The Pentrals (23 page)

At least
, I think,
I got to feel something at all
. Maybe Mr. West was right. Maybe these feelings will keep me going once I return to a dark outline on the floor. I feel tears forming but fight them away. I refuse to let myself be sad. The work I have done, the journey I took—it is a blessing, a victory to be celebrated. How many other Shadows have been given an opportunity like this? The chance to feel, to act, to connect? No, this is not a time for tears. I have been given a gift; I am
going
to make a difference.

“Don’t forget about me when you’re stepping on my face again,” I joke.

Violet forces a laugh. “I will never forget.” I start to get up and get ready for the night, but Violet stays right on top of me, like she has something more to say.

“Yeah?” I ask, keeping my hand on her black outline.

“Antares, I just wanted to tell you that watching you has made me really think about my life. The way I handle things. You’ve been so brave… I want to be more like you.”

I don’t know what to say. I’ve lived my life in envy of Violet, and now she’s in awe of me? It’s too much to process. “Thanks,” is all I can get out.

“So, go have fun tonight!” Violet demands. I nod, running my fingers over her shape. It’s been so nice being able to connect with her after a lifetime of isolation. I take her words to heart—I do want to have fun. Maybe tonight, with the pressure of completing my mission off my shoulders, I can relax and taste a bit of normal teenage fun. Something pleasant to hang on to when I’m back in the shadows.

Thomas offered to drive, but I declined. I only have a few hours left in this body and I’d prefer if minimal time was spent avoiding his advances. It’s not his fault. He’s just doing what feels natural. And by tomorrow, everything will be back as it should be.

I make my way to the top of the canyon where the fireworks will take place. The carpod climbs higher and higher, twisting up the rarely traveled road. As the ascent continues, the signature mirrored look of Talline gives away to the natural beauty of the canyon. There are no buildings or reflective objects in sight, only rock formations, scattered cacti, and sagebrush. The carpod stops just short of the canyon’s highest ridge, at a level embankment filled with Persons awaiting the show.

Tomorrow’s Festival will see all of Talline in attendance, but tonight’s event is mostly populated by the younger residents. Many have brought chairs and blankets and are cozying up to each other to ward off the cool evening air. It’s very dark and hard to see—I’m not used to having at least some sort of light source nearby. I step carefully as I make my way through the crowd. Some are laughing and talking, others are kissing so passionately I wonder if they remember they’re in public. Even if I don’t knock into any Persons, I’m surely stepping on some Shadows, untraceable under the black night sky.

Finally I spot Ben and Thomas, sitting cross-legged on a large blanket. I give a little wave and they both perk up. It’s a bit awkward, given what almost happened with Ben the other night, so I am sure to bend down and give Thomas a kiss before acknowledging Ben.

“I hope you guys don’t mind,” I say once I’m seated between them, “but I invited Sam to join us here.”

“Oh. Samantha Clark?” Thomas asks, his face creased in confusion. “Kind of random.”

“Not really,” Ben interjects. “She’s Mary’s girlfriend.”

“What? How did I not know about that?”

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know,” Ben says to Thomas while looking straight at me. I feel my cheeks get hot. There’s a twinge of frustration in his voice, like he’s dying to get something off his chest. It’s dark, so I can’t get a good read on his face. What is he more upset about? That he has feelings for his best friend’s girl, or that he can’t act on them?

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Thomas asks, playfully tossing a small rock in Ben’s direction. Ben feigns a scream and ducks like a grenade was launched. I smile at his goofy behavior. He always tries to deflect serious situations, whether through humor or by just avoiding them all together. But before he can answer, Sam walks up to the blanket, holding a bag brimming with food.

“Hey, guys,” she says, barely audible. She kicks at the dirt a bit, unsure of how to approach the group. After our bathroom encounter, it’s strange to see her lacking confidence. “I brought some snacks.”

“Great! Come sit down and join us,” I say, reaching out to help with the bag. She smiles and kneels down, emptying the contents. She’s brought quite a spread: cheddar cheese, buttery crackers, red grapes, green apples, and double chocolate cookies. I want to taste everything, savor the flavors while I still have the chance. I pick up an apple and bite a mouthful, letting the tangy juice linger on my lips. It pairs nicely with the sliced cheese. The others pick at the appetizers, absent-mindedly popping grapes and cookie crumbs into their mouths, but I will not let the food be an afterthought. It is my last meal, after all. And it is perfect. The mixture of sweet and tart, creamy and crunchy pleasantly coats my belly, and I wonder if I will feel lingering hunger pains when I am back to being a Shadow. Now that I’ve tasted so many flavors, will I carry those cravings back with me? Will I instinctively covet cookies when Violet peruses a café counter? Will mealtimes cause a stir within my form? Or will it all slip away, reestablishing food as a necessary yet inconsequential factor in my life? It’s hard to imagine I will forget how delicious these flaky crackers crumble on my tongue, and yet, without repeated exposure, their details may disappear from my radar.

“Nice to have you, Sam,” Thomas says, his blue eyes warm and welcoming.

“Yeah, thanks for the food, Samantha,” Ben adds, putting extra emphasis on her name. He smiles a knowing smile.

“You’re welcome, Benjamin,” Sam answers, rolling her eyes but only slightly. Until now, I never really thought about how the two of them must have spent some time together, since Sam was dating his sister. If I know anything about Ben, I’m sure he felt it was his brotherly duty to tease her relentlessly.

The four of us sit there, picnicking under the stars, away from the mirrors and Pentral pressures. I am completely content. I feel like I actually belong here, like I am a part of a loving support system. With friends at my side and Violet at my feet, I’m not alone. Finally.

And neither is the rest of the crowd, for out of nowhere, a loud voice begins addressing the waiting audience. I look around, confused at the speaker’s source, but realize that every Person within sight has a holopane lit up with Celestia Sky’s image. I let out an exasperated sigh and close my eyes, not wanting to see her perfect, manipulative face. But I can’t keep myself from hearing her introduction.

“Welcome to the Festival of Light’s kick-off fireworks show!” her voice beams. “We truly live in a city that shines. We are so fortunate to be surrounded by such luminescent beauty.” I roll my eyes and Ben catches me, returning the gesture. I can’t help but grin. Oh! I have to find a way to tell him that I found the glasses.

“Tonight, even in darkness,” Celestia continues, “let us never forget how Talline sparkles, and how lucky you are to be part of it.”
Yeah, real lucky,
I think. Nothing like being stuck in a never-ending horror show. The only lucky part is how tomorrow it comes to an end. “Enjoy the show!” It’s sick, really. Even when Celestia Sky is not physically present, she continues her hold over the population, constantly reminding everyone of her radiance and their misfortune. Their only escape comes in a small white capsule, and that’s no way to live.

Suddenly, the darkness is broken by an eruption of light. Fireworks of every color fill the sky, and their beauty silences the entire crowd. Glittery formations above echo the light patterns found in the cavern below; it is spectacular. The four of us lie back to take in the full view. My head rests on Thomas’ shoulder, but Ben is mere inches from my side. I look in his direction, waiting for him to turn my way. He seems to sense me, and our eyes meet. The booming fireworks are so loud, I feel safe revealing my discovery with him.

“I found them,” I mouth silently. He shakes his head in need of clarification. “The glasses.” I curl one hand in the shape of a frame around my eye. Ben nods his head in understanding, and breaks into a smile. A full, white-toothed grin of happiness, not his usual half smile. He gives me a thumbs up, and slowly moves his hand toward mine.

I stare at him, undoubtedly with longing. I could return his gesture, touching my thumb to his, and it would be seen as nothing more than the Alliance’s secret handshake. Still I hesitate, knowing his touch will light a spark between us. He keeps his eyes on me, waiting for me to reciprocate. The air between us crackles like the shimmering gunpowder in the sky. My heart is thumping widely, with the thunderous soundtrack above only adding to its intensity. Finally, I give in, moving my hand ever so slightly so Thomas doesn’t notice. I said I wanted to enjoy myself tonight, right?

Our fingers touch, and I burn hot, letting the spark run through me. I have to hold my breath to keep myself from letting out a sigh of pleasure. I watch Ben’s face, illuminated by the rainbow of color above, and can see he feels good too. I know I don’t have the right to feel this way, but am thankful for the moment, wanting to live in it forever. The memory of this connection will have to carry me for the rest of my life.

Later, back at home, I fall asleep, and for the first time do not drown in a sea of darkness. Instead, I am somewhere warm, somewhere light. A piano melody wafts in, a gentle breeze tugs at my hair. It is so peaceful. When I awake, I am smiling. I slide my legs off the side of the bed and take a deep breath.

I am ready.

* * 30 * *

T
alline is positively bursting with energy. It is the morning of the Festival of Light, and the city is as resplendent as ever. Every surface has been polished to a spotless shine. Additional mirrors have been brought in, strategically placed around the streets to catch the sun’s rays. Lights, twinkling strands strung from above and giant spotlights projected from building tops, give the city an otherworldly feel. No place on Earth has ever shone so bright.

I walk through the streets, heading toward the lake, glasses tucked away inside a backpack. I have been to the Festival as a spectator, trailing Violet and her friends as they sampled food vendors and other amusements, but I never dreamed how this over-the-top spectacle truly affects its patrons. From the outside, the fair seems like a day of magic, beauty, and light connecting neighbors and friends. But now that I know the true power of the mirrors and the horrors they hold, my surroundings take on new meaning. It is not a day of pleasure, but torture, as Persons will have to face their Reflections from every angle in high definition.

Yet despite that truth, every citizen of Talline seems to be present. You would think they would avoid this “celebration,” reject its joyful premise, but here they are, trying to have fun, faces trained in feigned amusement. The adults are primped and painted to the extremes, in an effort to rectify their awful Reflections. They do their best to enjoy themselves as their children, not yet subjected to their Reflections’ transformations, play happily in the streets. Tightly pinched waistlines and caked-on foundation greets me at every turn as Persons do their best to overcome their twisted images. It sets a sinking feeling in my chest, knowing how they silently suffer but continue to press on, yet I know they will soon receive relief.

The morning will be spent on the Kellys’ yacht, a tradition for as long as I can remember. Year after year, I’ve sailed around Lake Clarion with Violet and her friends at Mr. Kelly’s insistence. It’s a quick trip to view the skyline before the party gets started on shore. But this time when we dock, I will slip away. Truly away, as I’m sure the Class Fours will reinstate my Shadow status. Then Violet can rightfully return to her body, her Alliance, her life.

At the dock, Ben and Mr. Kelly have already boarded their yacht. Not surprisingly, it is the largest vessel on the lake, at least double the size of its closest competitor. The sails tower above me, their Class One Shadows working diligently to trace the triangular shapes against the wavering surface below. On the side of yacht, in elegantly etched calligraphy, reads
Quintus
, the long tail of the “Q” curling back up over to swirl around the dot of the “i”. I’ve noticed it many times, the typography being so different from the standard holopane font. I guess extra care must be taken when naming a yacht as magnificent as this. The rest of the exterior is reflective, echoing the waves that lap against its sides. The mirrored illusion gives the appearance of its passengers walking on water. I cringe at the sight of the waves. Water makes me nervous. I’ve never known how to handle its undulating form, constantly changing and uneven. Ben sees me wavering and approaches the boat’s entrance.

“Watch your step,” he says, offering me his hand. I hold it tight, letting the spark run through me for probably the last time. I try to stay cool, but I cannot deny I will miss his touch. His dark eyes grow distant, fading away from the scene momentarily before snapping back into focus. He shakes away whatever sight just filled his head.

“You okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, I just…I keep having these visions. Remember what I told you? About the blonde girl? So weird—maybe I’m going crazy,” he answers.

“Hate to break it to you, but you’re already there.” I try to keep it light, even though I’m struggling to keep it together.

“Oh really?” Ben says, breaking into his half smile. “Then why are you still holding my hand?”

I look down, horrified to see my palm still adhered to his. What am I doing? Yet when I try to yank it away, he holds on tighter, carefully interlacing his fingers with mine. I feel his fingertips press into the back of my hand. I look up, unable to form words. His eyes search my face, asking for approval of his gesture. The sparking sensation is making it difficult to catch my breath. What is
he
doing?