Read The Placebo Effect Online
Authors: David Rotenberg
“You put us into production almost two years ago, after we got the second of the preliminary approvals.”
Now Henry-Clay's smile grew to radiance. Of course he had.
Despite all the warnings against doing so he'd taken the proverbial bull by the proverbial horns, and now they were way ahead of the curve. Way ahead. “So how long until we can market it?”
“Almost immediately.”
“And the price?”
“Acceptable. A full thirty-five percent less than we thought.”
Actually 36.25 percent
, Henry-Clay thoughtâthe ratio Ratio-Man had given himâover three times, over three fucking times, the accepted placebo ratio used commonly in the profession. Over three times the savings. A miracle. A fucking miracle. And all it had cost him was six weeks of minimum wage, a $500 bonus and Nasty Natasha's $1,500. And for that he got not only the ratio but also the algorithm to control the freaks' website. The only better deal ever swung was by the Dutch for Manhattan and the feds for the Louisiana Purchase. But those were governmentsâhe was an individual, what this country is about!
The new drug was going to make him a fortuneâas long as he could silence this Decker Roberts. If Mr. Truth showed his face in his hometown they'd arrest him for arsonâso now he was on the run. Okay. Dead would have been better, but on the run is good, and if by some wild chance he figured out the connection to Yolles Pharmaceuticals he now had the means to keep Roberts' mouth shut. A son's death warrant is a powerful sword to hold over a father's head. Insurance. Ah, insurance.
It had been risky testing Roberts in the first place, but Henry-Clay was confident that Roberts couldn't trace the three requests back to him. Besides, he'd needed to know exactly the extent of the talent this truth guy really had. Clearly it was powerful.
Finally he said, “Thanks for the callâI want a meeting tomorrow on our promotion package and daily updates on sales thereafter. I want every evening newscast on the big four to have our product front and centre. Do you think we could get Katie Couric to take a dose on air? Just kidding. But wouldn't that be something? Look, I want people to think that they are the only ones
not
takingâwhat are we calling it, anyway?”
“We usually wait for you for names.”
He thought for a momentâdammit, he wished that Miltown hadn't already come and gone. How brilliant was that choice? Miltown 2? Miltown redux? Nah. Maybe a gerundâStreaming? Rafting? No tooâjust too, too. Happinex? Too on the nose. Contentrex? No, but ending in “ex” is always good. “I'll get back to you with a name. In the meantime book the spots and get our creative guys in this office first thing tomorrow morning. I want America a happy place in six months.”
He hung up and thought about that. About happiness. He knew it was the only product to sell in America. After all, it's in the Declaration of Independence under “pursuit of.” Something makes you thinâand you happy. Something makes your teeth sparkleâand you happy. Something makes your hair shineâand you happy. Something makes your skin perfectâand you happy. But with this new drug, no preliminary step is requiredâit goes right to “makes you happy.”
He picked up the phone with the scrambled line and added a final small piece of insuranceâjust in case something went wrong with the drug. “Yes, it's Henry-Clay Yolles, I'd like to speak to Congressman Villianne.”
DECKER WAS EXHAUSTED, BUT THE WOMAN ACROSS THE
table from him looked freshâattentive. In his acting class he would have called her fully present. And somehow more beautiful after all these hours of grilling. How could that be? Didn't she ever get tired? They'd been at it for he didn't know how many hours. There was no exterior light in the room, so he had no idea if it was day or nightâand of course they'd taken his watch. It gave him eerie memories of a night in Shanghai.
After finally dismissing Charendoff as a suspect he handed over a USB key and said, “Then there's this.”
Good
, Yslan thought,
very good.
“So tell me about it.”
“Why not just listen to it?”
“I'll listen later. Now I want you to tell me about it.”
Decker looked at her for a moment then started, “Well, there was the thing with the Penguins just a few days back.”
“You had a thing with penguins?”
“The Pittsburgh Penguins.”
“Ah, those Penguins. You Canadians and your ice hockey.”
“Hockey.”
“What?”
“It's hockeyânot ice hockey.”
“Yeah, who cares? So, tell me about these Penguins.”
“It was one of the hardest for me to get right.”
“To tell if he was lying?”
Decker looked away.
Yslan pressed on, “Why was that, Mr. Roberts?”
“'Cause he was a young Russian defenseman.”
“Was his youth, his nationality, or his position the problem?”
“Ha, ha, ha. His English was spotty and his translator seemed to be taking liberties with his translation. The questionsâall of which came in rapid, uncompromising Englishâwere all about the young Russian's âbusiness' connections back in Moscow. A team of investigators grilled the kid while the Penguins' manager watched. I viewed the whole thing through a one-way mirror they had installed especially for this interview, but they'd skimped on the sound equipment so I had to keep adjusting my earphones to make sure that the treble and bass were balanced.”
“Why is that important?”
“Standard speech is in a very limited range. If it's artificially changed it can cause confusion for me.”
“In detecting if the guy is lying?”
“No. In detecting if the guy is telling the truth.”
“Right. Of course, you know when someone is telling the truth.”
Decker stared at her. “That's the point of all this, isn't it?” Yslan nodded noncommittally. “Look, if you don't believe I can do that then what the fuck am I doing here?”
Now it was Yslan's turn to stare. Decker couldn't hold her eyes. “I don't believe in the supernatural, Mr. Roberts. I don't believe in extraterrestrial life. I don't believe that there are angels or guardian spirits or whatever it's fashionable to call them. But I do believe that there are mistakes that happen in human anatomyâgenetic errors or simple physical trauma that can lead to some unusual abilities. I believe you have such an unusual ability. That good enough?”
“Sure,” Decker said. He found that he was having trouble keeping his voice steady.
“So, the Pittsburgh Penguins?”
Decker considered his options then decided to continue. “Well, the opening questions to the young Russian were pretty basic. Then one of the investigators demanded to know if the kid knew a man named Boris Barionofky.”
Suddenly Yslan was on her feet. “Spell the last name.”
Decker took a guess. She opened the door and spoke quickly to Ted Knight, who nodded then disappeared. Yslan turned back to Decker. “Go ahead.”
“What was⦔
“None of your damned business. Go on.”
“Well I assumed this guy, Barionofky, was somehow associated with the oligarchs who took over Russia when the Soviets disappeared.”
There was a sharp knock on the door. Ted Knight handed Yslan some papers. Her face darkened. “Your assumption is correct, Mr. Roberts.” She flipped to the second page and whistled through her teeth. “This Boris guy is a superstar asshole businessman.” She handed the papers back to Ted Knight, who now took up a position in the corner of the room. “So how did the Russian kid answer the questions about this Boris character?”
“He ducked and dodged.”
Decker allowed his mind to drift back to the small office in Pittsburgh.
“Surely there was more than ducking and dodging,” Yslan demanded.
“Yeah, there was sweating.”
“There was what?”
“The young Russian began to sweat shortly after the first question about Boris.”
“Well, surely that's a sign.”
“Sure it isâoh, yeah, it's a sign. It's a sign that he's nervous, that he's hot, that he's annoyed, that he ate something that disagreed with him, that he doesn't like being asked questions, that someone's cologne bugs himâsweating only means shit on TV. In real life physical signs can mean anything. Anything. It's why no court accepts the results of a polygraph test.” Decker glanced at the old wall socket then asked, “Could I get a glass of water? Evian if you've got it.” Yslan nodded, and Ted Knight quickly produced a bottle of Evian. “Thanks.” He took a deep swig. “Then
the questions began to come more quickly with the interrogators often not waiting for the translator to complete his response. The young Russian suddenly stood and said
âMoya sistra balna y nuzhdaetca v pomoschti.'
”
“My sister is⦔
“Sick, Ms. Hicks. He said, âMy sister is sick and needs help.'” There was a moment of silence in the room.
“Was his sister sick?”
“Without a doubt.”
“And you were sure of that?”
“I was sure that he believed his sister was sick. I assumed that the sister's illness made the young player vulnerable to the approach of powerful, dangerous men from his homeland. He could be asked to throw a game in return for better care for his sister or the like. No doubt that was the Penguins' concern. But it wasn't mine. I got my money and got the hell out of there.” He pointed to the USB key and said, “You can hear the whole thing for yourself on that.”
“I told you I'd do that later.”
“So what do you think about this Boris as behind all this crap that's been thrown at me?”
Yslan looked to Ted Knight then said, “Doesn't strike me as likely.”
“Why?” Decker demanded.
“The kid played last night for the Penguins. Isn't having much of a seasonâawful plus minus. Few minutes per game, but he still plays.”
“So what does that prove?”
“Not much except that they renewed his contract for three years. You should read the sports section more often.”
“I guess.”
“So if there was a problem with this Boris it must have been solved.”
“And this Boris guy couldn't come after me?”
“He certainly could. He's no doubt more dangerous than ol' Boris and Natasha from
Rocky and Bullwinkle
âwasn't she the sexiest thing in cartoons?”
“That's a bit weird to say.”
“Be that as it may, I don't think ol' Boris is behind all this. Betting on hockey is penny-ante. Boris has probably moved onâat least that's what our data suggests. Oil and gas is easier than hockey players with severely schizophrenic sisters.”
Decker was suddenly on his feet. “What the fuck is this? You already knew all this?”
“Yep. I told you we've been following you for a long time and we have better resources than you do.”
“Then why make me repeat it?”
“To see if you'd lie to me. You're not the only one interested in truth, Mr. Roberts.”
Decker allowed his eyelids to shut gentlyâstraight lines.
“So is that eye-closing thing part of how you do it?”
Yslan nodded toward Ted Knight. The man left the room without being asked. Yslan tilted her head and said, “So, you going to tell me how all this works?”
“Why should I?”
Yslan took a deep breath. “Look, Mr. Roberts, you still don't get what's going on here.”
“This Boris guy could be a real danger to me and that creep Charendoff may have orchestrated a killing and he definitely used me to confirm information, which makes me an accessory, doesn't it?”
“That's a legal call.”
“But the guy planned and executed a murder!”
“In all likelihood, yes. But that's not the NSA's concern.”
“What the fuck is?”
“You. Mr. Roberts. Your safety is the NSA's concern. And there are some people who clearly want to do you harmâmaybe many different people.”
Decker saw her rub her left index finger against her middle finger. She wanted a smoke. Finally she said, “Do you know who Alan Turing was?”
“The British World War Two cipher guy?”
“The guy who cracked the German's Enigma machine, allowing the Allies to know virtually everything the Nazis were going to do.”
“Yeah, so what about him?”
“During the war the British spent a fortune keeping him safe because he was a valuable, irreplaceable asset.”
After a long pause Decker said, “Like me.”
Yslan nodded. “You're a valuable and valued asset, Mr. Roberts. That's why the NSA is interested in youâand why you're here in this safe house. And, I might add, costing the American taxpayer a pretty penny.”
“And did heâTuringâlive a long and happy life?”
Yslan looked away.
Decker knew that once Alan Turing's usefulness had ended for the British they literally fed him to the dogs. He was prosecuted as a homosexual then chemically castrated. Shortly thereafter Mr. Turing had had enough of this lifeâand ended his in a cold water garret, alone and no doubt crazedâand probably looking for a way out of room in which there were no doors.
Yslan turned back to face Decker. After a brief pause she said, “So, are you going to tell me how this trick of yours works?”
“It's not a trick.”
“Fine. How does it work?”
Decker thought for a second, then attacked. “How much do you know about telling the truth?”
“A lot I think.”
“I doubt that. So tell me, Ms. Hicks, what's a lie?”
“A lie?”
“Are you suddenly deaf? What's a lie exactly?”
“Exactly?”
“Don't do that echoing thing. If you don't know just say you don't know.”