The Perfect Life (18 page)
Emma arrived a little after one o'clock. When I opened the door for her, I could tell she was ready to blow.
“Dad came over this morning. He's with Jason now.”
I turned and walked down the hall.
“Mom, what's wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me.”
“Dad thinks you might ask him to move out.”
I sank onto my chair in the family room.
“He said you're sleeping in my old room.”
I wished he hadn't told her that.
“You've got to snap out of this. Think about what you're doing.”
“Emma, all I
do
is think about it. I can't go out of the house without having people stare at me or running into people I don't want to see.” I pictured Nicole in the grocery aisle. “So here I stay, most of the day, thinking about what the papers have said and what the TV reporters have said and what strangers on the Internet have said.” I waved my hands in the air. “How am I supposed to react to all of that? Am I supposed to ignore what they're saying about your father?”
What Nicole says about him.
“Yes.” Her answer was firm. “If you love him, yes.”
What did she know? She was young and innocent. She couldn't begin to understand the things I felt. She hadn't seen herself on the nightly news or read about her husband in the paper. She hadn't felt people staring at her wherever she went.
“You've got to give him a chance, Mom.”
“Would you feel the same way if it was Jason who had an affair?”
“Dad
didn't
have an affair.”
“All right then. Was
accused
of having an affair.”
“I'd believe Jason.”
“Would you?” I released a heavy sigh.“Don't be too sure. It's different when it happens to you.”
“Do you want a divorce? Is that what you're after?”
There was that sharp pain in my stomach again, like it was being ripped in two.
“Do you?”
I whispered my answer. “No.”
It was true. I didn't want my marriage to end. I didn't want to be a divorced woman. Divorce wasn't an option for me. For other women, perhaps, but not for me. God hated divorce and so would I. I didn't want others to look at me and judge me a failure. I didn't want God to judge me a failure either.
Emma said, “If that's trueâif you don't want a divorceâyou're going to have to change what you're doing. You can't treat Dad like a pariah in his own home. You can't live in this house like a couple of strangers.”
I bristled.“I don't think it's your place to tell me what I should or should not do.”
“Why not? I'm your daughter.”
“And I'm your mother. You're supposed to honor me.”
Disdain filled her eyes. “The way you're honoring your husband?” She spun about and disappeared down the hall. Moments later, I heard the front door slam in her wake.
It felt as if all the oxygen in the house went with Emma. I struggled to draw breath as silence closed in around me.
NICOLE WAS FRUSTRATED, EVEN A LITTLE BORED. AN
entire month had passed since she made her first telephone call to Greta St. James at Channel 5, suggesting Brad Clarkson wasn't all the newspaper had made him out to be. It was almost as long since she called the office of the attorney general, setting in motion the financial review at In Step.
Like most government agencies, the AG seemed content to move at a snail's pace. Not that she expected them to find anything damaging. As the former CFO, she knew the foundation's financial records were in order. Her greatest regret was that she hadn't taken the time to make some intentional errors before she quit. It wouldn't have been too difficult to change things enough to give Brad headaches for months to come.
If only she hadn't lost her temper . . .
At least she could take satisfaction in the news that Brad was no longer at the helm of the foundation. She knew how much he loved that place. He loved remodeling dilapidated houses, turning them into something special, then handing the keys to the new owners, people who, without In Step's help, would probably never own a home of their own. It had to hurt him, not being involved in that work any longer.
And then there was Katherine, little Miss Susie Homemaker. Sweet enough to make a person gag. Well, she hadn't been so sweet yesterday at the store. She'd run like a scared rabbit.
Yet even that wasn't enough to appease Nicole, not as long as Katherine stayed with Brad. Nicole wanted him left with nothing. She wanted him alone and miserable. She wanted him to hurt. She wanted him rejected by the world. She hoped he lost that smile of his forever.
Most of all, she hoped he choked on his so-called Christian principles.
IT WAS ALMOST DARK WHEN BRAD RETURNED HOME. I WAS
on the patio,wrapped in a bulky sweater against the early evening chill. He didn't call my name when he entered the house. Neither did I call out to him, wasn't sure he cared to know where I was. But eventually he joined me in the gathering darkness.
He sat in the padded chair to my right.“Emma said she came to see you.”
“Yes, she was here.”
“She said you don't want me to move out. Is that true? Because when I left this morning, I thoughtâ”
“It's true. I . . . I want you to stay.”
“And you don't want a divorce.”
“No.”
Silence, then, “That's good.”
I pulled the sweater tighter about me, my arms folded over my chest.
“It's a place to start, Kat. We can work our way back from there.”
I wasn't so sure I agreed. It didn't feel like a starting point. It felt like a big, black, bottomless hole. It felt hopeless.
“Are you going to church in the morning?”
I drew in a deep breath, answering on the exhale, “Yes.”
I didn't want to go, wasn't ready to face the curious glances, the whispers hidden behind raised hands, not even the words of encouragement from friends. But I'd already missed three Sundays in a row. I'd already decided that our women's Bible study would begin its summer break a month earlier than usual. People had to be wondering about me. I didn't want them wondering, speculating, gossiping.
For appearances' sake, if nothing more, I needed to go to church. I needed to walk in at Brad's side and smile and tell people that we were fine, that I was fine.
I won't let on how things really are. I won't give her the
satisfaction.
Her.
Nicole.
“Don't you want to hear my side of the story?”
No, I didn't. I didn't want to hear anything from her or about her ever again.When I remembered how she'd pretended to be my friend . . .
“I'll bet he denies the affair, doesn't he? I'll bet he swears he's
innocent.”
I cast a sideways glance at Brad. He was hidden in the shadows of nightfall, but after so many years, I didn't need light to see him. I knew every plane and angle of his face. I'd loved every plane and angle. I'd loved him.
“You're going to stand by him, aren't you?”
Was staying
with
him the same thing as standing
by
him? I thought not. But it was the best I could do for now.
“You're a bigger fool than I thought.”
Nicole thought me a fool. She must have always thought me a fool. She'd waltzed into my home, tried to steal my husband from under my nose, and I hadn't suspected a thing.Not a thing.
A soft breeze whispered across the patio, and I realized my cheeks were damp with tears.
I was sick of tears.
EMMA CALLED
HAYLEY
TO LET HER KNOW THE LATEST
about their parents, hoping between the two of them that they could come up with some way to help.
“Stay out of it,”Hayley said.“Mom shouldn't even stay at the house. She should move out and file for divorce. I already told her she could come live with me and Steve for as long as she needs.”
“Divorce? Hayley, how can you say that? Divorce isn't the answer.”
“Sometimes it is. I wouldn't stay with Steve if he cheated on me. Not for a single day. Why should Mom stay with Dad?”
“There's no proof that he cheated. He says he didn't. We owe it to him to believe him.”
Hayley made a scoffing sound in her throat.
“Nicole Schubert is
lying
. Why are you so determined to believe the worst about Dad?”
“Because I'm more realistic than you are. If an attractive woman comes on to a man, we all know what happens.”
“That sounds like something Susan Bales would say.” Emma's hand shook as she held the phone against her ear. “And it isn't true. Dad wouldn't cheat. Jason wouldn't cheat.”
“Sure they wouldn't.” Her voice was hard with sarcasm. “You're almost as naive as Mom. You know that?”
Their conversation unraveled into raised voices, hurtful words tossed back and forth, and finally,Hayley slammed down the phone, ending the connection.
Emma stayed seated on the chair in the kitchen, her breathing fast and shallow, the words they'd said to each other repeating in her head. How, she wondered, had such a well-intentioned phone call gone so wrong so fast? They'd had some crazy fights through the years, but this was about their parents. They should be united, not quarreling.
Maybe Hayley's anger had more to do with losing the baby than it did about their dad. Maybe her hormones were all out of whack.
Still . . .
Jason poked his head into the room. “Is it safe to come in yet or are bullets still flying?”
Emma burst into tears.
“Hey, babe. I'm sorry.” He hurried to her and drew her up from the chair and into his arms.“I shouldn't have kidded around like that. I'm sorry.”
“It . . . isn't . . . you.”Sniff. “I . . . I just . . . don't know . . . why she has . . . has to be . . . like that.”