The Promise of Rainbows (41 page)

“I thought Monty would be with you guys,” he said. “Did you leave him at the hotel because he was taking too long sprucing his hair?”

“Monty ended up not being able to make it,” Randy said, but there was something in his voice. A strange hitch. “I’m sure he’d want us to give you his best. Everything looks set up for a great wedding.”

“Yeah, man,” Darren said, pulling on his diamond earring. “Your bride outdid herself.”

If Monty had cancelled his trip, he would have texted Jake, right? They’d gone through too much together for him to cancel without telling him man to man. He couldn’t ignore his gut any longer, so he put his hands on his hips and stared at his friends.

“What’s wrong? Don’t tell me something isn’t up.”

Randy tensed up, but Darren shook his head. “Nothing, man. You should go make yourself pretty for your bride. We can find our seats.”

When Randy tried to sidle by, Jake stepped out in front of him. “Don’t bullshit me, man. What happened?” The other conversations in the room seemed to cut off, and he realized he’d been loud—loud enough to attract attention.

Randy paused for a moment and then put his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “This isn’t the time. It’s your wedding day. We’ll tell you later.”

Jake stopped breathing, barely noticing that people were staring. “Tell me right now, or we’re going to have words.”

“Get yourself married, Jake,” Darren commanded, narrowing his eyes. “Then go on your honeymoon. There’s nothing to be done about it.”

Jake’s fear and frustration only mounted. He fisted his hands by his sides. “You’d better fucking tell me. And I mean
right
now.”

He knew he shouldn’t be cussing. Least of all in the room where he was about to be married, but he couldn’t stop himself. He could all but feel something steal over him, something old and dark and strong.

Randy and Darren shared a look, and Jake almost changed his mind. Suddenly he wanted to turn his back on his friends and run away.

“It’s going to upset you, man,” Darren said heavily. “Won’t you trust us on this?”

Jake shook his head. Whatever it was, he needed to face it. There was no way this news wasn’t going to be pressing on his mind for the rest of the day. “Tell me.”

His buddies shared a look, their jawlines tense as granite.

“Let’s find a more private place,” Randy said, rubbing his crew cut like his head hurt.

“We’ll go out back,” Jake said and led them outside.

Rain had been coming down all morning, but Jake brought them to stand under the eaves. Dare River was rushing in the distance, as powerful and unstoppable a force as always. Today, the view of his land didn’t given him an ounce of peace. Not when his old friends stood in front of him with a demeanor more suited to a funeral than a wedding. And that’s when he knew someone was dead, someone they’d served with. His mind started reaching for who it might be, who was still active.

He braced himself. “Let’s hear it.”

Randy and Darren shared a look again, and they might as well have been drawing straws.

Darren’s mouth bunched. “It’s Monty, man. He…he killed himself.”

“What?” Jake’s mind went blank. He stumbled back a few steps as the shock grabbed him by the throat and sunk in its teeth. “No. That’s impossible. We just saw him. He was happy.”

“I know,” Randy said, kicking at the ground, his anger visible now. “He got fired last week and didn’t tell May. We can only guess the rest since he didn’t leave a note.”

“Jesus,” Jake said as the truth rolled through him. “So he lost his job. He could have found another one. Dammit! Why didn’t he call us? I would have helped him out.”

“We all would have.” Randy hissed out a breath. “It came as a complete shock to May. Fucking broke her, man.”

“When did this happen?” “Jake asked, starting to pace.

“Wednesday,” Randy said, gripping his shoulder to stop him from pacing. “Don’t be mad, man. May asked us what we thought she should do. She didn’t want to ruin your wedding. So, Randy and I decided not to come to your bachelor party. We were afraid you’d pick up on the vibe.”

“You were always sensitive, Jake,” Darren muttered, tugging on his tie like it was choking him. “Dammit! Maybe we shouldn’t have come today, but we just couldn’t miss your wedding. We couldn’t let you down like that.”

Jake pressed his fingers to his forehead as pain flashed through his temples. Monty was dead. No, he’d
killed
himself.

“We were going to wait to tell you until after your honeymoon,” Darren said. “This kind of news…” He didn’t have to finish his sentence.

“The funeral is on Tuesday,” Randy continued. “Shit, man, we thought Monty would rather have you be on your honeymoon than at his funeral.”

Darren’s jaw clenched, and Jake knew that look. His friend was spoiling for a fight. Jake understood. He wanted to rip something apart.

Jake thrust his fist into the air. “Losing a job shouldn’t have made him want to kill himself.”

“It must have triggered him bad, Jake,” Darren ground out, rubbing the back of his neck. “When does suicide ever fucking make sense?”

They heard a rap on the glass door to the house and all jumped and swung around, ready to fight. The wedding planner stuck her head out, giving them a startled look.

“Ah…Jake…we need you inside.”

Oh, how he wanted to yell at her for interrupting them, but he bit the words back and inclined his head. The look on his face must have terrified her, because she disappeared as quickly as she’d arrived. He distantly wondered if she was running off for help.

“Come on, man,” Randy said, putting a hand on his back. “I’m really sorry to lay this on you, but you’re so fucking tenacious. We didn’t want to ruin your day.”

“We really didn’t,” Darren added, bracing his meaty hands on his waist. “What can we do?”

“Stick that ugly chin of yours out and let him hit it,” Randy suggested. “Then you can let me knock it back in its place.”

His friends laughed harshly. How many times had they joked like this while inwardly reeling from bitter news? Jokes about how they’d hook up with so-and-so’s sister if they got out alive or how they’d siphon all the gas out of so-and-so’s car, forcing him to hitch a ride in his uniform.

Jake couldn’t laugh with them. All he could think about was how Monty had been triggered so bad he’d decided to end his life. Why hadn’t he asked for help? Jake just couldn’t understand it. Monty’s life hadn’t been perfect, but he’d had so much to live for.

“I need a few moments to collect myself,” Jake told his buddies, wishing his head would stop pounding.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts, his fist came up to swing when someone put a hand on his shoulder. His punch was effectively blocked.

“Hey!” Randy called out, holding Jake’s fist in his hand. “Come on, man. Let’s get you inside with your friends and calm you down.”

“We shouldn’t have told him,” Darren said, shaking his head.

“He didn’t give us a choice,” Randy said. “Come inside with us, Jake. We’ll get you a bourbon.”

“No, dammit!” Jake yelled, pushing Randy back. “I need a fucking minute alone. You can’t drop this bombshell on me and expect me to just walk back in there with a smile on my face. Monty was my friend.”

He was panting, and when he felt a bead of sweat run down his temple, he swiped it away with one hand. He was losing it. He could feel it. And he couldn’t seem to stop it from happening.

“He was our friend too,” Darren said in a slow and steady voice, one that confirmed Jake was losing it completely.

“I’m going for a walk,” Jake muttered, feeling the urge to run. “Tell them… Fuck… Tell them I need a goddamn minute.”

He heard his voice say the words, but someone else was talking. The enraged, out-of-control man inside him. Jake strode out into the rain and heard Darren and Randy calling his name.

He swiveled around and watched them striding after him. “Didn’t you hear me? Leave me the fuck alone.”

They both halted in the rain. The back door opened, and J.P. and Rye came outside. His friends strode over to them, and Jake watched them talk in hushed voice.

They’re talking about me,
the voice in his head insisted.

His heart was pounding so hard he couldn’t breathe. He bent over at the waist. “Oh, Jesus.”

J.P. was suddenly beside him. “Jake. Let me help you, man.”

When his friend put an arm around him, Jake pushed it away. “Leave me alone for a goddamn minute, okay? I just…I just got some bad news. Oh, God. Monty.”

The blackness was swallowing him up now. The rain was soaking him, he realized, and he felt the chill of it deep in his bones.

“Rye is getting my mama,” J.P. told him. “Just hang on. We’ll talk this through.”

Jake put his hands on his thighs, panting, feeling light-headed.
Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up.
“Monty was doing so great. It was just a fucking job. Why would he kill himself? Dammit! Why?”

“I don’t know,” J.P. said, crouching down on one knee in the wet grass beside him. “I’m sorry about your friend. You take all the time you need.”

“I thought he was happy. And then he fucking does this.
What if I end up doing this?”

His voice had turned hysterical, and the pain in his head reached crushing proportions. Monty wouldn’t have gotten married if he’d known this would happen. Didn’t that mean it could happen to anyone?

“What if I end up doing this to Susannah?” Her face flashed in his mind, and he stumbled, falling in the grass. “When I hit a rough patch?”

“Jake.”
J.P. put his hand on his shoulder. “Listen to me. You wouldn’t do that. I know you, man. You’re getting the help you need. I know this is a horrible shock, but don’t let it cloud your own progress.”

Thunder cracked, and Jake felt the reverberation from head to toe. God, the noise! It was too loud, louder than the pounding in his head. “You don’t understand. There are
no
guarantees I’m ever going to get better.”

God, he’d been such a fool to think he was past this.

“Monty couldn’t do it.” The logic of it all was playing out in his fractured mind. “And bad things happen all the time.”

“Come back inside, Jake,” J.P. said in a steady voice again, extending his hand.

His head was pounding so hard the needles of pain radiated out of his neck. “I can’t! I can’t marry your sister. I can’t risk it.”

“Don’t say that,” J.P. said calmly, helping him stand. “You
aren’t
Monty, man. You’re Jake Lassiter, and you’re the strongest man I know. Just hang on here. You can talk all this out with my mama.”

Then he heard someone shout his name. Pain seared his head as he turned to look at them. Louisa was coming through the back door with Rye holding an umbrella for her.

Jake pressed his hands on either side of his skull, as if he could crush the pain. “I…can’t.”

He sprinted to his SUV, which had been parked so that he and Susannah could easily get out later—and sped off down the lane.

The dark whispers in his mind were his only soundtrack.

Chapter 30

Susannah was shaking out the train of her wedding dress one final time with Shelby and Sadie’s help when her mama returned to the room. Rye had led her off a little while earlier to ask her opinion on something.

“Girls,” her mama said quietly. “Could you give me a few moments alone with Susannah, please?”

Her sisters stopped fluffing the dress, and they all turned and looked at Louisa. There was no longer a radiant smile on her face.

“Mama?” she asked, feeling nerves swirl in her belly. “Is something wrong?”

Without saying a word, Tammy took Annabelle’s little hand and led her to the door. Amelia Ann followed.

“You two, Sadie and Shelby,” Mama said, her voice a quiet order. Her sisters exchanged a look and then left the room too, clutching each other’s hands.

Susannah sank back onto the chair. “What is it?” she asked as her mama came forward and put both hands on her shoulders.

“Jake had some bad news, honey,” Mama said, her eyes filled with concern. “You remember his friend, Monty, don’t you?”

She nodded, feeling a sense of foreboding. “Of course. I just met him a few weeks ago. He’s a sweetheart.”

“Jake just learned that Monty committed suicide a few days ago.”

“
Oh, Mama
,” she said, rising out of the chair. “But…
why
?”

“No one seems to know much except that he lost his job recently,” her mama said, helping her stand. “The news hit Jake hard, honey. Darren and Randy didn’t want to tell him today, but he could tell something was wrong.”

Of course he could. No wonder his friends hadn’t come to his bachelor party. Jake had tried to play it off, but he’d been hurt by their absence, and it had surprised her too after seeing their bond.

“He must be devastated. They all must be.” She remembered them teasing each other like brothers around her.