The Protector (35 page)

As I looked up from the menu, I noticed Joed staring at me.  His face was so hard to read and I wasn’t sure what to think of him.

“You shouldn’t worry so much.”  His expression did not change. 

“Let’s see, you get shot at, get into a car accident and chased half way across the country and then tell me not to worry.”  I knew he was trying to be nice but my voice was sharp.  The dark haired waitress approached and looked directly at the man who sat across from me.  He gave his drink order and didn’t stop. Before I could tell her what I wanted to drink, Joed answered for me and ordered my favorite beer and a water.  I glared at him as he ordered the same.

             
“What, your file said that is your favorite beer.” he said as he looked at me in astonishment.  “And, yes getting shot at is a job hazard for me. So I can understand your worry.” 

“Is nothing private in my life anymore?”  I still glared at him as he looked at me with wonder.   “I suppose you have the file memorized as well?”

He only nodded as the waitress returned with our drinks. Although I wasn’t going to admit it to him, I was grateful for the beer and drank half of it down as the waitress took Joed’s order for food.  As he finished giving his order he stared at me in astonishment. 

“What I was thirsty,” I shrugged and gave the waitress my order. 

By the time we had finished our late lunch, I had finished three beers and was by far beyond tipsy. I hadn’t drank that much in ages and on the empty stomach I had started out with, it produced more than a happy buzz.  

I couldn’t stop talking as we made our way back to the hotel. I must have been entertaining because the laughter kept coming and coming from Joed.  It wasn’t a hearty laugh like Jack’s but a soft quiet laugh.  I liked the sound of it and I truly liked him. He was a good soul.

As we walked down the hall to our rooms, Jack was at the door to meet us.  His eyes were huge as he watched me walk carefully down the hall.

“Alison, you need to quiet down I could hear you coming up the stairs!” The door next to our room opened and the red head who I was sure hated my guts, despite what Joed said, was there staring at us with the same look of annoyance on her face as Jack had on his.

“Did you let her get drunk,” Jack asked with anger in his voice.

I took a deep breath in and with all the courage I could muster walked past Jack.  “I’m an adult remember? I can drink if I want to Mr. O’Brien.” I pushed past Jack and into our room.  I could hear him saying something to Joed but I couldn’t make it out but I did hear the door close behind me and his footsteps come up behind me.

I did not feel his hands on my shoulders as he swung me around to look at him.  “What is wrong with you Sonny?”

He swung me around so fast, I stumbled forward and fell into his arms.  He pushed me away and moved me to the bed and took a few steps back away as if I were a leper.  

“What’s wrong with me? Screw you Jack!” My voice was loud and I was sure they heard me in the next room but I didn’t care. What right did he have to ask me what was wrong.  “You tell me Jack, you have been right along with me on this wild roller coaster ride! Does it bother you I had a few beers? Oh wait I forgot you are my protector. You are supposed to watch out for me aren’t you? Not let me get into any trouble!” I was babbling now excessively and he just stood there in utter disbelief.  “Well guess what I had three beers when we ate and relaxed a little.  I am not a child and I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk to me like I was one!”  I stood up and tried to walk past him to the bathroom, but stumbled once again and ended flat against his body. 

This time he didn’t let go of me. He let me lean against his body as I pushed myself away from him. His grip was not tight, but firm.  It both annoyed me and made me feel better that this time he did not push me away. How I managed to get a hold of my senses I wasn’t sure but I did and as gracefully as I could I moved to the bathroom.

By the time I walked out a few minutes later, the door between the two rooms was open. But neither Joed or Noor came in.  Jack hardly spoke either. I was right, the silence was worse than the car ride to Vegas.   He did say thank you for the burger we had brought back for him.  And he ate it quietly at the table still working on the computer. Thankfully, Joed did come in to check on me and bring me a bottle of water and a few aspirin. I was beginning to get a headache but I wasn’t about to ask Jack for anything. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted the silence to continue. I wanted to punish him almost as bad as he wanted to punish me.  I managed to mouth a thank you to Joed as he left the room and grabbed the book that was on the table next to the bed and tried to read, but the effort was fruitless.

I sat watching Jack as I pretended to read and occasionally type on his computer.  He sat in the chair in deep thought only twice glancing over to see what I was doing. Each time our eyes met, he quickly looked away. It looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t.  He continued to keep his thoughts to himself.

I was grateful when the sun went down and the nightfall made our room dark.  I put on the night clothes he had bought me in Las Vegas and turned in. 

Sleep was something that came easy once again that night, but the nightmares returned with a vengeance. It was the same one, as I had had in the car. It started out with Eric, but soon it was Jack I was
losing
and the pain in the dream was immense.

I wasn’t sure what woke me up out of the dream, my sobs or the feeling of Jack’s arms around me.

18
The Dreams

I had been teetering on the edge of a deep sleep when her sobs jolted me up.  They were short of screams and uncontrollable that continued to grow worse. I even wondered if I left her alone whether or not she would go back to sleep. But with every shudder they grew worse and before too long they were uncontrollable sobs of sorrow.  I crawled into bed next to her but she fought me wildly, flailing her hands and arms and pushing me away with amazing strength. 

“Alison?” I picked her upper half up out of the bed and sat down to cradle her in my arms. “Sonny.” I whispered again closer to her ear.  I had hoped the movement would wake her up but it didn’t. Her sobs continued to get louder and before I had even realized it both Joed and Noor were at the door between our rooms.  Joed’s look was one of concern and Noors was one of annoyance.

“Is she ok,” the dark haired man asked quietly.

“Not sure. The dreams are getting worse.” Her sobs were hysterical now and it was all I could do from keeping her from falling to the floor.

“Don’t ,” He whispered walking a little closer so I could hear him. “Hold her and let her dream it out Jack.” I did as he suggested and held her closer and looked to the doorway. Noor was no longer standing there. Different thoughts raced through my mind. I knew this was irritating her to no end. She thought my feelings for Sonny were clouding my judgment. And maybe they were, but I felt this overwhelming need to be by Alison’s side.  Finally, after a few minutes, her sobs slowly began to quiet down and her body stopped shaking. 

Joed still stood there watching us. “She’s getting better?”

I nodded my head in the pale light that was streaming from the other room. “I think so.”  This man who watched intently as I held her seemed to understand her. I think he even understood my need, my urge to be with her. He seemed satisfied as her sobs turned back into soft whimpers.  Soon he left the room as quietly as he had come in, leaving me alone to hold her and closing the door behind him. 

I shifted to put her next to me but as I did so, her arms tightened around me.  I adjusted our bodies so we were laying side by side. Being closer to her, as close as I was, was not safe for either one of us. But as laid on my back, she adjusted to lay her head on my chest.  I could feel the beat of her heart against my side and finally as she moved her hand around my chest, calm finally enveloped her and her soft whimpers disappeared.  I slowly moved my head down and kissed the top of her head.

So many thoughts raced through my head.  It seemed that the last few weeks, the last month, my head was constantly spinning.  Noor had been quick to point out that I was too far gone to help Sonny any.  According to her, my judgment was severely impaired. I argued with her but it didn’t do any good, Noor was right.  My feelings for Alison were causing problems.  This could have been over a long time ago. I could have taken her to DC and left her with people who could fix everything. But something in my gut told me she would not have been safe if I had taken that route.

It didn’t matter the reason, what mattered right now was her in my arms safe and sound.  Her breathing was calm and steady now and she was still against my body. Noor was right I needed to take a step back and evaluate the situation.  Maybe taking her up to Oregon was the right thing. Maybe putting her in a situation with someone else who cared deeply for her, would allow me to pull myself away before she fell too hard.  I kept trying to convince myself of that. But right at the moment, I didn’t want this moment to end.   Reality sunk in as I remembered Paige’s words to me – ‘everything had an end.’

I drifted back to sleep a little while later and didn’t wake up until I felt Alison shift her body away from mine.  I could see the early morning light through the heavily curtained window. Alison quietly tried to get up from the bed, carefully as not to disturb me. I quickly tightened my arms around her to keep her from moving any further away from me. Her warm body next to mine was too perfect to let go of. And I knew it had produced a reaction in the lower half of my body. She snuggled closer to me instead of pulling way.

“Where do you think you are going young lady?”  I quietly whispered in her ear. The door between our two rooms was shut and I could tell there was no movement yet. 

“To take a shower,” she answered in the same quiet whisper. “I am awake. Go back to sleep you need your rest.”  She didn’t move.

I wanted her to stay wrapped in my arms, but if she didn’t move I wasn’t sure I could control the overwhelming urge strip her and have my way with her. “Stay for a few minutes.” I hadn’t found the strength to let her go just yet.

“Are you sure that is wise?”  She had a valid point and I knew what she was referring to. 

“Probably not,” but I still did not let go. I held her close to my body.  It was true, she did intoxicate me. She said nothing more as we lay together nestled in each other’s arms.  I had moved my arm over her body and nestled it between her two breasts on top of the t shirt she wore. I kissed the top of her head, breathing in the very scent of her. My reaction to her grew stronger and my need only intensified. 

“You know you are worse than a woman. One minute you push me away and ignore me and the next you are pulling me closer to you. What is it that you want from me?” she whispered.  

I hesitated for a minute trying to think of the right words to say, but nothing logical was going to come. “I just can’t seem to stay away from you. Every time I push myself away, you drag me back.”  It was true, every time I tried to push her away, I found myself wanting to be near her even more. I was instinctively drawn to her.

“I don’t see you kicking and screaming when I drag you back theoretically of course?” Her hand traced my fingers as she said this. And I could tell by the tone of her voice she had a smile on her face.  Her touch was soft yet electrifying.

“I think it’s good for you to be around another man.” I finally managed to spit out.  She stopped her finger mid trace and shifted her body around so she was lying face to face with me.  My body tensed as she looked me with intense burning eyes.

“How can you say that?”  Her face filled with confusion and hurt. “You know I don’t like this. I feel like I am leading him on.”

I took my hand and gently rubbed her cheek with my index finger. “I know but us, like this, isn’t good.” Once again I did nothing to move away from her and she didn’t try to change positions. The closeness was almost unbearable, but I knew this would probably be the last and only time we could be like this. 

“Why, because you are supposed to be protecting me?” He voice was barely audible. But every word sunk in with a sharp stab of guilt.

I nodded.  “You do inhibit my abilities to concentrate.” A smile pursed her lips. I wanted desperately to lean over and kiss her. But I resisted the urge. “You know it’s not all that uncommon for people in our position to become close.”

“How does this relate to you wanting me to be around Eric?”  The sound of his name stung.  I knew this is what had to happen but I wasn’t entirely thrilled about another man coming into the picture. 

“For someone who has a master’s degree, you sure aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed at times.”  The smile she had faded as she moved to hit me on the arm.  I laughed and the smile quickly returned to her face. “ouch!” I rubbed my arm and scowled as if she had seriously hurt me.  I met her gaze once again and the fire that burned in her eyes was intense.

“I don’t want to be with him.” I knew her words were true, and I could read what she wanted to say.  But she didn’t say it.  She just continued to stare into my eyes.  We laid there entranced, not caring about the world around us.  I wanted desperately to lean in and kiss her but I knew that would lead to a place I wanted but wasn’t ready to go. I wouldn’t do that to her, take a piece of her and leave her when this was all over. I didn’t want to hurt her.  She needed to be with another, so she could see her feelings for me were a passing thing.