The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (86 page)

I shook my head. “No. I can’t—”
I’m so screwed up in the head
. I love Khol. Bryn even knows it. And yet I still can’t commit fully to the notion of letting Khol claim me as his
Anam Cara
. Is it all guilt caused from Bryn’s death, or fear that if I let him in all the way and lose him that I’ll be completely destroyed? I almost didn’t come back from losing Bryn. If I lost Khol my life actually would be over.

Bryn stood suddenly, cutting my denial of the promise off short. “Jenna!” He exclaimed with a hopeful look on his face. “Why didn’t I think of it before?” Just then the door exploded into flames and I screamed. “I just hope it’s not too late.” He then faded away before my eyes and I was left to stare at the advancing fire.

I pushed myself as far into the corner of the tub as possible and prayed that whatever Bryn had just thought of wouldn’t be too late. I really didn’t want to die, and I really didn’t want to burn to death. The irony of someone like me succumbing to a regular fire, just because of the stupid power-dampening bracelet Lorik had placed on me was almost embarrassing. It would be like a Mermaid drowning, if they really existed. I pulled the sheet over my head completely, not really wanting to stare anymore as the flames cracked and popped their way towards me. Fire was not going to be a fun way to go, I’d seen people burn to death; it looked like it hurt … a lot. Maybe the source of my death was Karma and not the flames.

“Where is she?” I heard an achingly familiar voice bellow with rage.

“Khol!” I croaked, my teeth were chattering and I was so cold despite the fire being so close to me. “Khol, I’m in here!”

A blur of color moved through the flames and suddenly I was being scooped up into Khol’s strong, and thank God—warm arms. His voice filled with rough emotion, he mumbled something in a language I didn’t understand as he clutched me to his chest and shifted me away from danger.

Khol quickly stripped the wet clothes from my body and turned his shower on, the warm water felt so good despite the fact that my teeth were still chattering. The cuff that Lorik had placed on me dropped away from my wrist with just one touch from Khol. I wasn’t really sure how he’d done it, but I didn’t care, the stupid thing was off. He then stripped himself and stepped under the water with me. He pressed his burning body against my skin, and ran his hands slowly over me. The tingly sensations let me know that he was not only warming me but healing me as well. My abdomen spasmed and I gritted my teeth. Something wasn’t right. Khol tipped my face up towards him and gazed into my eyes with determination. “It will all be fine. Trust me.”

Even though I was naked and in the shower with Khol, there was nothing sexual about it because I knew what his words meant. He was trying to heal my unborn baby. Something really was wrong. I glanced down at the shower floor and saw blood. “Oh my God!” I gasped. “Kho—”

“Shh—” He whispered soothingly. “He’s going to be just fine.”

I looked away from the blood and back up at Khol. His eyes were blazing with raw emotion. “Okay.” I said, having no other words in that moment. I anchored my vision on Khol, he would save my baby, and make everything better again, just like he always did. We just stared at each other as his healing touch roamed my body, and soon a different kind of heat swept through my system. I guessed my son and I were out of danger if my rising desire for Khol was any indication. I stood on my tiptoes in an attempt to reach Khol’s lips with mine but apparently I was the only one feeling amorous at the moment.

“Let’s get you dried off and into bed. I healed both of you, but your body still had quite a shock, and you need to rest.” Khol rumbled as he scooped me up and carried me out of the shower. He set me down on the bathroom floor for a moment, before he swaddled me in a large towel and carried me into his bedroom.

I peered around anxiously, half-expecting to see Zen there. Khol would protect me no matter what happened between him and Zen, I knew that, but what if him not wanting to kiss me was more than him being concerned for me? What if the lack of sexual tension in the beginning of our shower encounter was because he didn’t want me anymore? What if he was bonded with her or something? I squirmed in Khol’s arms to try and nonchalantly get a look at the back of his neck, although it wasn’t exactly working for me.

“What are you doing?” Khol glanced down at me with curiosity as he deposited me on his bed. He then disappeared one moment and reappeared the next, holding in his hands my favorite pair of pajamas. The pants had little penguins on them and the top had two penguins snuggling together. Being from Pittsburgh, I always associated any penguins with our hockey team. Most of the stuff I slept in was covered with the cute little guys. He handed them to me and subtly turned around so I could put them on; but I had other things on my mind. When he turned I tried to get a look at the back of his neck again, but instead of seeing anything I ended up slipping out of bed and landing on my ass, completely naked.
Fabulous. Good thing Khol and his healing powers are nearby, just incase.

“Now what are you doing? You’ll hurt yourself.” Khol came to me in a blur of speed and he placed me back on his bed. “Do you need help?” He eyed my pajamas speculatively.

My cheeks burned and nervous energy pinged around in my stomach. Why was he acting so cold towards me? It most definitely wasn’t a good sign. I just couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you bonded with Zen?” I blurted out. I steeled myself for his answer and told myself that I would not break down in front of him if the answer was what I feared it to be.

Khol’s mouth dropped open and he studied me like I’d just grown a second and third head. “Why are you asking me that question?”

I gripped his sheets in my hands and pulled; I thought I might have heard a rip but I had better things to concern myself with at the moment. “Just answer the question!” I yelled.

A smile broke out across Khol’s face. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Why are you smiling at me? I hate you!” The relief of his answer caused some emotional dam to break inside of me and I began to sob. “I hate you so much.” I had no idea why I was telling him that I hated him, when I meant the exact opposite. “Then why didn’t you kiss me?” I finished up my contradictory outburst with.

Khol came to me with lightening speed and cradled me against his chest, cupping the back of my head to him with his large warm hand. He was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and my hormones noticed. “I just healed you, and your unborn son.” He paused to pull away from me and tilted my face up so he could meet my gaze. “I also just learned the woman I had been mourning, the woman I love was not, in fact, dead like I thought.” He toyed with the ends of my still damp hair. “If I would’ve allowed myself to kiss you, I wouldn’t have been able to stop.”

I smiled through my tears. “So you still want me?”

He dipped his head so his warm breath rushed over my shoulder. “As if I could ever not.” He rumbled low in my ear, his words causing me to shiver with renewed desire for him.

“Oh Khol!” I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. “I thought—I thought—”

“After everything, you still doubt my feelings for you?”

I tightened my grip on him and inhaled the fresh scent of him, letting it sooth my nerves. “Zen and Lorik both seemed pretty convinced that things might not be what I thought they were between us. And Morag showed me another version of reality, that if I hadn’t known Bryn, you wouldn’t have come for me—” As I started to explain I realized how much that had been bothering me. I wanted to believe Khol would come for me no matter what, even though, I knew deep down that the me from the other reality wasn’t the same me at all. If Khol loved me for who I was—the person that was in his arms right now—then he wouldn’t be able to love that other version of me. It was like I was two separate people. I knew that intellectually, but my heart still felt betrayed. Of course I’d learned that little tid bit of information right on the heels of seeing him in a liplock with Zen. I knew I had no right to doubt his feelings for me because of all of that—but—okay maybe everyone had a point about me being overly dramatic.

“So you allowed yourself to doubt my feelings for you in this reality because the me in another didn’t feel for you as strongly as I do for you here?”

“Yes,” I said sheepishly. “But you make it sound completely different than how it sounded in my head.”

“You mean I make it sound utterly ridiculous? Because that’s how it sounds to me.” Khol said with annoyance.

“Khol—” I wrapped a piece of his hair around my finger. “How did you find me? What happened—with everything?” As usual I was full of questions—always so many questions.

“Not now—I can’t talk about—” a low growl emanated from Khol’s chest. “about what my own brother did to me—to you. I want to forget any of it happened.” The hand that had been holding the back of my head to him slid down my spine and I bowed into his touch, accompanying it with a moan. “Right now I just want to hold you.”

“Just hold?” I was surprised by the raspy quality of my voice.

Khol stilled, and I could feel the tension in his body. “You need your rest—”

“But you yourself healed me—maybe I don’t want you to hold me—maybe I want more.” It was time for me to stop living with all the
what ifs
in my life. It was time for me to take the opportunities I had for happiness when I had them. It was time for me to stop repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I’d come to a realization in the moments when Bryn’s spirit had gone to find help and I thought I could possibly die—I’d realized what scared me about Khol—why I felt so damn guilty about Bryn’s death—was because I knew I loved him just as much as I had loved Bryn. I missed Bryn but I wanted to move on with Khol. And I hated myself just a little for that desire. Bryn was gone, and I wanted to accept it—wanted to be at peace with it. I was afraid if I moved on with Khol that I would one day forget Bryn, but I knew that was never possible. I thought the kind of love that I had felt with Bryn only came around once in a lifetime, but I was beyond lucky—for me—it’d come around twice. And it was different, the love I had for Bryn and the love I felt for Khol. Bryn and I had grown together over many, many years, we had a shared past, and an understanding of each other that comes from that. But with Khol—he understood me now, who I was becoming and who I needed to be in my future. And in that future, he was the man I wanted by my side. Khol had been right all along, what Bryn and I had shared was beautiful but fleeting. The love Khol and I could share was meant to last the rest of my lifetime.

“Khol—” I said as I peered up into his iridescent green eyes. “I want … more.” Hadn’t he said when we’d first met that I’d come to crave more, and that he’d be the one I came to when I wanted whatever that was? Well I wanted more … from him … and it was time to take it. “I want you to claim me—but more importantly I want to claim you.”

Khol’s eyes erupted into flames and just before his lips came crashing down on mine he delivered me a dazzling smile. Apparently I’d said the right thing. Khol’s kiss was anything but gentle. All of his pent up feelings for me were there on his tongue, and in the tension of his lips as he demanded control of my mouth. He took what he wanted from me, but this time I willingly gave it with no reservations. His power rose up out of him and swept around and into me, causing every sensation that his touch invoked to heighten to the point of almost pain … but not quite. The first time Khol and I had sex, it felt like my heart had turned to a block of ice in my chest, but that was because I hadn’t loved him. This time—this time would be different.

“Khol, don’t wait.” I hissed in a breath as he nipped at my neck. “I need you—all of you—now.”

An inhuman sound erupted from Khol as he tore all barriers between us to shreds. He pushed into me and I arched up to meet him. Once we were joined, our powers swirled around each other in their own unique dance, Khol stared down at me, and in that moment I knew how much of a fool I’d been to ever doubt his love for me. It burned in his eyes, and seemed to exude from his very pores. I wondered briefly if he knew that I felt the same. “I love you.” I murmured as I stared up into his perfect adoring face, mesmerized by his beauty.

He dipped his head to kiss me but was careful not to put his weight on my stomach. His tongue tangled with mine briefly again before he rained heated kisses all over my face as he began to move inside of me. I gripped his shoulders for balance and threw my head back in pleasure.

Khol and I moved as one, and as I hung on the precipice of ecstasy, waiting for him to release me, I felt the first semblance of his powers marking the back of my neck. He was claiming me for his, but more importantly I was making him mine. “I love you,” Khol growled. The combination of his declaration of his feelings for me, while he was moving inside of me, as our powers where busy completing our
Anam Cara
bond—worked as a perfect storm to push me over the edge and I let loose a keening scream of pure joy. Khol grunted at the arrival of his own pleasure only moments later as I was still immersed in mine.