me, treating me like crap. I know I try to act like it doesn’t, but it hurts and I just wanted a different life,” she cried.

“Girl, cut out all that crying.”

Both Savannah and Tyra looked up to see Savannah’s grandmother standing over them. She had on a long-sleeve, tiger-striped rayon dress, a frayed white shawl, a fake black ponytail that hung down to her waist, and her usual overabundance of makeup.

“Ms. McKinney,” Tyra began, still holding Savannah. “Savannah’s a little upset right now. Now might not be the time.”

Grandma Flo shot Tyra a look, like who was she to be telling her anything about her granddaughter. “I know she’s upset. I was right there when her little lover told everybody he was a murderer. And wanna try and judge Savannah. Hmph!”

“What are you doing here?” Savannah sniffed. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with her grandmother.

“You know I come to church every other Sunday,” Grandma Flo snapped. “You just made a plumb fool out of yourself in there. Everybody standing around whispering about their murderous pastor and the tramp who was trying to make him marry her. I ain’t never been so embarrassed in my life. I had to go outside and smoke me a cigarette.” Flo shook her head. “I told you not to go fall in love with that boy. Love makes you do stupid things, and what you did trying to make him love you was downright stupid.”

“Grandma, please. Now is not the time,” Savannah sniffed.

Flo put her hands on her hips. “It sho’ ain’t. The time was two months ago when I told you to use him before he used you. But did you listen? Nooo. Gave that boy your time, and I’m sure your body, and what did you get out of it? Huh? What do you have to show for it? Absolutely nothing! Just pathetic.” Flo walked closer, leaned down, and looked at Savannah with disgust. “I told you that boy would never want somebody like you.”

“That’s enough, Florence McKinney!” Dorothy Mae’s voice caused all three of them to turn their heads. “Leave that girl alone.”

Savannah didn’t know why Dorothy Mae was coming to her defense, especially after what Savannah had done in trying to blackmail Terrance.

“Excuse me,” Flo snapped as she stood up. “This is between me and my granddaughter. Don’t come out here acting like you care about her.”

Dorothy Mae looked like she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t really care about Savannah, but watching her sitting there like a wounded puppy, getting beaten down even more by her floozy of a grandmother, made Dorothy Mae feel more than a little sorry for Savannah.

“It’s okay, Ms. Dorothy Mae,” Savannah said, pulling herself up off the floor. She used her dress sleeve to wipe the tears from her face. “My grandmother is just being her usual self.” Savannah sighed.

“You ain’t got to explain nothing to this old hag about me,” Flo barked as she tossed her ponytail from side to side.

“You wanna see an old hag?” Dorothy Mae said, taking a step toward Flo.

“You feeling froggy? Jump,” Flo said, removing her large gold earrings.

“Ladies, please,” Raquel said, trying to diffuse the situation. She stepped in between Dorothy Mae and Flo. She looked like she couldn’t believe that they were actually about to go at it. “Haven’t we all been through enough?”

Flo huffed and turned back to Savannah. “And you thought these Goody Two-shoes would ever accept you into their family? Far as they concerned, you just a little ghetto chick who they thought wasn’t good enough for their saved and sanctified nephew.”

“If she’s ghetto, she came by it honestly,” Dorothy Mae retorted.

“Shouldn’t you be off somewhere making sure your nephew ain’t killing somebody else?” Flo growled.

Savannah stepped in because she could see Dorothy Mae was about to lose it. “Grandma, stop it!”

Flo threw her shawl over her shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Savannah, you can stay back here and let these holier-than-thou hypocrites step on you all you want. Me, I gots me a date.” She eyed Dorothy Mae. “Chester Edwards said he been looking for a real woman like me.”

Eva had to squeeze Dorothy Mae’s arm to get her to control the fire that was building in her eyes.

Flo giggled as she sashayed down the church hallway and out the side door.

“Everybody,” Savannah said after her grandmother was out of sight, “I’m sorry about that.” She lowered her head. “I’m sorry about everything.” Savannah was utterly exhausted. She was tired of the games, tired of the fighting, tired of everything. And it especially hurt her heart to see the pain Terrance had put himself through today. And all because of her. Maybe if she hadn’t been blackmailing him, he would’ve never felt the need to confess.

“I know you’ll never understand why I did what I did.” Savannah looked around at all five of the women. “None of you will. But trust me when I tell you, I loved Terrance.”

“Do you even know what love is?” Mamie snapped, like she wasn’t buying the remorseful look on Savannah’s face.

Savannah sighed in defeat. “I thought I did. I thought I had found it with Terrance.” She had never intended on apologizing to anyone, but she just wanted this all to be over. So what, she’d never gain their acceptance. At this point, she was just tired of trying.

“Maybe you just thought it was love because you looked at who you thought Terrance could make you into,” Eva said, a sincerity across her face that Savannah had never seen before.

Savannah rubbed her forehead, which was pounding. “Maybe you’re right. I just got caught up in what I wanted. I never meant to hurt anyone.” She turned to Raquel. “Can you go find Terrance? Help him through this. You’re the only person that can. I know that now.”

Raquel stepped forward, hesitated, then reached out and hugged Savannah. “I hope you find the happiness you’re searching for. I’ll pray for you.”

Savannah wiped at the tears that had started trickling down her cheeks again. “Thank you,” she replied, as Raquel headed out the door in search of Terrance.

Eva walked over and stood in front of Savannah. Her face wasn’t filled with the contempt that it usually bore, but it was still far from welcoming. “I don’t condone what you did,” Eva said. “But, well, we weren’t perfect either.”

Dorothy Mae stepped toward Savannah. “And if you have to deal with a grandmother like Florence, it’s no wonder you make some messed-up decisions.”

Savannah flashed a weak smile as they stood in awkward silence for a brief minute.

“Oh, so I guess we just gon’ break out and sing ‘We Are the World’ next, huh?” Mamie snapped as she rolled her eyes. “Everybody else may be all ready to forgive and forget, but I’m not having it.”

Dorothy Mae shook her head at Mamie. “As you can see, my sister is not as forgiving.”

“Sho’ ain’t,” Mamie said, folding her arms across her chest.

“It’s okay,” Savannah said. “You all have a lot to deal with, and I should be the least of your concerns.”

“Now she’s saying something I can agree with,” Mamie said.

“Let it go, Mamie,” Eva said. She turned back to Savannah. “It’s time all of us let it go.”

Eva was worn-out. She didn’t want to think about Savannah anymore. She didn’t want to hear her sisters bickering and complaining anymore. Right now, the only thing she could focus on was finding Terrance and convincing him that if God could forgive him, they could, too. And maybe, in turn, that would help him forgive himself.